Opinion
Daily Nebraskan Tuesday, August 22,2000 PageA5
ZM/yNebraskan
Since 1901
Editor Sarah Baker
Opinion Page Editor Samuel McKewon
Managing Editor Bradley Davis
Naked truth
Strip club debates reveal
a city's unwilling to grow up
News reports of city and county govern
ment activities in Lincoln this year may give
someone the impression that our fair city is
home to a raunchy red-light district teeming
with sex clubs.
In reality, there are only a handful of strip
bars and pornography shops in Lincoln. Most
are where they won’t disturb neighbors, and
the clubs can be easily monitored for distur
bances.
But our government officials seem to be on
a crusade to rid the city of
^^h^ctu- ac*ult entertainment or at
al imvact *east Prevent new c^s fr°m
of these becoming established.
j . In recent months two new
clubs strip ciubs have tested the
seems moral standards of the
minimal if Lincoln City Council and the
they are Lancaster County
managed Commission, and those bod
properly. ies have responded with reg
_ illations and restrictions.
The ongoing sagas of
Mataya’s Babydolls and Cheetahs vs. the City
Council and the County Commission have
grown tiresome.
When Mataya’s Babydolls opened near
56^ Street and Cornhusker Highway, the
juice bar offered full-contact table and lap
dances.
That raised the council’s ire.
Contact between customers and dancers at
other adult clubs that serve liquor was already
banned by a provision of their liquor licenses,
but there was no such rule for establishments
that only serve juice and soda.
So, in February the City Council drafted a
new rule banning sexual contact between
employees and patrons in Lincoln businesses,
but a federal judge blocked the enforcement
of that rule because it was too broad.
So the city revised the “no-touching” ordi
nance, which it used to raid Mataya’s earlier
this month and crack down on inappropriate
contact.
Just outside the city limits on West Van
Dorn Street, another strip club called
Cheetahs opened this summer.
Cheetahs served liquor under the license of
Coaches Bar and Grill, which owns the build
ing both businesses operated in.
Now the County Commission is trying to
use a 20-year-old mostly forgotten resolution
that empowers them to revoke liquor licenses
from adult businesses.
As grounds for these restrictions, the coun
ty and the city point to crimes and seedy
clientele officials say come with these clubs.
Yet The Night Before lounge has operated
for years just a few blocks from where both the
city and county governments meet without
major problems.
Some may consider adult entertainment
unsavory, but the actual impact of these clubs
seems minimal if they are managed properly.
The distinction between dancers gyrating
within inches of a customer’s face and cus
tomers' being able to touch a dancer is unim
portant and prudish.
You're growing up now Lincoln, and you’re
going to have to find a grown-up way to deal
with your adult entertainment.
Editorial Board
Sarah Baker, Bradley Davis, Josh Funk, Matthew Hansen,
Samuel McKewon, Dane Stickney, Kimberty Sweet
Letters Policy
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NealObamqcr/DN
Coasting through college
If we re going to start the
year out right, you all are
going to need a couple of
pointers on how to do it and
doitwelL
If you leave the pointers
to me, you won’t fed a thing,
and you’ll graduate (not with
honors or things that will
land you a job) with the fed
ine that you’ve really helped
out your institution (by
becoming a junkie whore), _
and then you will soar into “■■■
Karen
^rown
the sky only to get lost in the clouds.
If you don't understand this metaphor then you
need to take a metaphor-analyzing class. Don't ask
me where; I don't understand it myself.
Anywho, here is the first rule you must abide by
in order to make this university and your presence
here the best it can be.
Don’t sleep in class; sleep with your professors.
I do, and I have a 4.0. And that ain't ’cause I study.
’Nuffsaid.
Second rule - don’t look a gift horse in the
mouth. (Don't lick one in the mouth either.) I don't
really know what this means, but my friend
Elizabeth did it once, and now she’s dead. A horse
bit her face off. Tough break, but it could've been
avoided if she had listened to me.
Third rule - binge drink like a mad mutha’.
Binge drinking is so cool If you want to “reel in the
babes” (or the dudes), then you MUST binge-drink
every night. However, one mustn’t get caught on
campus with such tasty beverages in their original
alcoholic containers because of the fact that this is
a dry campus.
So do like I do.
Transfer your alcoholic delights into a flask or
another container resembling a flask clearly
marked “Alcohol.” Be sure and label it though
because once, my other friend had Drano in her
flask that wasn't labeled “Drano,” and she drank it,
and now she’s dead. A horse bit her face off. It was
sort of a freak accident with no apparent correla
tion with the Drano. Just be careful.
Fourth rule - whatever you do, don’t
study. Studying is for the weak and
geeky. Believe me, I wouldn’t be
caught dead with a book in my
hand. Reading sucks and so does
school. Why am I here then?
