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To create a marriage without dating: Use
trust, foster friendship and learn to live
1 know the question on all your minds since
the last time we talked is “How are. you supposed
to get married if you don’t ever date?”
All right, so that’s a lie. I do realize that all
you’ve been thinking about lately is making
reservations for the Wayne Chicken Festival. But
let me remind you that I did promise to answer
this question after tearing down the institution of
dating some weeks ago before millions of read
ers, and I intend to make good on my promise.
But first I think we need to.realize that yes, it
is possible to have a successful
marriage without _ __C~
roommate. You’ve got more time to figure out
your life now than you’ll have once you’ve got a
job, a spouse and children. Figuring life out
encompasses everything including how we
should relate to our parents, how to manage a
budget, how to stop a toilet from overflowing and
how to raise our future children.
You also want to deal with issues from your
past, such as abuse or neglect. And when your
head starts throbbing from all the self-examina
tion, work on building healthy relationships with
your friends, especially friends of the same sex.
After all, Martha, when you and Billy have your
first fight and you’re so hoppin' mad you don’t
want to sleep in the same house with him, he
probably won’t be too keen on you spending the
night at your buddy Geoige’s place.
When you come to the point in your life
when you thinkgetting married in the very near
future is possible, don’t feel like the pressure is
on. Remember to trust, even though parents, rela
tives and friends might pity your single state.
ever dating. After
all, dating as we
know it didn’t even
come about until
the advent of the
automobile,
because it just
didn’t sound too
keen to go \
knock on the V
neighbor gal’s ^
door and say,
“Howdy,
Martha, do ya
wanna walk ten
miles into town
with me and
hang out at the
feed store?”
And yet i
people got mar- I
ried, so we can I
too. To abandon 1
the normal way '
of dating you
must trust in
either fate, God or
yourself.
If you trust in
fate, realize that
there is an equal
chance you will
find your spouse
with or without
dating. If mar
riage is going to
happen to you,
it’s going to happen
to you, and you can’t escape it
T-f_4_x J _
xx j\j\x uuoi iii vjiaj, y\ju i^vj^iuz.c uiai uy
avoiding the selfish pitfalls of dating, you are
doing what is right. Therefore, you can trust
God to bring that certain someone into your life
when you’re ready, if that’s what is best for you.
If you trust in yourself, you can believe in your
own ability to find a spouse when you are in the
best position to commit to marriage.
I trust in God. I don’t believe in fate or my
ability to get much of anything! right on my own.
So the first step is to trust.
As we trust, we can quit worrying about find
ing the right person and start thinking about
being the right person. I get really tired of single
friends saying, “I don’t understand why I don’t
have a bqy/girlfriend. I’m attractive. I’m funny.
I’m smart. What more do people want?”
Well, for starters, people are looking for
someone with an ego that will fit through the
front door! But people also look for those with
purpose. If you’re not going anywhere, why
would I want to go with you?
Take the energy you normally would spend
on dating someone and use it to get your life fig
ured out. After all, you can’t let that energy just
sit around and fester in jars, or it gets petulant and
feels neglected and may eventually eat your
wnen someone caicnes your eye, develop a
friendship with him or her first to determine if he
or she is all he or she seems to be. If you rush
right into dating, you can be sure the other person
is putting the best foot forward, trying to impress
you. If you are friends first, you are more likely to
get to know who he or she really is.
Also, pursuing friendship first takes the pres
sure off the relationship -you haven’t raised any
hopes or made commitments you can’t keep. If
you decide you want to pursue a relationship,
make it clear that you’re not playing games, that
you’re looking for someone to marry. If that
scares the person off, don’t sweat it - he or she
isn’t interested in commitment and therefore isn’t
for you.
For some, getting married in the next six
months is a real possibility. But especially for us
freshmen and sophomores, the decision to marry
is hundreds of decisions away. The point is NOT
to wait around twiddling our thumbs, waiting to
live.
Leam to be content with your life now,
because if you expect your future spouse to meet
all of your needs, you will be sadly disappointed.
Contrary to Jerry McGuire’s philosophy, this per
son will not complete you.
