Love is blind
Domestic abuse should not be tolerated in any relationship
__
Tina Turner could not have said it any better.
“What’s love got to do with it?”
What does this meaq? It’s pretty pimple. Love cannot always
last.
Every 12 seconds in the United States a woman is abused by
her spouse or partner, according to a national study.
This is known as domestic violence and is something that
we don’t often want to talk about or accept. But it happens all
the time; every 12 seconds someone is being abused.
Domestic violence includes a pattern of behavior in which
one intimate partner or spouse exerts power over another as a
means of control.
This may include physical violence, coercion, threats, intim
idation, isolation and emotional, sexual and economic abuse.
Often, if the two have children, they are used as pawns to
force the victims to stay with the perpetrators.
Domestic violence is also a combination of psychological,
social and familial factors.
I have never experienced any kind of abusive relationship,
and I never hope to. My family was very stable, and growing up,
there was no violence at home.
However, some girls my age have grown up with abusive
parents. And not surprisingly, they ended up in violent and dys
functional relationships.
Friends would come to me crying and telling me about their
problems. I would hear things like “He hit me again,” “It’s my
fault, I shouldn’t have made him mad” or “I forgot to cook for
him.”
These teen-agers would blame thbmselves for being victims
of abuse. The girls were totally dominated by their partners.
They had no control, no self-worth, no confidence and no
self-esteem. They were weak and vulnerable. They felt they
were happy with these violent men.
I constantly heard things like “We need each other, and we
love each other.”
What’s love got to do with anything?
If a man loves you, then he will respect you and treat you
like a queen. He would never even think about raising his voice
at you, and he would never, ever hit you.
I noticed a cycle with my friends. They wanted attention.
They wanted someone to take care of them and simply “love”
them.
For some reason they were drawn to good-for-nothing men
who were often involved in crime and drugs.
These relationships were very unhealthy, based on sex and
not love.
It is difficult to define love at times. But it is obvious that if
someone is causing you physical and emotional harm, then he
or she does not really love you, and you don’t need to be with
him or her.
I call this type of relationship “blind love.”
What one thinks is love is not, and women involved in any
kind of abusive relationship should open up their minds and
realize this.
How can a person be happy with someone who controls and
anuses nun or ner/
I realize some victims feel that they have no
choice.But there are so many resources available
for victims of domestic violence, such as the
National Domestic Violence Organization
and the local Rape/Spouse Abuse Crisis
Center.
There are many things that indicate
abuse that we all need to be aware
of.
How are you treated
in your relationship? Do
you ever feel afraid?
Have you ever been
threatened? Does your
spouse ever get jeal
ous and accuse you
of anything? Does
your partner control
your free time and
question activities
apart from him or
her? Does your part
ner demand sex?
Does your partner
abuse drugs or alco
hol?
These are just
some of the things
that have to be con
sidered when deal
ing with domestic
violence.
Sadly, many of
us may know
someone who is
in an abusive
relationship, or
we may be
involved in vio
lent relationships
ourselves.
We cannot
keep silent any
more and pretend
there is not a prob
lem. The perpetra
tors should be
given severe pun
ishment and should suf
fer the same way so many
women have suffered with this
abuse.
women nave to seeK neip ana /
leave these troubled, dysfunctional
relationships before it’s too late.
I almost lost a dear friend to domes
tic violence. She suffered years of abuse
and kept silent because she felt no one
could help her. She blamed herself for her
beatings.
No matter what a person may say or do to
another person, those actions do not justify any
kind of abuse.
No type of violence like domestic violence should
be tolerated.
Lesley Owusu is a junior broadcasting major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist
\ Higher learning
College hardly prepares one for life in the real world
Never in my wildest dreams did I
believe it would come to this.
Normally, if one were to ask me
how I felt about graduating, I’d say
something along the lines of “I can
finally leave this churning, vomi
tous, buffoon-filled hell-on-earth
called Lincoln” or “Good lord, I’d
rather slide down a 50-foot razor
blade and then suck the snot out of a
pug’s nose until its skull collapses,
all the while pouring salt in my eyes
and sticking toothpicks under my
toenails, than live here another day.”
Normally these are the kind of 1
things I’d say, but recently, an expe
rience of such utter terror and shock
ing pain made me realize that what I
really want to do is remain in college
forever.
I had a job interview.
Now I have to start saying good
bye to all my drinking buddies of the
past four years. When I enter the real
world of non-collegiate life, these
people will be known as “worthless
drunks,” and I have to avoid them.
Here at school, your friends and
your alcohol consumption are
acceptable at any level.
I also have to start buying things
like suits and Ikea furniture so that
my new friends, who aren’t
impressed by my keg-stand records,
will be impressed by my successful
and decadent life style.
I took the liberty of recording the
interview, and as a service to others
who are in the interviewing process,
I am reproducing it here so that you
might use my examples to secure a
high-paying job for yourself.
Make-believe Interviewer for
Professional Position: What do you
think you learned in the your four
years at UNL?
Yours Truly: Fear. Contempt.
Hatred for just about everyone
except myself and my dog. I learned
how to exert minimal effort for a
passing grade. I can write a 10-page
paper without any research in less
than three hours and pull an A. 1 can
live on less than $10 a week so that
the rest of my paycheck can be used
for alcohol on the weekend. Pinball.
MIPP: What things didn’t you
learn that you feel you should have?
YT: How to distinguish one guy
wearing a white baseball cap, plaid
shirt and Abercrombie and Fitch
khakis from another. Basic math
skills.
Why and how my freshman-year
philosophy professor got lost in his
own sweater for five minutes until
he finally hid behind the podium
and stripped from the waist up. Why
I was the only one of 150 caffeine
injected students in the lecture who
laughed audibly. Foosball. How to
defy the laws of physics.
MIPP: What special skills or
capabilities do you possess which
would be beneficial to our work
environment? What would you bring
to the table?
YT: I can dress anyone as a cow
boy. I am highly motivational, espe
cially if equipped with a garden hoe,
an empty YooHoo bottle, a hairy
Parisian named Guy and a quart of
tequila served in a man’s hat.
I have the outline of the medal
lion from “Raiders of the Lost Ark”
burned into my palm. I once con
structed a rudimentary hang glider
with no more than a belt buckle, two
blades of grass and a protractor. I
can vomit on command.
MIPP: What are some of your
favorite memories of college?
YT: The first day of class, I
watched three hippies hijack and
joy-ride a rider mower on the lawn
by Love Library. One time I got an
entire Valentino’s pizza in a grab ’n’
go container when I lived in Abel.
Every time I indignantly stood up in
lecture, pointed at the professor and
screamed, “Lies make baby Jesus
cry!”
The time my smart-ass room
mate was dressed in an enormous
inflatable dinosaur costume and
picked a fight with a drunk guy who,
believing he was actually fighting a
dinosaur, punched the dinosaur
head, a good three feet above my
roommate’s head, and felt he had
won.
MIPP: What are some of your
least favorite memories?
YT: That time I was sober.
MIPP: What advice would you
give to incoming freshman?
YT: Wear sandals in the dorm
showers. Don’t do drugs - they’re
stupid, and the world already has too
many burn-outs and hippies. Don’t
ever eat Hardee’s at 1:30 in the
morning - ever.
Always tip the bartender. He’ll
remember you next time and put less
alcohol in your drink. Don’t tell your
professors that they are dirty, lying
bastards or cite Jackie Collins novels
as legitimate sources in biology
papers. Finally, don’t wear white
baseball caps, plaid shirts and
Abercrombie and Fitch khakis and
expect people to be able to tell you
apart from all the other guys wear
ing that.
MIPP: Well, you sound qualified
for the job. You have to supply your
own mop and bucket. We ’ll supply
the sawdust for cleaning vomit in the
halls.
Show up Monday morning.
Fran Petty is a senior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan guest columnist
