Opinion
Page 4 Daily Nebraskan Tuesday, February 6,2001
/>«/) Nebraskan
Since 1901
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Jake Glazeski
Managing Editor Bradley Davis *
Health hazard?
Cellphone use not the only
potential danger for drivers
As cellular phone use has become more com
mon across the state, so have legislators trying to
curtail their use.
LB42, introduced by Sen. David Landis of
Lincoln, changes state law to say there is a
“rebuttable presumption of negligence” for a
driver who is using a cell phone while involved
in a car accident
In other words, if you’re chatting on a cell
phone and you get into a wreck, it’s your fault
unless you can prove otherwise.
Fewwould argue cell phones can be a distrac
uuu.
What this bill does not take into account is
the numerous other distractions drivers can
encounter on their daily commute.
If someone is fiddling with the radio and gets
into an accident that person has the same ben
efit of the doubt as every other driver who gets in
a wreck. But if someone is talking on the phone,
then that person is at fault - guilty until proven
innocent
What about people driving while also eating
lunch, drinking a soda, talking to a passenger,
reading a map, shaving, combing their hair, put
ting on makeup, yelling at a child in the back
seat or just staring out into space? These are all
distractions, but if they occur during an acci
dent, the person involved is not presumed to
have caused it
And its not like cellular phone users aren’t
currently faulted in accidents. If someone is
driving negligently or recklessly and causes an
accident - cell phone in hand or not - that per
son is at fault, just like what would happen
under LB42. *
But if a person is not at fault and using a cell
phone, that person has to prove before a court of
law that that is so.
So, in effect, this law punishes negligent driv
ers in the same way they are currently punished.
It only affects responsible drivers who are using
a cellular phone and happen to get into an acci
dent
The intent of the bill may be to punish unsafe
cell phone users who get into accidents. But it
targets all users.
An accident is just that, something unexpect
ed that can happen to anyone. The safest of driv
ers can get into an accident because of other
unsafe drivers or just an error in judgment
And if that safe driver just happens to be talk
ing to a friend, family member or business asso
ciate on a cell phone, that person’s insurance
will have to at least split the bill or go through an
equally expensive legal battle.
Cellular phones have become commonplace
tools in many people’s cars. If more people have
phones, more people will have phones when
they get into accidents.
This is expected
nut a clear correlation Detween ceil pnone
use and accidents has not been established. The
phones may be a distraction, but no more of one
than any of the many other things people do in
cars.
Landis said consumers deserve to know that
using a cell phone while driving hurts their
health.
But will finding all phone users at fault in an
accident improve their health?
This bill simply punishes people for owning
cell phones and gives people who are truly
responsible for causing accidents a loophole.
Whereas at one point cellular phones may
have been status symbols, they now turns own
ers into second-class citizens.
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Jeff Bloom, Bradley Davis, Jake Glazeski,
Matthew Hansen, Samuel McKewon, Kimberly Sweet
Letters Policy
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rHMinrlnl -
taitonai Koncy
Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the Spring 2001 Daly Nebraskan. They do not necessary
reflect the views of the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, its employees, its student body or the
University of Nebraska Board of Regents. A column to solely the opinion of its author a cartoon is
solely the opinion of He artist The Board of Regents acts as publisher of the Daly Nebraskan; poli
cy is set by the Daly Nebraskan EOtorial Board. The UNLPubications Board, established by the
regents, supervises the production of the paper. Aoconing to policy set by the regents, reeponsi
bty tor the edtorial content of the newspaper lee solely In the hands of its emptoyeae.
No Buu.,sco«e!, nu foRuz.m-wsaicmTi mee-pf&i'M-maf&K AsuNSfMT/ff
The nighttime is for'mares
' “A good reason to have
dreams is that in dreams you
don’t have to have reason ”
Karen
Brown
"Mommy! Mommy! I
had a dream I was eating a
giant marshmallow, and
when I woke up - my pillow
was gone!”
What do you think this
means?
A. The subject was very
hungry before he/she went to bed. B. The subject has
an overactive imagination stemming back to his or
her prolonged containment in an iron lung. C. The
subject was exposed to minute amounts of radiation
undirty.
