The Nebraskan. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1892-1899, February 21, 1896, Image 4
fi 3 V v tt g o o n u' u a ft 3 ti 1 I 4 I Owr tlio HiunovRr. Old Friend Did you hrlnft over any extra Iukrhkc with you thin tlmo from Pnrls? Count ohh Ht. Clermnlno (nee do Hill lonn) Oh, mi: nothing except tho count. Pour Rood non nro employed at Con atncor'8 harbor shop, 1010 O street, where you jyet tho cleanest ahavo n.nd neatest hnlr cult, CorrolienttliiK II In View. Jngwny 1 henrd a leeturo In bac teria laBt nlKht. Cnstleton Did you learn anything? JnRwny 1 should say. It taught mo the evil effects of drinking water. Tho Kwtnc Clotlihur eomuinv im. showing the now Hhnpca n spring hats at popular prfotM. Dashaway I had a most rcallstlo dream last night. I dreamed 1 was rid ing on tho elevated road. Cloverton 'Vhy was It realistic? Dashaway When I woke up I found myself hanging to tho chandelier. Now York World. Best quality regulation white cadet gloves aro 10c at tho Ewlng Clothing Co., 1115 and 1117 O. A Itolil, 11ml I.hiikiiiiki'. "It's a pity when a charming woman uses words she does not understand." "Going awnv?" asked a theater goer of the aesthutle and wlllow-Hke siren who performs burlesque at n well known theater going to be married?" "If I am It will only be pro tern." sho answered with a modest blush. Slnco then she has given up Latin, saying that It must be a bold Inugunge In which you cannot make use of a sim ple expression without (.ompromlse to your character. Texas Slftlngs. Not So Siitlilru, Kltlior. "Miss Darrotts." said tho young man, luuucmy. "I must see your father con cerning something vory dear to mo; something that may affect mv whole life "Dear me; this Is so sudden!" said tho young woman. "Why, not so very sudden. I an nounced my name as a candidate for Councilman more than four weeks ago. Do you think he will vote for me?" Chicago Dispatch. Tho complete edition of "Beside the Bonnlo Briar Bush" 15 cents. Herpol shelmer's book department. Ed Young's for new cigars, pipes and tobacco 1S04 O street. Kloiillnc Humor. She (dreamily) Only fancy a month from to-day we shall bo married. He fabsently) Well, let's be hnppy while we can. Illustrated Bits. "Sec. hore. you Impostor, you've begged from me four times In the last ten days." "Huh! Yer ain't got no kick; yer ain't gl'me a cent." Chicago Record. She Your father proposed to me the other day. He Yes, and what did you say? She I said 1 would be a daughter to him. New York Advertiser. Merritt - Under the circumstancos, why don't you go west and get a di vorce? Cobwigger Because, if I had a divorce. I might be fool enough to marry again. Life. "This Is a hard world." murmured the young man. "Yes." replied she, "one doesn't realize how hard It is till one falls off a bicycle once or twice a week." Washington Star. Hoax You worked your way through college, didn't you? Joax Right. Hoax --What did you work at? Joax The other students principally. Philadel phia Record. Caulor Should think you'd run a woman's page In your paper? Eddy Tory All We do; three of them C Where are they? E. T. A. The ad. pages, man. Boston Courier. "I have decided to withdraw from tho race," said the politician decidedly. "You can't do it," returned the voter promptly. "Why not?" "You were never In It." Chicago Evening Post. Doctor Now, Tommlo, will you promise me to take your medicine liko A man? Tommie No, sir; when a man tikes medicine he makes a bad face and wears. Yon kers Statesman. Mfo'd Lighter RIiIp. Proprietor of Iron Works "If I un demtnnd you correctly, you wish to place an order for armor plato that no ennnon shot can pierce, Wo aro turn Inir out that kind of thing every day, and" Agent of Foreign Government "No, you misunderstand. I wish to know If yon can manufacture a can non that can plerco nny armor plate." Proprietor "Certainly, sir. Wo aro do ing that kind of thing every day." Grocer "What have vnn honn ilnln In the cellar so long?" Grocer's Ap prentice"! have been cleaning out tho treacle measure. It was so choked up that It didn't hold mor'n half a pint." Grocer "Oh, that's what vnw'vn lieon doing, hae you? Well, you take your hat and gn home, and tell your father to put ymi In the tract-distributing business. You ain't lltted for the gro cery trade." Wife "If II Is neeccsary that wo should economise, why don't you shave yourself. Instead of paying a barber to do It?" Husband "That shows nil you women know about profit and loss ac counts. Why. h little bit of court plaster, no bigger than the end of my emu, oohih len cents. Cltltunn "Is iHiuntry llfo healthy?" Commuter- lli'llltbv! Tlu.ro urn mnn In our vIIIum who huvo been riding back mid forth In the smoking car for three years, and they're not dead yet," If you want a bargain In ovoreonts nnd suit, the 13wlng Clothing coniauy Is tho place for stylish goods at low price. POINTED PARAGRAPHS. Youth paints tho circus bill for old age to tear down. When a woman gets cross, sho gets eioss at everybody. Actors, draughtsmen, dentists nnd mustard plaster ought to bo nlle to draw well. Spring should be represented as a young nuiM wuii nu ulster and tho rheumatism. Tolerance does not mark tho progress of religion. It Is the fatal sign of Its decline. A New York paper has a headline, "Opium Joints winked at." Yes. they are sleepy places. Prohibition will never nourish as long as the juice of a glass of lemonade will buy two beers. There is nothing like prosperity to cover faults, and It may be said that money covers more than charity. Language falls to paint n women as the eyes of a lover sees her. Pearl rouge Is more apt to hit the charmer. The pickpocket Is a living cxamplo of the truth that In order to succeed In life one should keep In touch with his fellows. The world owes us all a living, yet no man collect the debt unless he pulls off his coat and takes It from the world's hide. No wonder highwaymen ore so num erous In this country, when every schoolboy on declamation day Is taught to "stand nnd deliver." The Ewing Clothing Co. are showing the best vnlues in JS and $10 suits and overcoats in Lincoln. Ilnuttovrii NlnguUr Power. Professor ateeleye By simply hold Ing a bright object beforo a person's eyes for live minutes I can hypnotlio him and mnko him do anything I wish. Houttown That's nothing. By hold ing a bright object before a restaurant waller's eyes for three-quarters of a second I can make him my slnve. 11 ml Not llnthnroit Hint, Young Husband (laying down a com ic paper) All this tomfoolery about women's extravagnnco mnkes mo tired. We have been nnrrled two months nnd you haven't askfd mo 'or a cent, Ynilllir Wife Of ennrnn nn Wlmt would be the lis of hntliiM'Incr von tnr every little thine I want, when It's so inucii easier to nve tlio things charged. Tho Lincoln iitws agency, headquar ters for news, magazines and novels. Harper's Century, Munsoy's, Scrlbner's, Cosmopolltnn ani other periodicals al ways In stock. V. 13. corner Elovonth and O streets, Slchard block, J. E. Pearson, maungct. llnrk In Jonli'n Time. "Are all tho nnlnals In?" nsked Noah, Inking another loik at tho barometer. "All but tho leotards." ropllcd Ham, "and I think wo lavo a pair of thorn spotted." Noah shook his head gloomily and muttered soinothltg nbout "that hoy mining to n bnd oid."-Clnclnnatl Tribune. HAS BEEN RE-OPENED Qy Prancis Bio& TIIR MO.Vl' CONVKNIKNT PLACE FOR STl'Up OPEN ALL NIGHT.-- Oysters and ame in Seasot 121 North Eleventh Street. SHORT ORDERS OUR SPEOIALTY. -:- CUVE US A TRIJ CAPITAL CAFE The Lincoln Salt Baths. )Mff. Jm&K$$& Tinnw Cor. I 4th & Stroots. L1NCOLI -tJNEBRASl OPEN AT ALL HOURS DAY OR NIGHT. SULPHO-SALINE BATH HOUSE AND SANITARII Al.l. rilllMi nl' Iifrnu r.,.ii.l. ,, i.... ,. ... ...... ... ... ...I ... ........ . . ' "r ' -. lui'-imi. iiiiiiinn, inp.'irr, nmi nii'in iittiiHiit. to .l Miliin nl MTirilAI. s.M.T W Ti:il llTII. wtrrnl llm.n Mmniixr '"" " mer tor l.il i. .1 , . .1, .:.; ,.r "v.. . ; v " :" ,J " r v "'" "p ,,n "- " i- Vi.l..r Sl.,,.., ., I.....I r. r.n ,". .'. .V';'. "."S ..".' .I"1". ".". '.'" 'rn" """ ,n.""r '""" ""a-." " hl " " -. ." .i i-Bi, union io n uimorni luiiilit-niluru n( h ,ird III A xt f ii Sltiiiitlnu. "Some folks hnsmoro money dan dey Knows whut tcr do vlt," remnrked Plod ding Pete thought'ully. "Yes," replied Meandering Mike; "I wus dnt way once.' "Git away!" "Sure, I onct hid 25 cents by me, and discovered I ras In a prohibition lown." Washington Star. Don Cnmoron's unch South Eleventh steot. counter, IIS Best regulation white cadet gloves 10b at the .Ewlng Clothing company. 1115-1117 O street. RuBsel Sage is said to be suffering from a boll near the shoulder. If nnv. one can think of a worse combination to run against than RuBsell Sago and a boil he should be compelled to do bo that the public may be on its guard. Several Florida orange growers bava been Inspecting Southern California with tho purpose of Investing in land. These men say that the growing o oranges and lemonB is their business and they know nothing else; that they are discouraged over the outlook In Florida and wish to try Southern Cali fornia, whore the damage by frost If tint BTOOf. Onculntnrj. It woe at a recent Lanarkshire "kirn, as they style a "harvest home" in Scot land, and at the close of one of thi dances an ennmored swain, who had let "is uuicinea a short distance away fron the maddening crowd, suddenly in quired: "Will ye gie mo a kiss, Jenny?" Jenny hesitates to reply. "If ye dlnna gie me ano." exclaimt the valorous Jock. "dod. I'll tak' II against your wull." "Na, na, Jock, ye couldna tinp that retorts the smiling Jenny, "for I'm JubI as wlllin to hae ane as yersel'." Cur tain. Scottish Nights. Don Cameron's lunch counter, US South Eleventh street. Kernril Kvcn or I'mii Stnrlr. There nro nlent- of lneni nimrmnn to whoso Imaglnntbn the following llsh story will appeal. Last spring, whilo a parly of tourlso were Hshlng "up north," a well-knavn lawver lost l.ia gold watch from tlo boat In which ht wns sitting. Last week ho mado an other visit to the hkes, nnd during the first day's sport caight an eight-pound trouL His nstonlslment can bo Imag ined when ho found his watch lodged In tho throat of the trout! The watch was running and the time correct! It being a "stem-winder." the supposition is that In masticating his food the fish wound up the watch daily! Northampton Daily Reporter. 226 So. I 1th St. Ground Floor. Special Hates . to Stubcnfc An 1'iiin.lurnl Suppo.ltloii. Magistrate (to prisoner) You say, you took the ham because you are out of work and your family is starving: i .m n-i i ujiucrsianu that you havo four dogs about the house? Prisoner Yes, your honor; but I wudden't ask my family to eat dog3, your honor. Ex. ltemcmber that Francis Bros, have re opened the Capitol Cafe. 121 Nortii Eleventh .street. Short order meals are their specialty. He Nrarlj- Smothered. Hotel t'lerk (to rural guest) Morn ng. Mr. Hmltliklns. How did you sleep last night? Mr. Hmithklns (weakly) Only fair ish. see I hain't been used to sleepln' folded up in them ne.f-nieU foldln' beds yet. I'm hanged . .n.ln't nearly smother twist. IMdn't Care for Much Ureas. Mr. Uptown Is the husband of a very fashionable and dressy wife, and not long ago he was talking with a stran ger about women's clothes at a swell reception up In Harlem. "Plenty of handsome women here to night," ventured the stranger. "Yes," said Mr. Uptown blandly. "Married?" queried the stranger. "Yes; my wife Is here to-night." "I'm married, too, but