Divine comedy
God s vision of reality isn’t what we experience in this world
MARK BALDRIDGE is a
senior English major and a
Daily Nebraskan colum
nist
In the beginning... what’s more
likely? Some overblown explosion, a
“Let There Be Light” with plenty of
reverb to impress the rubes?
Or just a cutaway, the now-you-see
it opposite of magic: nothing, nothing,
nothing, nothing, something.
In fact, Everything. And all at once,
and quieter than any whisper, God’s
wheels, in mid-turn, turning.
The world might be newborn any
moment History, those pesky dinosaur
bones no one knows what to do with,
even your own memories created en
medias res, like light already en route
from Andromeda to your eyeball.
A divine economy of creation:
make the world as it would have turned
out anyway and judge it on that basis;
instead of the Biblical Seven Days you
take care of the whole thing, Genesis to
Apocalypse, with a break for lunch and
done before dinner.
Which leaves us, all of us, in that
interval the authorless documents of a
nonexistent past all call grace: The
moment before God wipes His hands
on a paper napkin and gets back to His
bloody work. Quick, it could be any
minute!
Sure, I know what you’re saying:
“Gee, Mark, what do you expect us
to do about it? I mean, God is over 9
feet tall, has scaly arms and big, sharp,
pointy teeth! If he feels like chopping
wood, who - and what army - is gonna
stop him?
“It wouldn’t take more than an
asteroid the size of hardly one of God’s
uiucsi lucnau cuppings, iruin une 01
his smallest toes, falling on Dallas of a
Wednesday morning,” you go on. “He
did it before with the dinosaurs, God
knows what they did to earn His Divine
Extinction.”
And really you feel quite chatty and
you muse:
“Maybe they had just finally eaten
enough of those giant ferns they had
back then, and produced enough doo
doo to cover the Earth, mostly. And He
drowned them (in the Flood) to add
compost to the sludge that, just in time
for the 20th century, would percolate
into enough crude oil to produce one
hell of a Boom Town before going
Bust.”
“Like it’s all sort of some cosmic
plan, dig?”
Or punchline.
God leads all His lambs to slaugh
ter. Not that I blame Him. They belong
to Him, don’t they? The little lambs?
Don’t they?
As Saint Homunculus said, in the
23rd book of Mumblings: “Who will
deliver me from this pizza of death?”
Let me just say that it’s that kind of
sniveling that will send us all to
Gehenna in a handbag if we don’t
straighten up as a species and fly right.
Like any bully, you gotta stand up
to God. There’s no hiding away from
his X-Ray eyes which make you feel so
naked - as if a fig leaf in the crotch
equals lead codpiece, no. But calmly
and clearly expressing the unfairness of
it all, to be judged by some Heavenly
Bean Counter. Tell it like it is: We sim
ply refiise to go.
To God all this (and by all this I
mean more than just “from Bob
Devaney to the Penis of the Plains,” I
mean the whole enchilada - including
parts you thought you had just imag
ined) may be nothing more than an
experiment, a game of checkers with
the Devil or simply some kind of
prank.
To us it is the world, el mundo.
We are bom by that thunder and
murder each other beneath that moon.
Our life involves terrible risks: loving
children is terrible.
/Aiiu, ocnuing uuwn 10 uc one s
shoe at Little Big Horn or Gallipoli, the
blood pounds in one’s head like pound
ing on a coffin’s lid: from the inside.
Stand up to him!
Peek behind curtains, sling monkey
wrenches, count your chickens, leap
without looking!
Make yourself useless.
I have striven all my life to be
perfectly useless and hereby repent
the few times (through weakness
of will, fear, slavery to the flesh) I
ceased to be anything but utterly
and completely useless to the
machine, the great boot in the
back of our neck, triumphant
King of this World.
I have endeavored and will
continue to persevere in wast- ■ j
ing time, staling, fooling
around, making things up,
flipping the bird, complain
ing, lamenting and poking
- with a sharpened stick -
the humorless eyeball, the
All Seeing, as depicted on
the back of the dollar bill:
, In Hod We Rust.
While the rest of the
world goes marching by
(Hurrah!) I will be off on
the sidelines, shaking my
money maker or - if I must
be carried along - dragging
my heels.
I resent all attempts to
get me to mollycoddle my
so-called superiors - peo
ple I wouldn’t deign even
to papdy were they not in
positions of temporal
power.
Stand up to him! The
old Nobodaddy.
Send a message, loud
and clear. If he can’t play
nice he can’t play around
here.
Look, if my plan works
we could maybe bust outta
this joint. And then we
might actually see a little
progress -1 mean like
Pilgrim’s, not Edison’s.
Dui i itsi we gona alien mis para
noid, spiteful, jealous God.
And if I’m wrong?
Well, let’s all meet in Hell some- .
where, say a thousand years from
tonight under the big clock tower with
human hands (you can’t
miss li j 10 oiscuss mrngs. moe mere,
along with some of Hell’s more inter
esting citizens. And if you foiget the
date don’t worry. I plan to show up
around 2912 and just wait around for
about a hundred years.
