Opinion
A
Da//( Nebraskan
Since 1901
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Samuel McKewon
Managing Editor Bradley Davis
Save the week
Our suggestions to
improve Homecoming
We’re tired of complaining.
See, it labels us as “the complainers," the
friendly Daily Nebraskan whine entourage that
craps upon the efforts of those campus leaders
who have earnestly attempted to make the
University of Nebraska-Lincoln a more enter
taining place. Among our targets: NU Directions,
ASUN and University Program Council.
We know what they think: We’re standing on
the backs of their dreams. We wield our power
like the mighty Marine who vanquishes the fire
monster in the commercial. The few. The proud.
The ostensibly cruel.
So, for Halloween, a treat! This being home
coming week, we turn our critics’ hats around,
flip the switch (as Sylvester Stallone would say In
“Over the Top") and work for the side of good.
Today, we’re dressing up as Glenda, the Good
UNL Witch, offering suggestions on how to spice
up a rather dull homecoming week, which will
hit its peak Saturday with a rather dull Nebraska
football game against Kansas.
You knew it was homecoming week, yes? The
bevy of fliers and advertising promotions tipped
you off, we're sure. The turnout for Sunday’s Fun
Run bulged into the thousands. The Husker
Howl skits will leave you in stitches very, very
soon.
Enough with the facetious jabs! Kicking it up a
notch is what this is about. Without further
adieu, the five suggestions:
Erect a giant, temporary hill: Our crack
research shows that the University of Kansas gets
lots of mileage out of Mount Oread, that hill in
the middle of campus that serves as a big walking
route for the Jayhawks come gameday.
For a snippet of dough, UNL can haul in a
couple truckloads of dirt and plop it on Buck
Beltzer Field, thereby allowing the Comhuskers
to trot down its slippery slope toward their even
tual victory. Fogies and students alike would
greatly enjoy such an endeavor.
Panhandle for a wad of cash: We must get a
better knowledge of where our bread’s buttered
on this campus - our alumni. Thus, to hit up
UNL alum Warren Buffet for $1 million to put
toward Homecoming doesn’t strike us as a shab
bvmove.
It could even be named after him: The Warren
Buffet HomecomingWeek!, presented by Berkshire
Hathaway. Only a generous wad of cash can turn
it around, folks. Tradition takes time. Or money.
Erect giant mountain rocket for firing on
Saturday: Underwritten by the U.S. Department
of Defense.
The old standbys, Tom Osborne and Johnny
Rodgers: He’s always good for a couple of grand
worth of people. Have Johnny the Jet bring a cou
ple of Heisman friends along. But not their
Heisman Trophy.
Payola: Often used in radio and television, the
homecoming committee pays you, the student,
to participate.
Five ideas. Five plans of action. Five ways to
delve right into tradition and get our hands dirty.
Entirely absurd? Yes. Such is die dire straights of
our homecoming scene at UNL. It will take noth
ing short of a few creative geniuses to turn it
around. Have we tried raiding the advertising
department of this university? Or is it engaged in
promising endeavors?
Actually, well, fund raising is an option. One of
those door-to-door campaigns through all the
residence halls might be nice, just in case
Homecoming might want to expand beyond the
only people who keep it alive at all: the greek
community.
And a couple of cheap standbys ... well, at
least they work. And imagine when Osborne's in
the House next year. Maybe he’ll bring Newt
Gingrich back for a stump speech or two.
Think about it. Then pitch it to Warren.
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Bradley Davis, Josh Funk, Matthew Hansen,
Samuel McKewon, Dane Stickney, Kimberly Sweet
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NealObermeyer/DN
You can't get us,Guyla Mills
Dear Guyla Mills (right
wing Christian initiator of
Initiative 416):
On the great Halloween
of '84, when I was 6 and my
brother Cris was 8, he pissed
all over the witch costume I
was wearing. That was a
hard thing to deal with.
