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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (March 28, 2001)
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Jake Giazeski
Managing Editor Bradtey Davis
Fuerst should follow path
of previous president
It’s not very often that the little man wins big.
But Joel Schafer lias proven himself to be die
exception during his stint as president in the
No one expected Schafer’s party, the A-Team,
to go anywhere in the2000election. Then, some
how, it made itinto die runoff election. And then,
somehow, it won.
We remember his party’s now infamous and
funny Daily Nebraskan advertisements, its
sometimes unorganized campaign efforts and
its platform, one that Schafer said would repre
sent “normal students” on campus.
We remember the drama surrounding the
runoff ana his comment the night he finally won
the election: “This is the greatest thing that’s ever
happened to me.”
Wete glad he’s taken advantage of the oppor
Even though not all of the A-Team’s campaign
promises came true, it’s undeniable that
Schafer’s tenure has deviated from the norm,
and to us, that’s the most important improve
It was hard to catch Schafer sitting in his office
on any given day. He was simply never there.
If he was by some off chance there, he was
busy talking to senators, students, professors,
even people just wandering through die union.
His presidency marked the first time any
ASUN President walked into the Daily
Nebraskan offices unsolicited on a regular basis.
Schafer may have been there to talk of busi
ness, or about an upcoming event Sometimes
he was there for an interview, but often, it was
just for achat or one ofhis popular smoke breaks.
We suspect the Daily Nebraskan wasn’t the
only place Schafer made regular appearances.
He’s probably been the most successful liaison
between ASUN and student groups in a long
time-at least in the five years some members of
this board have been UNL students.
His personality and openness created a trust
between ASUN and student groups on campus.
And even though from the very start some
doubted his abilities, he's been successful at rep
resenting “normal students” in the eyes of most
“normal students,” an admirable feat
So, as the final 24 hours of Schafer’s reign
come to an end, we look toward die new admin
istration, and we offer some advice: don’t wait
Our newly elected president, Nathan Fuerst,
should not stall until the fall to begin working
hard. He should start immediately.
Fuerst shouldn’t waste time reapproving all
the bills that end with Schafer’s departure.
Instead, ASUN should consider allowing all
those bills it still approves of to roll over into the
new administration rather than to start all over
again. Fuerst and company can veto the ones
they don’t like.
There are bigger fish for ASUN to fry, and it
makes no sense for all that time to be wasted in
The new administration should also work
hard to maintain the connections that Schafer
worked diligently to build with the aforemen
tioned “normal student”
Schafer has established camaraderie with stu
dents all over campus, and if those connections
. come to a screeching halt it’s going to be mighty
difficult to gain them back.
For the first time in many years, this board
actually feels represented by its leaders in the
The former “little man,” Joel Schafer, certainly
has left some big shoes to fill.
Sarah Baker, Jeff Bloom, Bradley Davis, Jake Giazeski,
Matthew Hansen, Samuel McKewon, Kimberly Sweet
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Who Cares About The Scarlets?
It has come to my attention that die 2000-2001
NU Scarlet Dance Team placed second in national
competition over Christmas break.
Unfortunately, congratulations are not in order
because the Scarlets represent everything that is
wrong with college sports. In wake of all the celebra
tions, I would Idee to reflect on the events that
occuned with the dance team almost a year ago.
Thke, for example, how the Scarlets were selected
last March. About 60 gids tried out far the dance team,
and almost 50 of them didn't make the squad. There
were seven returning Scarlets from die 1999-2000
team who tried out, but veterans Abby Cox, Jacque
Glynn, Kelly Krotz, and Misty Miller were all cut.
Gtynn and Miller had both been on the squad for
two years, and newcomers Cox and Krotz had one
year of experience each. All are outstanding dancers,
so what was it that made these girls lose their scholar
ships and told their services were no longer needed?
Poor grades? None had struggled academically. Bad
tryouts? As veteran members of the team, their abili
ties were weQ-known by the evaluators-lack of talent
had nothing to do with their fate.
Behavior inconsistent with the expectations of an
athlete? There are no criminal records with this group.
Actually, it was an external factor that got these
girls cut They asked questions and wanted to be treat
ed fairly. These girls wanted to know why the dance
team had to raise money for their sport while the
University of Nebraska’s athletic budget is one of the
largest in the country
Theywanted to know why they didirt get to travel
to all the away football games or bowl games while the
cheerieaders did. They wanted to know why they had
to pay for parts of their dance costumes. Most impor
tantly; they wanted to know why they didn't even have
a coach, while some Division I schools have two.
