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TRY LINCOLN'S NEWEST MICRO BREW
BEAT THE STRESS!!!
Come on down for
200 Buffalo Wings
M-W-F • 4-7 P.M.
TUESDAY 3-dose: $3 pitcher 750 draws
SATURDAY 9-12: 200 wings
SUNDAYS open from 2 PM
Aerobic instructors set tension free
AMANDA SCHINDLER is a
freshman news-editorial major
and a Daily Nebraskan staff
reporter.
Stress is strange.
It bothers people in a way like no
other - a confusing, frustrating way.
Thus, it’s hard to deal with.
Instead of slapping it like we would
a mosquito, or facing it like we would a
final, we often divert our attention from
it. It’s like a whiny child - the less atten
tion we pay to it, the quicker it will leave
us alone. Often this entails finding
another form of stress on which to con
centrate.
Take the rather popular method
known as exercise. Granted, it works,
and at the same time helps you get in
shape, but how exactly? How does
adding physical stress to an already hor
rible day enable us to relax?
I have developed a theory explain
ing this very question.
Stress reduction because of exer
cise doesn’t stem from exercise at all.
Instead, it comes from venting all
your frustration onto the always-perky,
Barbie-doll-shaped aerobics instructor
you watch bounce effortlessly on and
off a 5-foot-high platform every other
night. You know, the blonde one with the
ponytail that never falls despite her
acrobatic step routines. The one who
never sweats, just cutely collects tiny
droplets on her perfectly tanned fore
head. The one who talks like Minnie
Mouse, and always manages to end her
sentences with “Akay?” She's a Disney
movie trapped in a Penthouse bod.
Sickening, isn't it?
Having participated in a few aero
bics classes myself. I’m familiar with
her plan of action. For the first few
classes, she’ll take it easy - you’ll do
jumping jacks and embarrassing stuff
like that. But it’s only a ploy to build up
your confidence. ^
Once she’s sure you’ve mustered
just enough courage to stick with the
course (never wear biker shorts, they’re
a dead giveaway) she’ll begin her craft.
It starts with a new routine. Not like
the other routines, but an endless rou
tine. There’ll be jumps and kicks and
boxing moves out of Rocky movies; and
not even good ones either. Later ones
like Rocky IV and V Her music selec
tion will change from Randy Travis to
AC/DC, and finally come to rest on
some foreign techno-dance group.
She’ll start to scream incessantly,
“Show me some power! Feel the bum!’’
while you do your best impression of an
elephant in the 100-meter dash. The
confidence you formerly built runs out
like sweat down your cleavage.
Soon enough, all hope has left your
body, and while class lags on, you begin
to unconsciously de-stress yourself by
silently planning Barbie s death.
“And 10 more leg lifts!”
No one will ever know...
“And three, and two, and one. Now
SWITCH legs! And 50. and 49 ...”
She must die!
“Now pump!”
Could buy gun with money from stu
dent loan.
“And squeeze!”
Poisoning is cheaper - but wait,
does she even eat?
“Feel the bum!”
Bum? Did she say burn?
“Now for those triceps! Lift with the
right ami!"
Could a three-pound barbell kill a
woman?
The room is filled with the sound of
desperate panting. It’s no longer a mat
ter of jeans size - it’s one of survival.
Every once in awhile, you look up to see
a fellow stepper struggling, and you nod
to let her know of Your Plan.
Before you can nod more, Barbie
catches on, and brings out the mats for
the abs session. Don’t be fooled though
- it’s not a muscle group. It’s actually an
acronym: Anti-Breathing System. If
you can’t breathe - you can’t revolt,
right? What’s more, all that incessant
crunching squeezes out whatever ten
sion remains.
By the time this infernal session is
over, you have just enough energy to
unlock your door and wrench off your
sneakers before falling on wdut face.
And supper? Completely out of the
question. All you’ll have the energy left
to do is open a packet of Ramen noodles
and suck on them dry.
Such is the truth about the method
of stress reduction that has become so
popular lately. Exercise, namely aero
bics, combines both physical and men
tal torment in its de-stressing process.
