The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, November 03, 1998, Page 5, Image 5

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TODD MUNSON is a senior
broadcasting mqjor and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Talk about a full day - not only is it Taco
TUesday, it’s also Election Day.
Whoo hoo! Cheap tacos and the chance to
have nay voice count The only way today could
get any better is if die Spice Girl formerly
known as Ginger were dishing out the tacos
Speaking of tacos, I woke up this morning
with the notion that there is a strong analogy
that can be made comparing voting to sex.
Blame it on morning wood, but here we go.
First, both voting and sex should theoreti
cally happen only with consenting adults 18
and up. And they’re both equal-opportunity
activities. Whether you’re rich or poor, educat
ed or not and, heck, even impotent these days,
you can do both.
Like choosing your partner, you can vote
for whomever you wish, even the candidate of
your dreams.
They both involve some type of “polling
As with sex, voting can take anywhere from
just a minute all the way up to an hour, depend
ing on how good or indecisive you are. And
they can both be done on your lunch break.
Wfiat goes on when the curtain is ctosed'js
your business and your business only.
However (guys, you’ll like this,) unlike sex,
the size doesn’t matter. Whether you have a
John Holmes model or a short and stubby one,
ADAM KLENKER is a sophomore
English and history nuyor and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist.
There was a time in the history of this
nation when voting was not so much an aban
doned civic dirty as it was a cherished rite.
Being aide to vote was a privilege, appro
bated by the forefathers to white, male property
It took almost a hundred years to extend
suffrage to all men and almost another 70 years
to extend it to all women.
Even then, votes had to pay a poll tax and,
in an attempt to discourage African- Americana
from voting, states instituted a literacy ami
civics test
hi the 1960s and 1970s, 18-year-olds were
being sent to Vietnam and had no way ofvoic
ing their opinions to the government They,.too,
were granted thepower of the ballot with the
passage of die 26 th Amendment in 1971.
Since 1972, when the U.S. Supreme Court
struck down most states’ complex voting
requirements, every American of age is now
qualified to vote. a
Save a few residency conditions in some
stattes that require voters to have lived in that
state for a set period of time (usually 30 days),
all Americans are openly embracing their
chance to participate actively in the workings of
their government. •
Although American interest in elections has
increased in recent years, (61.3 percent in the
1992 election, as compared to 57.4 percent in
the 1988 election), most of that has been in pres
idential election years. In 1994’s congressional
election, just 38.8 percent of Americans voted.
Off-year elections, such as today’s, just
all No. 2 lead pencils get the same results.
Voting can be done solo or in a group. You
know, like a caucus.
Voting is better than sex, because it’s easier '
to do in public.
And you get a sticker that tells the public
you voted today. You could wear a sticker that
says you got laid today, but that would be kinda
Finally, both voting and sex just feel dam
good, or that’s what I hear about sex.
Lately, I’ve been to the polls more often
than the proverbial promised land, and I don’t
care that I’m a voting trollop; my motto is vote
early and vote often.
If you’re a registered voter, please go vote
today. I’m not a big advocate of peer pressure,
but if you vote, you’ll be one of die cool kids,
and cool things happen when people vote, just
ask my pimp, Matt Boyd.
Now that my persuasiveness has swayed
you away from Jerry Springer and to the polls,
I’ll give you some helpful advice. For governor,
it^s gotta be Bill Hoppner. Mike Johanns brings
too many Puritan values to die table to be an
effective leader for 21 ^-century Nebraska. Vote
NO on initiatives 413 and 414. Nebraska
doesn’t have many crackheads, but I think the
few out there have meetings, and at those meet
ings they created 413 and 414. Vote NO. Say
yes to Pat Knapp. Lisa from Amnesty
International says she’s okey dokey, so I’ll trust
herjudgmentwith that one.
I’ll be voting around 3, so if any of you
ladies would care to joinme...
Nebraska polls
expect lowest-ever
voter numbers
. . . ...
JOSH W1MMER is a senior news
editorial major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist
Now, I am a whiny little bitch.
Excuse me.
I mean, I am a Daily Nebraskan colum
Whatever. Point is, it is my lot in life to get
up on my pulpit every week and moan about
what’s wrong with the world today. I'd do if
for free, but they’re willing to pay me, and
I’m not going to complain.
In theory, I can whine about anything I
(In reality, I can whine about anything I
want, too - so long as it wouldn’t offend the
administration too much or despoil the minds
of my felkwstudents, who are pure as the dri
Amendmenttothe U.S. Constitution.
In short, die First Amendment forbids
censorship of ideas by die government. What
that means is, I can say I think gubernatorial
candidate Mike Johanns is a scheming, intol
erant freak of
nature and
Those who don't
vote forfeit rights
to complaining
whine about anything I want.
This power isn’t limited to me, though.
Everybody else in the United States can
whine about anything they want, too. The
First Amendment says so.
But about every two years, around this
time, I start thinking maybe that’s wrong.
No, I’m not pro-censorship. I don’t think
any idea should becensored.
And I don’t mind whining, obviously.
I just mind certain people whining. And I
remember that every other November.
To make an already long-story short: If
you don’t vote, I don’t think you should be
able to whine.
I’m sorry. I know there are problems with
this country, this state, this town. I know there
are things worth whining about
But what makes this country, this state,
this town different from other places all over
^^Wyouexercise your right to vote and
problem doesn’t change - by all means, con
tinue to whine about it
But if you see a problem and don’t bother
to vote about it - don’t you dare say a god
damn thing.
Inside your head, you’re probably saying
to me: “But my vote doesn’t count”
Yeah? Imagine how many of you are
thinking that right now. Hundreds, probably, if
not thousands. ..... .••••.>
If all of you would
■ itwoutdmake a
If die majority of the lazy people in this^|
country would get off their asses for an hour
or so once every two years and vote, things
would be different today.
The Republicans would
probably never have taken over
Congress. The reason they did
is that Republican citizens are
like die greeks during stu
dent government elec
uous — uicy go
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