Opinion
£te/7)Nebraskan
Since 1901
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Samuel McKewon
Managing Editor Bradley Davis
v
“We come to work and work long hours. We
deal with a lot of bullshit from the guys, but we
get nice guys, too.”
Chanh Sanmone Sotphrachith, who
dances as Chyna, on life as a exotic dancer
“What happens if we tie the legs of a sitting
man, and someday he needs to stand up and
walk?”
General Studies ASUN Senator Michelle
Schrage, on the necessity of a new bylaw
allowing candidates to take stands on elec
tion issues
“I used to hate it, but I like the lyrical mod
em dance. Ballet is more thinking: What steps
do I need to take, are my feet pointed, am I
smiling? Modern dance is based on feelings
and breathing. Once you learn the steps, it
just flows without any thinking.”
UNL dancer Megan Dant on the differ
ences between ballet and modern dance
“We’re known for having ladies around,
and yeah, they happen to be strippers.”
UNL BMX racer Robbie Richard on his
entourage
“I just want to be with my family right now.”
Nebraska football player Mark Vedral, on
his acquittal of charges of first-degree sexual
assault
“I have no reason to believe she would fab
ricate anything, but that is not the standard of
proof. We have to prove everything beyond a
reasonable doubt.”
Lancaster County Attorney Gary Lacey on
Vedral’s accuser
“The image I would project in my SUV is
wonderful - I’m taller than you, I’m better
looking, I’m one with nature, and I can carry a
lot of crap in the back of this thing! I could
never use all the space my SUV has, but no
matter, it’s there in case some day I decide to
go camping. After all, I am kind of ‘out
doorsy.’”
Columnist Karen Brown on SUVs
“Volleyball. Volley. Ball. I like how my
mouth moves to the word. Lips touch, tongue
protrudes, lips touch. I suck on lemons the
same way. Other things, too.”
Columnist petaluma watson on the word
volleyball
“I was a card-carrying gay for a couple of
years, until the National Association of Gays
discovered my transgressions. They came by a
couple of weeks ago to take back the card and
my poster of Ricky Martin, which was all right
because Walgreens doesn’t take NAG cards.”
Columnist lake Glazeski on his gay rights’
being revoked by the gays
“That’s just a picture from when I was
young. My ego says I like the way I look. Hey,
I’m a sprinter.”
Former Nebraska track star and gold
medalist Charles Greene on himself
“Without glass blowers, you wouldn't have
computer chips. A glass blower is needed to
make the wafer carrier used in (silicon) chip
production.”
Hadrian Duke, head of UNL glassblowing
shop
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Bradley Davis, Josh Funk, Matthew Hansen,
Samuel McKewon, Dane Stickney, Kimberly Sweet
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Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the Fall 2000 Daily Nebraskan. They do not necessarily
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\Jwinivavvs PfioceimBs, '7
Neal Obermeyer/DN
Blame it on petaluma
It is without shock that I see perfectly good print
and paper go to waste once again at the Daily
Nebraskan. It is the lengthy and poorly composed col
umn by ms. petaluma watson which I speak of.
Never has a muddle of useless ranting and raving
personified the self-absorbed and hyper-self-obses
sion of the people of our culture, as petaluma watson’s
column does.
It seems we are more concerned with trips to the
shopping malls than to the voting booth. It seems we
are more concerned with outfitting our children in
Ralph Lauren than with the ideas of charity or non
violence.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you petaluma wat
son, the essence of all that is wrong with our society,
the essence of apathy.
Like her mother raised her, she will raise her chil
dren to care nothing for others. Her children will drive
luxury sedans and spend more dollars on fashion mag
azines than most Americans do on their electric bill.
Her children, like her, will fail to concern them
selves with anything outside their bodies and posses
sions. This, my fellow students, is apathy.
Apathy: the means by which societies are
destroyed and the means by which “the commoner”
is kept down. Apathy: the Great American Way.
ms. watson, with the intellect of a 9th grade cheer
leader, ms. watson, with the emotional balance and
writing skills of a chimpanzee, I ask you this... what is
your point?
Please tell us there is something more to your col
umn than this; tell us you have some grand scheme
you’ve yet to reveal. Tell us something of even a little
sustenance, or are you not capable?
Benjamin G. Kruse
Freshman
Anthropology
An open invitation
In response to Jake Glazeski’s editorial on
Wednesday, we would like to thank him for showing
everyone the diversity of the opinions concerning
certain subjects.
Despite the fact thatGlazeski feels the GLBT
groups on campus are not inclusive, Spectrum, one of
the mentioned groups, tries very hard to be. We
encourage anyone who wishes to see for themselves
what we do to come to a meeting and see just how
diverse we are.
