EDITOR
Paula Lavigne
OPINION
EDITOR
Matthew Waite
EDITORIAL
BOARD
Erin Gibson
Joshua Gillin
Jeff Randall
Julie Sobczyk
Ryan Soderlin
Guest
VIEW
Quality
education
Learning three R s
just isn’t enough
Kentucky Kernel
University of Kentucky.
LEXINGTON, Ky. (U-Wire) -
Reading, writing and arithmetic have
served as the foundation for the tradi
tional American education for genera
tions. The skills provided by a solid
grounding in these subjects were as
essential in 1776 as they are today.
Unfortunately, the quality of an
American elementary education consis
tently ranks below that of other modern,
industrialized nations.
However, signs of improvement have
begun to appear, but it’s difficult to say
if they are momentary blips on the radar
or true signs of success in the class
room.
If we are to continue making
progress, we must continue to look for
innovative and effective means to
ground students in the basics.
In addition, we must also begin to
integrate new skills into the curriculum
that are fast becoming a necessity for
students of the next century.
This is where the debate begins.
What subject areas are so essential to
future success as to be ranked up there
with the three R’s?
Most likely, the one skill everyone
^an.^gree upon involves comp.utersr and
ejffpjfs are being makie across the coun
try to provide computer access and
instruction in every classroom.
But what about other subject areas?
We’ve seen debates flare up through
the years about sex education, evolution
versus creationism and now diversity
education.
This past week President Clinton
issued a national call to implement
diversity education across the country.
It’s a call we sympathize with but can
not wholeheartedly endorse.
We fully support diversity education
that fosters understanding among a
diversified population; however, any
mandatory implementation of such a
program would turn the classroom into
a political battlefield with students
caught in the crossfire.
Such a requirement would have com
peting political interests debating the
inclusion of cultural relativism, politi
cal ideology and religion, along with
the degree to which such topics should
be explored and in what light they
should be presented.
Admittedly such discussions have
the potential to benefit society, but
there are enough problems in providing
a superior elementary education with
out adding a new burden that will only
stretch precious resources even thinner.
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Haney’s
VIEW
Sports shuffle
Changes imagined in pro lineups
AARON COOPER is a
junior English major and
a Daily Nebraskan colum
nist.
I’m the CEO of a new broad
casting company - Sports World.
It’s the new cable channel
recently added to boost interest in
televised sports, and I was elected
top dog by major sports conglomer
ates around the television industry.
I’m going to take pro sports by
storm and deal them a much needed
facelift.
OK, so maybe I’m not the CEO
of a nonexistent channel, but if I
were I would seriously think about
shaking things up a bit.
Sure, baseball, basketball and
volleyball aren’t going anywhere, but
maybe it’s time to add a little spice.
What would happen if Dennis
Rodman all of a sudden were
thrown into hockey? There would
be new meaning to the word
“brawl” and we’d have to hire pit
bulls to rip him off opposing team
mates - assuming they were the
opposing teammates.
Something tells me that he’d be
thrown out of the game in fewer
than five minutes.
Maybe he should try ice skating.
Kristi Yamaguchi meets Dennis
Rodman - the figure skating duo of
the year.
Enough picking on Dennis.
How about Larry Bird?
* You see, retirement is just not
Jg thrilling endugh for our old Boston
pal. Nope, we heed to throw him
, into the wide-out position for tl\e >
49ers and see if he can snag a bullet
r1—■. A • -h—
from San Francisco’s finest.
Can you say “Bird sandwich?”
Maybe fencing is more up his
alley.
Even better, let’s dig deep into
the tennis world and pick out some
one who we can really have fun with
- Monica Seles.
I have sympathy for what the
lady’s been through, but man does
she pack a grunt. I wonder how well
that grunting bit would sit with the
members of the LPGA Tour.
Monica watches as a rookie sets
up for a putt, pulls her club face
back and “HAW-EE!!” She might
take a beating or two, but it would
make for some damn good TV.
But we can’t just leave the tennis
men out of things.
I’d pull Andre Agassi out of the
French Open (which he’s not going
to win anyway) and throw him into
Ping-Pong.^
Let’s sefenow the Chinese do
with the Grand Master of Returns!
While we’re at it, let’s grow you
some hair back, Andre. How can
Brooke sleep at night with the god
of peach fuzz? And whatever hap
pened to those cool shirts? Guess
image isn’t everything, hey Andre?
Don’t think for a minute I’m
going to forget about the prodigal
son of Nike. Nope, he’s got basket
ball under his wing and I’ll grant
him the effort put forth in baseball.
But that’s too easy.
I want to see Michael Jordan, in
the ugliest faded green-and-red
shoes we can find, standing at the
beginning of his approach as he
attempts to knock down ten pins on
the bowling alley.
Tell you what, Mike. I don’t„.
think you need your share of Nike
anymore - I’ll bowl you for it.
Winner takes all.
Now that we’ve got a partial
foundation laid for the facelift of
the century in professional sports,
let’s put Tanya Harding in there just
for kicks.
But where should we put her?
Who would want her?
I know. Let’s see how Tanya
does against a Nomo fastball. Just
try to make it to first base without
crying, I dare you!
What would really be the icing
on the cake is to see a big fat Macho
Man Randy Savage at a world bil
liard tournament. Let’s see how he
fares against the “Miz” or Ewa
Mataya, the queen of the masse.
But someone better quickly
explain the concept of “breaking” in
pool to our Macho Man, otherwise
we’re gonna have 911 on the phone
before the end of the opening rack.
Now I bet you’re thinking, What
about those golfers? Right. Can’t let
them get off too easy.
I’m gonna take Payne Stewart
(because you got to love those
socks!) and let him get in the ring
with Mike Tyson.
OK, that’s just plain cruel.
How about John McEnroe?
McEnroe. TKO by complaining!
On that note, I’d like to bring
this'session to a close with an obser
vation from America’s most promi
nent and highly respected sports
analyst, George Carlin.
:“Undisputed Heavyweight
Champion of the World. Well if it’s
undisputed, what’s all the fighting
about?” * :
For you, George ... bullfighting.
7?-Mmug-;.*.!! I!! 1!!!! ■ -—-1
What would really be the icing on the
cake is to see a big fat Macho Man Randy
Savage at a world billiard tournament
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