The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, September 17, 1998, Page 5, Image 5

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_Misbehaving children need a dose of disciplinary spanking
senior news-editorial
* major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
All right, this week’s topic was
almost “Pom: There’s Nothing
Wrong With It”
I scrapped that though, when the
Artist Formerly Known As My
Girlfriend—who acts as my legal
counsel in matters like this - told
me: “That’s fine, but you’ll never get
a date at this school again.”
And because she blows more
about dating me than anyone else, I
agreed and filed that one away in the
archives with other classics like
“Plane Crashes: The Bright Side.”
Those’ll be released as part of my
boxed set after my death.
Anyway, instead of extolling the
virtues of Penthouse, I’m going to
write about spanking.
And when I say “spanking,” I
don’t mean die kinky stuff we know
realty goes on at regents5 meetings.
And I don’t mean the monkey
spanking condemned by the Roman
Catholic Church.
I’m talking about walloping your
Child psychology and sociology
majors, read on. What I’m about to
say may threaten your jobs.
I consider myself an expert on
kids, having been one.
I also consider myself an expert
on spankings, having received my
fair share thereof.
And, cats and kittens, I long for
the days when spanking was an inte
gral part of our society, as American
as baseball and Grandma and apple
Why do I say this?
On a personal level, I say it
because I work in the customer ser
vice field. Specifically, I wait tables.
And a lot of people go out to eat, and
many of them have children.
And many of these children need
to be spanked.
Folks, I know it sounds harsh, but
the J-Dogg pulls no punches. I am
sick and tired of seeing children who
are not even 10 years old push their
parents around. I am sick and tired of
watching these children run rampant
around my restaurant, ignoring their
mothers’ and fathers’ pleas to “Come
sit down. Please, sit down. Honey, sit
These parents look haggard and
weary. Their voices are barely louder
than a whisper. They refuse to yell,
shout or holler because, I believe,
they think that children are special,
that children must be treated only
with gooey-gooey mushiness, or else
children will grow up bitter and
resentful and angry at the world.
That’s a load of crap.
And if these parents are scared to
yell at their kids, die idea of actually
hitting die litde beasts almost makes
them faint
I’ll be honest. Better that these
parents hit their kids - firmly, on the
rear end - a few times and get the
brats to sit down. Because if the kids
keep racing around Carlos O’Kelly’s,
eventually, they’re going to run into
And I’m not that coordinated.
I’m going to trip over them, lose my
balance and drop a heavy, sizzling
plate of fajitas on their cute little
And I really don’t want that to
Somewhere in the last few
decades, this idea infiltrated our
society that it is wrong to hit our
I understand the motivation, and
I know it stems from the best inten
tions. Child abuse is bad -1 think we
can all agree on this.
But there’s a big, big difference
between genuine child abuse and the
occasional, well-deserved spanking.
My mother, God bless her, was
not afraid of spanking. She was also
not afraid of shoving a bar of soap
into my mouth when I used bad lan
guage, or of hiding my He-Man
action figures in her room when I
threw them at my brother.
Consequently, I was afraid of her.
Actually, most of my friends
were afraid of her too. Fear not -
around the time I hit age 13, she mel
lowed a heckuva lot, and she is just
as beloved as any of my other
friends’ parents. But still we look
back on those bygone days with a bit
of awe, and we know full well that,
really, her almighty wrath was par
tially responsible for our growing up
to be good citizens.
Anyway, I love her a lot and send
out mad props to her. (For the jive
impaired, that means “thank you.”)
And I wish more people shared
her views on discipline. It is shock
ing to me that anyone can condemn
spanking in one breath, and in the
next, moan and groan about gang
violence, teen-age pregnancy or the
dozen or so high school massacres
we’ve seen in the last few years.
Am I the only person who sees a
I am not saying we should beat kids
on a regular basis and for no good rea
son That would be child abuse.
And I’m not saying we should do
away with other childhood punish
ments. Time-outs, grounding and die
soap-in-the-mouth trick all have their
place, and far better to use one of those
-if it’ll wark-than move straight to
spanking. But only if it’ll work.
What I’m saying is, to paraphrase
Ecclesiastes, there’s a time to smack
your kids; and there’s a time not to
smack your kids.
Robert Heinlein wrote: “... Pain
is the basic mechanism built into us
by millions of years of evolution
Which safeguards us by warning
when something threatens our sur
vival. Why should society refuse to
use such a highly perfected survival
If you’re too squeamish to spank your
children, if you don’t mind being pushed
around by someone 20 years younger
than yourself-hey, that’s your deal The
J-Dogg will not show up at your house to
do it for you.
I have only one request when that
fajita plate scars your 8-year-old for
life; or when your 14-year-old heads
for the lunchroom with a hand >„ '
Please - don’t come crying *
Not too hot
•r ■
Jerry Springer’s entertaining style appeals to masses
f 11
sophomore broadcasting
major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
The time is 3 p.m. and you’re
flipping through die TV stations.
What grabs your attention?
Yes, it’s “The Jerry Springer
Whether you are an admiring fan
or not, I’m sure you’ve definitely
heard all about this crazy show.
Whether you’re on campus or at
home, you’re likely to run into some
one who’ll say: “Did you watch
Springer last night?”
We just love to hate “The Jerry
Springer Show.” We can’t get enough
of him. If you miss the early show,
you can catch Jerry in the evening.
