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About Hesperian student / (Lincoln [Neb.]) 1872-1885 | View Entire Issue (Oct. 1, 1875)
i THE HESPERIAN STUDENT. 8 - .. , . .. . HbV wo Avislt wo were n Senior! Such dignity and such learning 1 The center of all admiring eyes. i For broken hearts use Spnulding's glue. So says a yo.ung lady who afllrms. that her heart has been shattered many times, , . Great was the elation of acertain Soph omore, when he-found it no longer neces sary to request thetonsorlaltet to "spare hat upper lip." 4 Going up the stairway on the young laflicfTside of the University, the other da', wc noticed n cigar stump upon the hat rn'ck'. And has it come to this, fair maid dns?' ' Wantkd. Female " devil,"' alius an gel, wi.utcdat this ofllcc. ' Work easy sweeping,' washing rollers, and learning jibe, trade. Single "devil "preferred. No swapping gum allowed in olllco hours. Vaulting ambition frequently o'crlcap itself, according to "sweet Will "of Avon But that is no reason why that vivacious young acrobat could not "o'crleap," the University fence the other day. The length of his number ten boots seems to bo the main cause of the graceful waltz which he performed on his left car. The ladies of the Adelphinn dcscivc praise for their energy in breaking the bands of custom, and participating in the debates of the society. The. discussion which transpired on the evening of Octo ber 15, was very interesting from this cause. Miss Lamb and Miss Thomas mi'iied themselves much credit, for their elegant addresses, clothed in beautiful language and strong argument. One of the young gents, dwelling-in the third story, and taking his meals at a private boarding houso a half mile dis- found his lint locked up in Tltt LOCAL AT WOKK AMONG OUll EXCHANGES. v.x., i.i.. -,,iL-a m t .i Pii.ii mil liam.icccnm b J I...... nr !.. .s.ntl.i.!... wtn.t.L? t1wi.t lit-nnl- fast arrived. He solved the riddle by bor- .oxlends a square envelope. He places his dcxtram palnutm upon his bread-basket, reaches for the billet with the other, and, with a salaam that would put an Oriental to the blush, incoherently murmuring, backs from her presence. One of our noble Seniors, (w liiclt au gust class wc all look up to with so much veneration) was seen rushing frantically down the University walk, the other day, at the end of the fourth' hour. "When asked why he was iu such si hurry, re plied: "Do you sec that carriage with the fair damsel iu it? I'm bound to have a ride if I have to hang on behind. For God's sake, don't stop me." Our brunette-bearded typo is one of the rowing a little old hat of his chum. He avows that there is but one article of his dress you can &teul that will keep him trom his grub, and that is his br necktie. Scene Heading Boom, third hour. Skx. No. 1 : (a brunette, with elegant chiuners, who is studying the spiritual theory of the beautiful) Say, did you ever behold a terrestrial being the ' ntcmpla tion of whose features created in your mind a conception of the joys of the re deemed ? Sun. No. 2 : (a cnniK'd.slrnwbeny blonde) No; do give us a rest. Sun. No. 1 : (rapturousl') Then, just ob- 'ninsf. nuiml find sornnn tiMiiocrcil vouths within the pale of our acquaintance. lie scrve l,'e ,nmh r Uni ?rl ilt 'u sU1 .... ,... i.. un... .Mi r .it "w uiuii:; iu i u ufiiunms; vtitt wit tiiiiiu4tt nivs itxwav w -! in the form of the most disastrous " pi," with Hie fortitude of Job. Hut you just insinuate to him that Hob is reveling in Scene Heading Hoom, second hour. Miuaxda: (a bewitching brunette) Law sakes, Mehetible, you haven't combed 1he smiles of "Daisy," and he will dis- your hair for a week, from the looks of it! charge a volume of dashes and cxclama- Mkiiktiiilk: (a melting blonde) I did tion points, realty appalling. ' loo, yesterday morning. Your face isaw- The Agricultural boys are a first-class set of fellows. That festival which they spread at the close of the spring term for a number of their friends among whom we were lucky enough to be numucrcd-wns .a, splendid affair. And now, if they are ready, as we have heard, to repeat the ex periment wc arc prepared to repeat our part of the programme. This is intended for no hint. Here is our business manager's virgin effort