First date behavior
determines relationship potential
ERIN REITZ is a senior theater perfor
mance major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
First dates kinda suck. I know they’re necessary,
though. How else would we be able to tell who’s worthy of
buying us really expensive gifts?
The main problem with first dates is that it’s always
hard to tell what someone’s dating personality will be. This
is very important, however, to ensure an enjoyable first date
experience.
If you want to know someone’s dating personality, it can easily be determined by monitoring
their behavior in the following four situations:
The party. I’m talking a balls-out keg-standin’ college mixer. If you want to know this person’s
“consuming” tendencies (a.k.a. whether or not you’ll get to drive his or her sporty Range Rover
later), pay close attention here. This is also a great way to find out how entertaining he or she is.
His/her personal circle(s) offriends. If you want to see what some educated people refer to as
“a myriad of alien multiple personalities,” sometimes this is the best display of it.
The classroom. If you have resolved to date only first-class ass-kissers, make sure not to miss
this.
The formal restaurant. If someone enjoys putting straws up his nose and folding his nap
kin into origami squirrels while dining at the Renaissance, he is definitely a keeper!
Or not. Sorry -1 can’t decide on that one. n
it you don t have time to do the suggested research, you can always
choose to go out with someone based on what your raging hormones are
telling you. A y
Wait, not your hormones - your heart. (Is that a Freudian slip? I’m
not sure -1 think I should go back to psychology class.)
My advice to everyone out there is as follows: When it comes to dat
ing, you might as well try. Unless you are adamantly against it. Or if you
are Morrissey. Or if you have an obvious rash you don’t want to spread.
Also, you should never believe anyone who tells you dating is an art.
Dating is about chance, and a good date is the coincidental and obscure
falling together of a bunch of random circumstances. f \K .
Don’t get me wrong - I don’t dislike dates. I just dislike crappy $
dates. My own column has even made me aware of how to avoid them, X \I
and I will only do what my hormones tell me to! ||; j
And one last thought - if you have never been fortunate enough to J
experience real-life dating, watch the movie “Singles.” All the answers
(not revealed in my illustrious observations) are there.
Good luck, fellow daters. You’ll need it. ft Y'
Complete honesty is rare
at relationship starts 1
A.L. FORKNER is a f|
junior news-editorial 1
major and a Daily \
Nebraskan columnist. \
All right ladies, let’s get it on.
I’m challenging y’all to a
Texas-style cage match for the
Unified Belt of the World. What is I
at stake? j|
Simple. The truth. M
You heard me, the truth. I want to find out once and for all what
women want from us men.
Here’s the way things work right now. Women complain that they
can’t find a guy who will_.
Men (that includes me) hear the cry, so we try and do/be_.
Melanie Falk/DN
nuwever, aner inree monrns tne guy gets dumped because the women doesn t like us to do/be
I’m tired of it.
I’m tired of all the lying that takes place in a relationship’s beginning.
You don’t believe there’s lying? I bet you haven’t dated in a while, then.
Of course there’s lying going on, moron. Why do you think women never date their male friends?
It’s because they already know he really hates “Melrose.” They’ve already heard all about his hot
tub experience. They also know how he really feels about Sheryl Crow’s Ups.
Before the sisterhood coalition begins high-fiving, may I remind y’all that you’re worse than men.
It s not your fault, though. Two words: Cosmo politan. The articles in that rag put lies into your
head.
Y ^Ou ^1°W artlc^es I m talking about. “What He Really Wants,” and “Tricking Him into Asking
If you trick us into liking you, it might work out. For a while.
But what happens when we do get to know you? We head for the hills
(Native Nebraskans can learn more about hills by consulting their local libraries.)
So women, next time your guy bolts after three months, think it through
Maybe you pretended to like football. Maybe you said you did like tuba music. Or possibly you
feigned interest in Jackie Chan’s older work.
Whatever the case, I bet you were dishonest in some way.
Judging by the sneers I’m getting from the women, I’ll assume you aren’t agreeing with this rea
soning.
Either that or they’re warming up to sing “Jailhouse Rock.”
Y’all think men are guilty, too.
We’re not really trying to fool you. We’re simply covering our bases. We don’t have a clue.
None, nada, zero, bupkis.
See, if I knew that you don’t like rough-edged, Jimmy Buffett-loving, NASCAR-watching, fly
fishing guys who can clean up all right, well, I wouldn’t ask you out.
So bring on “Ally McBeal,” and get Mills Lane on the phone. ’Cause we’re gonna tangle.
Bring that damn dancing baby along, too.
f
Signals women send to men:
Your guess is as good as mine
CLIFF HICKS is a senior news-editorial
and English major and the Daily
Nebraskan opinion editor.
Lemme talk to you for a second about men and signals.
There are two types of men in the world: Those who
over-read signals and those who don’t read them at all.
People in relationships just have dumb luck, and I’m
working to explain that away, too. Give me time.
Women send signals to men every minute of the day,
whether or not they intend to. This has forced the two types of men to form.
The first kind of men think anything and everything is a signal. This is, of course, impossi
ble - way too much work and chance involved.
“She moved her leg! It’s a sign! She twitched! It’s a sign! She’s using pepper spray on me! It’s
a sign!”
I was once of that breed of man, but I am no longer. I’m the kind of person who
doesn t look for any signals.
This isn’t to say signals don’t exist, of course - merely that I can’t
I read them half as well as I can Sanskrit, and I don’t read a word of that.
i A philosophy like this one, however, leads to celibacy, which, let’s
/ be honest, is about as much fun as field-testing bulletproof vests.
/ Supposedly, women have an innate sense of signals, but this isn’t
I so. There is, it’s said, a book detailing all of the major signals women
send.
Through my incredible investigative reporting skills (and the fact
• that my friend’s girlfriend needed $350 for a mob hit), I was able to
i obtain five minutes alone with this illustrious guide.
What I found was a collection of hand-written notes, scribbled
down by what had to have been thousands of women over at least a cen
tury.
None of it made any sense at all.
Three reports, all in different handwriting, said they had tried the
same signal, all to varying results.
So I read the preface of the book, having only scant moments remain
\ ing with it. It said this:
“This is merely a guide of suggestions. Not all of these
y/ signals work In fact, many are completely i&effgctugl.
Constant re-attempts and a lessening ofsubttety*»recom+
mended.
i--' As I was swept away from the book, a thought passed
through my mind - women don’t know what they’re doing any
more than we do.
A little communication would clear things up, but hey, who’s going to
i believe me? I’m a guy.
Still, I offer a quote I struggled to recall: As Sigmund Freud said,
“Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.”
(Or a sexual aid, but that’s presidential leadership for you.)
And when they say they’re busy, hope they’re not being subtle, ’cause
we’ll miss it.
Steady relationships
are easier than dating
TASHA KUXHAUSEN is
a sophomore news-editor
ial major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Dating is a very confusing and frustrating game. I’m
glad I’m not playing that game. I haven’t dated for two
years. I’ve been in a serious relationship since my senior
year of high school.
Don’t get me wrong. I dated a lot before I settled down.
Those were hard times: all the Friday nights spent with my parents, instead of on a date; and the
times I had to tell the guy from McDonald’s who kept calling me that I couldn’t go out because
I was sick - again.
I don’t miss those days, because now I’ve found a person whom I love and is always there for
me. We hold hands in public, he buys me flowers, and we’d drive any distance to be together.
People who love each other do these kinds of things. Most of our friends think we get too sappy,
and many would call our pet names cheesy. But it’s all part of being a couple.
But I have to tell you relationships aren’t always peaches and cream. There will be arguing.
You may even wonder if your partner is froift a different planet from time to time, but this is all
normal.
Relationships take determination, hard work and communication. I have to say my relation
ship with my boyfriend is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. But the rewards have
been endless and wonderful.
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, I want you to know something very important. I don’t
agree with everything Dr. Laura has to say, but she did make a statement a year or so ago that
made perfect sense. She said, “Infatuation and passion are feelings; LOVE is behavior.”
She couldn’t have been more right. If you really love someone, you’ll do anything. If your
girlfriend is out of feminine products, you’ll go pick some up for her - at 4 a.m. If your boyfriend
loves Kenny G and you can’t stand him, you buy two tickets and sit through the concert anyway.
There are certain things you sacrifice if you truly love someone else, That’s why love is a
verb, an action. You must show your significant other you love them. Telling them you love them
is too easy.
If you haven’t found that special someone whom you would do anything for, you will. Be
patient. After all, you shouldn’t let just anyone drag you to see Graceland for the eighth time or
wait in line for four hours for Celine Dion tickets. Come on, there are some things you have to
be crazy in love to do.