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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (April 1, 1998)
VOL. 69 EMBARRASING THE UNIVERSITY OF NO LEARNING SINCE 1901 or so. We’re NO. 1 Molten rock destroys Lincoln; NUL classes to be held By Ned Nailedher DH Econ 210 expert While Lincolnites who lived began digging out from the cata strophic damage caused by a gigantic asteroid collision, NUL students reported to campus for classes as |1 scheduled. I! “Nowhere in the university policy I handbook does it say anything about canceling classes for asteroids,” said Vice Chancellor in the Business of Life Endangerment Mazin Jonzin. Astronomers said the 50-yard wide asteroid hit the Tom Osbore Field at Memorial Stadium at Bill Burn$ Square Block at Frank Solick Sidewalk inside the Malt Tonahair Front Doors. Physicists said the collision wras the equivalent to 1,000 Steve Willey farts and did enough damage to can cel classes at every educational insti tution in Lincoln, Texas and Tibet. But at NUL, life was as usual. Students hoping to get the day off to pull rubble off their roommates or see if their families were still alive waited anxiously by radios and tele visions for cancellation announce ments, but their prayers went unan IPleaze see ASS on 3 Innside: ■ Nothing is sacred. No man is safe from our wrath on April Fool’s Day. ■ Take a joke. We do every day. It’s not personal. ■ Nothing is true, so put your law books away and stop whining. Enjoy.