at composing. Ho ollcred to wager fill dirtj-, anyhow; did you witli this morning? LrciSDA: (another blonde) Oil, that' nothing! The calcimine wasn't put on even, that's all. Here Mehetible mistakes Luciudit foi a pincushion, and a festive season of wig combing ensued, enlivened with sundry feminine swear words, such as, "you hate ful thing," "you hussy," "my stars and gariers," " gosh ! !" etc., etc. A poor Soph, unwillingspectator of the horrifying scene the oysters that no mistake could be de- "'"P fearfully from the room, as the cur. tccted: the combiltee on forein relations bisqlaycd a wonberfull begree q.f brqloinalicndility. Here he reaped the rewarb of his carry scholastic effoats. His knowlebdge of the foreign lnnSaugos gave him nsqecial qual ification for this iinbortant bosition. The following spirited conversation recently took place between grceiry(?) learning "type sticking" in our ofllcc and our little devil: Gjikkny: (innocently) You're getting no many new printers around here it would tain falls. The spectacle of "reason sick" and "outraged sensibilities," even in its mild est form, is the saddest rc-ult of primeval sin. Alae, how woful, when it appears in a mind once lofty, and a manhood at once strong; tender, but alack, too trustful! Tills is at present pilinbij illustrate'! in the case of a fair-haired prep, who intents one of the dormitories in the third story. In one of his "bad spells" his aimless and unconscious wandering lead him into our sanctum, and from his incoherent, but It is impossible to have the last word with a chemist, because he always has a retort. Ex. There are twenty-one Universities in Italy, the oldest being at Bologna, which was founded A. D., 1 1 10. Ex. A convict' with a ball chained fo his i lr;g said, the olhcr day, he didn't like " Locke on the Understanding." Ex.' A paper says that the Yassar girls are going to have a wch. That's right. " Cl"iiulincs3 is next to godliness." Ex. Prof. '' Now, class, wc will represent the earth by this hat, which" Small voice from- a corner " Is it inhabited ? " Ex. A Tennessee girl told a fellow she would give him a kirs if he would catch her. She ran well till she got out of sight of the old folks and then gave in. Ex. A Senior being reproached for being smaller than his lad' love, quickly re marked: "Man is a little lower than the angels."' Ex. A Freshman, altera niidnightdebauch, leaning over a fence was heard repeating the appropriate words of Manfred: "The spirits I have raised abandon inc." Iter kcltynn. The freshman draggcth the clanking chains; the sophomore pluckcth the dan. delion; the junior squinteth at old Sol, and the senior docth nothing and lookcth busy. Ex. A Junior wears on the under side of the lapel of his coat a piece of a corset slay and two hair pins the mere pieces and remnants of a once happy whale all he has to remind him of her. Ex. "No eetin uppuls in school ours," reads a sign on the blackboard of a school house iu enlightened old Massachusetts, where education is supposed to sit on the top mil and make faces at ignorance. Ex. A verdant, on beiug told that he might elect Greek or Gcograplry, gave it out that " he'd been a Greek all his life so he'd better try a little jography as the old mail wanted him to learn navigation." He'll navigate. Niagara Index. The postmaster of Glen Falls would like to hare a two minutes' interview with the man who mailed a little animal about the size of aismall cat, but havinga bushy tail, enclosed in a box to some one in that village. For the box broke open, you know, and the little fellow had the freedom of thcinailbag.nud well it must not happen again, that's all. Of course she did. A middle-aged worn, an fell a she was descending a pair of stairs, and the first man to help her reach her foot was a banker who happened to be passing. "Did you fall, madam i" he in quired, as he seized her arm. " Fall ! Of course I foll'you fool you ? Youtton't suppose I'd sit down here to rest, do you ? " she snapped. Ho didn't say. The Utah thetlc outburst of lltmuiin ...!.II. ... ............ .,. j.i.jj.ii, i, limn limy A bakery! what do you mean i possibly prove a clew to the cause of life complaint: be a good place for starting a bakery; i gentle frenzy, wo caught the following pa wouldn't it? Dkvii: by that! ' Gjikkny: (still more 'innocently) Why wc have such quantities of pi J' The ' devil concluded , not to show greeny r flic "type lice,'" which benevo. lent act he has been long contemplating. O. my brain with (ruii.y ruj,'w,' Kor my onrllng prairie ronot ' Win? ia! of wliut fruition Wvw my slg-ji ami Jirun now clotliiw i Alack, for now liur lip urn breathing " ' Ificfiue 'iiwitliVonid'otla'r KllcrV none! School. This long-winded question for debate was handed into one of the societies: " If I have a dog whose name j jj,ek, for instance and if MnLowe, who is a linn, ter, has wounded some game; supposing my dog Jack devours the game, am I In justice bound to restore?" Therc'was a oog lUiuse, vnen He,chajruian suddenly mwmwih" limp Ih ,vcry explicit oil nirpb for in i (iirgio.rV, Wiuuf u, iiauie.' Niaaarrt'Tnih-r. '. ... Darwin has weakened on his theory or rather taken a new one. He says l takes 10,000 years for an npc to be trany. formed into a statesman. Wc don't know much about apes, hut it would seem as if they would get discouraged and decide on remaining apes. A red-haired lady,, who. was ambitious r tii. .-.. .11...! is i i . ui Md-iuiy uimiiii-iiuu, iitunu mil a poor tsale for her boqk. A gentleman, in speak, jing of her disappointment, said : " Her hair is red, if her book is noL" An audi, tor, in attempting to relate the joke else. swheVc, said: "Slie has red hair, if hcr book hasn't." This is the way J, II. Hubbard in. forms the students of Harvard, through the Advocate, that he still lives: Student vita, mcicibus, et honoretu sac rideiii monere. O juvenrs, le vidcrc rursum gnudco. O juvencs, non habco grainmaticnin Latinam ergo in gratia; el lexiconibu.s rc pendeo. O juv'oncs, crat calidus in hoc loon liin sustas. I,es figures de cire iu " Trebizondc " liqueseerunt etrpquirebanlursed prcsentia corporulis Shadrachi, Michechi, Abednc gonistpie ut exi)ericnlamus furnicem ful gentem Scriptorium Sanctorum. O juveiu'S, nescio si in linguie Latinain jocum fecisscl. Non possum. Forsan tu lor possit. Est lingueui diflicilem. Dc sisto. Every one knows what foolscap paper is; but wc doubt whether one in a hundred can tell why it was so called. When Oliver Cromwell became Protec tor of England, he ca.ised the stamp of the Cap of Liberty to be placed upon the' paper used by the Government. Soon after the restoration of Charles the II., when he had occasion to use some paper for dispatches, some of this government paper was brought to him. On looking at it, he in quired the meaning of it; and, on being told, he said, "Take it awa; : I'll have nothing to do with a fool's cap." Thus originated the term "foolscap." which has since been given to a sue of writing paper usually about sixteen by thirteen inches. Ex A member of the last Ohio General Assembly did this: He bargained for board at United States Hotel, at Columbus, and arranged that he was to pay 50 cents a meal, and whenever he was absent from a meal he was to be credited that amount. He then hunted up some cousins in the vicinity, an old school-mate, a man who had once courted his- (the member's) wife, and several other relations, and sponged on them for the larger part of the session. When ho set tled up witli the hotel on the day of ad journment, the landlord was astonished to find that he owed his thrifty boarder ($70, the amount credited him for absence at meals over that charged for presence at meals. It was a Western Koscrve man did it. Ex. In a certain class not long ago the question of" the Fall of Man" was brought up. One of the students, after reading that it was decreetl for serpents to crawl, asked the profeMor:"How did snakes ami serpents go before the Fall ?" The profe- sor called on Mr. F to answer the qucv tion. Mr. F who was eagerly engaged in pulling the wings oil' a horso lly at the time, stood up and assured his chissmates Unit "before the Fall orMan snakes went on crutches." The same Mr. F was quite a joker. He lived in New York not far from Chatham Street,1 and was quite at hoiic at nU'Jcwfetf Maki. One day when the professor gave an extraordinary long lesson, Mr. Faskcd if. he (tire Prof) " Wouldn't please chrrck 'in a pair of sus penders." Niagara Index. -I