THE HESPERIAN STUDENT.
8
THE SCISSOKS AND PEN AT WORK
AMONG OUll EXCHANGES.
Hutgor's students number 188.
Yule lias ono thousand and thirty-ono
Btudonts.
' -mushing frequently the stoves. AV
ing Iteoicto.
There are slxty-ono lady students at
Boston Unhersity.
Triuinpli of the mind over the body
studying after a hearty dinnor.--v'.r,
How long lias the editor of the Oma
ha IfaccMnr been only fourteen years
old ?
Syracuse- University has been made
tlio recipient of a gift of $20,000 from n
citizen of Unit city.
The Deaf and Dumb Institute in this
Slate has 42 pupils in attendance, 23
males and 10 females.
A Freshman delayed going homo for
one day in order to pay his laundryman.
The poor innocent Bckdeyan.
Why is a sophomore like a microscope ?
Because, when seen through, small things
arc revealed. Amherst Student.
Krrattu.'Wc arc sorry Ciat so many
typographical errors have occurred in
th.is numbtr.Unicem'ty Bulletin.
Three things that will stretch a story
often repented, a scrupulous man's point,
and n hypocrite's conscience. A.
Now is the time when the Juniors
arc consumiug midnight oil, while the
Sophs, are gathering in their winter's
wood. Orescent.
A tlvc months term, to end with ex
aminations on the whole year's, is likely
to infringe somewhat on Billiards and
Pool . Berkeley a n .
"Gospel sniping" is the latest term ap
plied to our Theological students who till
various Sunday appointments out in the
country. (Jresccnt.
Five hundred men served with hot
pancakes at Memorial, last week. Now,
0 Vassar, pitch your griddle into the Hud
son. llarcard Adcocate.
The Academician who took a large
dose of Chloride of Sodium, maliciously
substituted for Epom-Salt, is said to be
improving. Eurhtton ian Argosy.
A Fresh, who reads Lucian, and at
tends the theater, was lately heard ex
claiming in his sleep, "A pony, A pony,
my kingdom for a pony 1" Ex.
An Omaha sunday school scholar
horrified his teacher who asked him:
"What is the chief end of man?" by re
plying, "His feet." High School.
Frank Grattan, of the Amenta Times,
and llolden, of the Yonkerx Gazette, have
been trying to get up u flirtation with the
Tyro. The Tyro does n't iWxX. Tyro.
Tlio laziest man in the State of Mis
souri is said to be one Andrew Blot, who
in writing his name simply writes A and
makes u blot on the paper. Institute.
Miss F. M. says her mother thinks
more of propriety than she does of her.
Doqs she mean us to understand that she
and propriety are not acquaintances?
Tyro,
j It has been circulated around, that one
of the Col logo boy, at the spelling school
the other evening, spelled feminine, pltegm
unigpe. . .The, jgcntlcm.au acknowledges
that he missed the word, but wants it dis
tinctly'uiUlerstood that ho did not spell it
as reported. College Olio. l '''-
Ono of our ministerial Seniors is unj
decided whether to graduate or lo devote
the expense attendant upon graduation to
some benevolent object. Bcnnison Collegian.
The greatest feat in eating over re
corded Is told of a man who commenced
by bolting a door, after which ho threw
up a window, and swallowed a whole sto
ry.ICv. What kind of a heart do most gentle
men prefer? A sweet heart. Seminary
liudgel. And we wonder if there are not
lota of them at the seminary in Sacrnmen
to, California!
We have been informed by a Mpho
more that Prof. Hosmer said that "any ga
lute, wlio can play shenannigan pretty
well, is always sure to take the prizes in
oratory Un icorsity .Uissourian.
We wonder If it is characteristic of
all the members of the Sub-Fresh-class lo
leave their girls at the "gate," after hav
ingenjiwed their "most delightful compa
ny" for a few brief hours, sleigh riding.
Qui Vire.
A Freshman concludes to try his hand
atTyndallism: here is his opening sen
tence : " As wo look back through the dim
vista of the great future, we behold the in
dellible foot-prints of an Almighty Hand."
