'I
KLAUS MARRE is a
senior broadcasting
major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
The opinion editor asked me to
write on foreign affairs, so I dedicat
ed two hours of my life to recap the
events which led to a romance
between me and Maria, a married
Spanish woman.
Next, I got hit in the head and
somebody explained the real mean
ing of foreign affairs to me.
Well, excuse me. So much for me
telling you about how close Barbara
Bush and Iran’s Ayatollah Khomeini
really were.
The one big question I have about
international politics is this: Why is
the world run by a bunch of old men?
All due respect to the elderly - they
are second to none in playing bingo,
but running this planet?
A few examples will illustrate the
point. One of the big events this
week was the papal visit to Cuba,
where John Paul II (age 77) will hang
out with my man Fidel Castro (71).
My own country’s Helmut Kohl is in
his late 60s, about the same age as
Russia s Bons Yeltsin (but let s not
forget that Boris is trashed all the
time). In China, another world power,
Deng Xiao Ping died last year at the
age of 92 and was replaced by Jiang
Zemin, whose 70th birthday is only a
memory. Well, compared to Deng, he
really is fresh blood.
Domestically, you have Strom
Thurmond, senator of South
Carolina, who will be more than 100
years old by the time he completes
his term. He was bom in 1902.
People didn’t even know about air
planes or the wheel back then
(although I admit that my research on
that is kind of shaky). When Bob
Dole ran for the presidency in 1996,
he was already 72 years old.
So what’s the point of all these
numbers and names? Well, old peo
ple shouldn’t run the world. Take a
long, hard look at your grandfathers
and imagine them being president or
pope or ayatollah. It just doesn’t
work. They are probably really nice,
old men who give you candy and tell
you stories about the good old days,
but they also forget where they are at,
Out with the old
Elderly should give way to young leaders
who you are, and what the hell is
going on.
Running the world takes a lot
more than being wise. The concept of
the oldest person being the leader
probably originated in some cave,
and there it really made sense
because the elders knew more and
their knowledge could only be passed
on by word-of-mouth and not written
down or stored in any other way.
There is no denying that a certain
life experience is required to become
president, and the Constitution pro
vides us with the rule that any person
running for office has to be 35 years
of age. Why isn’t there an age limit
on the other side of the spectrum,
when physical limitations become
apparent, memories get fuzzy, and
the brain slows down?
Remember Ronald Reagan in the
Iran-Contra hearings? I can still hear
him saying “I don’t recall this” and “I
don’t recall that.” I always thought
that he was a liar, but I’m looking at
the events differently now. Maybe he
didn’t lie to Congress; what if he
simply couldn t remember because
Alzheimer’s had reared its ugly head?
There is another point which is
even more important than the physi
cal and mental limitations. In 1948,
Strom Thurmond ran for the presi
dency. The Cold War hadn’t even
started, World War II just ended and
there were no signs of a civil rights
movement yet. He was governor of
South Carolina in 1947, which means
that he was the head of a state gov
ernment that supported segregation.
This just doesn’t sound right.
Does this mean that Sen. Thurmond
changed all of his views and aban
doned his prejudices to better serve
his constituents? I don’t think so.
These political dinosaurs have
simply been passed up by a society
that is changing more rapidly than
ever. I don’t want a 90-something
making decisions in Congress on
issues that he probably has no clue
about (the Internet, for example). The
old men who run this country and the
world probably base many of then
decisions on some kind of ancient
value system that probably worked
fine in their time but is outdated now.
Experience is certainly a good
thing, but carrying around too many
memories can prove to be an obstacle
in the process of making good deci
sions for thousands of people.
Maybe our governments aren’t:
getting anything done because they
are stuck with ideologies that don’t
work in today’s world.
During the week of Martin
Luther King Jr.’s birthday, I would
like to see leaders who were children
when King talked about having a
dream rather than a bunch of old men
who were in office when segregation
was still around.
Maybe all the sessions in
Congress take so long because the
congressmen keep forgetting each
others’ names, talk about the good
old days too much or forget where
they were going halfway through
speeches. Some call it filibustering -
I call it senility.
1 can just see Thurmond
approaching the podium in the
Senate to present his “No taxation
without representation” speech,
which would probably be filled with
anecdotes from how it was in the
Battle of Bunker Hill. Everybody
would look down, ashamed, because
they wouldn’t want to tell Strom that
America has been a free country for
more than two centuries. Well, I
everybody would be ashamed except *
the other 80-plus-year-old senators, '
who would give Strom a rousing,
standing ovation because they have
also forgotten about America’s inde
pendence.
It would be nice if all these old
men would realize that their time has
passed and they should step down to
make room for a new generation.
