THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
8
!
it
THE LOCAL AT WORK. AMONG OiMt
EXO II ANGER.
"Why is n Freshman Ilk" a telescope?
Jluonuso lie is easily drawn out, easily
soon through, and easily shut .Ex.
Soknu. Barber Shop. St intent: "What
did you lake oil' my ' Goatee' for?" liar
lir: Excuse mo, Sir, I roally dldn'l notice
it " The young man now shaves himself.
The laziest student now at Lawrence is
Die Fresh lo wlio sal at the loot of Iho col
lege stairs ii full half day wailing for the
world lo lurn over, so that he could gel In
to Ihe chapel without climbing. 7i'.r
A few summers blnc.e an eminent New
York lawyer, at the urgent request of one
of his younger daughters, sent tip a don
kuyforher use lo his country place In
Vermont, Sho had read about donkeys,
bul was not familiar with their peculiar
vocallsm. The animal's strange noises
inspired her with the profoundosl pity for
his evident distress. So she wro'e to hor
father, " Dear Papa, I do wisli you would
loine up here soon, my donkey Is so lone
some." MM Quarterly.
The Rev. Sidney Smith has the follow
ing Interesting paragraph on kissing:
" Wo are in favor," says he, "ol a certain
amount of shyness when a kiss Is pro
ECltOKS FROM NORMAL HALL.
Kitmi oim itKcuii.Mi comtHsroNUHNT.
A "scrimmage" occured lately between
n Junior and a Sophomore. The Juninr ,,0Sl,(i( t)lt it hIioiiIcI not hi tcio long; and
representing science and experience, ine wl0 ,no f,,,. OM0 gives iU it bo admin
Soph, muscle and determination. Conso
quenlly, Ihe issue was a lie. We learn
that Ihe allalr will be settled by arbitra
tion. Hiittu Sfmhiit.
"Slopping Heavenward" is Ihe title of a
Sunday School book received a few Sab.
baths ago by one of the lady organists of
the Piosbytorian Sunday School, who ex
claimed, "I have been stepping In that
direction for the past twenty nine yoa'v. I
prefer reading lloyle on Euchre-"." I ni
revxity Ifrririr.
istorcd will) warmth and energy; let Micro
bo soul In It. If she closes her oyes and
sighs immediately after It, the effect Is
greater. She should lie careful not to
slobber a kiss, but give it as a humming
bird runs his bill into a honeysuckle
deep, but delicate. There is much virtue
in a kiss when well delivered. Wo have
the memory of one we received in our
youth, which lasted us forty years, and '
wo believe it will be one of the last things
we shall think of when we die." j
.M.v real numoer is s,x, mil ,y iimm , w,.(1 ,lim. lv.H ol- printer' orrors
v, ill hear squec.iug." is what she said to , -piiey make one sUV at time Mich stranuo
the young man at the glove counlcr." Ami ,' i,,,.,., things. Correcting the
the groat, thick-headed lunatic got her a
pair" of live and-ahalf gloves without
finding out how much squeezing her hand
would bear. We would have worked at
the job an hour that she might have an
exact 111. Br.
A chemical junior observes thai the
verse, " llo, every one that Ihirstoth,'" etc.,
might have answered very well for the ig
norant people of Isaiah's time, but thai it
won't go down in Iho present enlightened
generation; and suggests that in the next
edition of the Bible, the verse be altered
so as to read " II : 0, everyone that thirst
oth "Aiiih rt Student.
proof, Ihe other day, of the article entitled,
"A Much Discussed Subject," in the pre
sent issue of our Magazine, wc were
shocked on reading in the opening sen
tence the following: "The outh who has
a fixing in his bosom, etc.," which is as
much as to say: "The youth who has a
tumor on his breast." On turning to the
MS., we found thai the author had written:
'The youth who feels arising in his breast
that noble pride etc." "We were in mortal
fear of that printer, and so we changed
the word arising to xirclling. We were
pleased to tiud thai he has not set up the
hitler word ninrlliiitf. Ahi'minn Cniwr
"It's Flinch I am," said Mrs. Murphy, l ity Monthly.
when arraigned belore a police court and ' There are persons in Illinois who have
qmslionod as to her nativity and good 0t proper reverence for places ol' public
character. "It's Frinoli I am intirelyand wrshii. One of this class imviii.r 1....1
i -
ye might a knowed it by the accinl
Faith, an 1 board up town with an illigant
Gurmnn family." "Their nameV" in.
