ZM/vNebraskan
Since 1901
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Samuel McKewon
Managing Editor Bradley Davis
“They are awesome. Listening to Sunny
Day Real Estate is like scraping an orange peel
into your hand. It’s pretty sweet.”
UNL sophomore advertising major Scott
Banks on die band Sunny Day Real Estate
“In some ways, liberalism was simply too
naive to survive in our 21st century. He cham
pioned the weak and the powerless: the
homeless, persons on welfare, people accused
of crimes, children attending inner-city
schools.
“Yet their powerlessness became his; these
groups were either unwilling or unable to
vote, and he suffered for it”
DN columnist Jeremy Patrick on the death
of liberalism
“You can’t be as involved in football for
your entire life as he was and have it suddenly
be done. He is still around all these people
who care about him and have been here for so
long.”
Nebraska offensive lineman Dave Volk on
former NU fullback Tyrone Uhlir, whose neck
injury ended his career
“If I survived in coaching for 25 years, I can
probably survive in politics, as well. It takes
someone to step forward and stick his neck
out”
Former Nebraska football Coach Tom
Osborne on running for the Nebraska 3rc*
District Congressional seat
“I don't think he knows anything about
farming or living in the 3rd District. He lives in
Lincoln, for crying out loud. You can’t learn to
milk a cow by reading a book.
“I know he’s a behemoth, but it’s because of
football. I’m trying to get agriculture moving.
It’s time to stop talking about football.”
Osborne’s opponent, Democrat Rollie
Reynolds
“She doesn’t overreact. When everyone else
sees gloom and doom, she finds that spark
and makes it work for her.”
Anne Soderman, Michigan State’s acting
chairwoman of the family and child ecology
department on Marjorie Kostelnik, UNL’s
new dean of the College of Human Resources
and Family Sciences
“He’s dangerous. He hurt us last year. He
scrambles really well and runs draws really
well, and those are the things on defense that
we’ve struggled with all year more than any
thing.”
Nebraska rush end Kyle Vanden Bosch on
Kansas quarterback Dylen Smith
. “Erect a giant, temporary hill: Our crack
research shows that the University of Kansas
gets lots of mileage out of Mount Oread, that
hill in the middle of campus that serves as a
big walking route for the Jayhawks come
gameday.
“For a snippet of dough, UNL can haul in a
couple truckloads of dirt and plop it on Buck
Beltzer Field, thereby allowing the
Cornhuskers to trot down its slippery slope
toward their eventual victory. Fogies and stu
dents alike would greatly enjoy such an
endeavor.”
Daily Nebraskan editorial on how to
improve Homecoming
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Bradley Davis, Josh Funk, Matthew Hansen,
Samuel McKewon, Dane Stickney, Kimberly Sweet
Letters Policy
The Daly Nebraskan welcomes briefs, lettere to the editor and guest columns, but does not guar
antee their pubicadoa The Daly Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject any material submitted.
Submitted material becomes property of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be returned. Anonymous
submissions wH not be published. Those-who submit letters must identify themselves by name,
yeer in school, major and/or group afKation, if any.
Submit material to: Daly Nebraskan, 20 Nebraska Union, 1400 R St Lincoln, NE 68588-0448. E
mait lettersOunlinfo.uni.edu.
Editorial Policy
Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the Fall 2000 Daily Nebraskan. They do not necessarily
reflect the views of the University of Nebraska-Uncoln, its employees, its student body or the
Universiy of Nebraska BobrJ of Regents. A column is solely the opinion of its author a cartoon is
solely the opinion of Its artist The Board of Regents acts as publisher of the Daily Nebraskan; pol
cy is set by the DaNy Nebraskan Edtorial Board. The Ilf*. Publications Board, established by the
regents, supervises the production of the paper. According to policy set by the regents, reaponat
bity far tfie editorial content of the newspaper les solely in the hands of its employees.
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Heavy metal era still lurks
Does anyone remember
the good old days of heavy
metal? Van Halen and Poison
reigned supreme, and inside
every college chick’s dorm
room hung at least one Def
Leppard poster, which upon
viewing, would prompt any- . -1
one to ask if the owner knew Simon
the drummer had only one RHigsmuth
arm.
Ozzy, Cinderella, Tesla -
the big hair bands with lipstick. Anyone who lis
tens to that perennial oh-so-heavy, yet just cheesy
enough to be redneck radio station 106.3 FM The
Blaze, can wax nostalgic about this upon its daily
playing of Sammy Hagar’s “Heavy Metal.”
Yeah, you know what I’m talkin’ about Nothing
to Say reigned supreme before biscuits became
limp and the millennial candy became better
known as the most violent rapper this side of the
east side.
If, as I mentioned earlier, anyone remembers
this time of gleeftd bliss where one’s manliness was
measured by the size of the lump in the frontal
regions of his disgustingly tight jeans, multiplied
by the length of his hair, divided by the number of
holes in his Quiet Riot T-shirt, well, let me tell you,
it's here again. To tell the truth, it never really left
us.
Like a festering mole or tumor, this heavy
metal phenomenon has taken on its own life and
continued to grow, to exist, pulsating under the
skin of popular music in sweaty bars and clubs
across the nation.
Yes, it exists here in Lincoln, too. God bless the
metalheads.
If you're feeling down and out, and you need
that extra kick to get your day started,
try Heavy Metal! The possibilities are
nearly limitless.
For starters, the Havelock Social
Hall often plays host to what’s known
as the “Battle of the Bands.” In this
case, the word battle is derived from
an old Greek word “battalius,” which
means “to scream incomprehensi
bly” or “to sweat from one’s orifices
like a juicy hollowed-out banana
peel.”
Ten, give or take a few, heavy
metal bands duke it out on Saturday
nights to see who can bring the most
friends, or toadies, to watch them.
These legal adults will, in turn, down
copious amounts of alcohol through
out the night. Then, they vote for their
favorite band, or the one with the best
cover songs. The winning band gets a
large share of the door money.
I’ve heard stories of bands taking
in well over $15, even $20 after a good
night, which is usually spent on gas
for the van or tacos from Amigo’s.
These bands, more to the point, are
the focal point for the heavy rockers
who crawl from their trailer homes
and duplexes to relive their glory days
from the '80s on dark weekend nights.
And this Battle of the Bands is just
the tip of the iceberg, or setting 1 out
of 11 on your Marshall amplifier, as
the metal bands would put it.
Knickerbocker’s, The Royal Grove
(when not holding Overweight Wet T
shirt competitions or amateur strip
night), The Cog Factory, The Ranch
Bowl, Sokol Hall, The Storm and a
host of other underlit venues with
peeling yellowed paint are meccas for
heavy-metal types.
If you've never experienced a
modem metal show, I highly suggest
it. This metal scene, like I said, has
never really left us. The image has
changed from lipstick and sequined
underwear to spit-and-polished
poor-boy post-grunge.
That is, you have to have either
long hair or no hair, many tattoos,
many piercings, name-brand jean
shorts and a dirty old T-shirt pro
claiming the virtues of Satan (or sim
ply denouncing Jesus Christ - never
Allah, Buddha, Ghandi or the Dalai
Lama. Just Jesus Christ.) to show that
you haven’t sold out
You’ve gotta show you're still con
nected to the people - your people -
and you know what it’s like to live the hard life and
play the hard rock.
The music is more aggressive and, if you can
make out the screaming, generally involves intelli
gent, well thought-out dissertations on the theory
of die American system of government and what
motives should be used to effect a conscientious
change for the betterment of all society.
As one band (Was it Death Kids, Megadeth or
Death in a Bun? I can’t remember.) whom I saw
open for Sevendust, put it: “The government is
watching you through your fucking computer
screen! You need to buy this T-shirt we’ve printed
which says ‘You Can’t Tread On Me’ in large letters
on the back!”
No, I'm not kidding here, and yes, I bought sev
eral T-shirts. I’m also writing this from my daisy
wheel IBM typewriter so the government can’t spy
on me. Yes, these are the true intellectuals of socie
ty
As Bill Cosby once put it, “Y’ see! Kids today lis
ten to the rap music, which gives them the brain
damage!”
Well put, Bill. I say the cure for all this poop that
oozes through the stereos of so many teenagers
today in the form of rap, or anything on KFRX, is
good old Heavy Metal.
You see, I am a big metalhead. My favorite
bands are Pearl Jam (hard rock) and Tool (metal),
and I go to as many metal shows as I can. If you can
get past the stupid messages and avoid getting
beer spilled on you, it really is a lot of fim and a cool
scene to be a part of, and much more “real” and
“old-school” than anything on pop radio.
I even used to be the guitarist for a local metal
band, Brooks Hadlyn. No lipstick, though.
Beware the
rabid, rabid
squirrels
There is a
horrible prob
lem plaguing the
city of Lincoln.
You would have
to have been in a
coma or under
going in-patient Mark
gonorrhea treat
ment to not ^X
notice the city is
being overrun by rabid squirrels.
That’s right you heard me folks,
rabid squirrels.
In a scene out of Monty Python's
Search for the Holy Grail, a crazed
furry little varmit with sharp pointy
teeth attacked an innocent Lincolnite
on Oct. 15. How do I know about this
attack? Well, I just happened to read
the letters-to-the-editor section of
Sunday’s Lincoln Journal Star.
In the issue ran a letter titled,
“Bantam Menace.”
I still can’t help but laugh my ass off
as I read it. I don’t have space to
include the whole letter, but I must
pass along to you some of it so you may
be aware of the plague that is devour
ing our city.
On Oct. 22, the concerned citizen
writes, “I was shocked to see two chil
dren running away frbm a third child
who was frantically fighting off a squir
rel that was mauling him about the
face, neck, and chest area.
“I ran down the drive to help the
young lad as I saw him drop to the
ground and roll in an attempt to shake
the varmit loose. As I neared the curb,
the child rolled off my lawn and into
oncoming traffic.... thankfully the
youngster was OK.”
m na na na.
“As absurd as it may sound, some
thing needs to be done to keep squir
rels from surprising people near busy
streets and intersections ... Not every
culture allows creatures to run loose in
the city as we do here.”
Not every culture allows freedom
of speech, either. Judging from the let
ter, maybe that’s a good thing.
“And another thing,” the letter con
tinues, “why are the squirrels behaving
this way? Are they hungry or rabid? Are
they agitated by urban sprawl?
Perhaps we should hire a team of sci
entists to study them to determine the
nature of their aggressive behavior.”
Maybe the kids were simply poking
the squirrel with a stick.
“I’m not for killing these creatures,
but perhaps we could give them incen
tive to stay away from roadways.”
I thought the incentive was contin
ued life, but maybe the letter is think
ing we should build some sort of squir
reltropolis, complete with acorns the
size of volleyballs.
The letter's final bit of advice to this
horrible problem is truly inspired:
“Perhaps offer tax breaks for people
who actively feed them in backyards
and such.”
It may just have hit on something
here with this tax-break thing. I’ve
been feeding squirrels out of my back
yard for years now and think it's about
time for some federal help.
Of course mine has been an unin
tentional feeding, as the squirrels are
simply eating the homegrown pot I
grow out back.
As a result, my squirrels seem to be
quite mellow and would never attack a
child unless, of course, that child
attempted to mess with their high.
One concern I do have about my
squirrels is they don't seem to be as
motivated as they once were; it’s
already October, and the only thing
they’ve done to fortify their tree for the
winter is make the largest branch into
a bong.
Now all of you are probably saying:
“What can we do before these rabid
squirrels maul us about the face, neck
and chest area?”
Here’s what you can do:
1. Stock up on firearms.
2. Barricade your front door.
3. Put your speakers by your win
dows and begin playing Quiet Riot's
“We're Not Gonna Take It.” Squirrels
don't seem to mind the song, but I
think this Armageddon needs a theme
song that we can all rally around.
4. Await my signal.
Or you can go with plan B and stop
wasting my time with squirrel obser
vations. Please feel free to entertain
the validity of this plan.
This isn’t the part of the column
where I get all warm and fuzzy and talk
about how we need to embrace our
misunderstood furry little friends. You
can make them into a coat for all I care;
hell, make matching chinchilla ear
muffs and a koala cap.
Just don’t waste my time with a let
ter to the editor about some crazed
drug-induced conspiracy involving a
fluffy little woodland creature.
