Get hosed
UNL students are missing out on the exciting world of hoseball
State University (this may be the only
time you read that name in this paper
when it’s not referring to the fact that
the Wildcats may kick our ass in foot
ball this year, so take this time to real
ly enjoy it).
My mom’s sisters and brother and
all of their fiancees also attended the
school, and it was there that the
famous game of Hoseball was creat
ed.
What? You’ve never heard of
Hoseball? For shame! It has become a
legend in my family that is still glori
fied to this day, and every college stu
dent should be required to know how
to play it
Hoseball is a competitive game in
which two teams try to score goals
while competing against each other,
kind of like soccer. However, instead
of not being able to use your hands to
move die ball, you cannot use any part
of your body except the thrust of your
pelvis.
Excited yet? Thought you’d be.
The reason you have to obscenely
utilize your pelvic region to move the
ball is because your “bat” (for lack of
a better term) is a pair of panty hose
containing a tennis ball in one of the
i... T1__1_1_• . • 1
What concerns me is the fact that I
have not seen ANY games of
Hoseball occurring on the UNL cam
pus.
So what if you’ve never heard of
such a thing until now, or you argue
that bongs have replaced panty hose
as the fun-filled object of choice.
There is no good excuse for not par
taking in traditional college-aged
idiocy!
Students today are preoccupied,
with boring, redundant activities. :
Things that fall into this category \
may include watching movies, \
doing keg stands and going to class. |
Nearly everyone does these things,
and it seems we have a tendency to
do them mindlessly, over and over
again. r /
Fellow scholars, are you
aware of what thoughtless repetition
does? It sucks the emotion from the
event. And if there’s no heart and
soul involved, will your fun ..
ever really prove to be the best
that it can be? I don’t think so.
What we need is a new W
kind of excitement! The time
for Hoseball is now.
ERIN REITZ is a senior
theater performance
major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
I was reading in Time Magazine
the other day about the 30-year-old
game of “Frizzball.” The guy who
wrote the article described a self
invented game where a pitcher would
hurl a Frisbee at a batter who in turn
would whack it with a broom.
(I think it was the stick end of the
broom, but I cannot be entirely cer
tain. All I know for sure is that the
event was held behind a bam. Makes
you wonder what the cows were think
ing, hmm?)
This article struck me as uncanny
for several reasons, all of which I will
go into in great detail for your benefit.
You (if you happen to be
male): But I’m a guy, and I can’t
play, because I don’t have any panty
hose.
Me: As hard to believe as that is,
you can find panty hose to call your
own. There is probably not a gal on
this campus with a pair of scuzzed
out No Nonsense that she wouldn’t
be willing to part with. And hey,
some chicks might go for guys who
wander around asking for used-up
undergarments.
(Editor s note: She s got to be kid
ding.)
Yes my friends, Hoseball could get
you a date!
You (if you happen to be
female): But I’m a girl, and I can’t act
that way around my friends. Besides,
only guys do sick things like wearing
used-up undergarments.
Me: Wrong, wrong, wrong! You
are a woman, and you can do anything
you dam well please. Besides, if you
truly want to be thought of as equal to
the guys in this world, sometimes
iwca. iik uiuci leg ui utc uuac is lieu
around your waist
It looks like a Foxtail (another
great ball-hurling game) but it’s
attached to you and hangs almost to
the floor. (Wow -1 didn’t realize how
difficult it would be to describe this
without sounding like a porn afi
cionado. Neato!)
The object is to move a tennis ball
on the floor in front of you across the
room to the goal using only your hose
ball. The really tricky part is that the
goal is the area between your standing
teammate’s legs.
The players get adequately inebri
ated, divide into two teams, tie their
hose on and go at it From the sick and
wrong pictures I’ve seen, I can
assume that there was one couple per
team. (That’s a total offour players for
the slow readers.)
I’m not sure how long the game
lasts or if the object is to score a cer
tain number of goals, but that really
doesn’t concern me.
or ail, i nave always naa a
penchant for ball-(or Frisbee, as it
were)-hurling sports. I played fast
pitch softball for a looong time and
love to watch that great American pas
time — culling (Olympic curling is by
far die best Any true fan can tell you.)
Although I’m really bad at it, I
enjoy participating in intramural
slow-pitch softball, and have even
tried my hand at cricket a few times. (I
only played because I wanted to yell
“Sticky wickets! Sticky wickets!”
obnoxiously for hours. I was able to
geff tbe other team to forfeit through
this brilliant tactic. Ha!)
Another eerie reason the Frizzball
article was so striking for me was
because it reminded me of my mother.
And my father. And all of my
whacked-out aunts and uncles. (Don’t
get Freudian on me here - I’ll
explain.)
Long ago in a place far, far away,
my mom and dad attended Kansas
Melanie Fale/DN JKflfeELJjf
aiiwwuiu—jki.jt-v wwwmriw—(»—mu
you’re gonna have to act like a moron,
too.
If that’s not enough to convince
you, and you feel that you would need
to get physically loosened up to par
take in this “game,” do like my family
did before (and during) all of their
games.
Drink! Drink a lot! (But only if
you’re of age, and only off campus,
dam it!) Nothing lowers those inhibi
tions like one (or three) good shot(s)
of whiskey.