He’s on twice a day.
So why is Jerry Springer so suc
cessful? Is it because Jerry discusses
the most controversial topics, from
teen-age pregnancy to drugs to infi
delity to female escorts? Is it because
the ratings continue to increase as we
plug into the show?
“The Jerry Springer Show” is
like a drug. We tune in and become
addicted. We become so absorbed in
the interesting titles like “I have a
secret - I’m really a man” or “Sisters
who are lovers,” or “I’m 12 years old
and I’m a prostitute” that we just
have to watch it. We see the commer
cials, the fights and the screaming
and we just can’t resist it
My 16-year-old sister is obsessed
with Jerry’s show. She thinks Jerry is
the bomb! She has recorded every
show possible and believes that “The
Jerry Springer Show” is the best
entertainment there is on TV
* Entertainment? Definitely.
That’s what Jerry is all about.
Jerry aims to please his v iewers,
and that is just what he dees. He is,
pertnps, die king of talk show
hosts, in terms of entertainment.
He is a funny, intelligent,
smooth-talking and entertaining
host. Jerry is unique in his own way.
Jerry has the ability to keep his view
ers tuned in when other talk show
hosts like Montel and Geraldo can
leave you turned off by their boring
When watching the Springer show,
ycm know what to expect. You are guaran
teed to see something humorous, witty,
exciting and action-packed You’ll proba
bly hear the lines “talk to the hand” and
“don’t even go there.”
In the space ofan hour; one can
expect to see violence, cussing, hair
pulling, biting and kicking, just to name a
few. If you ask me, half of Jenyk guests
should be arrested for assault and battery,
considering toe amount of criminal activ
ity seen (hi the show.
The question I have to ask is sim
ple: Why go on the Springer show and
tell toe whole world your business?
Why not discuss your problems at
home like most “normal” people
do? No, not Jerry’s guests.
they prefer ^
to expose then VAHIMM«
selves on
show’s format is simple. Guests
comes on the show and explain their
situation. Jerry introduces the next
guest, and the first guest confesses a
hidden secret A typical scenario one
can expect follows: Guest one blunt
ly says something like, “Well, sweet
heart, you know we’ve been dating
for some time now, and you know I
love you, but there is something I’ve
gotta tell you - I’m really a man and
not a woman. Ha, ha, ha!”
Okay, what reaction can people
really expect? Of course, guests are
going to be mad, even furious.
Imagine being embarrassed and
humiliated in front of the whole
world. Before you know it, there is a
massive boxing match - everyone is
fighting, and the audience helps cre
ate more action by cheering.
It all looks like a comedy show,
full of comedians doing their sketch
es. The security staff gets paid to
stop fights, but the guests do their
best to
continue fighting. Sometimes there
is so much screaming you just have
to guess what is going on. Why can’t
tiie guests just behave like civilized,
rational people?
Many argue “The Jerry Springer
Show” is fake, but they still watch it.
Whether some of the stories are
exaggerated or not, I’m sure the
guests on “The Jerry Springer Show”
are real people with real problems.
Most of them obviously should be in
a mental institution seeking treat
ment rather than on television trying
to gain attention.
I’m not a major fan of Springer,
but I do enjoy watching. Despite his
crazy guests, he is always in control.
Unlike shows similar to Oprah
and Ricki, who bring in so-called
“experts” to comment on every prob
lem, Jerry doesn’t rely on profession
als. Instead, Jerry has his own remedy
with final thoughts at the aid of the
show when he tries to summarize his
main points. Jerry
attempts to end on a positive note by
solving problems, not creating them.
He always leaves his viewers with an
important me _
I also like i ^
able td deal wi&aity sit
the extremely serious to some very
funny stories. Whether Jerry is dis
cussing sex, drugs, pornography, seri
al killers or racial and social prob
lems, he is able to handle delicate top
ics professionally. Jerry is always sen
sitive to the needs of his guests, mak
ing him very popular and successful.
People from all over the world
travel to Chicago to see a glimpse of
the show in person. These people
have made Jerry the No. 1 talk show
host At the end of every show the
audience is sure to chant uWe love
you Jerry” or *G© Jerry, go Jerry.”
Remember not just anyone can be a
guest on the Jeny Springer shew. I think
you have to be either very brave and
courageous, or very insecure and have
very tow self-esteem I once watched an
episode about child prostitution.
Giris as young as lOyearsold
were proud to tell tne work!
A whattbey did for a living. At
A/ times, it’s sad to watch such sto
r nes. It makes you wonder about
the types of families Jerryls
■jM guests come from.
m There is, however, one
important element missing
Jfif from Jerryb shews. This is
communication, a skill all
Jenyb guests seem to lack. If
Jerry’s guests could only com
^ municate with each othe^ there
t j would be no need for his show.
\ \ Communication is a process, the
J j exchanging of thoughts, opin
( f ions and ideas. But, if Jenyh
A guests effectively communicated it
would take out tiie excitement of the
whole show. \
“The Jerry Springer Show”
| really isn’t a something to take too
< seriously. There are plenty of other
] things we could do with our time
\ ... like study. Butwhetiieryou
think the show is trash and only
\ sad, pathetic people watch or
A you’re a total fan, Jerry defmite
ty sells. “The Jerry Springer
)•# Show” appeals to the roajoiily as
S melodramatic, light-hearted