People can't help but forget their prob
lems while being led like donkeys
through humiliating step choreography.
It’s dehumanizing, and we hate it, but it
works.
So we continue.
I myself even signed up for a new
aerobics class recently. Sure, I know
what I’m getting into. I think.
But maybe I’ll look like Barbie
someday.
Don’t ‘sweat’ it: You’re still young
IEVA AUGSTUMS is a
freshman news-editorial
major and a Daily
Nebraskan staff reporter.
Sunday night, a phone call. You
have a deadline at noon tomorrow.
Monday morning, up at four, into
work by five. Leave at 7:15 a.m., take a
Library 110 final exam. Stop down at
the Daily Nebraskan around eight.
Find that the stress you have been
experiencing in college is not good
enough.
You’re only a freshman, an editor
tells you.
You’ve only been on this campus
for seven weeks.
You aon t know wnat stress is.
He’s kidding, right?
The expectations. The responsibil
ities. The harder classes. The financial
burdens. Living with a stranger you
first met on the phone.
Stress is a daily occurrence in my
life. Stress laughed in my face the first
day of college. Stress is part of every
day as a college student.
There’s no question that being a
young adult in college is stressful. But
over these past seven weeks, most
freshmen, including myself, have
managed to deal with the new college
experience.
Don’t ask me how we do it, but we
get things done. Miracle of miracles.
Walking onto this campus was not
a drastic change in my life. I’ve lived in
Lincoln for the past 18 years, been
employed by the university since my
sophomore year in high school, and
have attended endless numbers of con
ferences, seminars and lectures held
here on campus. I can handle responsi
bilities. I admit. I’m organized, even
anal at times.
But this doesn't matter when you
are dealing with stress.
No matter how hard you try - or
how hard you don’t try - stress is
unavoidable. Death and taxes, baby.
I was hoping, innocently enough,
that once I graduated, all of the stress
es in my life would just vanish. Not
quite. They did for three months. Then
summer ended.
And college started.
In the past seven weeks, I have
endured the loss of a close friend, the
ongoing battle between my recently
divorced parents, coping with breast
cancer within my family, the appre
hension of moving away from home,
the plaguing hours of homework, and
of course the everyday responsibilities
of being a student. I have experienced
all of these things while holding a part
time job, completing an internship,
getting involved with organizations on
campus, and preparing myself for the
Miss Lancaster County pageant.
Crazy, huh/
I keep on wondering when - or if
it’s all going to end.
I’m not a sympathy case. That is
the last thing from my mind. However,
maybe it is time for a reality check. A
step back. A new look.
Why in the hell am I doing all this?
A very close friend of mine once
told me that when stress strikes, smile.
Not a psychotic, mad hatter smile. Just
a grin. Helps you stay focused, and
sane. Friends are good too. They do
what friends do - listen, console, take
verbal abuse. The usual.
But then there are other ways.
Walk around your dorm floor
wearing a green avocado mud mask.
Trust me, you'll be more concerned
with when your floormates are going
to call the cops than with whatever was
stressing you.
Run two miles every day. If you
need motivation, think to yourself that
if you don’t run fast enough, a drool
ing, mangy dog with snaggle teeth and
the word “stress” shaved in its greasy
fur is going to bite you where you don’t
want to be bitten. Not only do you get a
good workout, it gives you time to
yourself, where you can think about
other things in your life. Like that
good-looking person running laps
ahead of you. Definite stress relief.
But my favorite way of dealing
with stress is over the Internet. What
better way to make an impression than
by venting your frustrations and stress
es to kindred souls on the Net whom
you hardly know? If people were
stressed out when they invented the
technological superhighway, you
might as well put it some good use.
Even if it is for selfish reasons.
College can’t be that bad, can it?
Living up to others’ expectations, ago
nizing over what to major in, and try
ing to prove to the parents that you can
live on your own: What isn’t there to
love about college?
I’ve learned at least one thing in
college so far: You can’t let the idea of
stress stress you out.
Relax, for crying out loud.
Remember you are still young.
So you don’t have to worry about
heart attacks just yet.
But don’t push it.
