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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 15, 1998)
Six days, seven nights A karma victim struggles through a hard week TODD MUNSON is a senior broadcasting major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Every now and again, people tell me that they’d like to be in my shoes. As they say, I lead the most interesting life. That’s great, I say, but I’d be a little grossed out if they actually wanted to walk around in my fungus-stricken san dals. However, what my chums fail to realize is that unlike their occasional strokes of hick, mine come all at once, followed by either a bout of bad vibes nr on oil Ar%, null n4uu> happens. One recent lucky streak that comes to mind started with a phone call informing me that I'd won a huge chunk of cash and ended with being the only person in First class other than the Spice Girls on a five-hour flight A few months from now, a certain soccer star will be bummed out when the blood test reveals that Posh got the business from an Ultimate Frisbee player at 35,000 feet Naturally, in the ebbing and flowing world of good and bad karma, a lucky streak such as this merits a dump truck full ofbad karma, especially when I declined to get with Posh Is friends. And much like my streaks of good fortune, the bad came last week in one big pile. Normally, I just bend over and take it like a fraternity pledge. But this ' . current streak has been so wretched ^ that I’ve decided against nsing this space to reveal how time ^^1 travel is indeed possible by using omy a roll of ( V duct tape V and a bottle of King Cobra N Liquor, but to everyone out there that being Todd isn’t always sunshiny days ■ and lollipops. Wednesday The madness started with the loss of my Samuel L. Jackson endorsed Bad M—rf—er wallet Suddenly, two years offim were down the ' drain. You have no idea ) how entertaining it was to ^ flash it to fee nuns during '/ collection time at church. * out ofour lease with McBastard Reality. Once a solution was found the rest ofthe day was spent apartment hunting. FMday There are many painful things in life, such as getting your wisdom teeth pulled without anesthesia or knowing someone who willingly listens to Hanson, but nothing can compare to the futility of trying to con the Department of Motor Vehicles folks into giving you a new driver’s license with only a student ID and a Burger King Kids’ Chib membership card as proof of identification Oh, the honor. On foe bright side, I did find my elusive birfo certificate, so I had the privilege of going to foe DMV not once but twice. As soon as I have a spare six hours, there will be a third visit because the DMV hag foigot to mark me as an organ donor. I’d really feel bad if my appendix, gallbladder and foreskin went to waste. Saturday and Sunday ruigci auuui wuai i saiu auuui me DMV It sucks, but not as bad as cancel ing a camping trip in order to move. Again, there was a silver lining. I found my missing copy of the WWF Wrestling Album from 1985 and a rather cherished gift from my mother, a booger tray. As she told me last Christmas, “You know, for when you’re in bed reading and you’ve got the urge to dig for gold” Monday After another day of moving, I returned to the new pad at 1 ajn. and found myself already locked out, with my roommates out visiting the land of milk and honey. After sitting on the porch for an hour, I realized I still had the keys to my old hellhole. With only the shirt on my back, I went over there and crashed on the floor. Tuesday The day started off right with my trusty Timex waking me up before class. I managed to find a less dirty shirt in the trunk of my car and embarked on a chilly walk to school. Not wanting to offend others, I stopped at Campus Rec for a shower. I must say that the GoJo brand soap gave my locks a shine that Mr. Ed couldn’t dream of matching. Heck, the person sitting next to me in my first class even gave me a stick of gum. I didn’t even have to ask. I just said hello. My first test of the year awaited me in my next class, and with my book locked away at home I couldn’t exactly study. As I answered the questions with reckless abandon, a big fat hairy bee the size of a Datsun landed right on my bubble sheet I tried to nonchalantly swat it away. Instead, I just made it «U U J.FMI 11V A JVUiipVU U|/ JVij/lUg like a puppy. I also forgot to mention that about 400 people are in the class, and I quickly became quite the laugh ing stock And that’s when the diarrhea hit Wednesday After work, I went on a bike ride to try to work the bad vibes out of my sys tem. As I rode, I figured out a new lay out for my bedroom that would add some more space. Before paying a visit to Hinky Dinky, I set out on the task of moving my bed to die other side of the room. After I dropped my bed on my finger not once but twice (the second time was in a pain-filled delirium), I realized that moving was a good idea. I k was now much closer to the emer gency room, which was convenient lv located next to Hinky Dinky. ranoo ror good tuning, bix a P J rays, three shots and a - J gnarly procedure that involved putting my i\\ fingernail back in i ' place with the med ! ical equivalent of a & crowbar, I was on my W way, diagnosed with a bro W ken finger. r The doctor was a pretty / cool guy. As I was check ing out, he told me, “Look m die fright side, it isn’t the d you open beers with.” “I’m already i step ahead of you. It isn’t even the hand I use to touch myself in a loving man ner,” I said, beaming from ear to ear. That com ment helped me make my way into the record books as being -y the first person ft in history who wasn’t bleeding profusely to make an ER doctor physi cal h/ tii I /terse myna best of Rut Assured. B« insured. w 1 .-4. '■* •■■■-' Your University Health Center, together with GM Southwest of Ddlas,TX, offers UNL students acoat prehensrve and affordable medical insurance plan specifically designed lo suit the needs of undergraduate and graduate students. The plan offers students: * An annual premium of only $3991 * Convenient services of theUniversity Health Center (15th & U Sis.) fer initial treatment! * Dependent coverage is also available! Brochures and applications are available at the University Health Center, International Atffairs Office or by mail. Enrollment is open until 9/20/98. Questions? Call our 24-hour information line at 472-7437. THE ULTIMATE AFTER SCHOOL JOB! Playboy's College Representative Program is coming to your school One student will have the opportunity to represent one of America's foremost men's mogaziias. We ore braking for o representative to aid in product ifistribution, hast events and promote brand awareness. You'l report on the trends, issues aid concerns fodng today's college student. You wi be the eyes and eras of Playboy at The University of Nebraska. Our ideal condidato must possess the professionalism, aeaflvity, tentative and maturity necessoiy to moke this program a success. Qualified applicants resumes and cover ; letters c/~ - r=======g\ Patience. Persfctehce.foais^ Hj If this describes you and you would l?k¥td^ f tenaciously compete in the NCAA sport of WffBB smallbore rifle, please attend an informational meeting. Tryouts will be scheduled the following week. This presents a unique opportunity to compete I for the Huskers in the NCAA Division I sport of i||jK£KSR| precision rifle shooting. DATE: September 16 - v ./ TIME: 7:30 p.m. LOCATION: NROTC Library on first floor of M&N Building (14th and Vine) YOU NEED TO BE A FRESHMAN WOMAN WITH MOST AFTERNOONS FREE FOR PRACTICE AND BE ELIGIBLE TO COMPETE AS AN NCAA STUDENT-ATHLETE. .'