Spectrum explores the more social side of the
GLBT community. As it states in our constitution, we
are not exclusive of anyone, under the same guide
lines that the university uses. The only exclusion is
when the person excludes themselves.
We encourage everyone to take a further look
into the GLBT organizations and see what is avail
able and how each serves its purpose.
The members ofUNL’s chapter of Spectrum
Scratching the surface
I would like to express my deepest gratitude to
Josh Wolfe and Josh Funk (and whoever else was in
on it) for a complete and utterly pointless cover story.
I thought “Just another day at the office” (DN
Monday) was totally uninformative.
But the idea had potential.
I read your story with the hope of learning more
about exotic dancers’ real lives. But I was left with a
million questions.
How do dancers psychologically make the transi
tion from everyday person to exotic dancer night
after night? How does their dancing affect friend
ships or relationships or dating?
What does Cole’s mom think now that her daugh
ter IS dancing at Babydolls? What about the women’s
fathers? Where, if at all, do they fit in? And, most
importandy, what’s it like for other dancers at other
clubs?
To make a long story short, you’ve done nothing
but scratch the surface. And, unfortunately, now that
your story has been printed, I won’t be able to find
out more for at least a year (if the DN decides to try
again).
Thanks for sparking my curiosity and leaving me
unfulfilled.
Eileen Chalupa
Junior
News-editorial
Yes, broadcasting is a major
The moment remains
vivid in my memory. It hap
pened on Feb. 18,1998. It has
been analyzed thousands of
times by myself and countless
psychiatrists.
It started with a simple
question: "Tony; I thought you I T I
were a biology major. What are Tony
you doing in Intro, to BOCK
Broadcasting?”
My worst fear came to life. You have to understand
I have openly admitted to being many things - a
Destiny’s Child fan, a prescription-tranquilizer abus
er, a telemarketer - but nothing was harder to come to
terms with than this. I was ashamed to say it.
I dropped my head and quietly uttered the words:
“I am a broadcasting major.”
Life has not been the same since.
The plan was simple, and in its simplicity lay bril
liance. I would declare broadcasting as my major, but
when asked I would tell people I was a biology major,
pre-med. It’s so important to throw in the words pre
med. That inflates your own ego, and others will feed
off of it, too. This will impress people and win you
friends and lovers.
Pre-law is another good one to say, too. That will
impress people but not as much. You will win friends
and one-night stands.
My plan was going great I was winning countless
friends and lovers with my false major. Things couldn’t
have gone along any better until that dark day. My
problem was that I hadn’t taken into account that I
would have to take classes.
When one of my “friends” saw me in Intro, to
Broadcasting, the game was over, and I had to come
clean. Word spread quickly that I was a fraud.
My girlfriend dumped me, and my friends all
deserted me. My false major had won me friends and
lovers. What would my real major win me?
The attitude many people have on this campus
about broadcasting majors makes me sick. When I tell
someone I’ve just met that I’m a broadcasting student
the response is always the same. There’s a short look of
disbelief, as if the person thinks I said it as a joke and
that there is no such thing as a broadcasting major.
Then acceptance and realization that this has to
be the easiest major offered.
Then they think up a cute comment such as, “Uh,
is that the major all the football players take?” If they’re
talking to me then that last comment is followed by
their searching for some ice to put over their eye.
I’m used to broadcasting majors’ being bashed,
but I will not sit there and let the Huskers’ storied aca
demic reputation be tarnished. Besides, broadcasting
is not the easiest major offered here at the “Harvard of
the Plains.”
It’s the history major. That’s right, and anyone that
disagrees with me doesn’t understand the difference
between actual creative thought and factual regurgi
tation.
I should know; I have a history minor. One history
class is a carbon copy of every other one. It’s memoriz
ing facts and the order in which they happened. The
chimpanzee can figure out that Lincoln and the Civil
War came after Washington and the Revolutionary
War.
Don’t get me wrong; I’m not trying to claim that
broadcasting majors are the most intellectual people
on campus. That would be like saying the people in
ASUN are the most qualified to lead others. It’s just not
right. But being a broadcasting major puts you in an
elite group of the coolest and most fun-loving stu
dents at tiffs university.
For instance, do you think any of the chemical
engineering students have ever been on a date with
someone of the opposite sex?
Come on, I don’t think so. Have you seen any of
them? And have you ever had a conversation with a
business major? I just smile, nod, and say, “Ooooh,
well if it’s international business it must be hard. You’re
right, there are a lot of international countries.”