Failing families
New definition of values only hurts children, destroys tradition
JESSICA FLANAGAIN is a
senior English and philoso
phy major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
In case you missed the DN on
Monday, 8-year-old Stuart Kujath loves
his gay mom.
And Lincoln knows it, thanks to
our ever-faithlul media and a family
who was willing to exploit a child for
political gain.
I find it rather ironic that at the very
rally at which young Stuart waved his
colorful and politically loaded sign, the
discourse was on “the new face of fam
ily values.”
Just so you know, the rally was part
of the National Gay and Lesbian Task
Force’s new rhetoric aimed at changing
public opinion about the nature of fam
ily values.
And last Friday a small army of
gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgen
dered people and supporters met on the
steps of the Capitol for a Pride Rally.
After the rally, some attendees
went to lobby the Unicameral about
LB69 (even though the Legislature was
in recess) introduced by Sen. Ernie
Chambers, which would add sexual
orientation to a list of characteristics
employers may not discriminate
against.
LB69 has not been declared a pri
ority bill and is expected to remain in
the Judiciary Committee thisiegisla
tive session, despite the exercise in
influencing public policy.
Scott Winkler, Chairman of the
Nebraska Federation of Lesbian, Gay,
Bisexual and Transgender Political
Organizations, was quoted by the
Lincoln Journal Star as saying, “We
put a new face on gay and lesbian
Nebraska for them.”
Too bad they chose Stuart’s face.
And too bad this political group is
endeavoring to change the consensus
of what family values are. You see, the
redefining of family values can only
serve to further exploit little Stuart.
This campaign to redefine the fam
ily is threatening the very principle that
has propelled our nation to greatness -
dedication to the family.
Of course, questions about what a
family really is and who determines
what makes up a family are unavoid
able. Of course, the sanctity of the
institution of marriage is dissolving
among the sea of egocentrism and sex
ual confusion prevalent in our nation..
Of course, the integrity of a lifetime
commitment between a man and a
woman is compromised so often in
popular media and by national leaders
that it may be difficult to remember
when the definition of family was
clear.
Historically, Judeo-Christian
instruction has provided the model for
a family unit - an enduring commit
ment between a man and a woman.
This is the family unit that has
formed the foundation of successful
human civilizations.
Today, as that foundation deterio
rates in the wake of redefinition, the
most vulnerable and important compo
nent of our society is placed at risk -
our children.
You see, in this reality of moral
deficiency, the children are the ones
facing the consequences.
Now we have entire movements,
entire segments of society, that endeav
or to not only redefine family but who
also have labored to change the societal
consensus about the importance of the
family structure.
Research reveals a direct correla
tion between an increase in criminal
activity and the compromise of family
values. In the second half of this centu
ry, we have seen crime rates soar and
religious conviction regress.
We are a country in which roughly
half of our children are without one
parent. And while the effects of this
phenomena are staggering, popular
culture is comfortable to accept the
trend as the standard.
The American Journal of
Sociology recently published a study
statistically linking almost every major
crime category (including violence
against strangers, car theft, mugging
and burglary) to single parenthood.
Nebraska’s Center for Family
Policy reports that fatherless children
are twice as likely to drop out of
school.
The U.S. Department of Health and
Human Services reports that around 70
percent the population in long-term
juvenile correctional facilities are kids
who were raised without fathers.
Children whose parents separate
are notably more likely to exhibit
behavioral disorders, be sexually active
and to abuse drugs.
The single most contributing factor
to juvenile delinquency is not race,
social class or education level. It’s
whether or not a father was present in
the home.
According to the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention, homi
cide is the second leading cause of
death for all young people aged 15-24,
and the leading cause of death for
black and Hispanic youth in this age
group.
The statistics are heartbreaking and
plentiful. They coincide with society’s
denial of the value of the traditional
family, a family in which a man and a
woman enter into a lifelong commit
ment to each other and consequently,
their children.
The “new face of family values”
need not be one that embraces or facili
tates an environment in which children
don’t flourish. The new face of family
values need not be one that underesti
mates the importance of both a mother
The “new face of family values”
should be a return to an encompassing
dedication to the preservation of the
family, one that will provide hope and
stability for our children.
These campaigns to change the
family as we know it are an assault on
the futures of our children, and ulti
mately on the future of our nation.
At the Pride Rally last Friday,
Kerry Lobel, executive director of the
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force,
was reported in the Omaha World
Herald as believing die end was in
sight for conservative groups who
oppose homosexuality and use it as a
political platform.
She went on to say that she looks
forward to a day when such groups
have to come to terms with the wrongs
they have done to the homosexual
community.
It seems to me that Lobel simply
misunderstands that opposition to the
lifestyle is not personal, it’s a measure
to protect family values.
Lobel was also was cited by the
Lincoln Journal Star as saying that
opposition such lifestyles was afung;—
tion of fearing their “ability to love
each other with wholeness and authen
ticity.” She continued, “It is with that
love that we must lead our country into
a different day.”
Again, I’m afraid Lobel missed the
point. Opposition is not the fear of
whole or authentic love. In fact, that
assertion is asinine. As for leading our
country into a different day....
We’re already at a point where the
statistical future for children like Stuart
is markedly dim.
The direction for our country
should now be a return to family values
and a dedication to the future of our
children.