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About The Hesperian / (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1899 | View Entire Issue (May 20, 1899)
To the Student Body at Large and Otherwise:
Dear Body; The time draws nigh when I must say fare
well for a time and pull out for other climes. Not that I have
not enjoyed thiB clime but in the future, I think I shall make
my credits climb rather than spend my time in trying to amuse
you, dear Body. I am a year older than I was a year ago
and I feel renewed responsibility every time I think of exams
and the registrar.
The chair which I occupy in this institution is one of pecu
liar difficulty. I am supposed to grind out jokes for others'
amusement and yet never smile at them myself. I am sup
posed to roast everybody and everything and always stand
ready to defend myself against the roasted. Why, only last
week 1 understand that the police broke up a fiendish plot
against me and saved me from a brutal assault. It was prob
ably engineered by Peebee Weaver and Bill McNaughton and
a horde of Freshmen like "Bulldog" Nims, "Shorty" Brown,
"Statesman" Craft, "Politician" Billrice and "Important"
Strafford, all because of my lyric laBt week on the pipe-organ
episode. I'm sorry that I didn't roast the Freshmen more
this year. They have become too thick and important. Why,
a Freshman comes here and before he has been around four
years ho thinks he runs the institution. The Freshmen must
be kept down. I shall advise my successor to that effect.
I am sorry for some things that I have done and still more
sorry for things I haven't done. To tell the truth, I roasted
poor little Phew altogether too hard. As my friend Artemus
Ward once said, "He's an araoosin' little cuss." I didn't
roast the rag hard enough for being taken in by that fake L.
S. 0. letter. 1 have passed by the many failings of Doc
Landis, Loquacious Wilson, Jocularious Searson, Shorty
Turner, OhancyWarner, Evorvescent Kline, Jo Boomer, Sent
imental Piper and Deacon Smoyor because they are my
friends. I am sorry I roasted Ed Henry so much. I am
sorry I didn't roaBt Edgerton more for applauding that preacber
at Omaha. I should have entered into detail more about
Perry's visits to Crete. I Bhould have expressed more strongly
my surprise at the Y. M. 0. A. edition of the rag. Perhaps,
I have said too much about the preacher frat because I under
stand my friend, the Devil, mentioned them in his latest visit,
as his special proteges. If that is true, what more need I
say. I have noticed with pleasure the renaissance of clasB
spirit which has manifested itself in the swiping of Senior bats
and canes. I myself bave half a doaen canes in my posses
sion at the present time.
I regret to say farewell, dear Body, but I must. Sucb is
life. It is but a meeting and a parting. You have waited
eagerly for my appearance each week, have swiped the paper
to read what I had to say and have gone your way growling
and -whining if any of my remarks touched you. Well, such
is life; such is the gratitude of mankind, I couldn't suit every
body and really didn't care whether I suited any. I send cay
regards to your family. Yours,
A Good Thing
Yisit Paine's Clothing before vacation. Think
about it during vacation. Look in upon the
store when you return.
The B L. Paine Clothing Store.
1217 0 ST.
A Good Place to Buy Good Clothes.
An Attractive Girl
...is on who Is always partic
ular about her linen. Nothing
is more becoming or neater
looking than a freshly laun
dered shirt waist. We make
a specialty of ladies' waists,
and launder them witnoutjact-
ing or stretching out of shape.
Waists with collar detached - - 10c
Waists, white or collar attached - 15c
The Best Laundry
TOWNSEND & PLAMONDON
Phone 579. Offices, 1010 and 1144 0 St.
INTERCILLECIATE BUREAU OF ADAIEMIC COSTUME
COTRELL & Caps, Gowns
T H?MVT A T T and Hoods to the
JLJLLVlN jt.l.J-J American Colleges and TJnlvcraltlos
472-478 IROADWAY, ALIANY, NEW YORK
24 PHOTOS 25c
THE . , . .
1216 O Street.
For Ladies and Gentlemen
0 13tb Sis. . hub 1 PfllJlE
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