The great divide
As trial draws to a close, schism in GOP is evidenced
v; _ ■ w - /
CLIFF HICKS u a senior news-edi
torial and English mqjor and the
Daily Nebraskan opinion editor.
Hallelujah, it’s all over. I
We in the media can close up shop and take a
long-deserved rest Reporters in one-year-wrin
kled suits are leaving Washington and going
home for a well-earned break. Cries of “just one
more interview” are met with tire battle-cry of
world-weary journalists - “Hell NO!”
And that about wraps it up for Oralgate.
It’s been a little over a year now that things
have been insane, and finally they’re coming to a
close.
On Friday, Feb. 12, William Jefferson Clinton
was acquitted before the Senate. It culminated in a
showdown that had been rising for longer than the
investigation had even been going.
The question was simple in its makeup, if not
in its answer who do politicians represent, us or
themselves?
It’s supposed to be easy. Any politician, any
citizen, anyone in America should say that they’re
our representatives. They’re supposed to listen to
us.
But they didn’t
When the votes came down, they didn’t repre
sent America, no matter which way you look at it
America’s divided, that much is obvious.
Some people though that Clinton should be
removed, some people didn’t - either way most
people felt he should be punished.
Punished, but not removed.
Instead of compromising and taking the route
die majority of America wanted them to take, the
Republicans decided to play all or nothing.
There the ol’ Elephantine party stood at the
roulette wheel, chanting the mantra that’s been
around as long as gambling has: “Let it ride.”
Surprise, it’s 00.
In this case, it’s hicky that the house they were
gambling in belongs to us, because when they
lose, we, as Americans, won.
America is for the people, of the people, by
the people. We are the people. Us.
The polls are supposed to be our outcry. It
hasn’t been one poll, it’s been several polls. And
die numbers keep coming up similar.
Over half of America thought Bill Clinton
should stay in office. Some polls put die number
as high as 65 percent
Yet almost half the Senate voted to convict
Bill Clinton.
Debates still rage on the news channels and
papers will still be talking about it for weeks, but
the roar will slowly die to a murmur, and then,
finally, to a whisper.
Very few people argued what Bill Clinton did
was right - most of diem argued what he did was
his business.
Stalwarts of the moral high ground claimed
that Clinton still broke the law, and deep down, I
don’t think anyone’s really arguing that
People just don’t think the law, nor the situa
tion, is right
When Starr was just beginning his investiga
tion into the whole Oralgate debacle, it wasn’t
something America heard much of, but soon
everyone in America would know the key players
in the scandal: Clinton, Lewinsky, Tripp, Starr.
Should Clinton have been forced to testify
about his private life? Is the public need to know
so great that every time the President blinks, we
need to know about it?
Was it wrong for Clinton to have an affair?
Morally, yes. But that means one-third of America
is morally wrong.
Was it wrong for Starr to be looking into
Clinton’s bedroom? America doesn’t need to
know what goes on in our leader’s private life. Not
only do we not have that right, we shouldn’t have
that right
If Bill Clinton wakes up one morning and
decides that he’s been living a lie and realizes he’s
gay, we, as Americans, have no right to be con
cerned with it
Was it wrong for Clinton to lie about it to
Starr? Yes, but the question wasn’t one that should
have been asked in public anyway.
The people who have talked the loudest dur
ing this whole mess have been the self-pro
claimed “moral majority.”
Here’s real news, folks: they’re not the majori
ty
All their throwbacks and archaic beliefs have
caused a rift in the GOP, and the Republicans are
slowly coming to collapse.
So many people hawe been saying “the M
public will forget by 2000, the public will . . .'I
forget by 2000.” /.&J)
Mayoe tney would 11 tne prob
lem were resolved right now, but
the issue isn’t so much Oralgate as
the repercussions of Oralgate.
The Republican party is at war
with itself, and there are two sides
- the mildly conservative and the
very conservative.
Never the twain shall meet,
and a split is coming. Maybe the
so-called moral majority will
leave and form their own party, or
maybe they’ll just drag die
Republican party down so much,
the GOP will destroy itself.
In either case, the big gamble
paid off for only one group in
particular - America.
We know where our politi
cians stand, be that for us or
against us. We know who they
represent, the people who voted
them in, or the party who says
they can help keep them there.
Next year, we’ll know the
answer.
A1 Gore will be running
against die Republican candi
date, probably George W. Bush
Jr., and the self-appointed moral
majority will probably split the
vote.
Some of those who voted to
impeach or convict Clinton in
the House and the Senate will
find out if their constituents
really agreed with their repre
sentative’s decision. I
Twenty-one months from now, we’ll see if the
American people really are as forgetful as the
Republican party hopes they are.
My money is on “no,” but we already know
the Republicans’ bet.
Let it ride.
Shawn Ballarin/DN
See no evil
Television ad conspiracy uncovered
...v.-.viv;v,v;v
TODD MUNSON is a senior broad
casting major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Karl Marx was an interesting fellow.
Not only did he keep his beard neatly
trimmed; he liked to share his opinions every
now and again.
One time he gave his two cents about adver
tising. If I hadn’t traded in my Maix-Engles
Reader for burrito money I’d give you a direct
quote but here’s the gist of it: “Advertising cre
ates a false desire for items you don’t need.”
