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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 11, 1998)
How Ig§|g|)F Reese’s
Live like you mean it withoutfear of the unknown
AARON COOPER^is a
senior English major and
a Daily Nebraskan
I eat my Wheaties with a fork.
I don’t wear ties, they wear me.
I don’t Got Milk, but if you
check with me in 37 minutes I
might have gotten some. And not
(just) because Yasmine forgot to
wipe her upper lip in my Sports
Illustrated, but because I might get
I do watch Urkel. I don’t watch
If you ask me to talk about my
seven-eared uncle who putts with
his four-iron (and hand me $1,245),
then I just might.
I don’t always Just Do It, but
sometimes I Do. And sometimes it
I eat soup, but never on
Thursdays in November. If you
think about it, soup is not food.
Water is liquid and chicken is food.
Put the two together and it should
be called liquifood.
I hear music often but I don't
always listen to it.
I watch TV, but it doesn’t watch
I pink my Drepsi, but I never
Sometimes I talk but don't say
anything. So the more I say, the less
I have to talk. . a j ^ ^ .
I never do lunch because I don’t
have my own people to call your
people. But occasionally, when I
get hungry, I have been known to
I eat my Reese's only when the
moon is full and always three at a
I once saw Puff the Magic
Dragon when he was living by the
Life is not short unless
you count too fast, so if you
take your time, you’ll live
Sometimes I run so
fast, 1 can’t catch up
point is that
has his or
- a way of
the same then
you could meet
the whole ’
good. Same is'^
okay, but if you
have to be nor
mal, then do it
in the cafete
" allowed to do
work at school.
Learn backgammon. Dig ditch
es for no good reason, but only if
someone is watching.
Sing “The Star-Spangled
Banner” backwards and see if it
fixes our problems.
If on an application they ask
your sexual preference, put down
“Martians, but only if they listen to
Elvis and play the harmonica.”
Write a signature file for your
e-mail that says “Merry Christmas’
and leave it there all year.
Don’t walk your dog, everyone
does that. Next time you leave for
your evening stroll around town,
take a giraffe instead.
Play Monopoly in reverse.
Every time you land on Free
Parking, send someone to jail. Just
don’t bite anyone’s ear off if you
If you have to lie, die least you
can do is not tell the truth.
When someone asks how tall
you are, say something like “Sixty
seven-point-three-five inches” and
watch as he or she struggles with
Sound your barbaric YAWP
over the rooftops of the world and
suck the marrow out of life, but
make sure you use a big straw to do
Make noise every now and then
don’t fade into the backdrop (or
obscure corner of the classroom as
the case may be). If poetry makes
you want to chew your left arm off
then have a go at it.
If you feel like belting out
“Yellow Submarine” in the airport
like seating section of the union
while dancing on one leg, wearing
a tank-top and chewing some pars
ley, by all means go for it.
Life^is.not meant tovbeas ordi
nary.asjtoften. is. Adam and Eve
were known to cut loose every
Friday night at the Eden to some
“Funky Cold Medina.” What, you
thought that was a Tone Loc origi
nal? Please, baby, baby, please ...
get with it.
with a girl sporting a tall pink
mohawk and your average guy
wearing a polo shirt and blue jeans,
who are you going to remember in
five years? “Say, Tina, do you
remember that normal guy who
always used to sit in the corner?”
It just doesn’t work that way,
That’s why George Carlin is
among the last of the true
’ American prophets of the 20th cen
tury. I firmly believe
“Braindroppings” should be placed
in every hotel room next to the
Gideon’s book of choice. That’ll
blow your hair back (which isn’t a
problem for George).
Think big, not small. Think in
terms of the unexplored, the
unknown, the precise bit of space
and opportunity that lies some
where in our world just waiting to
be discovered. You can’t explore an
ocean without losing sight of the
In the words of Master Carlin,
“If the shoe fits, get another just
Play ball like you mean it, don’t
waddle up to the plate and wave a
loose bat around like you’re afraid
of a 98-mile-an-hour fastball being
lodged in your cerebrum. Sport a
; big stick, and swing that sucker
like you mean it.
Cooper’s Law: Never, never,
never be called*out on strikes. GO
Hey, if by some chance you
happen to be going to a home foot
ball game and you’re meeting out
of-town guests whom you’re not
particularly fond of, tell them
you’ll meet them in front of the sta
dium ... and that you’ll be the one
wearing red- ... . .... .....
ftle? toton't, worry. . '
I’ll remember to bring my glove.
Alpha Omega campus ministries presents ,
SON, SERURNT AND SMIIOR
a Bible study off Jesus Christ
Fridays at 8:00
425 University Terrace
(behind Pound dorm)
Want your name/address/phone REMOVED
from the UNL Student Directory?
The 1998/99 UNL Student Directory will be on campus
mid-October. Your name, campus address/phone, and home
address/phone will automatically appear in the directory. If
you don’t want to appear in the directory, you must restrict
your directory information before Friday, Sept 11,1998.
You can restrict directory information by going to the
Records Office, Service Counter 107C, Canfield
Administration Building. Please have your student ID
available. If you have previously requested directory
restriction on a Change of Address Form, you do not need
to take any further action. " s : g
Lessons from 7 -8
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