Opinion
ZM/yNebraskan
Since 1901
Editor. Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Jake Giazeski
Managing Editor Bradley Davis
Sincerely yours
Knight's move to Texas Tech
brings Husker style media
Dear Texas Tech,
Hello, or, deferring to your west Texas roots,
howdy. We haven’t corresponded before, but,
judging from newspaper and television reports
that have made their way up here, you guys
could use this litde piece of advice we have to
offer:
Basically, we just wanted you to know that hir
ing Bobby Knight as your basketball coach down
there at Texas Tech will pretty much define your
university, for better or worse, for however long
he’s prowling the sidelines in one of his trade
mark ugly sweatshirts.
Bobby Knight will be Texas Tech. You will be
Bobby Knight Might as well stick his likeness on
the official university seal
Ihistusonthis.
For Nebraska, as everyone knows, is football.
People hear Nebraska, they think football first,
football second and then, maybe, com third.
Then again, west Texas is rusty old oil rigs and
longhorn cattle to die rest of the country. Com
can handle that kind of competition.
Sorry. Let's get back to Ml Knight Lord knows
it'd take a lot more letters to hash out our other
image problems. Again, for emphasis, our main
point - whatever Knight does, it's going to affect
you.
This may mean NCAA Tournament appear
ances that increase die visibility of the school or
stronger booster support that spills over into the
academic realm.
It may also mean Dan Rather reading from a
TelePrompter about how Knight punched that
annoying Oklahoma State Cowboy mascot or
how he assaulted a police officer. Again.
You see our point What you really have to
consider before throwing your support or dis
dain towards your athletic director's public lust
ing after Knight is whether you want this two
headed monster or not
You don't have a vote on the matter, but you
do have a voice, and the court of public opinion
is a powerful one. Faculty there already seem to
be up in arms about Knight's seemingly immi
nent hiring, which is agood start, at least if you're
in the anti-Knight camp.
iou ctoni seem to nave mucn time, tnougn -
better kick that petition drive in high gear. Knight
will probably be hired on Friday, unless you
somehow stop it If not you can end your athlet
t ic department’s little experiment by not showing
up to basketball games, but we're wagering
heavy money that you will
Understand that we're not taking sides or,
rather, we see both. Right now, you're in relative
obscurity. Most people don't knowTech from any
other Texas school Of course, that obscurity can
be erased by innovative minds who figure out
what academic area Tech can excel in and fight
until you're nationally renowned for it
Or, you can have national attention with a
click of the remote control to ESPN or, some
times, the networks. Bobby Knight can give you a
place in the basketball world and, therefore, a
name recognized around the country.
It’s just that you’re only one Knight shenani
gan away from laughter following the name.
Up here in Comhusker land, we don't have
much of a choice. We're couldn’t divorce our
selves from football even if we wanted to (or if
NU somehow went 3-8 for 16 years in a row,
which doesn’t seem all that likely).
You have a choice. Knight as king of Tech or
business as usual?
If s your call. Write back.
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Jeff Bloom, Bradley Davis, Jake Glazeski,
Matthew Hansen, Samuel McKewon, Kimberly Sweet
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The lost art of yakking
I haven't read the news all
week, and I don’t care what
happened on campus these
past few days - therefore, I
must tell the world that I dis
covered a class that desper
ately needs to be taught at
this here university.
The class is “The Art of
Conversation,” and it will be
Karen
Brown
taught by either Noam ■■■■■■■■■■■■
Chomsky or one of the
Baldwin brothers; I suppose that’s up to the UNL
elite - and we all know who they would choose.
I did spend the week "reading” men and
women, so to speak, and I’ve discovered something
that can make friends become enemies and ene
mies become lovers over time - a good conversa
tion.
This discovery is simple: If you can carry a con
versation that doesn’t somehow involve sex, your
originality will be applauded. If you can hold a con
versation with passion about something unique,
you are golden.
This week, in Austin, I got the best of both
worlds. On die one hand, I had the most beautiful,
articulate, passionate man in the world teaching
and inquiring me about opera, food and India.
On the other hand, I had a cocky male keep ask
ing me about lesbianism and if he could get sex tips
as if I were a rare commodity and sex was my ordy
forte.
I came bade from Texas having vowed that if one
more stupid male asks me why I’m a lesbian, I’m
going to borrow Circe’s wand and turn them into die
pigs they so blatantly desire to be.
If a man wants to only talk about sex, this
screams that they don’t care to know the "real me,”
which, in turn, makes me not care a smidgen about
the "real them.” It shows that they are simple, unin
teresting and boring.
Adi, the man who taught me about opera, food
and India, never once asked me about sex and “gay
ness.” We had real conversations, and it felt wonder
ful. In speaking with Adi, I was tapped for my pre
cious resources and I tapped his.
Rarely have I felt so alive (excepting every single
conversation with my BFF, Deena, who was also
present).
An amazing conversation aoesni neea omy 10
entail the good and happy things in this world; it
can also (and most often, it does) entail the worst of
what is around us every day.
Adding to this variety of subject matter, the most
sacred thing about good conversation is the feeling
of being wholly alive. Only in conversation do you
stretch your mind in places it doesn’t necessarily
wish to go, thus learning the evils and virtues of life.
When you meet someone who doesn’t want to
stretch your mind or his own, getaway now! He will
probably hit on you, (insert a shallow dichd) and
ask you about sex in some smooth, anti-Shaft tech
nique.
Now, don't get me wrong, none of this exdudes
women; it's just that men seem to be a bit more
relentless in their pursuit of a shallow encounter
than women. And, of course, I rarely get cheesy,1
half-assed conversation with females, simply
because we are superior.
