10
T II E LI E SPER1A N
1 I
NOTES FROA1 flANLEY'S DREAHS.
Narrow Escape of the Senior Class The Senior
Play as it Might Have Been; They Write
Another.
Act I.
(Enter sheriff and deputy from main building;
carrying out last piece of furniture. Tack up sher
iff's sale sign and exeunt. Enter clerk. Stauds as
tonished at the sign. Hurried exit aud re-euteranee
dragging acting Chancellor. Both stare at sign.)
Clerk. That sign, do you see it? Do you know
what it nieansV
Acting Chancellor. That sign? I cau't make out
what it all can refer to. What does it mean?
Clerk, It means that there is no more University.
Its bankrupt, in soak. They close it upon the lirst
day of school. That's what it moans. I'll have to
hunt another job. Whoro.s my hat?
Chorus. The buildiug is locked. And the furni
tmc is thrown out. And the Chancellor is put in
jail.
Acting Chancellor. As you all know I am simply
acting as the head of the University in place of our
departed Chancellor. He has left you, his children,
his dear boys and girls, fatherless; but ho has not
abandoned you because of heartless indifference. A
common cause has called him away. Our beloved
university, our family roof tree, as wo may call it, is
about to have a three ball sigu over the door, and
our Chancellor is making a wild efford to raise
money to pay the interest. He is out on the road
selling soap.
Xewspajwr Man. I beg your pardon, did you say
it was soft soapy
Acting Chanc. No, Ivury Soap.
Act. Chanc, Won't anybody go for Miss Smith?
Enter Miss S. Nobody needs to go for MUs Smith.
She is perfectly able to come without an escort.
Miss Smith seats herself an I begins registration.
He-enter clerk, also two students with a cigar ma
chine. Int. iSlmic7it. Is it money you want, old sport?
If it is, then we're your people Me anil my pal here
gives you ten dollars a day for right of way for .this
machine during registration week. What do jou
say, is it a go?
Enter farmer.old maid, maiden sister, aud daugh
ter and heifer.
Niws. Man. Subscribe for the Rag, only one dol
lar a year. Thirty columns Journal reprint, Cul
ture aud agriculture, bide talks with boys. Latest
methods cow puuehiug. All for $1, I've got your
name down. Here's the lirst issue Want to settle
in advance?
Farmer. Young feller 1 read the Skuylkill Popo
crat ami the Bible and don't want nodurn bumeum
See here! jou Susquehanna Althea peach oi chard,
i didn't bring you up here to gilly round with eity
fellers. You just s ay long with Sary and Brinillo
and don't let me catch you with any chaps again.
(Approaches Miss Smith and M mds .sppopips )
Miss Smith. Well do you want anything here'
Farmer. Well me and Sary was a thiukin', that
is Sary was a thinkin', and I agreed as how v
ought to have some learnin'. That is Sary ami my
gil Susquehanna Althea here, and I thought I orter
be arouud for Susquehanna is sorter young ami shy
like, and her ma being dead.
Miss S. Indeed. I don't see as I have anything to
do with that.
Farmer. Oh, I hain't got no intentions ma'am
Hannah does very well without a ma, but as I was a
sayin' we allowed to joiu the univeisity.-andl
lowed I'd take the agriculture on that farm what
the suite rents free. And Brindlo here U a lirst
rate heifer, aud I thought she orttohave the new
fangled dairy school.
Miss S. Have you matriculated?
Farmer. Have we malri.-ui.Ucd, Sary v (Josh all
lisb hooks.
Enter Bloomer girl on wheel, tries the nk-klcin
the slot machine.
Old Maid. Abner, do look at that. It is perfectly
scandalous
Farmer. Don't mention it, Sary
Bloomer Girl O, I'm off my luck today Give
me a light, Toby.
Enter sheriff and deputy. Slaps chancellor on
the back.
Sheriff. Sir, I come officially to imtifj you tli:,t
the buildings, grounds, fences and tuditions on
block in the eity of Lincolu, county f Laneisler,
and state of Nebraska, which said buildings, grounds
furniture, fences and traditions are commonly le"
by the name of the University of Nelir.i-.ka will be
offered at public sale at 2p m. on the xiOth da' of
September iu the 3 ear of our Lord 1903,
Glial: The blow has fallen. What do you think
wo are goiug to do now?
Acting Chancellor. What we always do when wi'
can't thiuk of anything else, call a m.is meeting
Never mind we must have the meeting, and hi'ai"
the ideas of our boys and girls. (To Jerk) "
will now call the huge assembly into the chape!
Clerk ruus around the campus with al"n,'r,"l
yelling O! ye., great mass meeting, etc. hM w
dents from all sides .
Bloomer Girls. Why take the University ami
deed it over to Teddy Smith.
Acting Chanc Why he is most unreliable, most
unreliable He is an entirely unresponVihlc l,Bl?";
Bl. Girls. That's why wo want him A univer
sity without a reputation is better than a reputation
without a university
Acting Chanc. I will leave it to the students.
Chorus. Doit! Do it!
Acting Chanc. 1 will tlion accept your decision.
Myself and the faculty will draw up the papers on
the spot. Where is this man?
Miss llostonia Ibsen. I can't say he N lik,! alli
one I havo ever hoard of. Ho isn't iniun of ll
scholar.