Opinion ZM/vNebraskan Since 1901 Editor Sarah Baker Opinion Page Editor Jake Glazeski Managing Editor Bradley Davis Call to action Series should inspire objective self-examination The University of Nebraska -Lincoln was exposed this week as a “mediocre” institution of higher learning. That should come as no surprise: For months we've been barraged with data and studies that indicate UNL ranks only marginally in the realm of academia Now, in a series of articles and accompanying analyses by the Omaha World-Herald, it’s con firmed once again - though the Cornhuskers may rule on the football field, our degrees are not worth as much on the academic gridiron. Anyone interested in the university’s develop ment should pay attention to The World-Herald’s series. It identifies deeply rooted problems that have stifled the university’s growth. Nebraskans, proud of their state and universi ty, can sometimes be defensive of institutions held dear. Now is not the time for blind alle ■mhhmkv giances, though. While UNL The series shows that for UNt prides itself t0 improve, it needs to be exam on offering ined with a removed eye - void of tuition that the divisiveness that can pit aca is demic programs against each affordable, °ther. it’s become The series also highlighted clear that several issues it said were key to its bargain- UNLs academic reputation: basement ■ Compared to its 10 peer fees are institutions, UNL was last among simply too its peers in terms of tuition sup /ow to Port - creating what The World support a Herald said was a $26 million quality annual shortfall. school. While UNL prides itself SPAit) «/ CfiHSouPATINCr- "TUf NtM? "I N££P H£4>" AMP “omtlf'IMS \HM" 1 pON’r KNOW U/HAT To VO - NOW X Mi&UT HAVE IS js StUpIl? 8*556S f mrefip of elm IWHffT IN , Bonkers?/? Ha/ER me a TYPEWRITER. ^ —_J NealObermeyer/DN Backyard Gypsy's Forecast Greetings, my fellow scoundrels. It seems we are all gath ered together to harass each other for yet another semes ter. I know you are just as excited as I am. To aid you in your personal growth and self actualization quest, I have taken the painstaking trouble to peer into my crystal ball ■ Yasmin McEwen ana iook into ail or your mis erable, lousy futures. I accept big bills only-nothing less than a fifty, you cheapskates. Capricorn (Dec. 23-Jan. 22): You lucky duck. Put down your guitar and get off that street comer imme diately! You've parried the gaze of the gods long enough. Whether you are cold or bold, whether you are going places or going nowhere, no matter. Believe me, the mighty gods have searched far and wide for a better sign to take us all into the new year, but guess what? They failed. Therefore, you are die Brand New Year. Work it baby! Aquarius (Jan. 23-Feb. 22): You have no clue what you are talking about. You are the guy that stands around at the construction site telling people, “Nah, don't do that, why’d ya have to go and do that? Put it back.” And, “Here's what you need to do ....” You exude an annoying whine every time you open your mouth. People actually hide when they hear you coming. I have no advice for you because you would n’t listen anyway. Pisces (Feb. 23-March 22): Your code word this semester is motivation. Avoid the coffee house at all costs. Those people will still be there ten years from now and so will you, if you don’t get your butt in gear. You love to make day-long quips about the travesties of your day. These can go on for hours, but, while everyone will always listen to the ultimate charmer, you will never get a damn thing done with your mouth in full gear. Dy Scotch tape if you must. Aries (March 23-April 22): You are a self absorbed high voltage achiever whose lackadaisical cover may fool fair- weather friends, but those closest to you know that deep down, therein lies a "brooder.” My advice to you: Rent “Risky Business.” Don some shades. Dance in your skivvies and realize that, “Sometimes you just have to say, ‘What the f**V” Taurus (April 23- May 22): Heartless wench and self- absorbed jerk are upgraded terms foryour char acter. So you’ve got opinions? Well, don’t we all. What’s really funny is that A you think the rest of the world wants to hear what you have to say. I would be willing to bet that George W. Bush is a Taurus. Why so? Because he insists on talk ing about things he knows nothing about. I would take the bull by the horns, but that might only con fuse you. Gemini (May 23- June 22): “Wasn’t Me,” is your theme song, and for you the grass is always greener on the other side, because you are the type who will go over there to find out. Commitment dodges you like the plague and it takes everything you’ve got to show up on time. Cancer (June 23-July 22): Can you say codepen dent? That’s right, you thrive off others’ darkest days. Their agony defines your purpose: nursemaid. Give up the cause. It’s time to start living your own life! Did I mention that my favorite food is crab? I love to pound those shells to smithereens with my mallet. BAM! BAM! The meat is so tender inside. Maybe it's time you weren't so tender anymore. Leo (July 23-Aug. 22): You are the worst of the Prima Donnas. Get over yourself already. Almost all Leo’s suffer from extreme chronic halitosis. What does that mean, exactly? It mean£ this: You emit a baneful odor from your mouth whenever you speak. It is only because people like you soWich that they refrain from telling you. Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You filthy malingerer! All you do is lie around your dorm room and analyze the patterns of the trains coming through the yard in the pre-dawn hours. You win already, you are an analyti cal god. So stop hi-jacking the lecture hour by sitting in the back of the class and shouting out, “Why?” or “What do you mean by that?” every other ten min utes. Soon your professors will put a bounty on your head. Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): People like to tell you all of their problems because you sit there and listen patiently, and all the while, a smug little gleam in your eye glows bright Inside you are thinking, "Dear God, thank you for making me so balanced and per fect I hope I am never like this person that I am lis tening to right now.” Let’s be honest, sometimes you can be a bit full of yourself. It’s okay, though, you are still loved in Belgium. Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 22): You are not paranoid. They really are afteryou. The only way to survive is to hightail it to Mexico and hole yourself up in some cheap hotel with only your laptop to join you. You will spend the rest of your life on the Internet ordering room serv ice by night and £ washing dishes incognito at the very same cheap hotel by day. Your only hope is to hook up with members of a r L drug cartel and win their loyal ty. These are the only people who can protect you. Good luck, buddy. Sagittarius J (Nov. 23-Dec. “I 22): You dirty VI scalawag! One day you’re a philosophy major, the next, you’ve taken up an acting career. You fritter away any and all funds that ever come your way with a kid-in-a candy-store glee, and then you won der where it all went. Flibbertigibbet you're not, so stop act ing like one and grow up! Thanks for taking a turn on the carnival ride ...with me. From Beach Boys to blackouts A time comes in every crisis where a critical ethical decision must be made. When a criminal choos es reform - or Jake more crime. Glazeski When an addict chooses sobriety - or more drugs. When the government chooses to help -or to hurt. That time is quickly coming for the people of California. I suppose that California was, once upon a time, a land of opportunity and unlimited dreams. As it is now, it’s more of a festering wound, where dan gerously evil ideas take root and attempt to infect the nation. Oh, I could go on and on. Whole reading, whole math, bilingual educa tion, city-level restrictions on private businesses.... Granted, California did not and does not have the exclusive claim to these liberally-minded exper iments, but it is in California where these ideas took root and gained a somewhat viable status in the public eye. The latest example is in the realm of power. Real power. Electricity. “The government... has issued a proclamation asking the people to be patient and put up with hardships just a little longer.” In my mind, California is a mythi cal place occupying the space delin eated by the Beach Boys and shots of the Hollywood sign. I know there is more, much more, to the large and var ied state than these simple stereo types, but that does not stop the irony of recent power outages there. It’s been a problem all over the West Coast, actually, where tempera tures have recently dipped and demands for power have increased beyond available supply. Editorial writers encouraged readers ta throw another blanket on the bed, or to wear another sweater - I'm surprised they didn’t suggest warm fires and fur coats carved from the hide of the Woolly Mammoth. Turn the thermostat down to 60,55,50 degrees.... The cold, after all, is just an illusion. It’s worse, though, in California. The Southern California Edison Corporation, among other power companies, recently has stated that it will go bankrupt if it is not allowed to charge more than the rate it is current ly charging its customers. The rates were frozen in 1996. Bankruptcy. A future blacker than California’s homes. “I want you to see the exact picture of what it is that you propose to enter before you decide whether anything can justify your entering it." Oddly enough, the whole debacle is being celebrated as the failure of “deregulation.” I’m not certain how an industry can be really “deregulated” when price controls are in place and government officials - called regula tors - still hold the whips over the industry. “Nothing exists but contradictions.” But what really stings are the solu tions proposed. One of the first solu tions involved a nation-wide rate cap on power. That solution was thrown clean out. I suppose sane people still work in the government, after all. Not to say that the solutions enact ed have credibility or even moral recti tude. Bill Richardson, the reigning Secretary of Energy, has commanded that other utilities sell SCECorp. ener gy to make up for its shortages. The utilities involved aren't sure they’ll be paid. “Confidential... Emergency... Priority... Essential need certified by office of Top Co-ordinator...” It's an interesting scene, as a state scurries like a rat to escape the conse quences of its own actions - as if causality could be div Disneyland of a state could keep this up, where the very pipelines which feed their ignorant gluttony are sewn at the seams with makeshift bonds of cardboard and chewed leaves. Its citizens seem largely oblivious that an event horizon which bends and sucks in logic encircles and engulfs them - and it’s getting bigger. “The inhabitants of New York had never had to be aware of the weather.... Now, facing the gusts of snow that came sweeping down the narrow streets, people felt in dim terror that they were the tem porary intruders and that the wind had the right-of-way." These words are from Ayn Rand’s Atlas Shrugged. Rand was a crackpot, by some accounts. But her words are prov ing horrifically prophetic. And the day will come, when we must choose either to follow this descent into a renewed Dark Age or to right our selves and find the future. I shouldn’t say that. That day is today. You’d wonder