Dreams about zombies: Your second cousin,
Rudy, is a keyboard rock star and you are jealous.
Dreams about falling: Such dreams generally
involve extraterrestrial dements such as Jay Leno, sil
icone breasts and aliens. (The first and third are syn
onymous.) If you fall in a dream, then they are coming
foryou at anytime.
Don’t panic. Simply wake up before hitting the
ground and all will be well If you hit the ground then
expect a “visitor” very soon.
Dreams with Fabio: This indicates your desire to
catch and cage rich white men with thinning hair so
as to make a fortune off of home made rugs from their
receding locks.
Lucid dreams: To grasp some sort of“control”
ana is now morphing into tr
Stay-Puffed Marshmallow Ma
D. The subject’s father beat th
tar out of him or her and he c
she is now trying really hard t
forget about it It's called menu
blockage, folks. E. The subjec
was bom and raised in a bria
patch.
If you picked A-E you are
eligible to receive a degree in
dream analysis and interpreta
tion, just like I did.
I am now a certified
Dream-Guessing Person. I
have a wide area of expertise
ranging from the classic
“Mickey Mouse is out to get
you" to “You're eating
Goldilocks’s porridge and a
blind, naked Uma Thurman
walks in" dream sequences.
Dreams much like the
aforementioned scenarios are
not hard to interpret once you
take heed of what I tell you.
(Be careful though, the last
time I took heed, I woke up
taped to the ceiling of the
Wells Fargo Bank.)
Since dreams are the one
thing in our lives, besides
our bladders, that we have
no control over, I would like
everyone to be able to dis
sect their own dreams as
well as their friends’ so we
can all feel peace in the
“real” world (brought to you
by MTV).
For those of you out
there who refuse to listen to
your peers’ nocturnal •
goings-ons, dreams, to us
certified-analysis types, are
simply meant to take us to a
realm I like to call Richard
Simmons la-la-land. Here,
Deal-A-Meal really does work
so you can see your shoes all
over the uncontrollable, ludd
dreams were designed to give
us a false sense of hope for
actually reaching a trans
world salvation.
I oftentimes have lucid
dreams for about two seconds
before they fool me, the cre
ator, yet again.
I will be in the middle of the
street walking through what
feels like quicksand (I can't run
in dreams) as a car comes bar
reling down the road, and with
all my hope, I can consciously
wish to be somewhere else.
So, 1 wake up strapped to
an operating table with no
anesthesia.
Dreams about flying (or
should I say swimming): Of
course, this can only mean that
you do not take enough hallu
cinogenic drugs (the legal
kind).
If you need dreams to help
you get the sensation of flying,
then find yourself some
Robitussin and go nuts.
I guarantee you will be “fly
ing” in the real world so you can
reserve the dreams for sex with
monkeys.
Dreams involving Lucille
Balk You left your wallet at Kuhl’s
restaurant, and you’d better go
pick it up.
Dreams of Jeannie with light
brown hair: You need to get out
more because Jeannie isn't the
cream o' the crop any longer.
And her hair is a dye job.
Perhaps what all this truly
means is that dreams could, be
a gateway into another world,
or they could be allegories
meant to depict what's so very
wrong with us but, for die most
part, they are simply there for
our amusement
JtCU AUU11U.
Real . dreams suck
(Remember what happened to
the great MLK?) so I prefer to stick
to the safe haven of what’s in my
mind.
The following interpretations cer
tainly vary from person to person, but
the main themes are the same and, of
course, reason is thrown out the window.
What I say goes since I’m the professional
Dreams about sec These dreams always in
ii yuu uiuu&c lu ciuxpi me
dream for what it tells you, you
will succeed and become the
next Maury Povich. If not, well,
you belong in an iron lung.
Dreams are television clips
and sound bites that make
i morning-talk more interesting
with your loved one.
If you don't have a loved one
to share these blips of craziness
with, then write them down.
uie love one nas ior tepees ana iK Yep, toilet paper.
You love it, you need it, you dream about it
However, if you dream about sex with monkeys, it
means you need to take a shower... alone.