Amen, brotha’. Leapin-’ Lanny Poffo (a real
ly lame wrestler from the ’80s) couldn’t have
said it any better.
My homework’s been rather scary lately and
because I just can’t bring myself to face the
study demons I’ve turned to the solace of an old
friend - Mr. Television.
But you know what? College really works!
Now when I watch Ty my keen liberal arts edu
cation has given me the upper hand. Can you
feel die thunder, Mr. Television? I’m smarter
than you, sucka.
And being smarter than that cathode ray
tube has made me aware that TV sucks so bad
that die best thing going for the medium are its
commercials.
Today I woke up feeling a bit analytical.
Call me crazy, but I think the dream I had this
morning about the Cubs showing off their new
sweater vests at a Wrigley Field re-decorated in
a Southwestern motif while Frank Zappa played
in the background has something to do with it.
Anyhoo, as I watched the telly this evening,
the true messages behind the commercials were
as obvious as that scene in “Top Gun” when
Goose’s wife hinted she wanted the hot butter
lovin’ when she declared “Take me to bed or
lose me forever.”
“Show me the way home, darlin’.”
The few, the proud, the Marines.
Those marketing folks in the Marines put
the sav in savvy. I saw this little gem during
Monday Nitro.
This particular commercial features a young
marine using his magical sword to slay a dragon
high above a fiery pit, just like Super Mario -
Brothers.
The subtext of “join the Marines and exor
cise your inner demons” is nice. But when I was
watching this commercial, I couldn’t help but
think of that sorry chump out there who signs
up for to become a leatherneck and then asks
how long is it into basic training until they get
to fight die dragons.
The cute sport-ute.
Just a stone’s throw away on Lifetime. I
chuckled at an ad catering to the chicks.
This celluloid minuet focused on the cute
and quirky Toyota RAV4 and its cute and quirky
driver trying to find a parking spot in a cute and
quirky downtown setting. Finally, it comes to a
halt in front of a hip-to-the-jive street mural, as
the announcer lets every one know that this car
is as unique as they are.
If it’s a unique car, then why are thousands
on the streets?
Hello, copy writers, buy a dictionary.
Unique means one of a kind. But I guess if
you’re a 24-30 year-old female, driving a RAV4
makes you just as unique as every other chic
sporting a “Rachel haircut” and an Ani
DiFranco T-shirt.
The Captain and the Crunch.
Man, the chicks who watch Lifetime must
be suckers because in this little ditty, the good
Captain doesn’t even try to corrupt die kiddies
he just goes straight to their stay-at-home
moms.
The scene begins with a ring of the door
bell. Mom goes to answer it and lo and behold,
Captain Crunch is there to let moms know that
adults find Cap’n Crunch a most delicious cere
al, not going door to door letting folks know
he’s a sex offender. That’s Boo Berry’s territory.
Here’s the whacked-out part. Mom doesn’t,
even for a second, think it’s odd that Captain
Crunch is at the doorstep.
The only message to this commercial is
housewives with too much time on their hands
are prone to huffing way too much Pine-Sol.
The Monsters are Coming.
In the ad world, Super Bowl Sunday is
Oscar night. During die 10 minutes I watched
the Donkey dominance, there was one ad that
should be held dearly in the hearts of all die
folks who tried to get into override into an MIS
class.
Monster. Com promoted its employment
Web site by showing nice pictures of business
people as kids.
“I want to be a yes man,” says one. “I want
to be forced into early retirement,” says another.
This slice of grim reality goes oh for the full
30 seconds, indicating one thing: Majoring in
business is for turkeys.,
Just like someone needs a hole in
their head...
The kind folks at MTV found sponsorship
in the next gadget to rival the laser pointer in
popularity contests among annoying junior high
students.
It’s called the C-Pen, and it’s just like an
ordinary writing utensil, save for one glaring
difference: at the top is a Tamagotchi like crea
ture that talks!
I take that back, it doesn’t talk, it blurts out
retarded phrases at random.
How retarded. A group of kids are studying
and the pen blurts out to its female user, “Who’s
your boyfriend?”
Here’s the rub to the whole gimmick. It
blurts things out and randomly, so in the world
of reality outside of TYI can only vision a boy
setting next a couple of homophobic meat
heads when the pen asks, “Who’s your
boyfriend?”
Gee, it’s not too hard to see C-Pen scarring
that poor chap for life, especially when those
meat-heads shove it straight up his ...
Why, Weezie, why?
This final commercial is one I know you’ve
all seen at least a hundred times over the holi
day season. Two words sports fans:
Performance Fleece.
Oooh it’s fine and you can be there at 9
when all the cool kids invite you to their parties
when you start kicking around in Performance
Fleece.
Other than the keen rip-off of the classic
Slinky ad, the underlying message in the jingle
is mind control. Total mind control. All hail Old
Navy!
I hate to say this, but that this ad actually
made me feel compelled to check out Old Navy.
Three words, sports fans: Performance
Fleece sucks.
But those cargo pants, ooh la la... I never
knew I could need so much stuff. Thanks to the
handy cargo pockets, I can now comfortably
carry not one but three tubes of lip balm.
One for sunny days, one for windy days,
and who can live without the extra cold formu
la?
