Some sleep would be nice
Kids, marriage, meetings make days long,
but worth it, for almost all working moms
PEG BLAKE is the director of
admissions for the University of
Nehraska-Lincoln,
I received my baccalaureate degree from
UNL in 1978, and the world was mine! In the
prime of my life, with endless opportunities
stretched out before me and no limitations that
my 21 years could see. Those were the years
when we talked of the “Women’s Liberation
Movement” and, like most young women at
that time, there was no doubt in my mind that I
could have it all.
Most of my friends got married within 12
months of graduation, and I assumed that it
would happen to me, too. Instead, although I
dated some interesting men (and some not so
interesting), my white knight and I didn’t find
each other until 13 years later. I was 34 years
old and met him on a blind date - not exactly
the way I had thought it would happen. We both
wanted children and were blessed with the .
birth of our son, Colin, two years later, and /
our daughter, Lauren, three years /£
after that.
Career? It’s great!
Marriage? He’s still the man of my dreams!
Parenting? Best thing I’ve ever done!
Volunteer work? On hold for a while!
Sleep? Who needs it?!
Housework? That’s why they have cleaning
services!
Friends? I hope they’re still there for me
when I resurface!
Cooking? I make a mean mac-and-cheese
casserole, and there’s never a bite left!
You’re beginning to get the drift. I have
everything that I need to have a full and
rewarding life, but I no longer fool myself into
thinking that I can do everything I was able to
do before becoming a parent. It all becomes a
matter of priorities, and the priorities of a 414
year old and a 15-month
old have become
*^5Sr* mine.
111c uavA
up a bit. When I
became a parent,
I had already
spent nearly 15
years building my
career. And when
you have spent that
much time at anything,
it becomes a significant
part of how you define
yourself. So when I was
home on maternity leave,
there was never a question
in my mind but that I
would head back to my
office after several
weeks at home with
each baby. Perhaps
my response would
have been different
' nad I become a par
ent soon after beginning
my career, but going
’ back to work was the
only answer for me.
Don’t get me wrong
-1 loved rocking and
holding and nursing
my babies, but my
brain missed the
stimulation it
receives from
interacting with
faculty, staff
and stu
dents every
day. I
missed this
place.
Sol
have had to
learn how to
juggle. And as I
said before, it all starts with
priorities. My first two priori
ties are Colin and Lauren.
They are both well-cared for at
their preschool and day care
during our working hours, but
our evenings and weekends
belong to them - sidewalk
chalk, bubbles, books,
*nps to the zoo, play
grounds, books,
swimming lessons,
Legos, dinosaurs,
books.
Sometimes they
go to meetings or
our offices with
us, but usually we
devote their wak
} to them
itry to
our work
are
asleep.
Then there is work. I do my best to keep my
mind focused on the tasks at hand while I’m at
the office, and I am generally successful,
except for those times when we’ve had a rough
morning getting everyone ready to go or when
one of the children is sick. A recent example: It
was 44 degrees outside on a Monday morning
and I tried to convince Colin that he had to
wear long pants to preschool. He refused, and
spent the next 20 minutes crying and wailing. I
finally convinced him to wear sweatpants
OVER his shorts, and carried him out to the car
with him screaming “I hate you, Mommy!” By
now, I was 15 minutes late leaving for a recruit
ment event in Hastings, and as I strapped on his
seat belt, he turned toward me and vomited.
Even though I knew it was the result of his
being so worked up, I still spent the rest of the
day feeling guilty that I had forced him into
sweatpants, worried about whether or not he
was really sick, and hoping that he was having
a good time in spite of the rocky start to the
day. (He was fine - laughing and playing with
the other kids as soon as I was out of earshot.
But, I haven’t insisted on long pants since; with
luck, he’ll figure it out before the snow flies.)
And you think you’ve had bad Mondays - what
a way to start the week.
I am fortunate to work in an institution that
places a value on families and that understands
that small children and their needs are fre
quently unpredictable. The days when the
phone rings and it’s someone from day care
asking me to come pick up Lauren because she
is running a temperature are decreasing in fre
quency as she grows. But those phone calls can
still wreak havoc in a workday that is scheduled
with meetings, appointments and classes from’
beginning to end.
So how does it feel to balance it all? Well,
it’s like this: You have 15 balls in the air at
home at any given moment, and at least that
many at work. You throw them all in the air, and
spend 18 hours each day trying to make sure
that none of them drops. You aren’t always suc
cessful, though, so you also have to deal with
the guilt over not having done your best or not
having tended to everyone’s needs in the man
ner you had wanted.
interestingly, you are narder on yourselt
than anyone else is - in fact, they will tell you
that they don’t know how you do what you do
so well! (I generally look at them in total
amazement, unsure whether to laugh hysteri
cally or burst into tears, because I don’t often
feel that I have things under control.)
There are things that I have given up, and I
suspect that most working parents have to .give
up some of the things they enjoyed prior to the
birth of their first child. I do very little volun
teer work these days, although I hope to get
back to that when the kids are older. I rarely see
my old college friends any more, although we
are still in occasional contact, and are delighted
when we manage to squeeze an hour or two
together. Cooking and entertaining were two of
my favorite pastimes that have been put on
hold. And there are other trade-offs as well.
Is it worth it? Absolutely! I wouldn’t
change a thing in my life right now (although I
could use a few more hours of sleep, I sup
pose). Being a parent is absolutely the most
wonderful thing I have ever been involved with,
and I hope that each stage of my children’s lives
is as fulfilling as these early years have been.
My career is challenging and rewarding, and
it’s still a significant part of my self-definition
and self-esteem.
Can I do it all? Well, it depends on how you
define “all.” I think I am doing a pretty good
job of handling my top priorities right now, and
I guess that is enough to satisfy me most days. I *
could be better at some things, and I could do
more of others, but isn’t that always the case? I
am very comfortable with and proud of the title
“working mom” - it fits me well and is tremen
dously rewarding.