Despite the fact that I did
get more candy because
Nebraskans feel sympathy
Karen
_Brown
for a urine-soaked witch, it still hurt my pride when
I was a wee little girl.
But I got him back after I told the whole town
that he incessantly peed his bed and had to have a
beeper hooked to his undies that alerted the "situ
ation.”
Now I can look back and laugh about him ruin
ing my costume.
......“Twr-- ..T...
And despite our conflict in dealing with 416
and its blatant attempt to sever all ties between
homosexuals and people with blind eyes and
closed minds, we will always love each other
because this, too, shall pass.
Homosexual Nebraskans will finally under
stand the state they live in, while Nebraskans who
support 416 will feel good about what they've done
because they listened to someone like you, Guyla -
someone who has had a rough life, being lost in
your own identity.
It’s been years since Cris has been mean to me,
as he only kicks me and pulls my hair at "special”
occasions (i.e. Thanksgiving dinner and funerals).
But the worst pain he inflicts isn’t physical. It is
something that you have created with your 416
amendment to the constitution that would perma
nently ban same-sex marriages in Nebraska.
I've always said my brother and I have nothing
in common except the
ms-",»■ ■■ -a fact that we both like
(women. He tries to
argue, but he can’t. As
he scratches his
Republican, corpo
rate, well-dressed,
quiet face I look at
him and can’t believe
we came from the
same litter.
I’m scroungy, I
never look nice, I
swear, cheat, lie and
objectify bunny rab
bits. But we both like
women. That’s our
, bond, and until 416
popped up, he and I
have always been able
to talk in a civil man
ner about loving
women.
When he told me
he signed the petition,
I broke down. When
\ he told me he would
f probably vote yes on
416,1 could no longer
speak to him on the
phone. I asked him
why he would support
such a bill.
j Shawn BaHarin/DN j
“Well, I think
j homosexuality is
\ morally wrong.”
I didn't
know what to
wk say, and he
» didn’t either
W when I asked
him how on
earth this is
affecting his mar
riage to his wife. Dead
silence was the answer,
and it was the right
one.
I didn’t tell him that
to ensure marriage
between man and a
women, the divorce
rate (57 percent) needs
to be worked on — not
homosexual rights.
As far as
Guyla, no amount of
hate that you want to stir up between relatives,
friends, even enemies by embittering them further
can make me forget that I love my brother and all of
the people he reflects. I hate to use the labels, but
he seems to be one of the close-minded Christians
that make us LOUD-MOUTH gays have to fight
back and against these rules that restrict our lives
every day.
If you want us queers to keep to ourselves, then
quit likening us to pedophiles (heterosexual men
95 percent of the time), bestiality lovers (lonely
Alabama natives), rapists (unsexed men whom
God made) and pixophiliacs (you know, having sex
with pixies). If any other “philia” comes to mind,
insert yours here:_.
You, Guyla, can’t make me forget the care Cris
has had for me in the past. At a high school basket
ball game in a different town when the weather was
precarious, Cris (a mighty senior) walked up and
down the aisle of the bus and asked if his little sis
ter made it on okay, not caring that he could get
ridiculed for his concern about his geeky little sis
ter's well-being.
moral right and wrong
goes, I'm going to be an aunt in
January, and I don't want Cris to teach him or her
that who I am with is morally wrong.
But I’d rather have him teach their child that,
not a state constitution.
As you’ve said, Guyla, this is strictly a Nebraska
issue. So I will forget the fact that you accepted
$600,000 in support money from Mormons in
Utah, as well as funds from other "foreigners”
because I do think you believe it's a Nebraska issue
so you won’t forget who’s paying your wages.
Some Nebraskans will vote "yes” on this
amendment, and we can't stop them. But we have a
week left to try to educate the citizens of our state
that unless they downright want to banish queers
from the face of the earth, they shouldn’t vote in
favor of 416.
I just want you to know that you’ve made peo
ple think about homosexuals in the wrong light
(whiny, sub-human and unworthy of “straight
rights”) and that as far as my brother and I are con
cerned, we will work through this. I will love him,
and he will love me no matter what happens.