Shame on those girls for wanting an explanation
and shame on them for sticking up for what they
believed in. Apparently those aren't good qualities for
Instead of solving the problem by treating die
dance team with respect, NU took the easy way out by
getting rid of die problem. They were told they woe
“poor representatives of the university”
For whatever reason, the dance team judges
decided it was time toget rid of the thinkers and bring
in the naive. Not to take anything away from the gids
who did make it, but Nebraska was looking for girls
they could push around and tell “this is how ingoing
They wanted girls who were happy tobe there and
not concerned about changing things. Let's notforget,
it is much easiertoget rid of the “problem” girls than it
is to put up with thdr daily naggings about equality. If
there is no place like Nebiaska-aschool that empha
sizes athletics more than academics - then how can
an injustice like this occur within the athletic depart
Finish, secondary education
I ' ,
A fond farewell to Neal-0
People know me; they
recognize my smirk. I’m
world famous in Lincoln.
I could hardly be more
well-known after 15 years as
. a Daily Nebraskan colum
nist (that’s a joke, kids, it’s
only been 10) than ifl’d been
catching footballs all that
time instead - and they have
rules against running onto
So whenever people meet me on the street,
they always want to know the same thing:
Who is Neal Obermeyer and why does he hate
But let me tell you, Neal is not the angry, mus
cular black man of Obermeyer’s View. No.
Rather, Neal is the angry, lanky albino of the
doomed basement where the DN is cranked out
nightly by stinking, nervous undergraduates.
And he doesn't hate everyone, just minorities.
And hypocrisy, and "the parking meter people
who drive around in those Geo Trackers, and just
park in the middle of the road.”
And Destiny’s Child.
I know the bastard inside and out; I’ve been
working with him, off and on, since the summer of
I gave Neal his first job down here, noodling his
doodles, and I told him from the very beginning
that it’d be the hardest job he’d ever love.
Like the Peace Corps - bringing civilization and
enlightened mores to the stupid, backward sav
I said, "It’s about building the cartooning
machine in your head. You’ve got to do it every day,
five days a week.” (This was before Megan Cody
picked up his ever-increasing “slack.”) And from
his inarticulate gesticulations, I almost believed he
How could I have been so mistaken?
I wanted him to be funny like “Dilbert.”
Instead, he was funny like Nazi Germany - only
I know some people have been hurt by his
snide and often heartless depictions of pretentious
frats, talking plants, Jesus, Moses and all the soul
less puppets in ASUN.
But I’ll say this for him: He can sort of draw.
When I was a lad, impressed by the working
methods of Rob, Buddy and Sally in reruns of the
old "Dick Van Dyke Show,” I thought all creative
work was done by committee - a small, elite group.
Doing pushups, throwing darts, napping and
giving each other a hard time, they brainstormed
up the funniest scenarios and jump-tossed the
vradded rejects in the waste paper basket
To this day, I picture the writers of, oh, what do
the kids watch, “That 70s Show?,” saying to each
other as they pick up the thread of an idea, “Yeah,
yeah and then Red says, ‘Cause you’re a bitch!’”
And they crack each other up.
Well, working with Neal has been almost exact
ly like that.
First as his editor, and then as that guy who
seems to have trouble growing up and graduating,
I have consistently been the backboard off which
bounce the basketballs ofhis humor.
In fact, I can take partial credit for pretty much
every single good cartoon the poor sap has pulled
out of his warty behind in the last two-and-a-half
The good ones, mind you. And God knows
they're far enough between.
Thke today’s cartoon: Squirrel Rain? What’s that
supposed to be? (Note to editor: Don’t let him
switch the cartoon on me.)
And let me assure you, it’s no two-way street. I
have never received the least tweaking from him
on my work. No, with Neal it’s always me, me, me.
But maybe that’s because of the stance of tor
tured genius he insists upon, with his black turtle
necks and heavy eye makeup; narcissism is just
part of the slick, industry package. The morbid
I don’t know, but I’ll tell you what I do know.
He was done, or could have been, last semester,
but he's trying to avoid the draft
And after this semester, just 14 more cartoons,
he’ll call it quits, and we won’t have Obermeyer to
kick around anymore.
