When I was your age
Voice of experience offers sage advice to new students
As new students, you are
beginning a harrowing journey
where you will be subjected to
countless orientation sessions, fits
of book buying and endless visits
to records offices where all of your
personal information will be docu
mented We know, we have all been
there. But don’t fret, it gets better.
As soon as they have collected
your DNA samples, the documen
tation will dramatically decrease.
But let me take you back. Back
that magical day many of you
might have been introduced to
UNL. This, of course, is the guided
tour. Certainly you remember. A
UNL ambassador—walking back
wards the entire way—enthusiasti
cally showed you around campus.
You remember the well-groomed
students chirping about the
Military-Naval Science Building
or Richards Hall. To their credit,
they are the best ambassadors we
have. Not only do they embrace
this mind-numbing task with the
fervor, they put a lot of work into
learning about campus and how to
walk backwards. I know, I saw
them practicing Tuesday. Walking
backwards that is.
I am probably the least quali
fied ambassador for UNL. I am a
cranky, 30-year-old graduate stu
dent hiding from the real world
behind my position as editor of a
summer weekly paper called the
Daily Nebraskan. Nonetheless, I
feel I have something to offer you:
experience. As an undergraduate
and graduate student, I have the
weight of six years experience at
UNL. I know how to navigate this
mess.
So I will act as your UNL
ambassador and try to give
you the rough guide to ,
UNL and Lincoln. 1
However, I won’t walk I
backwards.
To your right is --
the UNL Police
department.
Located at 17th
and Holdrege
streets, this is
where you
will come to
pay your
parking
fines. As the
weeks wear
on and you
continually _
park illegally, you will
accumulate small white
envelopes on
your wind
shield. These
are not notes
from the univer
sity wishing you
well or offering
encouragement.
These are parking tick
ets. Go ahead and
throw them on the
floor of your car or
in the trash.
Sooner or later,
the paper trail
win ieau you 10
the police station where you will ■
need to pay for them. Chances are, ^
a good chunk of money. Credit
cards accepted. After you have paid
for them, you will find yourself
at...
.. .Independent Towing, off to
your left The university writes the
tickets and collects die fines. When
you
have accumulated enough of
these magic tickets from the friend
ly, brown shirted, parking drones,
you will have your car towed by an
Independent Towing employee. At
Independent Towing headquarters,
a featureless concrete bunker
fronting an impound yard ringed
with barbed wire, you will pay
someone again to liberate
your car.
Undoubtedly, they
will have to use a dolly
on your car at great
inconvenience to them
and even greater cost to
you. “Yeah, well we had to
put it on a dolly you
know,” they will explain
the extra fee as they rub
their chins in mock
despair. Don t
try to argue
with them
or barter.
Your igno
rance is no
excuse. And even if
you feel you have a
legitimate gripe, you
won’t get far. They
don’t care and they
are just doing their
job.
This leads us
to are next
locale, your
dorm. Here
you will
need to find a
friend or room
mate to give you a
| ride because
independent is
located in the
Historic Russian
Bottoms neighborhood,
nowhere near campus. It is close to
our next landmark...
.. .The site where die new base
ball stadium will be built. The sta
dium is a source of pride for the
city and UNL as it will be the home
of our resurgen baseball team.
There are dark clouds gathering
though. I heard one Russian
Bottoms resident (on television)
warn that if die stadium is built, it
will attract gangs and drug dealers.
It all makes sense. Families, base
ball fans, college students, gang
sters, drive-by-shooters, coke deal
ers. They are always mixing. But, if
you happen to get caught in the
gunfire at a Nebraska-Texas dou
bleheader, chances are you could
end up in our next destination
which is...
t At
. ..rugni Dcniiiu me, me
University Health Center. Perhaps
one of the smoothest operations on
campus, it also offers very reason
able prescriptions and quick serv
ice. The staff is friendly and the
atmosphere is soothing. One warn
ing though: unless you arrive with
a club foot or are bleeding from the
ears, you will walk out with a pre
scription for antibiotics or some
kind of soothing balm. Be specific
and persistent and don’t forget to
soak it in warm water and wash
with a mild soap.
This really is a fine school. The
Union has a post office, computer
lab, bookstore, credit card vendors
and some clean bathrooms. There
are new honor student dorms under
being built in which none of you
general studies majors will ever
live. And finally, there are blue
emergency phones which, contrary
to what you might believe at first,
are not hinny when set off as a joke.
Don’t think about it, because it was
never funny. And if you do, you
might find yourself back where we
began our tour.
Tim Karstens is a graduate journalism student and the Summer Daily Nebraskan editor
Welcome.
UNIVERSITY HOUSING welcomes all new students
and congratulates them on the decision to attend the
University of Nebraska-Lincoln. We would especially
like to welcome those of you who have made the smart
choice to live on campus.
UNIVERSITY HOUSING provides you with an ideal
environment in which to begin your college experi
ence and offers benefits you can’t find anywhere else.
The high-speed internet connections are some of the
best you’ll find — no more dialing, no more waiting.
And with the addition of new Freshmen Learning
Communities, it’s now even easier for you to meet
other students with similar interests and goals.
Your experience in the residence halls will be fun and
rewarding. We look forward to seeing you in the fall.
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I •- < ' . A- T . - , . •.> .... ■ - C ' •
Make the smart move . . .
Live on campus
Nebraska
PN1VW1TT OMU^un
-■-I-I-'
Division of University Housing *101 University Housing • 1115 N. 16th St.
1-800-742-8800 • http://www.unl.edu/housing • housing@unl.edu
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