They have done their share of good
and bad for their respective coun
tries. Unfortunately, most of them
don’t realize this; they hang onto sen
timental Votes and stand in the way
of progress. ’’ ’ ' :1 i
Maybe it is time for an amend
ment that sets an age limit for public;
officials. There should be a retire
ment island for former heads of
state where the old men can sit in
the sun, wear funky-looking pants
up to their armpits and play shuffle
board all day, just like my grandpa,
and talk about the glorious times
when they were on top of the world.
Robb Blum/DN
Who to tattoo?
Legislature must not assume parental responsibilities
r—— .in __ ^ JL
MALCOLM KASS is a
senior chemical engineer
ing major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
I daydream.
I absolutely LOVE daydream
ing.*! must admit that I can waste
b(tll)9RftMfllih^$ta900tfWimming -i
3 Jiffi«ftat of Old Style with Ani -
DiFranco, Julia Louis-Dreyfuss
(a.k.a. Elaine off “Seinfeld”), Ariel
from the movie “The Little
Mermaid” and Harry Caray. This
fiveplay happens in a backdrop of a
weeklong concert with
Sotindgarden, Fugazi and the Spice
Girls (I’m drooling right now).
But lately I have been having
another type of daydream, a dream
I would never wish upon any of my
fellow humans.
The name is Montana Kass, the
fastest drunk in the Old West.
wnne naing my trusty steed, I
decided to stop in the Unicameral
saloon to wet the throat. Flaunting
my tattoos and body piercings for -
all to see, a woman bartender,
Elaine “State Senator” Stuhr, said
with a mean grin on her face, “I’m
a bad son-of-a-bitch!”
I said, “That’s my line.” Then
she shot me in the head, then I was
dead, so her face turned red, and
she said, “I’ll kill an 18-year-old or
younger with a tattoo or body
piercing, even ones named Ted!”
OK, that was a very dumb
dream, but there is a point. (I actu
ally thought I was dead once - then
introduced Legislative Bill 1166.
LB 1166 would prevent anyone 18
years old or younger from receiving
a tattoo or body piercing without
parental permission.
This bill was prompted from
parents in her district who com
plained about children as young as
13 coming home with tattoos. Why
a 13-year-old would want to take
the first steps in looking like
Marilyn Manson, I don’t know.
And while Sen. Stuhr’s heart is
in the right place, her bill may do
more harm than good.
First, let me say that I believe
that the majority of tattoo artists
would never tattoo someone who
appeared to still be in high school.
But just like any profession, there
are money-hungry pigs who would _
sell their children to clone-doctor
Richard Seed so that he might cre
ate a superior race of identical
beings.
Off the subject time. Dr.
Jekyll, do you really think you are
fooling anyone? How stupid do you
think we are? Do you believe we
just forgot about Hitler? Yeah, like
the world really believes that you
psychopaths keep on popping up!
Where was I? Oh yeah. This is
why I can certainly sympathize
with the pleas of Sen. Stuhr. Let’s
face it, kids don’t know crap. I was
guilty Of this, you were guilty of
this, and certainly 13-year-old kids
with tattoos shouldn’t even get to
face a jury. Teen-agers have no
capacity to understand that, at age
40, the only people who have tat
toos work at county fairs.
Teen-agers are damn capable of
bringing irrationality to a zenith.
Just ask those teen-age, big-game
hunters who shot cattle for fun
south of Lincoln. Even believing
that the Association of Students of
the University of Nebraska has a
purpose makes more sense than
killing a cow standing still. Man,
that has to be exciting to shoot a
cow that is trying to avoid every
shot by standing in place, sleeping.
You can almost hear the adrenaline
flow.
When I think of 13-year-olds
getting tattoos and the adjectives
used to depict them 15 years from
now, words such as “priest,” “nun,”
“drug-free” and “law-abiding citi
zen” do not come to mind.
Descriptions fflHHpSmi1
I
AC/DC shirts in their high school
seniorpictures” and “the Innocents
Society.” I can see the letters now:
Mr. Kass,
We is good!
Signed,
The Innocents
P.S. Mortar Board sucks.
While my heart goes out to LB
1166, my reasoning does not.
Although I agree with the bill’s
intentions, more laws that govern
the family household are just not
needed. Such laws de-emphasize
the most crucial responsibility of
being a parent - parenting. The last
thing our developing children need
is to provide political battlegrounds
for Nazi conservatives and Nazi
liberals (Yes, you liberals that are
so far left that you’re Republican
are fascists, too). When it comes to
our children, it’s laissez-faire, baby.
I realize that Sen. Stuhr views
LB 1166 as a step in protecting our
children, but parents need to learn
from these mistakes to prevent i
future protfOiMjMWlttitakc
their parenting style isn’t exactly
going to place their kid on the fast
track to becoming the pope.
Even though I have no child of
my own, I know parenting is diffi
cult. But it needs to be difficult if
our children are to possess the most
important trait of all: becoming
competent parents themselves.
In the least, good parents will ..
produce sound Jedis to fight for the
rebellion against the evil Dr. Seed
empire in the Clone Wars.