my wife sel dom goes out. She doesn't care much for dress. Does yours?" "Well." replied Uptown, with some hesitation. "I don't really know wheth er she cares much for dress, but I'm pretty sure she doesn't care for much dress; but you can Judge for yourself. inert sne comes now." Mrs. Uptown, who Is stylish to the backbone, swept by, and the stranger cimngeci me conversation. Texas Slftlngs. A full line of typewriter supplies at the Smith Premier offlce, 135 South Eleventh street. Tel. 143. C. W. Ecker man, agent. "Pretty Polly, pretty Poll. How do you do, Polly?" Polly Fine, but for heaven's sake, don't ask me If want a crucker.-Truth. PIPES, At Ed. Young's, the best variety, vid news and cigars, 1204 O street. .. lXJNlvE OPEBA I-lOUSjJ rSANK ZCauUNO Menager. Wednesday L veiling, Fob. 26. Hie MnMerpiecc olcicmv Aclileximonl. MORRISON'S FAUST:- KcKulnr Price.-. Seats n sale Ht Dunn' Monday mottling l-Vti. n. Corner O and 19th Friday & Saturday and Sat. Mail Feb. 28 and 2i, BEACH & BOWER! MINSTREU ;?( Distinguished Artists. POPULAR PRICKS. S ats on sale c nc morning Feb. Tit 10. , 30, icnt Matter ibooc . . . PRINTER 1115 1 Street, Lincoln Cards. Programs. In- VI -A7IONS Good Work. rrLes Reasonable. S B BM IM K g B COPYRIGHTS. V- CAN I OHTl 1 mirrvm. dl ImmJk j?.?f.r 'SiM1 'J opinion, write to - " j ' mu uniu uiu liVMHTUin TCJLTS fi:S?.1?2S?.l.n"lS.B,,'"t. bvrtnns. 6ommnnlSE. lcV. V1 cintino books cnt t KS iUV7 k"L'.ul.r:c c""'lc .nraericnn, na mi? XVK? ",.a.e'7.DCI"r"ie potmen 1 ! Wu,... ir 1. tn...rn i it ... ...I President. Vlcc-I'icsliknt. Cashlcl juiis its, rtsii v.asnier THE Columbia Natl BanlJ LINCOLN. NEB. Capital, - $250,00 D1RKCTORS: A S. Raymond, Ciias. West, Tiios. Cociir; cwltb- A Special SUIT SALE is in Progress Today at Baker's Clothing House, 1039 0 Street. i..STr.;S."1. ""Tcnior. TDta (Dlcnd Id ntMr. liSiSt fSSA'J eniT "lu.trated.hu brartba wo?kL StVm? I'.iT e'enjune WOrk In the coSli1? ISMSS"?' & Ter. Single tlnl nii. r7iiI "J w"iina peau i." rr?Z "V wB OtlU Kiuoin Ple. IrTcolofCina nbo SSS'nnSZ SK!.2SS1,SE.?3 f how the uii I ivT V. """fw. Aaareta . .. WMWU IIf , homes, with uteat deal IF YOU KNOW. that I huve the apparatus for half soling in the neatest style, uie iiuest point shoes and up-to-date styles, it would pay you to bring all your shoe repair work to 100 South 18th St. All work guaranteed. J, III l'ettlt. The Funke Opera House Block is the place to get i our Choice Ameri cn Beauty and Roses of any shade. Carnations and all floral work guaran teed. Decorations a specialty. PREY & FREY, Florists. l4AAAAAAAAMa . . WEBSTER'S i INTERNATIONAL I Ai4$&Ku.JICTIONAR V cawarfr. m Vnrro iifthn J J." IJnnhrliliifil Slanilnnl nftlin t i . r. i i iTlnt lii Odiie. tl.el'4. Hiijin-iiif( oiinaml t nearly all tlio Si'IiooIUmiKo. IVnrmly com liiriulril (y vwty Btate Sii erlmcn dent of ficliwln, anil mliiT Klnra tors almoiit Mltli. out number. A Collepo Prcifdent writes: "Tor "c-afce with rhlrh the ejo nmls llio " ivonl nought, for nrt-urury of U-fliil. "tluii, for effectlvu nullio.U I j,i. "cathifr pronuiiclntlon, for tTo t "ireh-nlo Btatemcnlt. ,,f furu, "unit for practical uno an a worklni "ll-tliinrj-,,AVfbter,Iiit.rnotloiml " exec! uny other single volume." Tlio Ono. Great Standard Authority, " H.'lr' J'tvwlly ""wiice 17. K, uuivuto VVUIW I O. A C. XEIiniAX CO., rubllshers, ufttutjuciu, jtiaBB., u.ti.A. . OVfnil in Hi mil.ll.tiAM .- t .. . - no uot uiv ti7n ;:H,:.v.a,?j) s.. W 1 "i itta, TWO TRAINS DAIU BETWEEN 'AND Auburn. Falls City, Atchison, St. Joseph, and Kansas City City Ticket Offlce, 1201 0 Street. . C. TOWHSEUD, Qea'l P. ft T. A. T. D. COUSEZ.J.. C. P. ft T A The Ewlng Clothing; company are the popular priced clothiers of Lincoln. A call will convince you. 1115 and 1117 O. THE... NEBRASKAN FOR THE SECOND SEMESTER ,-" " : ' "uticiu raiuom. ...40 cents 'WWT.TI