It all comes back to what I said
before: THERE IS NO GOOD
EXCUSE FOR NOT PARTAKING
IN TRADITIONAL COLLEGE
AGED IDIOCY! If you are bored
with conventional sports or are simply
a thrill-seeker, Hoseball may be just
what you need.
So try it out, go nuts and be careful
not to throw your pelvis out of joint
Oh, and don’t ask me for any panty
hose - I’ll be using them in my next
game.
(This column is dedicated to my
World Champion Tag Team SA
buddy. You know who you are, you
lucky stud.)
Go your own way
Students shouldn’t feel pressure to follow traditional university system
of personal development and horizon
broadening experiences.
Students in the third type are so
confused by the grandeur and pres
sure of a large liberal arts university
and of graduating “oh time,” that they
seem to choose a major area of study
out of a hat, because they don ’t think
they have any other choice or are sim
ply overwhelmed.
The fourth and remaining groups
seem to relax and enjoy this time of
their life and begin to really focus in
on a subject and skill of interest They
may take a bit more time doing
dungs, or maybe not but they know
the ages between 18 and the lower
30s are a critical period for preparing
for real life, with a job, holidays and
the government
university no longer is the place for
intellectual discourse, research, ques
tioning and answering. It is simply a
means to an end.
The university’s responsibility for
producing well-rounded and well
leamed individuals has been put into
the hands of the students to produce
their own experiences that warrant
these results, which may not be that
bad, either.
But many universities have been
transformed into corporate advertis
ers and quasi-professional sports
teams, which to the seems to disre
gard their central purpose, which is to
create worldly and talented individu
als who will inherit and evolve the
fiitiira
the systematic method of our pre
paredness comes into question.
The initial semesters of a tradi
tional four- or five-year university
career is heavily weighted down in
general interest material we could
have learned in an extra year of public
high school. Also, post-secondary
education is thought of as something
that should be accomplished immedi
ately following high school and pur
sued endlessly until graduation.
Neither of these premises optimally
prepares a person for adequate job
preparation.
If one looks at any job board on
campus or job listing in the paper,
one notices that almost all higher
level job opportunities require a
degree plus at least two years of train
ing in the field.
Well, how do people obtain this
tvne of experience if everv iob
relax and clarify your purpose and
interests to yourself.
If people say you won’t go back to
schoollf you stop now, they are
telling you a blatant lie. Personal
motivation is much stronger than
cliche, and a patient and integrated
university career is the most underrat
ed, but perhaps one of the most
important concepts in preparing for
the modem work force.
Don’t let the system dictate to you
how you should be educated.
Experience the post-secondary edu
cation you want, which may mean
time off for personal development,
technical skills learning and interna
tional travel and/or study.
Take fewer hours to really digest
die material presented, take time to
join the student groups you want and
allow for emolovment oDoortunities
GRAHAM EVAN JOHN
SON is a graduate German
and' European
Environmental Social
Studies student and a
Daily Nebraskan colum
nist
Many students allow the system
to run diem rather than working
toward running the system.
The system of post-secondary
education has been established in the
United States as an expensive
machine that brings people in and
spits them back out, with a piece of
paper in their hand that says they have
spent time studying a few subjects.
There are typically four types of
students at a public university in die
United States. The students in the
first group believe it doesn’t matter
what they study because they don’t
think they will be using their area of
training after they graduate.
The students in the second group
allow themselves only a narrow focus
of study and a certificate earning goal
and, by doing so, deprive themselves
But the system almost admires
people who fit facelessly into the
consumptive societal structure as
facelessly as they fit into their univer
sity.
By doing so, the people are con
trolled without questioning die devas
tating consumptive root of a capitalist
economy, which is not unique to the
United States, but nevertheless breeds
inequality, enormous amounts of
solid and energy waste and egotism.
But those who don’t adhere strict
ly to the machine of post-secondary
training will see its intricate fallacies
and advance their personal and practi
cal development in order to ready
compete in the global marketplace.
When one observes the personal
and practical preparedness of other
individuals in other parts of the world.
/ui ui uicse meuioas may or may
not prepare an individual for a future
of happiness and good work, and the
issue of ambiguity shows the weak
nesses of higher education in the
United States. Post-secondary univer
sity training in the United States
seems to have been transformed into
a money-grubbing monster that con
sumes thousands of faceless individu
als and spits them back out to fit in
with the status quo.
However, I must give my strong
support and agreement to the NU
Board of Regents for its opposition to
the tax lid proposal, Initiative 413.
Here’s something to vote against!
Tuition is already too high for every
body, everywhere in the country.
For the majority of students, the
that may present themselves to you.
Bottom line: Find something you
like and are good at, practice it and
start soon. The youths our age in
other parts of the industrialized world
are very prepared to adjust and
improve the next century, and we
have to be prepared as well. And this -
means doing what we want, where we
want, when we want and how we
want to, as well as becoming well
versed in the skills and beliefs that
will forge our personal, national and
international fiiture.
This is a critical time for skills
acquisition, so enjoy life and work
hard.
requires these qualifications?
They can’t, unless they make their
10-semester university career into a
six- or seven-year experience, com
plete with jobexperience, thorough
class participation and material
understanding, extracurricular activi
ties like student groups, pauses from
university study and international
experience.
My point is, don’t let the system
get you down.
If you want to go straight through
in a traditional manner, by all means
continue. But if you are contused
about why you are here or what you
really want to do, take some time,