The worst major to have, by far, is architecture. If
you think your major sucks, keep in mind that many
architecture students sleep at Architecture Hall. Every
night. Computer Science is such an easy target that I
shouldn’t have to say anything about it. Just imagine
the crazy nights that will take place at their new hon
ors dorm.
To those of you undecided about a major, or those
wondering what major to switch to, I wholeheartedly
suggest broadcasting.
What other major encourages you to hit the bars
before and after class?What other major offers a three
credit hour class about cable? What other major
allows Math 203 (the easiest class in the history of any
school, ever) to count as something?
And finally, on the day you graduate you will
proudly walk out of the Devaney Center bragging
about how the dean gave you a BJ, and you will be
referring to your Bachelor’s of Journalism.
Top that, political science.
Zeus also
rules road
construction
Right lane
ends, one mile.
Got it. I
merge left and go
my merry way,
glad someone
warned me.
But the right '
lane doesn’t end JOSh
in one mile. Or Knaub
two miles. Or
ever.
So I get stuck behind a truck going
50 miles per hour down 1-80. A truck I
would have flown by had I been using
the open lane.
I guess it's not really that big a deal
The whole stupid thing cost me maybe
15 minutes. But the idea that some lazy
construction worker could have saved
me the trouble by removing four bolts
on the temporary sign irks me a little.
Actually, it irks me a lot I realize the
“construction zone” I’m driving
through has no actual construction
going on. And no potential construc
tion. Unless, of course, someone is
planning for the third lane that will be
added for my grandchildren.
After being part of a survey crew for
a road construction job one summer
and working for a construction-equip
ment dealership the next, I know the job
is over. The lines are painted, the shoul
der dirt is level with die pavement; even
the roadside grass has been planted.
And the lazy construction worker,
probably off drinking cheap beer some
where, really isn’t to blame for my
inconvenience. Because road signs in
construction zones stand or fall based
on the word of project managers, the
closest thing Nebraska’s Department of
Roads has to Zeus.
If the project manager doesn’t like
where the signs are placed or how much
dirt covers the faces of the signs or what
the signs say, the lazy construction
workers don’t get paid. The job stops.
Because the project manager
(Here’s where the Zeus part comes in.)
can penalize everyone for messing up.
He can take away the road contractor’s
money and immediately stop the road
worker’s job.
l hat s good because we all want
signs to warn us about dangerous stuff,
like 8-ton machines on the road in front
of us. And we don’t want to kill construc
tion workers by driving too fast and get
ting them plastered on our windshields.
We really like the idea of having one
guy who can stop the whole job with
one word, especially if that guy is con
cerned for our safety.
The problem is, this guy doesn’t care
if the too-slow speed limits and “fines
double” signs stay up long after the job
is over. Because Zeus is too busy getting
ready for the next job.
Or settling the immensely complex
ways road contractors get paid.
Or maybe Zeus just forgot the signs
are up or gets distracted every time he
starts to tell someone to pull them
down.
Whatever the case, Zeus’ buddies at
the State Patrol are more than happy to
give double fines to poor saps in aban
doned construction zones.
And mere mortal drivers don’t know
which warnings to heed and which
ones are just there because Zeus didn't
get around to telling someone to pull
die signs down.
We all either pay ridiculous nnes or
drive way too slow for mile after mile
based on the whim of good ol’ Zeus.
And, short of jumping out of my car
and pulling down the signs myself,
there is nothing I or anyone else can do
about it
Because the buck stops with Zeus.
And the Olympic Council at the
Department of Roads isn’t about to
punish him just because some whiny
mortals get speeding tickets or miss the
start of their little brother’s cross-coun
try meet.
This is the part of the column where
I’m supposed to tell you to call the
Department of Roads and complain or
ask some elected official to do some
thing. But I’m not going to. It won't
work.
Zeus already gets about 4,000 calls a
day from puny mortals. And he ignores
them.
Because, almost without exception,
the calls he gets are from people who
complain about pure trivia. People who
think he should plant flowers beside the
road. Or raise the speed limit to 100
even though he can’t. Or want his recipe
for fudge because isn’t this the Health
Department, and why don’t they make
the roads less bumpy, and isn't Jackie O’s
new hairstyle adorable, and...
And, in Zeus’ mind, your speeding
ticket is pure trivia.
And Zeus can’t be punished by some
do-good governor or state senator.
Because Zeus got hired by and is judged
by a mid-level administrator deep in the
bowels of the road department.
And Zeus would rather take a nap in
his car than find someone to take down
old signs.
Because he is Zeus.