Image provided by: University of Nebraska-Lincoln Libraries, Lincoln, NE
About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (June 5, 1997)
Brent Pope Pop quiz, hot shot Seasoned college veteran offers examination on post-secondary survival skills Attention, incoming freshmen! So you want to be a student of higher education. Well that’s great; but here’s a warning from someone who’s been there, done that and fell on his face more than several dozen times: There’s a lot of embarrassment just waiting to greet you if you don’t have some inside help. Lucky for you, I’m a nice guy and I’ll be glad to help you out. I’m pre pared to make you ready for the col lege experience in 5 minutes or less. That way you won’t have any unnec essary face-reddening experiences like the ones I had. (Those things in the urinals might look like cakes and smell like cakes, but brother, they ain’t cakes!) So here’s the deal: I’ll jot down some things that happen on campus every day and the some of the proper ways to respond to those happenings. In short, the following words should help you from being caught off guard. With all that said, EN GARDE! You get up late for your 7:30 AM class, so you quickly get dressed and sprint to class. When you’re halfway there, you realize you forgot to put on pants. You should: A. Grab a Daily Nebraskan and give it a real use; covering up your naughty parts. B. Shout out confidently “I guess no one else read the paper yesterday. It’s No Pants Day!” C. Announce that “The dorm dry ers are broke, and dammit, I’m not going to class with wet pants!” While pondering your future at UNL, you see a man outside of the Union holding out a large plastic glass full of change. That man is either A. Collecting money for some charity organization. B. Drinking a Coin Slurpee, a popular drink among college stu dents. C. Athletic Director Bill Byrne, trying to raise enough funds to finally move the student football seats com pletely out of Memorial Stadium. You’re walking across one of the pedestrian crosswalks, where vehi cles should stop for you, but a car flies right by and almost hits you. Your next course of action should be: A. Write down the license plate number and report it to the campus police. B. Stay in the middle of the cross walk and wait for the driver to realize his or her mistake, turn around and apologize. (But I think that really only happens in Mayberry.) C. Get used to it baby, because on this campus, cars don’t even stop for a baby on crutches. You’re spacing off in class, think ing about sunny beaches, a full body massage, or the price of Algerian beets. Suddenly the professor looks at you and says “What do you think about that?” The proper way to respond is: A. “Huh?” B. Point behind the professor and say “Is that John Tesh?” When he or she turns around, make a break for the door. C. Fake stomach pains, double over and run out of the classroom screaming “Fiddler crabs! Live fid dler crabs in my intestines!” Someone behind you calls out your name when you’re walking back to the dorms after class. When you turn around, you run into something. You turn your head back around and see that you’ve ran into something big, tall and scary looking. This object must either be: A. A building. B. Danny Nee’s newest basketball center recruit. C. The latest multi-million dollar UNL sculpture. (WARNING: 23 stu dents either went blind or insane try ing to read the words on the Torn Notebook sculpture. Just don’t do it!) A shovel hits you on the head on your way to Love Library. When you regain consciousness, you are on the Please see POPE on 18 l^omens Services, P.C. • Abortion Services Performed During All Legal Stages • Tubal Ligations • Birth Control • Awake or Asleep • Outpatient Care • Total OB/GYN Health Care • Caring Staff Call for an appointment: 201 South 46th St. 554-0110 or 1 -800-922-8331 Omaha, Nebraska - \ 1 Life is too short to drink bad coffee « Step up to the I ^tj|P ViH&QmuL I gourmet Coffee* House* 1 Espresso • Bagels • Muffins * Sandwiches 1 ^48th & Leighton 467-2535 ^ | Matt Haney/DN f I Welcome to the Border! Try a new Border Select Combo at your ■ . Campus Taco Bell! ’1 13th and Q Street 1 »_•