Ihe misfortune to be detained in Ohicii'M)
over Su day, slowly sauntered down Wa-
The school Is not quite so full as It was
last term, nothing unusual however for
the spring lorm. Some of Ihe desks look
rather deserted.
Several of our students thought thoy
would lest iheir powers for teaching "the
young Idea how to shoot ;" bul were disap
pointed, and returned with Iho news "Unit
teachers wore as thick as grasshoppers
and about as cheap." County Suporln
londentsimist bo doing quite a business
now-a-ilays.
Wo were glad to welcome back several
of our old students who have not boon
with us before this voar.
Mr. Amos E. (.limit, of Neb. City, and
formerly local editor of tho Studknt,
gave us a visit of several days last week.
We understand thai he was hero upon very
Important business quite likely. It is
our (julel opinion, however, tlial there is
some attraction for him down this way,
and that its center sorry to say that we
are not very well acquainted up theie
but believe thai is u certain room In Iho
south end of the dormitory, third floor.
At all evontshecul short a little game that
has been going on for several weeks on
ly a temporary suspension, however, for
It was probably resumed as soon as the
boys were sure thai Ihe Tuesday morning
train was out of sight.
When a certain "third-year" Normal
graduates and assumes the title of Prof., if
some children dont get some briglil ideas
developed in their brains il will not bo
bis fault The following is a .specimen.
Skktcii.
Point To develop the idea that the
elephant has a long, tapering, flexible
trunk.
Tr. pointing to the trunk of the ele
phant What part of the elephant is this J
Sch. It is the handle.
Tr. "What can you say ol' its length?
Sch. It Is long.
Class. The elephant has a long handle.
Tr. Suppose you should take hold of
my hand what would il do v
Sch. 1 1 would shake.
Tr. What would happen if you should
hash avenue In Ihe lnorninjr, about the ' ii.-.. i,i.i r n... i.i..i.,n.t i,.wui..v
tin-rnmitiwl 1iit liminr " fl' IOI.i 11 1. ! .... .. 1 p ... ' '
. 1 i.m.i.,v .. . illllllllljlll. 1 lllllir 111 llHirillllir sm'Vlff ill'l'll'lm. .1,
' , - .....inii in
your rlverence, an adaeenler family never
enme from the old country." "Thirty
days" remarked his honor cruelly. In-
fit it 11 ti.
Prof. S, of Dickson College, one
the
Church, and slopping a mo.
Sell. It would shake too.
Class. The elephant can shake its
menl, the organist commenced playing hand(lo)
one 01 mo!) lively compos. s witli j Tr. Suppose.. 1 lurn up tho olopli'int's;
which tho "performance" . religious (,ndleiii Ibis position what is its shape
service is generally comcnc.cd. .liisl then , ow y
morning found a horse in the recitation a gentleman passing into tho hurehinvi-'
room The cliis., had collected, and with ' fo'1 1dm to enter and take a seat. "Not
solemn countenances awaited ihe professor ! exactly, mister." replied our friend;" I'
lie came in, looked around deliberately
flisi upon the horse, and then upon tho
class, and remarked, at Ihe same time
twitching his shirt collar, "Ahem, yo've
ain't used to such doings en Sunday; and
besides I don't dance!" Alumna-Quarter
l.'h
One rainv night, not long since, i
got a new classmate, T s0(. . 'in gimi Vs ..,,,.(.,,; fcrolJg (lmv (() ,lt.(1(,J)()( in ,lm.y
a horse; there were jackasses enough i fell over a baggage truck. Ho is nositivu
hflore." hwnig Jimiexo
The rivalry betwoon the two societies
seems to bo reviving. A few days since,
n member of one of tho Societies had a
now student in charge, with an eye, of
course, to business. As thoy passed down
ono of tho halls thoy wcro mot by a mem
ber of the other society, who beckoning
lo the new student, said, "come here. 1
want to speak to .you a minuto." Rut his
opponent was too sharp.for, turning around
to his charge, ho said, "Don't notico that
fellow, he hasn't good sonso.". Delmonro
College Advance
.. l .1. l .11 .....!.. .- t . . . ..-Ill . I
iis in inv.- luiimviny meis: i inn wiien lie
rose, the thing rose afiorbini; that il struck
him under the chin; that he ran around
Iho platform and that it ran after him:
that it overlook him, struck him on the
jaw, on the elbow and on Hie knee; that it
finally tripped him and lie fell over it, in
it and under it; that he sprang into a bur
gage car, it met him, and nearly demolish
ed a rib; after which he became oblivious
to everything around him.
These arc his own statement,. It is
bdioved, however, that the truth of the
matter, if known, would differ somewhat
firm the above. Although it is a known
fact, that a man never gets done falling
over a truck or wheol-barrow. Central
Collegian.
Sch. Turnup shape.
Class. The elephant's handle is shaped
like a turnip.
Tr. Suppose you twist Iho root of a
turnip what will it do?
Sch. Bond.
Tr Can you twist an elephant's handle v
Sch. Yes.
Tr. What will it do?
Sch. Il will bond.
Class. The elephant can bend his
handle.
Tr. Anything that will Dend we call
llexiblo. "What can you say of tin root
of a turnip?
Sch It isfiexib'e.
Tr. What can you say of the elephant's
handle?
Sch. It is flexible.
Class. Tho elephant has a llexiblo
handle.
Tr. Look into tho end of its handle
and toll what you see.
Sch. I see a hole.
Tr. What Is tho part of a tree in which
you llnd a hole called?
Sch. The trunk.
Tr. Then what will we call the (.e.
phaul's handle?
Sch, The elephant's trunk.
Tr. Now look at the elephant's trunk
and then look at my nose and what can
you say of their length.
Soli. .lust the same.
Tr. Well, look at the trunk and coin
pare It with this pointer and what can yn
say of its length now.
Sch. It is longer.
Tr. Then what can you say of tlu
length of the trunk?
Sch.---It is long.
Class. The olophan' has a long trunk
Class. The elephant has a long, flexible
trunk.
Tr. Now look again at the trunk and
toll mo what you can say of the size of the
trunk at the two ends.
Sch. One end is larger than tli other.
Tr. presenting picture of tapir What
animal is this?
Sch. Tapir.
Tr Now compare the shape of the hi.
pir's head with that of the elephant's
trunk. What can yov say of Ihom?
Sch. They are just alike.
Tr. Then what canyon say of the. eh-,
phaut's trunk ?
Sch. It is like a tapir.
Tr. It is tnpir-ing.
Class The elephant has a tapering
trunk.
Class The elephant has a long, taper
ing flexible trunk.
There are occasionally some quite nowl
ideas developed in the Method Class. One
of our "fourth year" students, a very earn
est, sincere sort of a fellow, had been ex
patlaling upon the habits of the tiger,
when the teacher called upon him to ex
plain how ihe structure of the tiger was
adapted to its habits. He had completed
the list all but one. This hist one was to
show how the Tiger's .structure was adapt
ed to its habit of purring like a cat. lie
cectned rather timid in expressing hi
opinion upon this point, probabh for liar
lest some ono might think that his idea
was not original. All siich fears were dis.
polled, wo presume, shortly after he had
expressed himself as follows- "1 don't
hardly know what peculiarity in the am
mal's struct tue adapted him to this habit,
unless it is the pads upon his feet."
Scene southeast corner of Nonr.al
Hall. Persons "Fourth Year," occupy
ing his accustomed seal in the fourth 3 car
row, deeply engaged in the study of Eth
ics or Moral Philosophy, and especially
that part which treats of morally right
and morally wrong affections; "Second
Year," standing near the window, rovolv.
ing soinolhingin his mind. (No attend,
ants.)
Second Year after completing his
luti'Ht approaches Fourth Year and ad
drosses him in the following manner
"I have a point to look up about the
baboon but thus far I have been unable
to find anything on the subject. 1 thought
that perhaps you might give me sonic in
formation. Query If a baboon does nut
hang to the limb of a tree by it, teeth how
does it hang?"
Fourth Year, just returuod from deep
research in the Hold of Ethics, exclaims
"Why 7 always thought it hung b. its
tail !
Subdued laughter and the scene closes.
wiflnr imwii t-