Betsy Severin is a sophomore broadcasting major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
Join the cry for Unchained Heart Day, the
single person’s answer to Valentine’s Day
A day of regret, a day of anxiety, a day
of depression is looming before many of us. Aye,
you guessed it, Valentine’s Day is coming soon to
a street comer near you. I say Cupid should
watch his back, for there is a curse upon his cute,
blonde-curled head. A group of people is ready
to tear his feathery wings off his back and make
a down pillow to sleep upon.
In our time of political correctness, the rela
tionship-impaired should be granted a day to cel
ebrate our freedom from the
Delan Lonowski/DN
oppression of mall shopping, feeding the florist
monopolies and the salvation of our own unique
characters.
Not many people know about this move
ment, but we feel die truth in our bones.
February 15th should be a day of marches, burn
ing effigies of Cupid, black heart arm bands and
a celebration of being single. This is my vision
for Unchained Heart Day.
According to my logic, there should be enor
mous support for this idea.
Children usually do not date before the age
of 12, so we have every boy and girl from kinder
garten through junior high on our side. Speakers
could address our youth in gymnasiums across
the country, explaining why it is perfecdy all
right to be alone. The outdated cooties system for
coping cannot last, but induced reason has the
potential to stay with these young people for the
rest of their lives. Now, if we call off school to
celebrate being alone, that would really gamer
support from die youngsters. Indoctrinate early,
and our future is assured.
The divorce rate of all marriages in this
country is around 50 percent, which translates
into a constant influx of people who are angry,
single and needing a support group to cope with
'
feelings of rejection, depression and massive
credit card debt. These people can be reasoned
with, and their support should be total in the
short run. This group has a huge financial poten
tial, already having the skills to carry them in life
and support the cause.
The elderly are widowed every day, allowing
us to draw from their experience, wit and extra
ordinary amount of free time. Once the baby
boomers start dying off, this group can only
become more important to the cause of
Unchained Heart Day. We might also expect
entire estates willed to the cause.
Business should back this because someone
needs to manufacture the propaganda materials.
Someone needs to provide the space for our
meetings. Someone needs to replace the
Valentine’s Day regalia we will bum for next
year.
There will be no more hoarding of decora
tions for this day. There is money to be made for
the capitalists. I will not sully myself with such
materialistic gain, but the point is made.
Yes, lovers have had
Valentine s Day for the past cen
m tury and should continue to
celebrate their day of infamy. I
aigue that the day after should
be a singles’ holiday, sponsored
by a national organization
funded by members, with the
__power to lobby and devoted to
supporting the needs of said
members. It could be the
National Rifle Association of
, single people.
The organization will not
exist just for this one day, rather
the 15th will be a symbol of this
0 group. It potentially could drive psy
j chiatric prices down through union
1 force. The organization could help
/ countless recently broken-hearted peo
ple with support groups across the
nation. It could be a beacon of good,
righteousness and the American spirit.
We might even become a charity
organization, writing off taxes and even
receiving federal support once we are
large enough.
With all these meetings, rallies and
support groups, it is inevitable that we shall
lose members at our own functions. This
does not mean the oiganization members
are not firm in their resolve, just that these
people most likely will come back to the
fold, needing our help again.
Quite possibly the most noble
tenet of this organization would be
foigiveness at all times. You might
get bit by the dating bug, but once
you are dumped, we will welcome you back with
open arms, a cup of Irish Mocha and the lyrics of
Bob Dylan. You can come back as many times as
you need. It will not matter what your creed or
color is. It will not matter how many people you
have hurt before. We will accept you. We will do
what your new ex cannot do: we will forgive.
By now, all single people clearly should see
the need for such an organization, that America
would be stabilized by this noble institution. The
only opposition I see will come from two
sources: narrow-minded couples who feel threat
ened by our rightful, single power and the psy
chiatrists who have grown wealthy from our feel
ings of inadequacy and rejection. I say let the
shrinks no longer pick at die corpse of our
hearts! Rise up and help yourselves.
Of course, this oiganization will need a body
electorate, composed of devout and constant per
sons, educated and business-oriented. There
would be a president to oversee the distribution
of money and the national interests of single
people. This president should be able to say, "I
am not only the president, I’m also a card-carry
ing member!”
To show your support on campus, you can
contact this columnist at GraveofCupid@
hotmail.com. ,
Silas DeBoer is a sophomore English major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist