ZM/yNebraskan
Since 1901
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Samuel McKewon
Managing Editor Bradley Davis
Good old boys
Bereuter's experience beats
Hyde's influence
As the last seconds of 2000 ticked away,
Americans breathed a sigh of relief; the most
convoluted election in history had reached an
end.
But the confusion was just beginning for
Congressional leaders who marked the new
year by trying to figuring out how to shuffle
around the leadership of the House.
Because of term limits that were passed in
1995, House leaders were forced to shift
around the leaders of many House commit
tees, including the House Ways and Means
Committee, the Judiciary Committee and the
International Relations Committee.
The limits cap me time a chairman or
chairwoman can serve to six years.
The shuffle resulted in disappointment for
Rep. Doug Bereuter, who represents
mmm Nebraska’s 1st District.
In giving The Republican leadership
the shot down the plans of
chairman- Bereuter, who had his sights
ship to set on the chairmanship of the
Hyde, the International Relations
Republicans Committee,
passed up Instead, the spot went to
Bereuter, Rep. Henry Hyde, who, as
»leader of the Judiciary
hrmore Committee, presided over
experienced President Clinton’s impeach
ment by the House m 1998.
aualified to Republicans gave Hyde a
fill the Pat on the hack by rewarding
position. him the chairmanship of the
The committee. Hyde has been on
Republicans the committee for years but
may have had served an inactive role.
also In giving the chairmanship
sacrificed to Hyde, the Republicans
the chance passed up Bereuter, who is
to promote undoubtedly more experi
bipartisan- enced and qualified to fill the
ship on the position.
committee. Bereuter, who gave up
oercuier attempts at running for
Nebraska’s governor and for
operate the the U.S. Senate, is taking the
committee news remarkably weU.
jn a But we think the committee
bipartisan ^1 surely take a hit without
fashion. Bereuter at its helm.
__ Nebraska's longtime represen
tative has become an expert on
foreign affairs. He has become well-versed on
the issues facing East Asia, which looks to be
one of the most important parts of the globe
economically and politically in the coming
years.
The Republicans also may have sacrificed
the chance to promote bipartisan relations on
the committee. Bereuter expressed his desire
to operate the committee in a bipartisan fash
ion.
Hyde, on the other hand, remains staunch
ly loyal to the party that scrambled to find him
a leadership position in the first place.
We admire Bereuter's efforts to keep his
chin up despite the blow to his plans.
But we’re disappointed that Nebraska’s
own Bereuter won’t be taking control of the
committee he’s worked so hard for since 1983.
. —!■■■■■—■ — ■■■■!■ Ill ■ I ■ .1 ■ ■■■■■■ ■■■■!!■!! ■ I i
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Bradley Davis, Josh Funk, Matthew Hansen,
Samuel McKewon, Dane Stickney, Kimberly Sweet
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Ecfltorial PoRcy
Unsignad editorials are the opinions of the Fall 2000 Daly Nebraskan. They do not necessarily
reflect the views of the University of Nebraeka-Uncoln, its employees, its student body or the
Unkrerafly of Nabraaka Board ol Regents. A column is 90iely the opinion of Ns author; a cartoon is
solely the opinion of lb artist The Board of Regents acts as pubteher of the Daily Nebraskan; poi
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NealOtameyer/DN
The purple horseshoe scam
Books—they were right, all Dan
those 'been there, done that’ Leaman
college grad sages—college and mmmmmmm—mm
reading are one and the same.
After my first semester, my mind took a long walk off
a short pier.
And losing my mind wasn’t free; it cost a good
amount of greenbacks, and getting diem wasn’t easy.
I tried working, but that involved, well it involved
work and who works for their money anymore?
Then I tried to embezzle it—I’ll be serving six to 12 in
a 'home away from home’ with my cell mate Bubba.
(We met at a prison luncheon.) Bubba says he has
soft hands like a lady. Easy, Liberace—I'm scared.
Next, I thought I could jump in front of oncom
ing traffic and sue, the emotional damages alone
would cover everything (note to self: parked cars no
good and hurt—owww). Then there was stealing
candy from a baby but this was more because I was
hungry. *
Downhearted, I let my mind wander. If Janet
Reno and Michael Jackson got married, who would
the husband be? Then, there it was, arainbowoffon
the horizon, and at its end was surely a leprechaun
and the solution to my money woes—his pot of gold.
Now, to jump a leprechaun you need three yards
of George Clinton’s hair, a pair of boxer briefs, three
cups olive oil and an ostrich.
At first I failed, plagued with problems of not
finding die rainbow’s end and the leprechaun’s abil
ity not to exist
Downhearted, memories of
three Christmases ago, when I
tried to make a citizens arrest
of Santa Claus for breaking
and entering, danced in my
head.
Suddenly, there he was,
the wee man sitting on his
wee pot of gold. I gathered
myself, hopped on my
ostrich, licked die boxer briefs,
bit George Clinton and drank
the olive oil. I charged, fell off
my ostrich and watched the lit
de man scamper away, scream
ing “you'll never get my lucky
charms.”
I failed thrice more and
finally collapsed at his feet
begging for his gold. Bill
(that was his name) was a I ( V / \/
family man with six kids and j \JL
a kind heart This pot of gdd \ /
was all he had, but I explained \
to him the book buy-back \ vs
process at UNL, and with a
face lit in exclamation at such
an ingenious idea, he offered to
loan me the gold.
When fall rolled around, I
went and got the books I had
reserved. Gee shucks, I
was happy but not as
happy as I was when fall
stopped rolling around.
On the last day of the
semester, I strolled into the
union bookstore to tie up
my loose ends, make like the
Stones and roll. The lines were
huge, maybe they were giving
away free stuff—yeah, free.
