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About The Hesperian / (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 20, 1899)
THE HESPERIAN. mm BIXBY'S RETREAT, To the Student Body at Large and Otherwise: Dear Body; The time draws nigh when I must say fare well for a time and pull out for other climes. Not that I have not enjoyed thiB clime but in the future, I think I shall make my credits climb rather than spend my time in trying to amuse you, dear Body. I am a year older than I was a year ago and I feel renewed responsibility every time I think of exams and the registrar. The chair which I occupy in this institution is one of pecu liar difficulty. I am supposed to grind out jokes for others' amusement and yet never smile at them myself. I am sup posed to roast everybody and everything and always stand ready to defend myself against the roasted. Why, only last week 1 understand that the police broke up a fiendish plot against me and saved me from a brutal assault. It was prob ably engineered by Peebee Weaver and Bill McNaughton and a horde of Freshmen like "Bulldog" Nims, "Shorty" Brown, "Statesman" Craft, "Politician" Billrice and "Important" Strafford, all because of my lyric laBt week on the pipe-organ episode. I'm sorry that I didn't roast the Freshmen more this year. They have become too thick and important. Why, a Freshman comes here and before he has been around four years ho thinks he runs the institution. The Freshmen must be kept down. I shall advise my successor to that effect. I am sorry for some things that I have done and still more sorry for things I haven't done. To tell the truth, I roasted poor little Phew altogether too hard. As my friend Artemus Ward once said, "He's an araoosin' little cuss." I didn't roast the rag hard enough for being taken in by that fake L. S. 0. letter. 1 have passed by the many failings of Doc Landis, Loquacious Wilson, Jocularious Searson, Shorty Turner, OhancyWarner, Evorvescent Kline, Jo Boomer, Sent imental Piper and Deacon Smoyor because they are my friends. I am sorry I roasted Ed Henry so much. I am sorry I didn't roaBt Edgerton more for applauding that preacber at Omaha. I should have entered into detail more about Perry's visits to Crete. I Bhould have expressed more strongly my surprise at the Y. M. 0. A. edition of the rag. Perhaps, I have said too much about the preacher frat because I under stand my friend, the Devil, mentioned them in his latest visit, as his special proteges. If that is true, what more need I say. I have noticed with pleasure the renaissance of clasB spirit which has manifested itself in the swiping of Senior bats and canes. I myself bave half a doaen canes in my posses sion at the present time. I regret to say farewell, dear Body, but I must. Sucb is life. It is but a meeting and a parting. You have waited eagerly for my appearance each week, have swiped the paper to read what I had to say and have gone your way growling and -whining if any of my remarks touched you. Well, such is life; such is the gratitude of mankind, I couldn't suit every body and really didn't care whether I suited any. I send cay regards to your family. Yours, Bix. A Good Thing TO DO Yisit Paine's Clothing before vacation. Think about it during vacation. Look in upon the store when you return. The B L. Paine Clothing Store. 1217 0 ST. A Good Place to Buy Good Clothes. An Attractive Girl ...is on who Is always partic ular about her linen. Nothing is more becoming or neater looking than a freshly laun dered shirt waist. We make a specialty of ladies' waists, and launder them witnoutjact- ing or stretching out of shape. Waists with collar detached - - 10c Waists, white or collar attached - 15c The Best Laundry TOWNSEND & PLAMONDON Phone 579. Offices, 1010 and 1144 0 St. INTERCILLECIATE BUREAU OF ADAIEMIC COSTUME COTRELL & Caps, Gowns T H?MVT A T T and Hoods to the JLJLLVlN jt.l.J-J American Colleges and TJnlvcraltlos 472-478 IROADWAY, ALIANY, NEW YORK 24 PHOTOS 25c THE . , . . STAMP SIZE Prewitt PHOTOGRAPHER 1216 O Street. Silks, Dress Goods, Cloaks, Ladies' Suits, and Furnishing Goods For Ladies and Gentlemen 0 13tb Sis. . hub 1 PfllJlE IZ!!. Jm. i r