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About The Nebraskan. (Lincoln, Neb.) 1892-1899 | View Entire Issue (Feb. 21, 1896)
Owr tlio HiunovRr.
Old Friend Did you hrlnft over any
extra Iukrhkc with you thin tlmo from
Count ohh Ht. Clermnlno (nee do Hill
lonn) Oh, mi: nothing except tho
Pour Rood non nro employed at Con
atncor'8 harbor shop, 1010 O street,
where you jyet tho cleanest ahavo n.nd
neatest hnlr cult,
CorrolienttliiK II In View.
Jngwny 1 henrd a leeturo In bac
teria laBt nlKht.
Cnstleton Did you learn anything?
JnRwny 1 should say. It taught mo
the evil effects of drinking water.
Tho Kwtnc Clotlihur eomuinv im.
showing the now Hhnpca n spring hats
at popular prfotM.
Dashaway I had a most rcallstlo
dream last night. I dreamed 1 was rid
ing on tho elevated road.
Cloverton 'Vhy was It realistic?
Dashaway When I woke up I found
myself hanging to tho chandelier. Now
Best quality regulation white cadet
gloves aro 10c at tho Ewlng Clothing
Co., 1115 and 1117 O.
A Itolil, 11ml I.hiikiiiiki'.
"It's a pity when a charming woman
uses words she does not understand."
"Going awnv?" asked a theater goer
of the aesthutle and wlllow-Hke siren
who performs burlesque at n well
known theater going to be married?"
"If I am It will only be pro tern." sho
answered with a modest blush. Slnco
then she has given up Latin, saying
that It must be a bold Inugunge In
which you cannot make use of a sim
ple expression without (.ompromlse to
your character. Texas Slftlngs.
Not So Siitlilru, Kltlior.
"Miss Darrotts." said tho young man,
luuucmy. "I must see your father con
cerning something vory dear to mo;
something that may affect mv whole
"Dear me; this Is so sudden!" said
tho young woman.
"Why, not so very sudden. I an
nounced my name as a candidate for
Councilman more than four weeks ago.
Do you think he will vote for me?"
Tho complete edition of "Beside the
Bonnlo Briar Bush" 15 cents. Herpol
shelmer's book department.
Ed Young's for new cigars, pipes and
tobacco 1S04 O street.
She (dreamily) Only fancy a month
from to-day we shall bo married. He
fabsently) Well, let's be hnppy while
we can. Illustrated Bits.
"Sec. hore. you Impostor, you've
begged from me four times In the last
ten days." "Huh! Yer ain't got no
kick; yer ain't gl'me a cent." Chicago
She Your father proposed to me the
other day. He Yes, and what did you
say? She I said 1 would be a daughter
to him. New York Advertiser.
Merritt - Under the circumstancos,
why don't you go west and get a di
vorce? Cobwigger Because, if I had
a divorce. I might be fool enough to
marry again. Life.
"This Is a hard world." murmured
the young man. "Yes." replied she,
"one doesn't realize how hard It is till
one falls off a bicycle once or twice a
week." Washington Star.
Hoax You worked your way through
college, didn't you? Joax Right. Hoax
--What did you work at? Joax The
other students principally. Philadel
Caulor Should think you'd run a
woman's page In your paper? Eddy
Tory All We do; three of them C
Where are they? E. T. A. The ad.
pages, man. Boston Courier.
"I have decided to withdraw from tho
race," said the politician decidedly.
"You can't do it," returned the voter
promptly. "Why not?" "You were
never In It." Chicago Evening Post.
Doctor Now, Tommlo, will you
promise me to take your medicine liko
A man? Tommie No, sir; when a man
tikes medicine he makes a bad face and
wears. Yon kers Statesman.
Mfo'd Lighter RIiIp.
Proprietor of Iron Works "If I un
demtnnd you correctly, you wish to
place an order for armor plato that no
ennnon shot can pierce, Wo aro turn
Inir out that kind of thing every day,
and" Agent of Foreign Government
"No, you misunderstand. I wish to
know If yon can manufacture a can
non that can plerco nny armor plate."
Proprietor "Certainly, sir. Wo aro do
ing that kind of thing every day."
Grocer "What have vnn honn ilnln
In the cellar so long?" Grocer's Ap
prentice"! have been cleaning out tho
treacle measure. It was so choked up
that It didn't hold mor'n half a pint."