Good luck to you. I think you’ll need it.
No matter
the election,
no options
Young voters,
a choice is upon
us.
It is our
responsibility -
our duty-to par
ticipate. When
you step into the
voung Doom mis ■ u
year, you will be Bocfc
presented with ^***^^^»
the options of the same old spoiled, rich,
establishment candidates who are car
bon copies of one another, and you will
have to decide what to do.
I’m talking about, of course, the elec
tion for homecoming king. Now I under
stand that politics is not something that’s
taken lightly in this state. The political
arena is where people go when they tire
of doing the important work in the state,
like coaching the NU football team.
But this year things were going to be
different This year our king was going to
be someone with whom everyone would
identify.
Someone who not only didn’t know
where the ASUN office was but didn’t
know what ASUN was. Someone who
not only skipped classes but skipped
semesters. Someone who’s done com
munity service because a judge said so.
Me.
I figured that, given the stunning
election of the A-Team last spring, the
campus was finally ready to make the
most celebrated person at the university
an “average student.” Things looked
promising.
The first thing one must do when
applying to become homecoming king is
pick up an application. Simple enough. I
filled out the application but was missing
one necessary thing before I turned it in.
They require you to submit a letter of rec
ommendation.
l really wanted to make an impres
sion, so I went to Regent Robert Allen.
The letter was coming along great until
he found out I spoke out on behalf of our
university's radio station, KRNU.
He refused to write my letter because
of my “attention and interest in helping
disc jockeys.”
hi a letter I obtained that was sent to
the homecoming committee, he said: "I
have a radio at work. I love it dearly. But if
you get too much of that, it hurts your
school, and I think Tony’s done that”
Down, but not out, I moved on and
got the letter from LiT Red.
The committee narrows the appli
cants to semifinalists who are inter
viewed. After that is the finals, when the
students vote for the king.
I fully expected an interview, and if I
could get to die finals, the king tide would
be mine. So it was much to my surprise
when I did not even get an interview.
I contacted someone from the com
mittee, ready to throw a tirade, and he
said: “Bock... let me see. Oh yes, you're
not a full-time student, so you can’t be
king. Sorry.” The asinine foreign-lan
guage requirement for the College of
Journalism and Mass Communications
had screwed me again! Damn.
You see, in order for me to graduate, I
have to take 16 hours of Spanish. I won't
get a minor or anything, although I will
have taken more credit hours in Spanish
than in any other subject but broadcast
ing (which is my major).
And because the chance of a gay cou
ple getting married in Nebraska is better
than the chance of me passing all 16
hours here at UNL, I decided to take
some Spanish at Southeast Community
College this semester. In fact, I’m taking
six hours there, which left me with nine
here, and as we know, that is not full time.
We have to place the kind of impor
tance on this election that we place on
the presidential one. Think of me as a
sexier Ralph Nader. But I can’t even get on
the ballot So what do we do now?
You have two choices as I see it You
can vote for the same old pretty-boy can
didates and look on in disgust Saturday
as a phony struts across Tom Osborne
Field, queen on his arm, and takes credit
for accomplishments that are meaning
less.
Or you can meet me and the thou
sands of other pissed-off students at the
voting booth Wednesday and start riot
ing.
That’s right, we need to start rioting,
and I would say to start looting, too - if ya’
feel like it
It seems to me that Nebraska has a
soft reputation. I have been at this uni
versity four years and have not partici
pated in, seen or heard one single riot I
thought this was college.
Our neighbors in Colorado riot every
couple years, but when was the last time
you even saw a good demonstration at
this campus? We haven’t even had a sit
in, and I’m getting tired of the apathy.
After the riot, we will demand that I
be made homecoming king and that next
year all students will be eligible to
become homecoming king. Let everyone
participate, not just the elite.
Or you can exercise your anger by not
voting. I know many of you will do that
simply because there's no real choice.
Sound familiar?