Wusses of the world, unite!
Fighting can be hazardous to your health
STEVE WILLEY is a senior
news-editorial major and
a Daily Nebraskan colum
nist.
While some Nebraska fans slept
after last Saturday night’s football
game, I spent the evening tooling
around downtown O Street. I had
made the rounds at the bars and had
slapped five to numerous overjoyed
fans. It had been a great night, and an
even better win by the Huskers.
On the way back to the car that
evening, my friends and I decided to
stop at La Bamba, a Mexican restau
rant that promises to serve - and this
is no joke ■- “burritos as big as your
head.” I’d be damned if I didn’t have
to see this for myself. •
Fortunately, the burritos were not
as big as my head; they were bigger!
They were closer in size to a propane
gas tank one might find at a family
farmhouse.
That was all right with me.
For you see, when it gets to be
about 2 a.m., I don’t care what the
food tastes like. All I care about is
that I’m given a portion capable of
satisfying four gorillas.
And I guarantee, if you order the
“Super Burrito,” you’ll be hard
pressed to finish the sucker. Hell, I'd
bet the entire state of Montana could
n’t eat two of them. I know I had a
bslHlva jbnae getting down six.
Everything was turning out to be
part of a grand evening. But as I did
my best to choke down the last burri
to, I overheard something I just hate
overhearing: A fight was brewing
over by the counter.
It seemed that a few Nebraska
and Kansas State fans were jawing
back and forth about something,
probably whether Curly was the best
Stooge.
Now had this been three years
ago, I would have been loving the
verbal exchanges.
Every
time
a /
guy
would have said something, I would
have been right behind him: “Ohhh,
MAN! You gonna take that?” And
even if the insult would have been
about the other guy’s team, I would
have found some way to turn it into
some lewd comment about the guy’s
mother and Don Rickies. \
That was the kind of instigator I
used to be.
And it’s not that I don’t under
stand fighting. My dad always told
me, “Sometimes young bulls got to
lock horns just to be locking horns.
Hell, ain’t no harm done, boy.”
But what my dad was too hard
headed to realize is that the potential
for harm is always there. I, of all peo
ple, should know that. You see, one
night while I was living in the dorms,
I had this “brilliant” idea to smart off
to Fred Pollack, now a 1,800-pound
starting lineman for the Huskers. I
was drunk and pissed because I had
just had a fight with my girlfriend at
the time - something to do with buy
ing foreign cars over domestic ones.
And though for days later I
bragged that Fred “didn’t want none
of Big baddy,” I knew things that
night could have ended badly. And by
badly, I mean I could have suffered
serious brain trauma from being
^ hurled down six flights of stairs. I’m
alluding to the type of head injuries
that cause people to talk with perma
nent lisps and unintentionally relieve
themselves whenever someone uses a
lordless phone.
Now I look back on that night
with great thanks thaft Mr. Pollack
utilized
his sense of human decency. I just
hope he forgives my stupidity. And I
should also thank my friends who
convinced Fred that - though they
couldn’t think of a good reason at the
time -1 should be allowed to live.
Maybe I’m just getting older now.
(Notice I don’t use the words “more
mature.”) I just don’t get the same
things out of being a jerk as I used to.
Frankly, I’m surprised that I would
even attempt to pick a fight with
Fred. I’ve never been good at throw
ing down. It terrifies me, primarily
because I’m essentially about as
effective in a fist fight as a pillow
case.
Even though I grew up with two
older brothers who used to - as my
dad put it - “kick the crap out that
boy,” I never learned to defend
myself. My whole fighting technique
consisted mainly of burying my face
in my brother’s stomach, hanging on
for dear life and repeatedly shouting
the mantra, “I want my MOMMY!”
- I had even gotten to the point
where I could successfully use the
family dog to shield my brothers’
blows.
(Only thing is, I didn’t have of
Skippy dog with me the night I
decided to anger a rather large foot
ball player.)
But you know, we all do stupid
things like that in life. So what the
guys at La Bamba were doing
was, in my opinion, forgiv
able. And I was willing
to
let it go and,
being true to
my journal
istic nature,
crouch in the
corner like a
frightened
piglet and
observe.
But when 1
heard the “let’s
take it outside”
phrase, something
came over me. For
some crazy reason, 1
felt like I needed to
intervene. Matt Haney/DN
So I eased in
between the two groups and nervous
ly hung my fingers into my thighs. I
tried to settle things the best way I
knew how. But when the belching
competition failed to produce the sat
isfaction of a knock-down brawl, 1
resorted to words.
And you folks know.wjtqt? They
worked - or at feast I thipk.they did.
Sure, maybe nothing would have
happened anyway. All I know is that
things sure calmed down after 1
spoke to them.
I told the Nebraska dudes to
relax. I said that as spokesmen for
the University of Nebraska, they
knew better than to act like that.
Besides, the Kansas people were
just sore because they lost. And
when the Husker fans left, I
apologized to the Wildcats. I
told them they played a good
game, and that I was sorry
for the problem. They were
all actually pretty nice peo
ple when they weren’t A
yelling at each other.
I didn’t care how the
almost-altercation start
ed. I just didn’t want to
see one. Thankfully, I
didn’t. And I left
La Bamba that
night feel
ing as
though 1
had
done
sometlftrtg^
really good^p
!\4/
"•because usually
when I’m intoxicat
ed and leave restau
rants, I feel like I have
done something illegal.