Crescent.
A little girl and boy, three or four
years old, were playing on the ice, when
sis fell down and commenced to cry.
Bub ran up, and soothingly lisped:
"Dont cwyl Thwcarl Thwcarl Thay
'damn!'" Ex.
A Student of well known linguistic
proclivitios being asked the other day
what " Oapt. Jack'" meant, scratched
his head a minute and replied he thought
it was some kind of patent medicine.
Un icersity Jfinso u rian .
One of our Juniors got otT the fol
lowing in his sleep the other night: "I
amo her, she amos me, and we amu one
another. The only one I dont amo is her
big, strapping brother 1" And still he
lives. Niagara Index.
A Freshman has begun to grow cold
toward the girl he left behind him. This
is a judgment founded on the following
description of her: "She is an awful piet
ty girl, but she dont know anything."
Lawrence Collegian.
"Sherman's March to the Sea," Tues
day evening, Feb. 10. Now is the time
to make sure of company to the next lee
ture. Bcnnison Collegian. The above ap
pears about thirty days in advance of the
lecture- Good enough.
At Hillsdale the old college building
has been destroyed and they now have fine
buildings in process of erection, two of
which are nearly completed. They have
also materially changed their Faculty and
curriculum. We wish them success.
A short time since wc saw some cows
minus their caudal appendages, wander
ing about the streets witli pasteboard col
lars around their necks, bearing the in
scriplion: "Please food your cows at
home and not on the campus." Ex.
A member of the Telegraphic Asso
elation telegraphs to a lady on the line
the message: "Will you accept my com
pany to church next Sunday eve?" The
nns'u- came "I will," but the unfortunate
youth translated it "I'm ill," and sent the
return dispatch "I am sorry," and now he
ponders over the saying, "Accidents will
happen, &c." Ittini.
A student in sending homo an account
of his expenses, put Birds $1.25, for the
Birds of Aristophanes; to which his fatlt.
or responds, " I hope thalyou will abstain
in future from gamo suppers and other
frivolities of Hint sort." Trinity Tablet.
A student of Central who towers pre
eminently above all others, and who stands
on full fourteen Inches footing, says thai
"previous engagements," ami "beg to bo
excused," arc growing somewhat" monot
onous." Central Collegian.
Puoi, kindly: "What's the matter,
Mr. ? You look unwell."
Lugubrious Soi'ii. (with a volume of
"Christain Martyrs" in his hand.) "My
breakfast was burned at the steak; that's
what's the martyr with mo." Dal. Col.
Adranee.
An ex-editress of the Stephens College
Ohaplrt and valedictorian, '7:1, Miss Stella
Dyre, recently made Fulton joyous with
her innumerable pretty songs and delight
ful music. Her departure was quite unex
pected lo one of our Sophomores. West
minster JFonthly.
Qukuy Does this speak well for
morality at Packer?
Junior. (botanically inclined) "Jen,,
in what book shall 1 put this rose, so that
it will press nicely?"
Boom-mate. (slyly.) "Put it in your
bible, never be disturbed there "Backer
Quarterly.
An observing Fresh "I saw in an
Infirmary a young lady whose neck was
so weak that she was compelled to have a
frame to hold up her head."
An experienced Junior "I have seen
hosts of young ladies in the same condi
tion, and they were not in the Infirmary
either." Targutn.
Prof, in English Literature What is
Bn' vj f impared lo?
Boz To Moses, who pointed out heaven
to the children of Israel, but did not enter
there himolf.
Prof. You dont mean heaven !
Boz Well, the promised laud. That's
the same thing, ain't it? Volante.
An unsophisticated medic devotional
ly said, the other day when we were hav
ing such cold weather, that he wished
"the devil would move his abiding place
a little closer and warm up regions here,
abouts." University Beportcr.
The devil's fires would not burn long if
they were moved where the Nebraska
breezes could fan them.
The charge that mixed schools are
"mntcb-mnking institutions" is denied by
one of our friends, who says heattcneded
Shurlleu" three years and left with a
"heart quite wholo." Qui Vice. Then
if such is the caso the young ladies can
not ha as handsome as those attending
oui University, because it is rare that a
person goes through hore "heart whole."
A Freshman having overheard one
Senior tell another that the sentence
"Foenumhabet in eomu" should be trans
lated "He is a dangerous follow," rnthor
surprised a group of fellow students by
exclaiming excitedly "I tell you boys lie
has liny on his horn!" His bonightcd
classmates, howevor, failed to catch the
meaning of this d'splay of erudition, and
could only account for such an outburst
on the part of their comrade by the sup
position that much learning had made
him mad. Balhousie Gazette.
There is a wliited sepulcher in tlio
Sophomore class Ho went into Chapel
the other day whited sepulchers always
go to Chapel and hi prayer-tlme assumed
a most devotional attitude. Now behold
the dead men's bones. A classmate nudged
hint violently, so violently as to rub oil"
the whitewash. From the sepulcher entnp
fori h a voice. "I) n It, don't!" Attn
Columbiana.
The T. A. S. Milliard Association was
organized on the 21st. Itsolllecrsnro: Rev.
T.A.Shaw, Censor; Rev. J. C. O'Reilly
President; I). J. Hlckey, Vice President;
13. J. McCabe, Recording Secretary; J. J
Splain, Cor. Sec; J no. MoCloskey, TreaV
urer; L O'T. Murphy, Sergeant at Anns.
We wish the organization every possible
succes. Ntaga "a J ndax.
A graduate of Hrush College created
quite a panic at a spelling match the other
evening, by pronouncing "egg-wipe-it."
For the next three minutes all was confu.
sion; the best spellers sank into their seals
with hardly a gasp; a small boy the In&t
one on (he east side, immortalized his
name and redeemed that of the school by
spelling "e-g-y-p.l, egg-wipe-it!" "Right!"
said the teacher. Exchange.
The Omaha High School gets oil" the
following compliment on their school:
"King Knlakua said to ono of tlio ac
companying gentlemen, that the High
School contained several handsome young
ladies and intelligent young men. As far
as the ladies are concerned, lie was 'emi
nently correct,' but we fail to see how ho
discovered intelligence in the motley crew
of numskulls that now compose u majority
of the male students of that institution."
A Fresh says he knows a girl who goes
to sleep with her mouth full of pins to
keep her " feller" from kissing her. Poor
girl, we suppose it is your filial resort. In
his case, at least, nothing short of some
such extreme measure would be effective.
The same genius observes that "it is not a
good policy to have a wife who knows
more than yourself." Ho surely is in
great danger of encountering that trouble.
Tiring Union.
A fellow complains thnt whenever he
moots certain lady students, he is com.
polled to step oil' the sidewalk, in order
to pass them. Think of it, ladies, wheth
er you are polite in thisornot. Annalist.
Our University boys have as just a cause
of complaint as the Michigan boys, be
cause the High School girls of this city
seem to be of the opinion that it takes an
entire sidcwn'.k for them; certainly our
boys are gallant and never make a young
lady walk through a snow drift.
From the Hillsdale College Crescent
we clip the following:
Fititsir. Itesolutions from headquarters.
Wiikiikab, It has pleased Providence in
his all wise dealings with the Junior class
of II. C. to grant lo each member onlv a
very meagre portion of mental calibre; and
Wiihukap, Our Junior friends find them.
selves sadly deficient in pluck, native oner
gy and editorial talent ; and
Whkkkas, We, the Freshman class of II.
C, would seek an expression of sorrow for
their deficiencies, therefore,
Bcsolrod, That we take upon ourselves
the responsibility of editing the Orescent
for the ensuing year, from April, '75, the
expiration of the Senior editorship.
Benolicd, That we tender them our heart
felt sympathies for their loss and our gain.
Besolced, That a copy of these resolu
tions bo transmitted to the Junior class, al'
so a copy furnished the Orescent f'oT publi
cation. Com.