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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (July 16, 1998)
■% Jim VANCE '• [;• "CK Students need elms to learn slang MILLS is a senior Advertising Major and a Daily Nebraskan Columnist. As I sat with my roommate Missy, we were both exchanging stories of summer classes, classes neither of us liked nor wanted to take, classes we feel we’ve gotten nothing out of. While we talked, we watched “Billy Madison,” one of my favorite flicks. Between the complaining and the hilarious parts of the movie, we were struck with an idea. What if we had a class where we would learn to speak in a fun, interesting, attention-getting manner? What if the university offered Vocabulary 101? Not a regular vocabulary class. Not where we learn huge words we can’t spell or even pro nounce. It could be a class where we learn to make ordinary conversations into extraordinary conver sations. We would learn to use the newest slang words and phrases to our advantage. Some might be: pathetically anal, aces, 9er, hottie potto tie, gib berish, tying one on, shaft, ganked, holy schnikes, jipped, nookie, sloshed, and molly whopped. Now I’m sure these are words and phrases are not new to you. But, using them in daily conver sations can be difficult. Since the university doesn’t offer Vocab 101, Missy and I thought up a scenario to put these words in context for you. As Missy and I sat at our apartment contem plating our pathetically anal lives, the phone rang. It was one of our friends who told us about a party that was going to be aces. The address was 2479er Sheridan Boulevard. Wfe got ready so we could look like hottie pottoties. We didn’t rush because we wanledtobe fashionably late. Unfortunately, we woe too late because by the time we arrived, everyone was already talking gib berish. We decided that we were going to have to start tying one on. I needed pee, so Missy offered to wait in line with me. We set our glasses (town and waited. We realized we were getting the shaft. I saw a girl walk by, and she ganked our glasses. We contemplated what to do next. We needed some new glasses.Holy schnikes, Missy and I planning a big night and we were not about to be jipped with no glasses, since we already paid for the first ones. Well, we ended up getting pretty sloshed. The next day Missy and I agreed that we felt like someone had molly whopped us. None of this is true, but didn’t it just sound like fun? It may be all about the selection of words. Vocabulary 101 would be great. Editorial Policy Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the Spring 1998 Daily Nebraskan. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the University of Nebraska-Lincoin, its employees, its student body or the University of Nebraska Board of Regents. A column is solely the opinion of its author. The Board of Regents serves as publisher of the Daily Nebraskan; policy is set by the Dsfly Nebraskan Editorial Board. Tne UNL Publications Board, established by the regents, supervises the production of the paper. According to policy set by the regents, responsibility for the editorial content of the newspaper lies solely in the hands of its student employees. Latter Policy The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief letters to the editor and guest columns, but does not guarantee their publication. The Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit or reject any material submitted. Submitted material becomes property of the Daily Nebraskan and cannot be returned. Anonymous submissions will not be published. Those who submit letters must identify themselves by name, year in school, major and/or group affiliation, if anv. Submit material to: Daily Nebraskan, 34 Nebraska Union, 1400 R St Lincoln, NE. 68588-0448. E-mail: letters@unlinfb.unl.edu. I I Haney’s VIEW 1**9 k&r. J Jim VANCE No more lock-outs Limit NBA players’pay to keep league alive VANCE is a senior physi cal and health education major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. The NBA announced last week that the owners and players of the most popular basketball league in the world failed to reach a new labor agreement, and the owners have decided to lock-out the players. What is a lock-out you ask? The owners are upset that the players have too much control and money, and worried too many teams are starting to lose money. So the owners decided to stop all business actions. This includes not signing any free agents or draft picks, no summer leagues and no trades. If the two groups can not decide on a new labor agreement by the start of next season, then there won’t be another season, and the NBA will end. So what is the problem about the current agreement? Simple. The players make so much money that some teams are actually losing m Air I TKo Aiirnare aim r o c many as 10 to 14 teams lost money this past season. The players contend it’s not as bad as the owners say, and a better estimate is about four teams. The players take more than 51.8 per cent of all revenues. The players’ union is also asking for lower rookie salaries and more money for estab lished players. The players’union is also requesting that die minimum for the established players be raised from its current $272,000 yearly salary. Can you say GREED? Only those who have it all would complain they don’t get enough. Any team run ning at a loss is bad news, much less four or more! I’m still bitter about the baseball strike, and this may just do it for me as a fan of a bunch of greedy, spoiled brats — Jordan included. I’m tired of seeing men with minimal educations making millions of dol lars and making a bigger impression on our youth than parents are. This is ridiculous, but of course the owners are at fault as well. After all, they are the ones who offered the big salaries the players get. But when the commissioner of the NBA stated the league would make more money next season by not even having a season, since the television contracts are guar anteed and everyone, including play ers, will get paid, it showed how out of control players’ salaries have gotten. Instead of complaining about the problem, like most fans, I offer a solu tion. Pay players like teachers. At most school systems, there is a pay scale. Your position on the scale is deter mined by your number of years in the profession, as well as educational level, including post-graduate hours. Already this shows youth the need for educa tion. This plan would limit die number of high schoolers and underclassmen coming to the NBA; they would see leaving school as unprofitable. Let’s say the pay scale has eleven levels, one for each year a player is in the league, and each year has a maximum yearly amount. Once a player reaches the eleventh year of his career, he is eligible for retire ment, and no set amount of money is named for maximum earnings, as long as the player has a bachelor’s degree. A player who does not make it into his eleventh season is not eligible for retirement benefits. A player comes into the league making the minimum. Then if he makes the All Star Game, he gets a bonus. Every player who comes into the league must play with the team he was drafted to, barring trades, for at least 3 years, when he can declare free agency. A player can declare free agency any time he wishes after this point, but would move down two places on the scale. This would prevent all legal prob lems, as earnings would not be restrict ed, and players would get to choose where to live and work. There would be no need for the ‘‘Larry Bird Exception,” in which teams can go beyond the salary cap to re-sign their free agents, which is what is killing teams. Lastly, the players are guaran teed 40 per cent of all revenue from the owners, and the difference between salaries and the revenue would be what is paid for retirement benefits, like health and life insur ance, for the players, as well as retire ment checks, although this group probably would not need it. It could even protect those who had career ending injuries. I want to see another player play the game out of love, and realize the money will come when he per forms, not when he holds out. Bird, Magic and the old school players were this way. I hope a system like this would help bring that back. Maybe for once we would actually see an NBA player with a Ph.D., and fewer with barely a diploma.