The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current, November 12, 1997, Page 5, Image 5
. H Sex is more than just a matter of trust KAY PRAUNER is a senior news-editori al major, a copy desk co-chief and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Somewhere in the world, there may exist a person . who once claimed he loved you. Who made you feel like a god or goddess. Who placed you on a pedestal. Or rather, an altar. A person who made a sacrifice for you - of the most precious gift life has to offer. Or more strictly speaking, of life itself. Your life, that is. - In a prison in western New York, a young mart* much like the person I describe, sits on suicide watch for lov ing too much. Himself, that is. He hasn’t much of a background, aside from the alleged tales about how his father vanished, his grand mother smoked crack, and his mother used to peddle her sexual prowess, along with the prepubescent frame of his kid sister, all for the sake of a more robust drag allowance. It’s the usual glorified ghetto sob story. For the most part this young man spent his days wan dering the streets, rapping for strangers and selling drugs to survive. That was all he knew. And he fared pretty well. ne epitomized me modern-day inner-city romantic struggle: the man who stole everyone’s heart - a wooer of the women and a charmer of die charitable. He was the downtrodden dreamer; the man who proclaimed to nearly everyone he met, that someday, he would be famous. He was right. But this fame will force him to reckon with the past. This past fatally affects at least 10 other people according to the current head count. And presumably, this number could spawn into sums that stretch beyond what could ever be counted on a full set of fingers and toes. The final score could surpass dozens and hit marks in the hundreds. That’s a lot of human sacrifice. And if there’s something Nushawn “JoJo” Williams knows, it’s sacrifice - although not necessarily on his end. n Currently Williams is being held in jail on Riker’s Island for the allegation that he knowingly spread HIV through unsafe sex - an accusation that, according to Newsweek magazine, could win him honors like “reck less endangerment” or “attempted murder.” One of Williams’ former lovers, whose HIV status is still pending, said he was simply in denial. Williams couldn’t believe the doctor’s word; and so he carried on - business as usual. But at what point did Williams have to know he was HIV-positive? Was he relying on his gut, a la that’s exactly how it should feel? Or did he feel worthy of justifying his action under the more biblical eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth? Or, was it simply his “poor me” past that brought him to such vengeful and reckless actions? In response to such questions, Williams’ aunt, Diane Fields, emits an answer even more elusive than Williams’ actions themselves:, “The parents of them girls should’ve taught them to keep their legs closed, or use condoms.” So where did Williams earn his degree in sexual smarts? When, exactly, were both his feet on the floor? This isn’t about appendage pointing; (AIDS is; but the blame is not.) f This is about people who trust so much that eventu ally they lose themselves and their lr This is about all of us who trust - purity or naivete. This is about those of us who ma; to look into the eyes of the loves of o tell them we have AIDS because we < our faith in someone else’s hands. So else who couldn’t have cared less ab< And that ourultimate loves, too, will at the hands of another, seemingly ui yet quite pertinent, person. Why is Williams’ story so Because he may be a willingly m cious murderer? Why are the media making a majestic mountain out of a malevo lent con artist? Because his tragic background allows him leeway under the insani ty plea? Aw. My heart bleeds for thee. Tell it to the parents of the 13- < year-old girl he infected last year. To the infected young persons who will never be able to trust - or live normally - again. To all the \ persons in similarly desperate and devastating sit-' uations. To all those who haven’t been educated enough to know the AIDS basics. I know what it’s like to be oblivious to the outcome of unprotected sex. It’s scary as hell. And very real. But it’s stories like Williams’ and his victims’ that make me rethink my past actions. In fact, it was William^ who roused the sleepy town of Jamestown, N.Y., whose previ ously out-of-touch resi dents rubbed their eyes, pinched themselves, saw what was real, and promptly sprinted to the nearest AIDS testing clinic. Now they know, I guess. I think it’s time the rest of us knew too. Before we have to find out firsthand. And especially before we have to lose trust in our selves. Valuable lesson Patience comes from wisdom, love GREGG MADSEN is a senior news-editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Sometimes you learn a lesson in the most unexpected place. This weekend, on a windblown hillside in West-Central Nebraska, I learned something I'll never forget. My dad and I were hunting deer in the late afternoon, with a short hour and a half before sunset, and the sub sequent end of legal shooting time. I was covering the hilly ground rather quickly, pressing to get to a big ridge that marks our property line where I thought there would be deer. Dad was walking a little slower. Not because of his age or lack of sta angry. I didn’t have time for this. My dad sat down on the side of a steep hill, his blaze-orange sweatshirt and cap standing out against the brown-and-gray native grasses. He raised his binoculars to his eyes and started to scan the large canyon below, searching for any signs that a deer might be nearby. A north wind started to blow through the canyon, howling as it went. But Dad was silent He just sat there looking through the binocu lars. I couldn’t believe it. In my mind, there was no chance he was going to see a deer in this canyon. I was sure of it I was so sure, in fact, that I started to walk away. He could stay there, I reasoned, because I had more important things - namely, shooting a deer- to do with my time. As soon as my right foot started to move away from my dad, I knew it was the wrong thing to do: My mind said get going, but my heart told me to grow up! I somehow knew I would regret it if I didn’t go back. Reluctantly, I walked over to where he was sitting. I sat down beside him and started to look through My lesson wasn’t a hunting les son, though. It was a lesson in patience. And most importantly, it was a reminder of how much I love my dad and why I do. No matter how much I wanted to end the hunt early, I had a hard time being patient enough to do so. Dad wanted me to get a deer, probably more than I did; yet he knew the secret was going to be patience. As hard as it is for me to admit it, his aged wisdom trumped my youthful exuberance. Patience is tough, let’s face it. Patience means you have to forget about what might be and live in the present. It involves discipline and per severance - not very popular virtues. In our culture, we are urged to get all we can as soon as we can. I’m ashamed to admit that I’ve bought into that logic thousands of times, only to realize later that I acted too quickly. It’s too easy to place our goals on a higher plane than our means of achieving them. I was so preoccupied with finding a deer that I forgot the most effective way of finding one. In the same way, I’ve disregarded - relaxed way, he continually shows it Patience is tough, lets face it. Patience means you have to forget about what might be and live in the present. It .involves discipline and perseverance... how wise he is while simultaneously proving how silly I can be. Patience is really delaying your gratification. Ironically, I didn’t delay anything Saturday by slowing down and sitting with my dad on that hill side. I wouldn’t, have got a deer on my own, but through patience I ended up getting it more quickly than I could have expected. On Saturday, I learned how valu able patience is. I learned that my dad still has some tricks left up the tattered sleeve of his blaze-orange sweatshirt. He taught me a lesson without saying a word, as he has many times before. But this lesson was different. For one of the first times I can remember, I didn’t resent Dad’s wis dom. Instead, I realized that his,, patience was sijnply an outpouring of his love forme. For once, I was com fortable with the fact that I loved him back. I will never foiget that day. After our hunt, Dad and I rushed back home to catch the end of the Nebraska football game. With five minutes left, I was convinced it was over. In my mind, there was no possi ble way for my beloved Comhuskers to win die game. While screaming at the television set, I caught a glimpse of Dad sitting on the front edge of the recliner, watching silently. He was right again. When the Huskers scored on Matt Davison’s miracle reception and tied the game, dad and I jumped up and gave each other high-fives. lereon BBBHBI