Steve
WILLEY
Finally
Exams evoke images ofboogers, back rubs
this time ot the semester, college
students have a popular phrase we
like to use: “I don’t give a crap about
school anymore. I just want to go
home, where my only responsibility
is making sure I burp myself at least
once every hour.”
Actually, I’ve met only one
student who said that, but I think he
was trying to say finals week can be
a pretty draining time.
Most students have yet to recuper
ate from mind-wrenching teacher
evaluations filled out last week. But
with only one weekend of relaxation,
the university expects us to turn
around and ace our two-hour exams.
Some students respond well to tnis
type of pressure, while others turn into
basket cases. They babble incoher
ently, asking to be euthanized.
In my 62 decades at this institu
tion, I’ve seen them all. I feel it is my
responsibility to characterize these
people so that you might be able to
better understand their actions.
Some students, including me, are
what I call “Care Lessers.” Care
Lessers are sick of school and studying
and couldn’t care less about finals.
Care Lessers may or may not
show up for their finals, depending
usually on: 1) Whether or not they
can withstand a zero on their final
and still get a passing grade in the
course, or 2) Whether or not the
student is sunbathing at a nude beach
in Florida at the time of the exam.
If a Care Lesser decides to show up
fa a final, he will finish the exam in
approximately 3.8 seconds. Let’s
suppose the Care Lesser is takinga
histoy exam with the following question
“Discuss in depth the United
States’ involvement in all of its major
■mam
wars, beginning with the Revolution
ary War and ending with the Gulf War,
without using the word ‘booger’ and
including victors, treaties and waist
sizes of all the generals.”
If you were to examine the Care
Lesser’s exam, you would first see
the word “booger” scratched out.
Further examination would reveal the
answer summed up in five words:
we tougnt tne oaa guvs.
The other common finals students
are those I call the “Freakers.”
Freakers — even if they have been
studying for a particular exam since
high school — have never studied
enough. Some even go as far as to
bring a calculator and cement trowel
to an English final, “just in case.”
You probably saw some Freakers
revealing their true colors during
dead week. They were the ones who
asked questions like, “Could you
detail each section of the exam and
list their individual point values?” or
perhaps “Am I going to pass?
Because if I’m not, I swear to God
I’ll spend the rest of my life torment
ing your family with a cardboard cut
out of O.J. Simpson.”
Teachers hate Freakers because
they will use every ounce of avail
able time to complete an exam. If the
teacher attempts to take the test from
a student before he or she is finished,
the Freaker will growl like an
enraged wiener dog guarding a T
bone. If you look around campus,
you’ll find an alarmingly high
number of three-fingered professors.
And finally we have the “Brib
ers.” Unlike the Care Lessers,
Bribers are deeply concerned about
their grades but lack the ability to
invest the necessary time to obtain a
suitable grade. They must bribe the
professors into submission.
Money is the bribe of choice;
however, most teachers won’t even
consider anything less than 34 cents. (I
should point out though, a co-worker
of mine did eek out a D-minus for six
pennies and a back rub.)
Money isn t the only bribe, I
though. A Briber I know—who
insisted anonymity — informed me
that one professor (name withheld) in
the economics department gave the
entire class A’s for a photograph of
John Travolta riding a hobby horse
down a hill in the nude.
When finals are over, the Care
Lessers, Freakers and Bribers will
return to normal. But be sure to be
careful this week, as every student in
these groups is unstable.
If the university knew what was
good for it, it’d abolish final exams.
But until I see that fateful day—and
trust me, I will still be in school in the
year 2048 — I’ll just have to keep on
freakin’, bribin’ and caring less.
Good luck on the finals, folks.
Willey is a senior news-editorial
major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
Face the race issue
I am writing in response to the
letter (DN, May 1) titled “So which
is it?” written by Aaron Lee. First of
all, I will address the comment made
about the members of Fiji fraternity
celebrating the heritage of our world.
Yes, they are allowed to celebrate the
heritages of the world, as long as
they accurately represent those
heritages. Dancing around in grass
skirts with spears would hardly be
representative of the inhabitants of
Fiji. I think that many people with
common sense attribute the burning
of a cross to racism more than to “a
holy brotherhood that would last
forever — a brotherhood for men of
every color.” Unless that holy
brotherhood is the Knights of the
1VIUU, VUU1 JV •
The members of fraternities in
both of these incidents should have
been more sensitive to the feelings
and heritage of the peoples who were
being offended — and quite inaccu
rately represented. Tradition is no
excuse for blatant racism.
Let’s get down to the real issue.
As long as there are people in this
community who so easily excuse
insults toward people of different
cultures, races, genders and sexual
orientations, we will be subject to
ignorant acts of discrimination. We
need to step up to the plate and look
discrimination in the face, no matter
what the form. We need to speak up
and make it known that ignorance is
no excuse. The time to begin the
healing process is now.
Ben Wallace
RHA Social Chair
UNL Diversity Council Moderate.’
Robert Holburn
RHA President
DN
LETTERS
Seeing the other side
I am writing in response to two
recent articles published the week of
April 27. The first was published on
April 29. I would like to express
some thoughts as an alumni of UNL
and a house mother at a fraternity. In
her Guest View, Tagi Adams said
fraternities are “sequestered off in
their sheltered groups.” I can only
speak for the fraternity I live at,
Theta Xi.
Adams went on to say that
“members of the Greek system are
routinely excused for offending,
harassing or threatening minority
students with their traditional rites
and rituals.” As a house mother I
demand respect for all groups of
people. We have an agreement that
language is to be kept sophisticated
on the first floor of the house. I have
been at Theta Xi for two years now
and have never heard any racist
remarks.
I am not sure what Adams means
when she says, “I do not remember
receiving welcoming papers from
this institution inviting me to partake
in the teaching of cultural diversity
without thanks.” If Tagi would like tc
educate members on her culture, then
I suggest she take an active approach
and ask organizations for a few
minutes of their time. I would like
Tagi to come to our house for dinner
and see what a fraternity is about and
know the truth rather than making
assumptions.
Rape and violence can happen
anywhere and I do not think that the
fraternity I live in is an environment
that supports rape. I do not think we
can stereotype rapists. The people
that I personally know from the
fraternity and from our athletic
department program are upstanding
individuals with high morals. I would
like to tell university students to be
aware of their surroundings when
walking places and never walk alone;
this is helpful.
Nicol Savoy
Theta Xi House Mother
UNL alumna
MA student
Women blast myth
The safety alert fliers issued by
the Women’s Studies Association do
not mock the UNL police flier
alerting the campus to a possible
serial rapist. Our fliers instead draw
attention to the denial of rapes that
occur on this campus every semester.
There is never a wrong time to
expose the public to the facts of rape.
The timing of our flier was especially
appropriate given tne inseparability
of racism and rape. African-Ameri
can men are no more likely to
commit rape than white men. Yet the
myth of the black rapist persists. As
Angela Davis wrote, “The rape
charge has historically been used
against African-American men as a
means of justifying racism and
lynching.” The police flier does not
address these issues. The police flier
put an anonymous black face on
rape.
Tagi Adams
Women's Studies/English
Erin Hansborough
Women's Studies/Journalism
Sherri Joyner
Greek/English
Katie Ross
Women's Studies/English
Nghi Thai
Psychology/Women's Studies
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All University of Nebraska Employees are invited to
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