He’ll be gone, back to Schuyler, or Wahoo or
whatever stagnant backwater he came wading out
of, into our lives.
Oh, he’s a big man, there’s no doubt. And his
limo will glide the darkened streets of his home
town, his own reflection superimposed on the
shoe-polished storefront windows repeating
“Going Out of Business” like a litany of economic
And he’ll lean back in the Corinthian leather
seat and chuckle obscenely, having grown nearly
as senile as the town itself.
Please write us back
night, I watched
one of those
cials, a sappy
one with Lance
the people shov
eung tne snow to tne tune ot Chariots of
Fire or the Rocky theme.
Whoever threw them together is truly
a genius. I was inspired. My dome imme
diately began working on who I could
I thought of a brewing company that
deserved die honor of carrying the torch
into the 2004 games in Athens, Greece.
After all, 80 percent of University of
Nebraska-Linraln students don't drink in
Memorial Stadium and 74 percent of stu
dents have five ot fewer drinks at a party
Now what would cause me, a law
abiding student, to nominate the pro
ducer of something not endorsed by the
majority of the student population?
The numbers sound lovely, and I bet
they pull the blinders over die eyes of
parents of incoming freshmen, but if 80
percent don't, than 20 percent do drink in
Memorial Stadium. And the 80 percent
Do they drink at home first?
TWenty-six percent of party-goers
chug down five or more beverages. The
rest of the gang drinks responsibly,
weighing in at five or fewer
This made me think, maybe I should
nominate UNL for keepingadry campus
Of course, not all 20,000 students
plus faculty could carry it That would be
one big tonh (dodo chi).
There could be only one, but who
would be bestowed with the duty and
honor to cany the flame of peace and
There is our newly deemed chancel
lor Harvey Perlman. Unfortunately, I
don't think a salary raise due to “loss of
word in job tide* is enough to constituted
nomination. Let’s just give him some
time and maybe he could hit up carrying
the torch for the 2008 games-when he
will simply be known as “Doctor X."
If Harvey is out, who is next in line? A
vice chancellor? Do we even have one?
If we do, I don't knowhis or her name.
What about members of ASUN. Of
course, after a careful FDA investigation,
it unfortunately turns out that four of five
dentists, as well as four out of five UNL
students, do not approve of ASUN. And
just as your mommy toki you when you
blindfolded your little brother and told
him the 40-gallon drum of marine var
nish is a big pitcher of Kool-Aid - that is
just not fair
Next, my thoughts turned to the
heart and soul of UNL-Husker football
Although they represent a small portion
of the population, they represent
courage, determination and heart They
stand for strength, success and persever
Frank Souch is a former football play
er; he looks to be in good health and
probably has die endurance to bear the
burden of the burning brilliance of the
flame. Maybe, just maybe, carrying the
torch would light the fire of inspiration to
win a national championship. This foot
ball thing might just be who I am looking
for, but then I remember the insane cost
for football tickets. Nomination? I might
as well take all the money I have out of
the bank and feed it to a monkey at the
Finding a shortage of leaders, I am
going to start throwing out names.
There is the guy that wears the wood
en shoes and has the Fruit Loop theme
colored hair. Or the Santa Claus bum that
sits in the Union. Speaking of Santa, I
can’t leave the Easter Bunny and
Canada’s Boxing Day mascot out
Oo Oo, what about Shaft? He is the
blackprivate dick that is a sex machine to
all tiie chicks. He is a cat that won’t cop
out and would risk his neck for a brother
man. Plus, he is a complicated man and I
hear this Shaft is one bad mother ...I sup
pose (for the childrens’ sake) I should
watch my mouth. Then on the other
hand, I’m only talking about Shaft Can
you dig it?
men oi course mere is me nn snort
I like long walks on die beach and drink
ing orange pop. Last year, I won my
fourth consecutive international inter
gender Stratego championship, and I am
currently cutting my first funk album,
"Funky D” featuring die hit single, "Hey,
I’m Funky D." But, I don't want to nomi
nate myself, plus 1 couldn’t carry the
torch anyway-lam training for the
World’s Strongest Man contest
So who gets my vote? Not Puffy
Combs - he might try to shoot the torch
at someone. Not Robert Downey Jn -he
would attempt to snort the torch through
My nomination starts with "Mr.” and
ends with “T". I figure the games and Ml
T have at least one thing in common -
they both involve wearing lots of gold
and that, by my book, is torch bearer
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