As far as Fm concerned, 1 could
n’t be happier if I never saw another
fight. I don’t even want to see people
wanting to fight. It really scares file
now how quickly some people are
tyrllmg to hur| each otherovLgrnoth^
•• ..7,So. does itHfejHi&Ke me a wuss^l$
You bet it does, at least as far as my lJt
dad is concerned. But it also makes
me (and every other wuss who’s
smart enough to walk away) a wiser
and cooler wuss.
And most importantly, we’re
wusses without lisps.
DANIEL MUNKSGAARD
is a sophomore English
and philosophy major and
a Daily Nebraskan colum
nist.
Back around the beginning of my
freshman year, I ran into a friendly
acquaintance 1 knew from high
school. Glad to see a face 1 knew after
being swarmed by 20,000 faces I did
n’t know, I asked how she was doing
and where she was living.
She gave me an odd look, then
aaiu, i wiuw yuu ic piuuauiy guuig
to look down on me for this, but I’m
living in a sOrority.”
Now the fact that she was in a
sorority didn’t surprise me. But what
did surprise me was how quickly she
assumed I’d think less of her for it.
I’ll admit that I don’t have a great
track record as far as respecting the
greek system goes. I’ve put in my
share of jokes at the expense of
drunken greeks, and my own experi
ence with a few of the fraternities on
campus has been, shall we say, less
than positive. I’m referring specifical
ly to the fraternity members who beat
the living daylights out of me a little
more than two years ago because I
“looked like a fag.” But that was an
isolated incident, andmost of my crit
icisms of greeks centered on the fact
ip v
\ .
<* Greeks vs. geeks
Both sides can learn from each other
that they just seemed odd to me.
Innocent enough.
On the other hand, I was living in
the honors dorm at the time. Who’s
easier to look down on: Hoards of
young women clapping and singing in
unison for bizarre induction rituals, or
dozens of computer geeks screaming
at each other while playing video
games that are hooked up to speakers
so large the floor literally shakes?
We’ve all got social habits that
can easily be looked down upon by
others.
In the end, I figured greeks and
geeks only have a one-letter differ
ence, so where was the tension com
ing from?
The tension, it turns out, is com
ing from, on one side, a rather vocal
segment of the student population that
has had a bone to pick with the greek
system for a long time. And on the
other, we have a greek system loyal to
its ideals and willing to defend itself.
Some of the grievances are philo
sophical, but a lot of them have turned
personal. It’s easy for the folks in the
(pseudo) intellectual crowd (a group I
fuHy confess to being part of) to tar
get the greeks as an example of mind
less conformity. And they do raise
several legitimate issues, ranging
from such minor but annoying mat
ters as the incredibly tacky sight of
house after house covered in toilet
f ■ \.
u—
We ve all got social habits that can easily be looked down upon
by others. In the end, Ifigured greeks and geeks only, have a one
letter difference, so where was the tension coming from? ” ,
__- ' ' ' ' - •' V, * - _
paper, to the much more serious
issues involving the homophobic,
sexist and even rape-encouraging atti
tudes displayed by certain, and I
emphasize certain, fraternities.
But instead of approaching these
problems by working together with
and respecting the members of our
fraternity and sorority groups, most
critics have degenerated to inflamma
tory name-calling and even crying for
an end to the greek system.
This last part, in particular, is self
defeating. First of all, every one of the
problems attributed to greek houses,
specifically binge drinking and sexual
assault, occur all over campus.
If we’re going to eliminate prob
lems by cutting off the oiganization
factor, we may as well shut the uni
versity down.
Second, fraternities and sororities
are far too active in the university to
shut them down - not without raising
some serious issues. And before
someone suggests that booting them
out of the student government would
be a good thing, let me say that 1
understand the frustration expressed
by people who notice that the
Association^ Students of the
University of Nebraska representa
tives are almost entirely greek,
despite the fact that greeks are a
minority on campus.
But guess what folks? That’s
because they vote. If the non-greek
majority of the student body doesn’t
take part jh the elections, it’s their
own fault. The voter turnout at ASUN
elections the last few years is nothing
short of pathetic.
I don’t like it anymore than you
do, but if the greeks are the only ones
who care enough to take part, then
they’ve earned the right to run the stu
dent government.
Again, I’ve never had a particular
fondness for fraternities. I really
doubt there’s one I would fit in to, and
that kind of thing just doesn’t appeal
to me.
But that’s me.
Just because I have no reason to
go for that doesn’t mean someone
else shouldn’t. 1 can really understand
why people would want to have a
place where they can be immediately
surrounded by friendly faces and a
definite social structure, as opposed
to striking out into a faceless and
largely unsympathetic student body.
Religious organizations know this,
which is why you can't swing a dead
cat without hitting some salvation
preacher during the first week of
classes.
And it’s that unsympathetic stu
dent body that probably has the most
to answer for. 1 know it’s hard to
expect unity with such a large number
of students, but I know of universities
even larger than ours that have better
attitudes.
Before we start attacking the one
group on campus that seems to have
some sense of unity, let’s try and offer
up a viable alternative. They may
have their flaws, but we could proba
bly stand.to learn something from
them. . ' > Up:
