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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Dec. 10, 1998)
Admissions of mediocrity reveal lies, half-truths
JOSH WIMMER is a
major and a Daily
All right, I have a confession to
Now, this is a one-shot deal. I
will not make this confession again.
So y’all better tack this column up
on your bulletin board or stick it in a
safety deposit box.
Although I wish you wouldn’t,
because this is kind of embarrassing.
But let me cut to the chase.
I don’t drink that much.
See, for the past 15 weeks or so,
through this column, I have tried to
cultivate the impression that I am a
lush. A sot. A chronically intoxicated
It’s just not so.
Anyway, this confession comes
on the heels of an e-mail messacre
from my dear mom, which read, in
“References to your drinking in
your columns are getting old. Love,
Well, Mom, as a little Christmas
present to you, I’m coming clean in
public. I hope this will set your mind
This has been an active week for
me. I did attend a co-worker’s bar
crawl, and I was one of the last two
men standing. And the cither guy and
I were both a lot farther gone than
the birthday girl was.
On average, I find myself inebri
ated maybe - maybe - once every
two months or so. And if that seems
frequent to any of you, you either (a)
drank so much you’ve forgotten
what the traditional 22-year-old’s
lifestyle entails; or (b) aren’t getting
the most out of your college years.
This isn’t to say I can’t drink a
lot. There’s not a Nebraskan among
you who can stand up to any North
Dakotan, including me, worth his or
her weight in pretzels.
This also isn’t to say I don’t
drink. Hey, there happens to be a bar
in the restaurant where I’m gainfully
employed. And if you’ve never been
in die table-waiting business or it’s
been a long time since you were, you
probably can’t appreciate just how
good a single beer tastes at the end
of the night.
And of course, it’s not to say
we should he flip about anyone
who does have a drinking
problem. Certainly we
shouldn’t (although we have
been in the past and proba
bly will be in the future).
Point is, I don’t have
such a problem. Alas, I talk
the talk, but generally, I
don’t walk the walk.
With that out of the <
way, it’s easier to move on
. .At * , ! }
iu uus lie a i pai i. ^
I can’t smoke worth a
I try, I try, I try. Oh, how I try.
But according to my “real smok
er” friends, I still look unnatural
when I do it. I’m incapable of smok
ing unless I’m completely immobile
- can’t do it if I’m walking or even
driving. I simply lack the ambition
And no matter what, it makes my
throat hurt. All too often, I stub out a
cigarette that’s only half-gone.
Which, as Miss Manners will tell
you, is considered a faux pas among
My roommate said to me the
other day, “Too bad for you they
raised the price of cigarettes.”
And all I could think to say was,
“Well, it’s only an extra 45 cents a
Yes, I am definitely a poser.
I’ve come this far. I’m going to
tell you one more thing, people.
Last, and maybe most painful, of
all, folks: I am not a world-renowned
Boys don’t want me \,
to work on their ■} »
next album. Neither does Snoop
Dogg. Madonna might - but, OK,
that’s a lie, too.
I won’t be releasing
an album anytime soon. I
don’t even have any
I .... lean
Matt Haney/DN %
read notes, and that’s about it.
I don’t even own a record player.
If you’ve read this far, I wish
you’d bum this column now. I’ve
spent months building up this bad
ass facade, and now I’ve tom it
down with one fell swoop. All for
my mom. (See how much I love
It’s enough to make me want to
get really trashed for the third time
Unless maybe you can help me,
Let me explain.
In the life of a bad-ass, one
^ might say only three things are
important: sex, drugs and rock ‘n’
/ And, as you can see at this
■ point, the latter two just don’t play
much of a role in my life.
\ If I am to maintain my bad
e only two
'irst unviable; the
1. As I have urged through
out this piece, finish reading and
then destroy this newspaper.
And every copy you can find.
With no record of these con
fessions remaining, my “boy
x your mother warned you
\ about” image will remain
2. Because I’m lacking in
the “drugs” and “rock ‘n’ roll”
categories, I’ll just have to make
j ] it up in the remaining one. I guess
kj - sigh — I’ll have to entertain
^ women nightly at my old apart
ment. And I don’t have much
time before I go home for
Christmas, so they’ll have to
arrive in threes and fours.
What a shame.
(Hey, Mom - I’ve done a nice
thing for you. So you don’t need
to send a copy of this one to
I know you won’t let me
down, readers of mine. Just call,
and I’ll let each of you know
when I can fit you in. Happy
Holidays, all y’all!
Parting words of wisdom from a student athlete
LESLEY OWUSU is a
major and a Daily
Dear Husker fans, UNL students,
faculty members and all the employ
ees of the University ofNebraska:
Today, I am writing to inform you
of some good news and some bad
The bad news is that this is my
last column for 1998. Still, you better
continue to read. The good news is
that we officially have seven days of
school left, which is very scary, but _
we will be back in just 32 days. * ' ■>
It’s also my birthday in 11 days on
the 21st of December. I won’t reveal
®y real age, because a woman should
never reveal her true age. But Fm
sure you can all work out how old I
And as usual I will be getting
fewer combined birthday/Christmas
presents than ever. It sure sucks being
bom so close to Christinas.
