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About The Hesperian / (Lincoln, Neb.) 1885-1899 | View Entire Issue (March 10, 1894)
EXEuSl THE HESPEKIAN to talk; I wasn't no bettor than tho rest of tho men, not half so good, either. It don't do no good to think about that, though. It'll only make mo think about her, and I don't want tor do that, and I can't help it if I git started." So to shut out tho thought of his wife's pretty faco and sparkling black eyes, Peachy looked out through the semi-darkness past tho barn to tho wheat fields, whore he had worked so hard for tho past two weeks. Poachy was one of tho temporary men that had been hired for tho harvest, and when that was over he would have to move on, ho knew not where. A thought of this came to him as he looked at the fields lighted and shadowed by tho rising moon. "I don't need to think of tomorrow," he said, UI kin take keer of myself." Thus Poachy tried to shut out the future and tho past, and to think only of tho pres ent. It was not an easy thing for him to do, for tho moonlight reminded him of her, and she belonged to his past. uIt was just like this tho first night I over seen her," he thought,tand then flashed up suddenly, "I won't think about her," ho cried, "I won't, I won't but I can't help it," and his voice ended in a quiver of despair. Ho listened intently to the sound of tho crickets around him in tho grass and of tho frogs in tho slough. He looked at tho stars dimmed by the moonlight, and the shadows on tho hills getting every moment shorter and more distinct. He followed out slowly tho long black lino of brush that marked tho slough. But ho know all tho time that he was thinking of her. The sound of her voice shut out all other sounds. Her eyes shown between him and the stars. Her face was in the shadows, growing like them more distinct as ho gazed. Ho tried to listen to tho drowsy hum of the voices at tho other corner of tho house, but lie could think of no one but the wife that ho had left. Ho finally abandoned tho struggle and gavo himself completely to thoughts of his wife, though tho thoughts brought him as much pain as pleasure. For mingled with his memory of hor was tho knowledge that ho had not treated her right, though she had been his wifo and he had loved hor. He thought how frightened and trembling she had been when ho had told hor of his love. Ho remembered how very pretty sho had been on their wedding day, and how sweet and good-natured she had been after wards sometimes. But he remembered too that sometimes she had not been so good natured. Ho cowered now at tho thought of hor terrible anger the night when ho had come homo drunk for the first time in their married life. The first time but not tho last time, for thoro were many such evenings af ter that. His wife had been first angry, then tearful, and last, ho romemborod her best as she had been then, bitter and scornful. Ho could stand her anger, for she was beautiful when she was angry. Ho became in time accustomed to her tears. But her scorn had raised in him a tempest of hatred, and ho had left hor, once to return after three mis erable days, again for good, ho told himself, for he never could go back now; sho would not look at him if ho did. "I ortn't to have loft her," he said. "Sho didn't have nothin' to go on except the farm and that was mortgaged. But I wasn't no help to her, land knows. I was a sight more of a hindrance than a help. I don't blame hor if she don't keer for me any longer. She's glad I'm gone, maybe. Anyway she used to keer for mo, she used to I don't keer, I won't go back. Sho ortn't to have been so proud. Maybe I'd have quit drink in' and wo would have been happy like other folks." Peachy picked up his cob pipe and began sullenly to whittle again. But suddenly he threw it from him and bowed his faco on his knees. "There ain't nobody else in the world to mo," ho said with a sob. UI don't koer for nobody and nobody don't keer for me. I've got to go back. I've just got to go back. I'll beg of her on my knees for one little kiss and then I'll kill myself. I don't keer. I can't livo without her and I can't quit drinkin'. I've tried and Iknow. "