You are simply dirty and need to make yourself
Mepnen Kings rememoers nis
dreams and writes them out
They're called “best sellers.”
I can’t think of a better reason to fall asleep than
that
Tired of writina letters?
tetter yaa ieacanaa:\di/e
terkcra literal Innry aiarty i
ntaraifit-tef a: ts na arv
wovatyo: tow: M crud
fey or war db inpr it Irpr©
yfcrfrieik Myarreane. AdgdtalimRca^iqitesife
E&ipai^d±d±riiitiBE&ilyrtoa§mcf 23 Nirada Lilian, sgjyacnhnn.
crtwp adyorf aoscoildbeaithispEg^
Twenty-five
bucks later,
graduation
I got bitch
slapped by the
University last
Friday.
I’m graduat
ing this May,
and Fridav was
the last day to
turn in gradua
tion applica
tions.
I walked into
the office with a confident strut, ready
to turn in the application and be on
my way. The lady behind the counter
said, “OK, now there's just the $25 fee
and you’ll be set.”
It was all I could do not to use pro
fanity to express my feelings to her.
But I knew she was just doing her job,
so I pulled out a cigarette and offered
it to her.
She looked puzzled, so I said, “Oh,
I assumed you'd want a cigarette after
screwing me that hard.”
She didn’t find the humor in that
comment, so I gave her 25 of my hard
earned dollars and left.
At first I was extremely bitter about
it. It’s not the fact that they need the
money, I’m sure they do, but why not
just add that on to my university bill?
It’s an insult after all the thousands
of dollars I’ve spent here on tuition,
books, beer, marijuana and other
necessities that they then take $25
from me at the moment I’m finally
about to get something out of this uni
versity.
But I m over it now, and I got to
thinking about what I could do to bet
ter our school.
For one thing, I know the universi
ty has a problem with what's called the
“brain drain” (the state's smartest stu
dents leaving to go to a good school),
and I think I have a solution that
would not only help improve that situ
ation, but also would help with out-of
state recruitment
I propose that prostitution be
made legal, but only to NU students
and only at the health center.
After being tested for diseases, a
student would be able to go to the
health center, show their student ID
card and do their business at an
affordable price.
I call this plan “Hookers at the
Health Center,” and I can guarantee if
it was implemented that enrollment
numbers would skyrocket.
I have a couple well-known ath
letes in one of my classes this semes
ter. Normally on the first day of class
when I hear the names of well-known
athletes being read as part of roll I
rejoice, sure that this class must be
Well it is, but the athletes talk
through the entire class. I guess they
would rather not be there, and I can’t
blame them.
I know the athletic department
makes sure athletes are going to every
class, and if they don’t, there is some
sort of punishment
How freaking ridiculous is that?
Seriously, we are admitting people to a
university here, right? And they have
study hours - hours specifically set
aside for studying.
Last time I was at a school where
time had to be made for forced study
ing, I think we had a spare set of pants
just in case someone soiled theirs.
This isn’t high school, and I think
any person admitted here should be
able to sink or swim without someone
forcing them to study and to go to
class.
“I’m sure this doesn’t happen at
Harvard,” goes through my head as I
hear the group of athletes talking
while I’m trying to listen in a class I’m
paying a lot of money for.
At this school athletes are given
every advantage possible on their way
to a degree.
I say either the university makes
sure every single student has the
opportunity for tutors, test files and
the facilities the athletes have, or turn
the Athletic Department into an aca
ucuut ucpcu imciu.
Allow those “student-athletes"
that don’t give a damn about anything
but sports to get a Bachelor of Sports,
or a BS degree.
I know it’s hard work being an ath
lete here, and I respect that. It’s proba
bly harder than being a broadcasting
major.
So let’s let them get college credit
for lifting weights, calisthenics and
everything else that's part of our ath
letic programs.
If someone comes to Nebraska on
a music scholarship, we allow them to
get a music major, but if you come
here on a baseball scholarship you
have to major in something complete
ly different.
Does that make sense?
About as much sense as charging
someone $25 (not even counting the
more than $30 for cap and gown) to
graduate.