The football season is drawing to
an end, but the great news is that the
track and field season kicks off soon.
We have our first preseason “time
trial” meet today at the Bob Devaney
Sports Center starting at 3:30 p.m. If
you want to see me and my team
mates in action, be there or else.
The University of Nebraska is a
great school for sports. We have one
of the greatest athletic programs in
the nation. All the sports work equally
hard and represent our school proud
However, it seems like football is
the only sport people care about
Football, football and more football.
But it’s not the only sport. All the
other sports such as track, basketball,
soccer, volleyball and swimming ,
work just as hard as the football team,
yet they get little recognition and less
Things have to start changing as
we approach the new year. We need to
and should support all sports equally,
especially my sport - track.
By far, track and field receives die
least number of spectators compared
to any other sport. And we work our
butte off. ;.
I can speak for myself and my fel
low trade athletes who are preparing -
for our forthcoming season.
My training has been going excel
lently. I’m a totally new and improved
athlete this year. I’m tougher, healthi
er, lighter and faster.
A lot of my strength has got to do
with some of my hard workouts that
my coach, Steve Smith, sets for his
A few examples are the 6x300
meters, or 12x400 or 2x3x400 and 20
stadium stairs that we do.
I’m physically and mentally
stronger, and I am just ready to
explode and do what I love to do best
- perform to the best of my ability
People don’t understand the
demands on a track and field athlete.
Americans seem to appreciate the
sport of track only every four years,
when die Olympic Games take place.
It takes a lifetime of dedication and '
determination to achieve Olympic
status. There is a huge difference
between running to catch a bus and
running for Olympic glory.
The Olympics go back to the
beginning of time. How long has the
sport of American football existed?
Less than a century. Track and field
does not receive as much attention in
the United States as it does in Europe,
which explains why most athletes
have to travel abroad for good compe
Track and field is truly a wonder
ful sport; that’s why I run track. I also
like to think that I’m good at it But
I’m never realty satisfied; that's why I
have to consistently practice to
improve my speed, endurance, form
i Husker fans, this year is your last
chance to see die present indoor track
in action, because the track is going to
have a totally new makeover. The new
hydraulic track will be among the best
in the nation.
On March 15,1999, die new $2.5
million project will commence. The
new six-lane track will still hold a
capacity of4200. But there will be
improved lighting, television and
The advantages of this new facili
ty will enable track athletes to per
form to their greatest potential. I can
guarantee that many records will tum
ble on the new track. Records are set
to be broken, after all.
As this is probably my last col
umn for a while, I have some final
thoughts to share with you:
I know there are lots of people
who want this job as a columnist. Go
for it and good luck. I know there are
those of you who think that you can
do a better job than my fellow colum
nists and me. But I think we’ve all
done a good job.
However, it’s important that every
semester we have new faces and new
voices on these opinion pages.
Itfe not easy being a columnist It
involves writing for a range of audi
ences, and everyone has different and
Every writer is very different.
All we can do is to try our best to
write about issues that we think are of
importance and of value to our cam
pus. I don’t expect to please every
body and I know that not everyone
;will agree with what I say.
But I know that if I can at least
have some kind of impact on one per
son, then I have accomplished some
thing as a columnist.
I write because I enjoy writing,
and I just want to voice my opinion
and always “keep things real.”
Think of me as a friendly DN
columnist with a bright smile who
deals with real issues. A columnist
who speaks about sense, not non
sense, facts and not fiction'
I’d just like to thank all my faithful
and loyal readers who have read and
have supported my columns this
semester. The staff at the Harper
Schramm-Smith Complex, fellow
athletes and friends - it’s been a plea
sure writing for you.
Remember me as the student-ath
lete writer who brought you a taste of
Africa, a tour of London, die legacy
of Tupac Shakur, the life of Princess
Diana, the funny Jerry Springer and
the reality of being a minority.
It’s goodbye for now. But I will be
back. Don’t forget the name Owusu.
Coach Billy Maxwell, my last name is
OWUSU, not Owashu.
If you don’t see me on these opin
ion pages for a while, be sure to see
me on the sports pages representing ---
• the best ofNebraska track and field.
I want to see more reports about
track this year and more profiles of
track and field athletes. Not just the
best athletes, but a range of addetes.
Sports writers, you’re always look
ing for stories to write. You can start
with my story.
So to all my track teammates
Stella, Seneik, Amy, Rene, my room
mates Erin and Carrie, and everyone
else, let’s go out this year and just
really kick some butt. Watch out!
Let’s Go Big Red!
I hope you all have a great and
safe holiday and a fabulous New Year.
Always, Lesley Owusu.
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