Steve
WILLEY
*'; *' * “C\o s''
Qmm&msimi
Aamon Sncauma/DN
King of the outdoors
Adventures in the wild bring out <manliness>
During spring break, I had the
pleasure of getting back in touch
with Mother Nature. Me and a
buddy of mine spent half a week at
my boss’s cabin in Big Lake, Mo.
I’ve always enjoyed sitting under
the stars with a fishing pole in one
hand and a Budweiser in the other.
Nothing’s better than fixing your
drawers so the cool lake air blows up
one pant leg and eases down the
other.
But there were a couple of things
I hadn’t counted on during this
camping trip — like getting left in a
small town and surviving a coyote
attack.
Now I should probably warn you
that the following account of the
night in question is “to my best
recollection.” By that I mean I had
consumed roughly 75 beers too
many, so things are a little tainted. It
was the kind of night where some
one claims that you danced nude for
visiting Russian chemists, and you
have a hard time calling him or her
a liar. Dig?
xxic uay suuicu oui n urinai
enough—I awoke face down in a
bowl of potato salad. I got up fairly
early—there was a lake full of fish
to catch.
While my friend, Paul, slept
comfortably on the bathroom floor, I
tiptoed out the back door. It was
about 4 pan. so I didn't have a lot of
daylight left The day before, 1 had
heard rumors of a giant catfish,
which if it chose to do so, could
swallow a Maytag dryer. I was going
to catch it.
I had bought some homemade
catfish bait that was guaranteed to
not only produce fish but also to
keep people at least 75 yards away
from you because of the smell. (It
seemed to be composed mostly of
raw sewage with perhaps a slight
pinch of garlic.)
Whatever it was, it didn’t work.
The only thing I managed to catch
in my three hours of fishing was one
HELLUVA buzz. By the time the
sun descended behind the trees, I
already had eaten most of the bait
and was considering what one of the
bobbers might taste like.
Realizing that I should pace
myself, I made my way back to the
cabin and asked Paul what he
wanted to do for the night. After a
brief discussion, we decided on
visiting the numerous local towns
that were dotted around Big Lake.
Our first stop was Rulo, Neb., a
few miles northwest of Big Lake.
Before entering a tiny saloon, Paul
informed me of a murdering cult
that used to reside in the town.
You’ve probably heard of them.
Needless to say, all it took was one
“strange” lode from a grizzly man to
send me and Paul fleeing for the
door. We must have looked like two
frightened piglets trying to get
through the same hole in the fence.
We hit about five towns that
night. The more we drank, the more
we decided that every town had a
cult whose sole objective in life was
to decapitate Paul and me.
Finally we settled at a bar called
The Mint in the small town of Forest
City. The bar used to be the town’s
bank before it was remodeled and
everyone there was friendly. The
town’s motto, I was told, was, “If it
flows downhill, we’ll drink it.” As
guests, we had to oblige.
wnai nappens next is a lime
fuzzy. I remember visiting with
some girls at a comer table. I don’t
recall their names, but I remember
one of them was capable of drinking
a vodka shot through her nostrils.
Apparently that wasn’t enough to
keep me occupied because I decided
it would be in my best interest if I
left the bar to “take a nappy-poo” in
the woods outside. By the time the
temperature dropped several
hundred degrees, I was ready to
return to the bar. One problem: It
was closed and Paul was no where to
be found.
Relying on basic, innate survival
skills, I immediately began running
in circles and shouting, “Oh shit.
OH SHIT!” I knew I had to find
shelter for the night, so I instinc
tively headed back into the woods. I
remember having this insane plan to
weave leaves together with my
shoelaces and make a blanket. I was
going to build a crude cottage by
gnawing through ash trees like a
beaver.
Unfortunately, I only managed to
collapse on a briar bush. While lying
there, I remember hearing the lonely
cries of coyotes. I was asleep for a
couple of minutes before I was
awakened by the loud rustling of
leaves. The noise was moving too
fast to be a walrus but too organized
to be another drunken guy who got
left in town.
Whatever it was, it was getting
closer. Fear gripped me. What could
it be? How would I escape? Would
Paul tape “Jerry Springer” for me
tomorrow?
Then the limited moonlight that
trickled through the canopy of leaves
and branches revealed a creature
approaching on all fours. Of course,
I, too, was on all fours; that didn’t
bother me. What scared me was that
this dude was growling. Either that
or it was riding an invisible Harley.
As it edged closer, my fears were
confirmed. Less than 20 feet away,
stood a coyote. At least I thought it
was, though in my condition it could
have just as easily been a barking
head of lettuce.
At first I thought, “A WOLF! I’m
saved! It will bring me back to its
pack and raise me!” But then I
realized I was being silly or what
psychologists refer to as “thinking
like an ass.”
As the coyote stood firm and
growled, I backed myself against a
tree. We looked at each other for
what seemed like an eternity but was
probably closer to 11 hours. Then, as
quickly as it emerged, it leapt into
the darkness.
(It is my firm belief that my
overpowering stench of catfish bait
saved me from the coyote.)
For the rest of the night, I
nervously crouched beside a tree.
Every time a squirrel would poot or
a leaf would fall, I’d freak.
“DIE SATAN!” I’d shriek while
heaving pine cones in the direction
of the noise.
But as fete would have it, I woke
up alive and unscathed. I hitchhiked
15 miles to my cabin and everything
turned out OK.
Now that I look back on the
adventure, it was really a good time
— something I’ll remember forever.
Though, I suppose, a picture
would have been less life-threaten
ing.
Willey is a senior news-editorial
major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist
* i . '
Join the
Husker
Football
Recruiters
Students, help the Husker Football
team and coaches recruit student-athletes.
Call Curt at 472-3116 by April 15 for details
and to set up an interview.
12]
33rd & Pioneers 483-1324
I
5 FREE ONUNE HOURS Wm
THESE NAVDTUNL PLANS/
Low Usage Plan: 15 hours for $6.50 a month.
Medium Usage Plan: 40 hours for $10.00 a month.
High Usage Plan: 250 hours for $19.50 a month.
And whichever you choose, we’ll give you 5 FREE HOURS
every month.
Additional minutes are $.02. INSTALLATION IS FREE.
Call 472-5151 (students)
472-3434 (faculty or staff) >
or stop by 211 Nebraska Hall.
* You must be a UNL student, faculty or staff member to qualify for these plans.
Netscape software is available in Windows and Macintosh versions.
▲
>■: : ■,•:.£??|'*W; r
MAKING IT EASIER TO COMMUHCXI!."
Visit our web site: www.aliant.com -
Free Computer
Classes!
Information Technology Support offers FREE classes
to UNL students. Classes are held in Bancroft, Room
239. Seats are available first come, first served (12 seats
available for each class). If you have any questions call:
472-9050. Classes will be held throughout the semester.
Introduction to BIGRED Email
Friday, April 11: 3:30 to 5:00 p.m.
Monday, April 14: 5:30 to 7:00 p.m.
Thursday, April 17: 2:30 to 4:00 p.m.
Advanced Email on BIGRED
Wednesday, April 16: 10:00 to 11:30 a.m.
Thursday, April 17: 4:00 to 5:30 p.m.
Netscape
Thursday, April 10: 2:30 to 4:00 p.m
Monday, April 14: 7:00 to 8:30 p.m.