Ha.
When I got to the desk, I
dropped my books, ready
to collect my gold and head
over to Bill’s to pay him
back and enjoy a fiQe rib
roast he had cooked.
But Bill is on the streets
now and with no pot of
gold; he lost his rainbow
license. His wife filed for
divorce, and he only gets to
see his kids every other
Tuesday.
As fun as it is to get the
part of the golf club between the head and the grip
(sarcasm), this was serious. Buy-back had put a lep
rechaun out in the bitter cold and stripped him of his
family. Metaphorically, not only did they kick his
dog, they tied it to the back of a 78 Buick, and drug it
down a country road and then untied it and made it
pee on itself.
I cry myself to sleep at night thinking about Bill,
poor little man.
Actually, I worked for the money to buy those
books, only to hear from some monotone university
employee that those books were worth less than an
eighth of their original value. I could have done bet
ter things than gotten ripped off. For instance, hav
ing my hand slammed in a car door or hiring one of
those towel and cologne butler guys for the bath
room on my floor.
Instead, I sold my books back low so they could
be sold back at the same price I bought them for.
Quite the scam.
And who’s next, the Easter Bunny? In enough
time, the book buy-back system will have every
fairy-tale figment of our imagination on the streets.
Kris Kringle, the Irix rabbit, Tony the Tiger, Grape
Ape—all of them gone, kicked out into the harsh
world of the streets. They’ll probably become drug
dealers.
Boy, Christmas morning will be really interesting
when a kilo of crack ends up in my stocking, and it
will be so cute to see that adorable Tony the Tiger
selling LSD to six year olds. “These stamps are
grrreeeaaattt kids.”
All this because book buy-back couldn’t refund
my pot of gold. I am so upset, I think I’ll go find Yogi
the Bear and smoke a bowl.
/
Ietters@unl.edu: Please write in and tell us what you think.
m
Death comes
for the
arch-villains
The good die
first,
And they
whose hearts are
dry as summer
dust
Burn to the
Socket.
Wordsworth,
“The Excursion”
Last Saturday, with the Senate split
evenly 50-50 between Democrats and
Republicans, the two parties
announced a power-sharing plan,
which will give each some influence
over which bills are forwarded by com
mittees to the full Senate.
Therefore, much of the talk and
speculation on Capitol Hill and in the
media is over the ailing health of the
Senate's two oldest Republican mem
bers: Strom Thurmond and Jesse
Helms.
Since each lives in a state with a
Democratic governor, if either one dies,
the Democratic Party will have a major
ity in the Senate. It has become a verita
ble^Deathwatch 2001.”
It's about time.
Strom Thurmond, a mind-boggling
98 years old, is the longest-serving
member of the Senate and probably its
most conservative member. He’s been
hospitalized several times in the past
few months with various ailments and
also has memory problems: He recently
claimed in an interview that he was
only 81 years old.
Thurmond gained notoriety almost
half a century ago when he led
Southern Democrats in four states to
withdraw from the Democratic Party
and formed the State's Rights
“Dixiecrat” ticket Thurmond was the
party's presidential nominee, and what
bound the group together was their
“violent opposition to any measure of
social and political equality for African
Americans.'' (Hoffman, 1996)
In fact, the major reason the group
formed was the Democratic Party’s
advocacy of military desegregation and
civil rights for blacks. In a resolution
largely written by Thurmond, the
Dixiecrats condemned any efforts to
undermine the "racial integrity and
purity of the white and negro races
alike.” In his fire-and-brimstone
acceptance speech, he ranted that
“There's not enough troops in the army
to force the southern people to break
down segregation and admit the Negro
race into our theaters, into our swim
ming pools, into our homes, and into
our churches.”
Of course, Thurmond lost the elec
tion and the civil rights movement suc
ceeded. Although he has toned down
the racist language in the 46 years since
he was first elected to the Senate, he has
still been a tireless opponent of any leg
islation that would help minority
groups. As Milton said, “Never can true
reconcilement grow / Where wounds of
deadly hate have pierc'd so deep.”
Jesse Helms, Republican Senator
from North Carolina, also is in poor
health and was recently hospitalized
with pneumonia. A member of the
Senate since 1972, Helms chairs the
influential Foreign Relations
Committee.
oKe inurraona, neims aiso nas a
long history of racist, sexist and homo
phobic actions (most famously, when
he addressed Clinton’s nominee for
assistant secretary of housing as a
"damned lesbian”).
Helms is also an ardent isolationist
and opponent of the United Nations.
Using his position as Chair of the
Foreign Relations Committee, he has
been able to block important legisla
tion relating to international trade and
human rights. For example, last
Monday President Clinton signed a
treaty to create the International
Criminal Court, which would try war
crimes suspects. Even though 138
countries have signed it (including
Russia, Cambodia and Israel), Helms
has vowed to prevent it from being rat
ified.
He stated that “protecting America’s
fighting men and women from this
international kangaroo court is one of
my highest priorities in the new
Congress.” (Washington -Times,
1/01/01)
The Helms and Thurmond
“Deathwatch" is not just about who wiL'
control the Senate; with a majority of 60
needed to break a filibuster, their
deaths will probably not have a dramat
ic effect. More important is what their
deaths will signify about our country’s
past and future.
Helms and Thurmond are the prod
ucts of a time when racism and hatred
of other minority groups was wide
spread and accepted. For many
Americans, their deaths will be the
symbolic end of one of the darkest peri
ods in our country’s history.
Although Homer warns us that “It is
not right to gloat over the dead,” few
tears will be shed over their passing.