The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, November 03, 1998, Page 5, Image 5
fe-f . * •:v y Ks’ Uy ■ ' • • *• ' fe \ ' - •.... : •'* '' v TODD MUNSON is a senior broadcasting mqjor and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Talk about a full day - not only is it Taco TUesday, it’s also Election Day. Whoo hoo! Cheap tacos and the chance to have nay voice count The only way today could get any better is if die Spice Girl formerly known as Ginger were dishing out the tacos Speaking of tacos, I woke up this morning with the notion that there is a strong analogy that can be made comparing voting to sex. Blame it on morning wood, but here we go. First, both voting and sex should theoreti cally happen only with consenting adults 18 and up. And they’re both equal-opportunity activities. Whether you’re rich or poor, educat ed or not and, heck, even impotent these days, you can do both. Like choosing your partner, you can vote for whomever you wish, even the candidate of your dreams. They both involve some type of “polling device.” As with sex, voting can take anywhere from just a minute all the way up to an hour, depend ing on how good or indecisive you are. And they can both be done on your lunch break. Wfiat goes on when the curtain is ctosed'js your business and your business only. However (guys, you’ll like this,) unlike sex, the size doesn’t matter. Whether you have a John Holmes model or a short and stubby one, ADAM KLENKER is a sophomore English and history nuyor and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. There was a time in the history of this nation when voting was not so much an aban doned civic dirty as it was a cherished rite. Being aide to vote was a privilege, appro bated by the forefathers to white, male property owners. It took almost a hundred years to extend suffrage to all men and almost another 70 years to extend it to all women. Even then, votes had to pay a poll tax and, in an attempt to discourage African- Americana from voting, states instituted a literacy ami civics test hi the 1960s and 1970s, 18-year-olds were being sent to Vietnam and had no way ofvoic ing their opinions to the government They,.too, were granted thepower of the ballot with the passage of die 26 th Amendment in 1971. Since 1972, when the U.S. Supreme Court struck down most states’ complex voting requirements, every American of age is now qualified to vote. a Save a few residency conditions in some stattes that require voters to have lived in that state for a set period of time (usually 30 days), all Americans are openly embracing their chance to participate actively in the workings of their government. • Noway Although American interest in elections has increased in recent years, (61.3 percent in the 1992 election, as compared to 57.4 percent in the 1988 election), most of that has been in pres idential election years. In 1994’s congressional election, just 38.8 percent of Americans voted. Off-year elections, such as today’s, just all No. 2 lead pencils get the same results. Voting can be done solo or in a group. You know, like a caucus. Voting is better than sex, because it’s easier ' to do in public. And you get a sticker that tells the public you voted today. You could wear a sticker that says you got laid today, but that would be kinda tacky. Finally, both voting and sex just feel dam good, or that’s what I hear about sex. Lately, I’ve been to the polls more often than the proverbial promised land, and I don’t care that I’m a voting trollop; my motto is vote early and vote often. If you’re a registered voter, please go vote today. I’m not a big advocate of peer pressure, but if you vote, you’ll be one of die cool kids, and cool things happen when people vote, just ask my pimp, Matt Boyd. Now that my persuasiveness has swayed you away from Jerry Springer and to the polls, I’ll give you some helpful advice. For governor, it^s gotta be Bill Hoppner. Mike Johanns brings too many Puritan values to die table to be an effective leader for 21 ^-century Nebraska. Vote NO on initiatives 413 and 414. Nebraska doesn’t have many crackheads, but I think the few out there have meetings, and at those meet ings they created 413 and 414. Vote NO. Say yes to Pat Knapp. Lisa from Amnesty International says she’s okey dokey, so I’ll trust herjudgmentwith that one. I’ll be voting around 3, so if any of you ladies would care to joinme... Nebraska polls expect lowest-ever voter numbers . . . ... JOSH W1MMER is a senior news editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist Now, I am a whiny little bitch. Excuse me. I mean, I am a Daily Nebraskan colum nist. Whatever. Point is, it is my lot in life to get up on my pulpit every week and moan about what’s wrong with the world today. I'd do if for free, but they’re willing to pay me, and I’m not going to complain. In theory, I can whine about anything I want. (In reality, I can whine about anything I want, too - so long as it wouldn’t offend the administration too much or despoil the minds of my felkwstudents, who are pure as the dri Amendmenttothe U.S. Constitution. In short, die First Amendment forbids censorship of ideas by die government. What that means is, I can say I think gubernatorial candidate Mike Johanns is a scheming, intol erant freak of nature and Those who don't vote forfeit rights to complaining whine about anything I want. This power isn’t limited to me, though. Everybody else in the United States can whine about anything they want, too. The First Amendment says so. But about every two years, around this time, I start thinking maybe that’s wrong. No, I’m not pro-censorship. I don’t think any idea should becensored. And I don’t mind whining, obviously. I just mind certain people whining. And I remember that every other November. To make an already long-story short: If you don’t vote, I don’t think you should be able to whine. I’m sorry. I know there are problems with this country, this state, this town. I know there are things worth whining about But what makes this country, this state, this town different from other places all over ^^Wyouexercise your right to vote and problem doesn’t change - by all means, con tinue to whine about it But if you see a problem and don’t bother to vote about it - don’t you dare say a god damn thing. Inside your head, you’re probably saying to me: “But my vote doesn’t count” Yeah? Imagine how many of you are thinking that right now. Hundreds, probably, if not thousands. ..... .••••.> If all of you would ■ itwoutdmake a If die majority of the lazy people in this^| country would get off their asses for an hour or so once every two years and vote, things would be different today. The Republicans would probably never have taken over Congress. The reason they did is that Republican citizens are like die greeks during stu dent government elec uous — uicy go . t ■ i'' r:’ ' ^.-r| & V . ;; ;r».V> l'r V^; '* ■'