14
THE HESPERIAN
another handful of literary crumbs from the scar
let and cream salver by his side, " I'll be flam
boozled if any one can put any reliance in these
press reports." " Here I went to all the trouble
of culling over the old dispatches and made up
my little report about the annual athletic meet
ing, and now, I find that the reporter lied. I'll
be "
Here the door suddenly opened, and the dimin
utive funny poet came in. A Columbian breeze
rushed through the doorway and struck the S. E.
R. with such direful effect that he quivered dread
fully. Seeing this the diminutive funny poet got
out his syringe and after making a thirteen-dol-lar
cut in his confreres arm, he hypodermically
injected a musical notelet into his vascular sys
tem. This had a fitful effect upon the S. E. R.'
ho gave a clutch, a moan and expired. "Punk,',
said the diminutive funny poet as he turned the
S. E. R. over, and picked the burrs from his
clothes preparatory to placing him in an un
known grave, "show me the pinkety-punked
idiot that says special features and a borrowed
cut make a newspaper."
This year seems to be, above all others, the
year for "scraps." The "frats" and "barbs" are
having it out in no gentle manner and the Catho
lics and anti-Catholics are fencing with vitupera
tive pens. Some of the college papers are filled
to the brim with the matter that savors so little
of culture and refinement thai one might sup
pose it to come from a company of educated
savages. The fraternity question is nearly al
ways settled as a local issue. What pertains to
one college will not always pertain in the same
way to another. In a local fight biiter personali
ties will be indulged in; it is impossible to avoid
them. But in the general fight, barbarian against
fraternity, this petty quibblingand caviling should
be done away with. It is not necessary to keep
up this continual strife among college papers.
A fraternity organ swears that it believes on way;
a "barb" organ is so sure that the other way is
correct that it calls its opponent a liar. And
what good is done? The printer is kept from
starvation's door. This, in our opinion, is the
only good that can accrue from these intercol
legiate newspaper scraps. We should all en
deavor to be philanthropic, but should not let
our. energy be thrown away for useless purposes.
If the "barbarian" expects to win let him stop
scrapping and go to working. Let him make his
side of the question the right one and the one
most tenable. Throwing aside all useless argu
ment, let him confine himself to proofs. If he
does so, in the race for supremacy, he will keep
on leading the van.
LOCALS.
All hail the exams,
Attend the local contest.
Hope you had a merry Christmas.
Skating parties are now all the rage.
It may be Weeks before you will see her.
"I would like. to read itfor its historical value."
Hibbard.
Ben Butler died January nth at his home in
Washington.
Manager Talmadge was down to Kansas City
for a day or so.
G. H. Hall has left school. He will be with
us again next fall.
Rev. Chapin conducted chapel services the first
three days of last week.
Mr. Gingery of Dorchester, has been visiting
his daughters, Misses Grace and Maud.
Prof. Wightman is without doubt the best skater
in the University. Prof. Hussey is a close second.
Mr. McGraw. who was struck by an engine and
severely injured some days ago, is reported slowly
improving.
Prof. Caldwell's paper on American history
before the State Teachers' association was much
appreciated.
A large number of new students will take up
work in the University at the beginning of the
second semester.
We are glad to learn that Prof. Bates, who is
suffering with an attack of typhoid-malaria, is
somewhat better.
The junior and senior classes of the Seward
high school went through the University buildings
Thursday morning.
One of the legislators as he viewed the devil's
corkscrew in the museum: "Gosh, it looks like a
petrified well-augur."
A new time schedule board has been placed in
position and it is desired that every student will
give it immediate reference.
The annual Chase & Wheeler contest of the
Palladian society will be held in the chapel on
the evening of January 21st.
The Union Society have new draperies in their
hall The curtains are very tasty and greatly im
prove the appearance of the hall.
Prof. Owens very kindly sat up with Prof.
Bates last week. As his patient made decided
improvement that night he felicitates himself
upon his gbod nursing powers.
There will be no examination of the classes in
European History. The daily class room work
and topics for special .preparation will take the
place of the final examinations.
Mrs. Waples, of North Platte, a near relative of
W. V. Hoagland, died at North Platte the 9th
inst. She was buried in Lincoln.