Another key to conversation is to avoid being
pretentious. Dear lord, if you act like you know
everything (especially without backing it up with
solid facts or reasoning or sprinkling it with a touch
of kindness) then you don't have passion.
There’s a childlike innocence that comes with
true passion, and if you lack this subtle glow, you
ain't foolin’ me, pretentious boy (or girl).
Pretentious persons also seem not to want to
stretch minds. They want to deposit a stain on your
conversation without wiping it up with good man,
ners. They want to shed wisdom without taking it in
-not cool
My Mend painted a picture of artful airplane
conversations. You sit down next to a man or
woman and, depending on die rapport, you can let
diem in on your most intimate secrets (you plan on
kidnapping Vermont cows in order to paint them,
nude), or you can have the strangest conversation
of your life (die guy next to you beat you to the cows
in Vermont). No matter what is said, an airplane
conversation is immediately forgotten, in most
cases, once you step off of the plane.
It’s as if the airplane hosts another dimension in
which what is said is as ephemeral as the plane ride.
The only weirdo conversation I remember was with
an old woman from Spain who told me that she
worked for Jesus Christ I laughed; she handed me a
business card.
She told me there were three things that a
woman had to do before she dies: spend time in a
convent, get married and work with children. The
first two confused me, but then I remembered the
“special convent” in Las Vegas, and I figured that’s
what she meant
v/i wuiji/, uic viuj l^oouii uuo Luuvuioauuii oui"
vived was because of the tangibility of die business
cant not because the woman had some pretty neat
ideas. Now, I can look at the late, great JC’s face on
paper whenever I open my wallet to pay for bread
and wine.
Judging by two-thirds of all conversations I’ve
ever had, this crap needs to be polished and pub
lished.
If anything, I want it to become a class here at
UNL as I’ve suggested. Perhaps it could piggyback
our required Library 110 by having to find a specific
book in the library and then, inside the book, there
would be die name of your conversation partner for
the day. It’s a UNL two for one sale! Talk about
ingenious.
>
University
misses a true
leader
Why not me?
That was the
only^ thought
that crossed my
mind when I
heard the news
last Friday.
I was at a
party celebrat
ing the Puff
_l j_ ai__ _ a
Tony
Bock
uauuy uui -
guilty” verdict when a friend came up
and told me Harvey Perlman was cho
sen to be chancellor full-time. I smiled
and said I thought that of the two
finalists, Perlman was best for die job.
When my friend asked who I would
have picked to be chancellor, I said I
knew of only one person with the
courage, skill and intelligence to lead
our university from the gutter Me.
Sure, it seems like a long shot, but
why not have a student chancellor? I
could handle it, I swear. I’m in the
journalism college, so you'd never
have to worry about a tough course
load interfering with my duties as
chancellor.
I could promise you that students
would never be overlooked again dur
ing my reign.
My first order of business would be
to appoint that Japanese guy with the
crazy hair as my vice chancellor. This
would show the Board of Regents that
I’m a man who listens to all students
viewpoints all the time.
Secondly, I’d terminate the Pepsi
contract. I don’t care how much
money they give student government
or the homecoming committee, I want
to pay less than a dollar for a freaking
bottle of pop, and I want more selec
tion than something that tastes like
dog urine and diet dog urine.
I’d give Jolt Cola the new contract -
I think our hard-working students
would appreciate the unhealthy
amount of caffeine that only Jolt can
give.
In my first official proclamation as
chancellor, I’d tell NU President L.
Dennis Smith to get a life.
Remember L. Dennis Smith? He’s
die guy that feels'your tuition needs to
be raised, maybe 10 to 15 percent,
maybe more. Well, guess who’s gettin’
a big, fat old raise?
You got it; he’s getting a raise of
$36,000! He makes $209,780 right now
and will make $245,000. So while
you’re working your ass off in die next
few years to pay tuition, L. Dennis
Smith won’t have to worry about the
price of gas when he goes to fill up his
yacht.
If you feel that funding of the uni
versity is such a huge problem, don’t
take a pay raise, especially when
you’re making that much in the first
place. L, you make me sick.
I’m beginning to like being imagi
nary chancellor already.
Another thing I would do is keep
our Board of Regents accountable. I
smell a rat in Papillion Regent Drew
Miller.
Remember Drew Miller? He’s the
guy that claimed his "minorities hurt
die school” remarks were taken out of
context recently.
Last week, a top university official
testified in federal court that Miller
was lobbying for the removal of abor
tion doctor Leroy Carhart from his vol
unteer faculty position at the NU
Medical Center to help influence the
outcome of his re-election campaign.
The testimony involved numerous
e-mails sent by Miller to top NU offi
cials outlining an approach he
thought would be successful in getting
Carhart’s resignation. In one he said,
"If necessary, you let him know he may
have it (faculty position) removed in
disgrace, far better relinquish it in
respectful/hero manner."
What do these actions show the
students here? I thought the heartland
was known for such old-fashioned
things as values and playing fair. So let
me get this straight: If you're in a legit
imate election for a regent that actual
ly has a vote, you can pull all sorts of
backdoor shenanigans to get elected,
but in our student election for the
voteless regent, if you don’t put “ASUN
Student Government Elections" on
your signs, you can be penalized? That
doesn’t seem right Drew Miller needs
to resign.
Finally, as your chancellor, I’d
appoint a "Vice Chancellor of Getting
Your Freak-On.”
This person would set up a giant
on-campus party at the end of every
school year. Drugs, alcohol and all
sorts of other things the administra
tion and those idiots at NU lb Do pre
tend don’t exist on campus would be
brought to the forefront and celebrat
ed.
We need a chancellor who makes
the students the most important pri
ority and takes the university to the
promised land of the second tier.
Why not me?
