i . Political Coaching
Though not the perfect candidate, Dr. Tom is Nebraska s best bet
|____
On the seventh of November this
year, I will stand in line at Immanuel
Lutheran Church on 11th and Plum
streets, waiting to cast my vote in our
Nebraska elections. When I’m finally
handed my ballot and the hard plastic
clipboard, I will step into the cubicle
and vote.
My only regret is that I won’t be
able to vote for the 3rd District con
gressional seat. But if I could, I’d vote
, for Tom Osborne.
Is Osborne a perfect candidate for
Congress? No. There are no perfect
candidates, and Dr. Osborne has his
share of bad points.
The Bad Points
First, this man has no political
experience. He has never had an
elected office or made decisions
about the laws of a state, let alone a
nation.
Second, his educational back
ground isn’t what one might expect.
He doesn’t have a law degree or even
a Ph.D. in political science.
Third, doesn’t he have heart prob
lems that supposedly kept him from
continuing to coach college football?
The Legislature is probably even
more pressure than the gridiron.
And finally, this whole campaign
has a kind of bandwagon feel to it. A
famous, well-liked celebrity comes
out of retirement to transform his
fame into political power. That just
doesn’t sound right.
The Good Points
Anyone who has lived in
Nebraska in the past 20 years knows
Tom has good points, too. He spent
numerous hours away from his family
for the good of a Nebraska dynasty.
He already has given Nebraska
decades of his life.
More importantly, Tom Osborne
has always been known as a moral
man. A person can accumulate many
things, but without morality nothing
else counts.
Osborne stood firm at his press
conference, announcing that
NfthraslffltlQ U/ni 11H nr\t \\mrr\r
I thought I had the bastards beat
en. 1 thought I had shrouded myself
in a cloak of obscurity so thick that
they couldn't touch me. I was wrong.
I was sold out.
I have not used credit cards, have
not made purchases with checks
aside from the following institutions:
the university, my insurance company
and my bank. I pay cash for food,
music, entertainment and clothes.
Very few people have my name
on their lists. 1 have taken my name
from the roster of phone numbers in
the UNL directory, carefully greasing
the hands of bureaucrats on high to
keep my name to myself. If anyone
asked the directory for my phone
about campaign finance reform
because he would run “a campaign
that is already reformed.”
When asked if he would go along
with party politics, he answered, “I’m
not a partisan person, and I don’t
understand party leanings.”
He went on to declare his cam
paign to be closed to anyone attempt
ing to buy influence. Osborne’s posi
tions help give us one of things we
miss in most politicians - hope.
A Little Hope for the Future
We all know the American politi
cal system is missing something.
Most of us don’t trust the parties and
the politicians. The Republicans
seem too greedy.
The Democrats seem too
communist. They seem to
think government can solve
everything by taking in
more taxes and spend
ing more on the less
fortunate.
What
we seem
to need is
politi
cians
without
party
bag
gage.
Tom Osborne just Lzg*
If he means what he
says, his road will not be
an easy one. I’m *
reminded of some
thing Voltaire said I
three hundred years u
ago. “It is dangerous &
to be right when the \!
government is \
wrong.” Good luck, Dr.
Osborne. You will
need it.
might be a first in <7
Nebraska. His popu- • —^
larity and celebrity
status make him
immune to
party poli
tics in two ways.
One, he doesn’t
need the party r
"{machine to
get financing
for his cam
paign. Two,
he doesn’t
need the
name recog
nition that a
major party
grants. After all, he is
Tom Osborne.
Nebraska will
have a congress
man who owes no,
debts and operat
purely on consciences
Osborne make a major difference?
Maybe. Maybe not. But the one thing
that is certain is that he is in for the
biggest fight ofhis life.
Michael Donley is a senior sociology major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist
Not lost, but found
Precautions will not keep telemarketers away
number, the operator would conclude
I don’t exist.
But it has been all for naught,
when I arrived home from the
Campus Recreation Center, one
recent winter afternoon, I found my
plain black answering machine’s but
ton flashing red, indicating a mes
sage. The machine is just for show,
not even supposed to work, yet here it
is, flashing a cold red eye at me.
The voice is mechanical, loath
some, something out of “Oceania” or
maybe the movie “Brazil.” The man
on the phone is living, I can hear his
voice panting out breath as he reads
some script about how I could make
more money working at home part
time than if I were a full timer. I am
told how this special company
changed his life. He wants this com
pany to change my life, too.
Then came the consortium of
voices, pre-recordings of countless
other fellows all voicing the excel
lence of this opportunity, this special
deal just for me. I was shaking with
horror that I was discovered, that
Silas DeBoer is a sop)
someone had my number. The entire
tape was used from end to end, noth
ing but recorded voices all testifying
to their heathen God. I could barely
discern some hidden rhythm in their
chants and hymns of persuasion.
As the recording ended, my first
thoughts were, “I need to get out of
here. This place is no longer safe.”
Then came, “Get a grip! You have
been sold out! Someone has betrayed
you. We need to find the bastards
who did this....”
The mini-cassette bounced
against the window screen of my
room until 1 tore a hole with my
Taiwan-made needle-nose pliers. 1
definitely have lost the deposit now,
but that tape had to go.
So, while “Transformers: The
Movie” plays, I’m deciding who
might have sold their souls for a
dime. The University of Nebraska
Lincoln comes first to mind. I’ve
never trusted the legal clap trap here,
neither should any of you. Sure, the
offices are run by people who cannot
be faulted individually, but the sys
tomore English major and a Da
tem is a vicious predator, ready to sell
our names and phone numbers to
unscrupulous deviants.
My bank is from my home town,
run by the Masonic guild and every
one keeps quiet about finances. There
should be no problem at this end.
The next one up is my insurance
company, which has recently been
sued for a huge chunk of change. 1
haven’t seen any increases in premi
ums for my poor Thunderbird, so
maybe the brass of insurance is giv
ing my name out to make ends meet.
Could one of my colleagues have
ratted me out? Only four people
know this number individually, and I
have sufficient blackmail on all of
them. They would be fools to cross
me. No, it wasn’t one of the Family
(unless someone else has been found
out as well... I’ll have to make dis
creet inquiries).
I’m left with two viable culprits.
The university educating me could
also be the one stabbing me in the
back. These calls from companies
trying to solicit me are not wanted.
ly Nebraskan columnist.
Even though this institution was
founded on the same month and day
as I was bom, I am still not paying
enough to keep my anonymity.
Perhaps I need to grease a few more
palms.
As for my insurance company, I
believe my agent will soon be visited
by three large men in black bearing
Louisville slugger baseball bats. God
bless the Intelligence Division of the
Family.
I tell you all, my loyal Droogans,
no one is safe. You can hide yourself,
you can build up barriers to keep the
junk mail away, the e-spam, the tele
marketers - but you cannot hide for
ever.
You cannot remain the spider in
the middle of the web, because there
is a mighty Orkin Man with your web
in his address book, making copies
and selling to the highest bidder. The
best we can do is to tear up the junk
mail, destroy the e-spam and delete
the messages flashing on our
machines, praying to the Com Gods
for favor.