Grocer "Oh, that's what vnw'vn lieon
doing, hae you? Well, you take your
hat and gn home, and tell your father
to put ymi In the tract-distributing
business. You ain't lltted for the gro
Wife "If II Is neeccsary that wo
should economise, why don't you shave
yourself. Instead of paying a barber to
do It?" Husband "That shows nil you
women know about profit and loss ac
counts. Why. h little bit of court
plaster, no bigger than the end of my
emu, oohih len cents.
Cltltunn "Is iHiuntry llfo healthy?"
Commuter- lli'llltbv! Tlu.ro urn mnn
In our vIIIum who huvo been riding
back mid forth In the smoking car for
three years, and they're not dead yet,"
If you want a bargain In ovoreonts
nnd suit, the 13wlng Clothing coniauy
Is tho place for stylish goods at low
Youth paints tho circus bill for old
age to tear down.
When a woman gets cross, sho gets
eioss at everybody.
Actors, draughtsmen, dentists nnd
mustard plaster ought to bo nlle to
Spring should be represented as a
young nuiM wuii nu ulster and tho
Tolerance does not mark tho progress
of religion. It Is the fatal sign of Its
A New York paper has a headline,
"Opium Joints winked at." Yes. they
are sleepy places.
Prohibition will never nourish as long
as the juice of a glass of lemonade will
buy two beers.
There is nothing like prosperity to
cover faults, and It may be said that
money covers more than charity.
Language falls to paint n women as
the eyes of a lover sees her. Pearl
rouge Is more apt to hit the charmer.
The pickpocket Is a living cxamplo
of the truth that In order to succeed
In life one should keep In touch with
The world owes us all a living, yet
no man collect the debt unless he pulls
off his coat and takes It from the
No wonder highwaymen ore so num
erous In this country, when every
schoolboy on declamation day Is taught
to "stand nnd deliver."
The Ewing Clothing Co. are showing
the best vnlues in JS and $10 suits and
overcoats in Lincoln.
Ilnuttovrii NlnguUr Power.
Professor ateeleye By simply hold
Ing a bright object beforo a person's
eyes for live minutes I can hypnotlio
him and mnko him do anything I wish.
Houttown That's nothing. By hold
ing a bright object before a restaurant
waller's eyes for three-quarters of a
second I can make him my slnve.
11 ml Not llnthnroit Hint,
Young Husband (laying down a com
ic paper) All this tomfoolery about
women's extravagnnco mnkes mo tired.
We have been nnrrled two months nnd
you haven't askfd mo 'or a cent,
Ynilllir Wife Of ennrnn nn Wlmt
would be the lis of hntliiM'Incr von tnr
every little thine I want, when It's so
inucii easier to nve tlio things charged.
Tho Lincoln iitws agency, headquar
ters for news, magazines and novels.
Harper's Century, Munsoy's, Scrlbner's,
Cosmopolltnn ani other periodicals al
ways In stock. V. 13. corner Elovonth
and O streets, Slchard block, J. E.
llnrk In Jonli'n Time.
"Are all tho nnlnals In?" nsked Noah,
Inking another loik at tho barometer.
"All but tho leotards." ropllcd Ham,
"and I think wo lavo a pair of thorn
Noah shook his head gloomily and
muttered soinothltg nbout "that hoy
mining to n bnd oid."-Clnclnnatl Tribune.
HAS BEEN RE-OPENED Qy
TIIR MO.Vl' CONVKNIKNT PLACE FOR STl'Up
OPEN ALL NIGHT.--
Oysters and ame in Seasot
121 North Eleventh Street.
SHORT ORDERS OUR SPEOIALTY. -:- CUVE US A TRIJ
Cor. I 4th &
OPEN AT ALL HOURS DAY OR NIGHT.
SULPHO-SALINE BATH HOUSE AND SANITARII
Al.l. rilllMi nl' Iifrnu r.,.ii.l. ,, i.... ,. ... ...... ... ...
...I ... ........ . . ' "r ' -. lui'-imi. iiiiiiinn, inp.'irr, nmi nii'in iittiiHiit. to .l
Miliin nl MTirilAI. s.M.T W Ti:il llTII. wtrrnl llm.n Mmniixr '"" " mer tor l.il
i. .1 , . .1, .:.; ,.r "v.. . ; v " :" ,J " r v "'" "p ,,n "- " i-
Vi.l..r Sl.,,.., ., I.....I r. r.n ,". .'. .V';'. "."S ..".' .I"1". ".". '.'" 'rn" """ ,n.""r '""" ""a-." " hl
" " -. ." .i i-Bi, union io n uimorni luiiilit-niluru n( h ,ird
III A xt f ii Sltiiiitlnu.
"Some folks hnsmoro money dan dey
Knows whut tcr do vlt," remnrked Plod
ding Pete thought'ully.
"Yes," replied Meandering Mike; "I
wus dnt way once.'
"Sure, I onct hid 25 cents by me,
and discovered I ras In a prohibition
lown." Washington Star.
Don Cnmoron's unch
South Eleventh steot.
Best regulation white cadet gloves
10b at the .Ewlng Clothing company.
1115-1117 O street.
RuBsel Sage is said to be suffering
from a boll near the shoulder. If nnv.
one can think of a worse combination
to run against than RuBsell Sago and
a boil he should be compelled to do bo
that the public may be on its guard.
Several Florida orange growers bava
been Inspecting Southern California
with tho purpose of Investing in land.
These men say that the growing o
oranges and lemonB is their business
and they know nothing else; that they
are discouraged over the outlook In
Florida and wish to try Southern Cali
fornia, whore the damage by frost If
It woe at a recent Lanarkshire "kirn,
as they style a "harvest home" in Scot
land, and at the close of one of thi
dances an ennmored swain, who had let
"is uuicinea a short distance away fron
the maddening crowd, suddenly in
"Will ye gie mo a kiss, Jenny?"
Jenny hesitates to reply.
"If ye dlnna gie me ano." exclaimt
the valorous Jock. "dod. I'll tak' II
against your wull."
"Na, na, Jock, ye couldna tinp that
retorts the smiling Jenny, "for I'm JubI
as wlllin to hae ane as yersel'." Cur
tain. Scottish Nights.
Don Cameron's lunch counter, US
South Eleventh street.
Kernril Kvcn or I'mii Stnrlr.
There nro nlent- of lneni nimrmnn
to whoso Imaglnntbn the following llsh
story will appeal. Last spring, whilo
a parly of tourlso were Hshlng "up
north," a well-knavn lawver lost l.ia
gold watch from tlo boat In which ht
wns sitting. Last week ho mado an
other visit to the hkes, nnd during the
first day's sport caight an eight-pound
trouL His nstonlslment can bo Imag
ined when ho found his watch lodged In
tho throat of the trout! The watch was
running and the time correct! It being
a "stem-winder." the supposition is that
In masticating his food the fish wound
up the watch daily! Northampton
226 So. I 1th St. Ground Floor.
Special Hates . to Stubcnfc
An 1'iiin.lurnl Suppo.ltloii.
Magistrate (to prisoner) You say,
you took the ham because you are out
of work and your family is starving:
i .m n-i i ujiucrsianu that you havo
four dogs about the house?
Prisoner Yes, your honor; but I
wudden't ask my family to eat dog3,
your honor. Ex.
ltemcmber that Francis Bros, have re
opened the Capitol Cafe. 121 Nortii
Eleventh .street. Short order meals are
He Nrarlj- Smothered.
Hotel t'lerk (to rural guest) Morn
ng. Mr. Hmltliklns. How did you sleep
Mr. Hmithklns (weakly) Only fair
ish. see I hain't been used to sleepln'
folded up in them ne.f-nieU foldln'
beds yet. I'm hanged . .n.ln't nearly
IMdn't Care for Much Ureas.
Mr. Uptown Is the husband of a very
fashionable and dressy wife, and not
long ago he was talking with a stran
ger about women's clothes at a swell
reception up In Harlem.
"Plenty of handsome women here to
night," ventured the stranger.
"Yes," said Mr. Uptown blandly.
"Married?" queried the stranger.
"Yes; my wife Is here to-night."
"I'm married, too, but my wife sel
dom goes out. She doesn't care much
for dress. Does yours?"
"Well." replied Uptown, with some
hesitation. "I don't really know wheth
er she cares much for dress, but I'm
pretty sure she doesn't care for much
dress; but you can Judge for yourself.
inert sne comes now."
Mrs. Uptown, who Is stylish to the
backbone, swept by, and the stranger
cimngeci me conversation. Texas Slftlngs.
A full line of typewriter supplies at
the Smith Premier offlce, 135 South
Eleventh street. Tel. 143. C. W. Ecker
"Pretty Polly, pretty Poll. How do
you do, Polly?"
Polly Fine, but for heaven's sake,
don't ask me If want a crucker.-Truth.
At Ed. Young's, the best variety,
vid news and cigars, 1204 O street.
.. lXJNlvE OPEBA I-lOUSjJ
rSANK ZCauUNO Menager.
Wednesday L veiling, Fob. 26.
Hie MnMerpiecc olcicmv Aclileximonl.
Seats n sale Ht Dunn' Monday mottling l-Vti. n.
Corner O and 19th
Friday & Saturday and Sat. Mail
Feb. 28 and 2i,
BEACH & BOWER!
;?( Distinguished Artists.
POPULAR PRICKS. S ats on sale c nc
morning Feb. Tit 10. , 30, icnt
. . . PRINTER
1115 1 Street, Lincoln
Cards. Programs. In-
Good Work. rrLes Reasonable.
S B BM IM K g B
CAN I OHTl 1 mirrvm. dl
ImmJk j?.?f.r 'SiM1 'J opinion, write to
- " j ' mu uniu uiu liVMHTUin TCJLTS
fi:S?.1?2S?.l.n"lS.B,,'"t. bvrtnns. 6ommnnlSE.
lcV. V1 cintino books cnt t KS
iUV7 k"L'.ul.r:c c""'lc .nraericnn, na
mi? XVK? ",.a.e'7.DCI"r"ie potmen
1 ! Wu,... ir 1. tn...rn i it ... ...I
President. Vlcc-I'icsliknt. Cashlcl
juiis its, rtsii v.asnier
Columbia Natl BanlJ
Capital, - $250,00
A S. Raymond, Ciias. West, Tiios. Cociir;
is in Progress
Baker's Clothing House,
1039 0 Street.
i..STr.;S."1. ""Tcnior. TDta (Dlcnd Id ntMr.
liSiSt fSSA'J eniT "lu.trated.hu brartba
wo?kL StVm? I'.iT e'enjune WOrk In the
coSli1? ISMSS"?' & Ter. Single
tlnl nii. r7iiI "J w"iina peau
i." rr?Z "V wB OtlU Kiuoin
Ple. IrTcolofCina nbo SSS'nnSZ
SK!.2SS1,SE.?3 f how the
uii I ivT V. """fw. Aaareta
. .. WMWU IIf ,
IF YOU KNOW.
that I huve
for half soling in the neatest style,
uie iiuest point shoes and up-to-date
styles, it would pay you to bring all
your shoe repair work to 100 South 18th
St. All work guaranteed. J, III
The Funke Opera House Block
is the place to get i our Choice Ameri
cn Beauty and Roses of any shade.
Carnations and all floral work guaran
teed. Decorations a specialty.
PREY & FREY,
l4AAAAAAAAMa . .
I Ai4$&Ku.JICTIONAR V
Vnrro iifthn J
Slanilnnl nftlin t
i . r. i i iTlnt
lii Odiie. tl.el'4.
t nearly all tlio
liiriulril (y vwty
Btate Sii erlmcn
dent of ficliwln,
anil mliiT Klnra
tors almoiit Mltli.
A Collepo Prcifdent writes: "Tor
"c-afce with rhlrh the ejo nmls llio
" ivonl nought, for nrt-urury of U-fliil.
"tluii, for effectlvu nullio.U I j,i.
"cathifr pronuiiclntlon, for tTo t
"ireh-nlo Btatemcnlt. ,,f furu,
"unit for practical uno an a worklni
" exec! uny other single volume."
Tlio Ono. Great Standard Authority,
" H.'lr' J'tvwlly ""wiice 17. K,
I O. A C. XEIiniAX CO., rubllshers,
ufttutjuciu, jtiaBB., u.ti.A.
. OVfnil in Hi mil.ll.tiAM .- t .. .
- no uot uiv ti7n ;:H,:.v.a,?j) s..
W 1 "i
TWO TRAINS DAIU
Auburn. Falls City,
Atchison, St. Joseph,
and Kansas City
City Ticket Offlce, 1201 0 Street.
. C. TOWHSEUD, Qea'l P. ft T. A.
T. D. COUSEZ.J.. C. P. ft T A
The Ewlng Clothing; company are the
popular priced clothiers of Lincoln. A
call will convince you. 1115 and 1117 O.
,-" " : ' "uticiu raiuom.
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