The UNL brochure had a
Melanie Falk/DN
Studying is for the weak and geeky.
Believe me, I wouldn't be caught
dead with a book in my hand.
Reading sucks and so does school.
cool picture of the stadium, and I knew that I had
to vandalize the hell out of it I haven't had a chance
yet hence, I’m still here. If you remember rule No.
1, you can still graduate with flying colors sans
studying.
Fifth rule - don’t get out and meet people
unless they're drug lords and/or guidance coun
selors. You laugh, but guidance counselors (like
drug lords) are so much fun. Why, I remember a
time when I was hanging out with one of each, and
we decided to shoot up (with guns, not needles)
this little Italian food joint on die comer.
Well, the drug lord ended up getting his face bit
off, but the guidance counselor and I escaped
unscathed and kept rocking die night solid.
The sixth rule is that one must NOT make fun of
the Nebraska Husker Football Team. I’m capitaliz
ing all of that because I don’t know its proper tide,
and I would hate to offend the men in tights.
With pads.
Tb make them look bigger.
I like to be professional whilst mocking the
unsuspecting. One question for all of you - are they
called the MHuskers” or the “Comhuskers?” I really
think we need to add that. It just sounds sort of,
well, macho. Not corny like one would like to joke
about
In all seriousness, ’cause I’m that kind of girl, I
really am looking forward to the Comhusker sea
son. They really know how to party (with 14-year
old girls). I cherish every moment that you get our
school close to the national tide so we can “regain
our integrity as a fine institution.”
Then, maybe we’ll get even more money (I
mean for the athletic department of course.) so
education will remain second in line.
Go Comhuskers!
So now if you follow all of
these simple guidelines you
and I shall have a wonderful
year here at UNL. I’m off to
sleep with my first professor.
Servers
unite to fight
the'plight
of quarters'
Things a
quarter can buy
OnegumbalL
Fifteen minutes
of parking. One
soda refill. One
song on die juke
box.
And one
pathetic night of
tips.
I am no
i___
longer a server.
But I sympathize with the plight of
quarters.
Quarters are the saddest but most
relevant, representation of corporate
America - or rather downtown
Lincoln.
I tip. I tip huge. ThoseM know tip.
And huge. I am poor. Corporate Lincoln
is rich.
I tip. You do not
**•
Impossible people strike a nerve
buried so deep even the Russians can
not retrieve it
I swear I have dealt with so many
ridiculous questions that I deserve a
medal. Or the NobeL
Most of the stupidity stems from
the value of a dollar
“Brownies
are $1.... That’s
too much.” Arc you
You under- SBfiOUS?
stand. Anyone 0_
with a part- DoyOU
time job under- under
s“!L,.s.o. stand
ciate a dollar SCKVCKS
with a load of ear„
laundry or . .
parking space. bClOW
This is normal minimum
mal cheap WQQB by fl
mentality ruins whole
businesses with continent?
per-person
expenditure.”
“Could you
please order
another perfect margarita so I can hit
the required ‘per-person expendi
ture?'"
At least I no longer have to clap and
sing. I hope you too can escape with
your little neon green name tag.
Impossible people fall into several
categories. One is the ”1 refuse to tip.”
Those in the ”1 refuse to tip” category
should not be allowed to enter restau
rants. Period.
Most understand the phrase
“Always a server-always a tipper." Sad
enough, most people who tip do so
after signing off a serving shift around
the comer.
The tips cycle in and out The cheap
bastards in the “I refuse to tip" category
should be ashamed and searching for
flies in pasta.
Servers never forget you. I promise.
I still remember the ”1 drink eight cups
of coffee and snack on crackers only to
leave you a dime" person.
Branching from this category is the
“I tip a quarter” spot.
Are you serious? Do you under
stand servers earn below minimum
wage by a whole continent? Just imag
ine all die bad karma you are stashing
in your posh business suit
Think of how one lousy quarter
affects the server. Pause with me...
The server finds a quarter most cer
tainly under the coffee cup. So clever.
The server curses. The server claims 50
cents at clock-out because he or she
was lucky enough to get two tables like
you.
The server cannot exit the parking
garage because 50 cents can only buy a
soda or a candy bar and not parking.
The server huddles beneath Daily
Nebraskan newspapers trying to keep
warm listening to the car radio.
The server wakes up the next morn
ing.
Still in the parking garage. Still in
the same uniform.
The server returns to work and is
fired because he or she misplaced the
khaki pants without the pockets. Khaki
pants with pockets are a crime and
nearly impossible to find. Not that the
server needed pockets... because you
stiffed him or her with a quarter. Nice
gesture scrooge. And so forth. The cycle
continues.
And you, pathetic cracker muncher,
are still allowed in restaurants. You
should be banned to the salad bar.
Without dessert
