_Sonia_
HOLL1MON-STOVALL
f
Public enemy No. 1?
Prankster confesses before judgment day: graduation
Hie advent of the clear glue stick
was one of the most memorable
events of my high school career —
Elmer’s dried too fast when you
poured it onto the toilet seats and
the nuns could
spot that stuff a
mile away.
With
college gradua
tion upon me,
I’ve had the
opportunity to
think about
whether or not
this was the best
time in my life. Since I haven’t had
the rest of my life, it’s pretty hard to
tell, but I’m going to have to say
that in high school or college
there’s nothing like a good practical
joke to make the past more memo
rable.
Unfortunately, looking back,
some of the antics I pulled weren’t
always funny — but they really
weren’t my fault. Like that boy
whose legs were broken in my first
grade — I didn’t know it was that
far down from the monkey bars. I
hereby publicly apologize, Chris —
it’s just that I wanted to be Princess
Leia REALLY bad.
And to the boyfriends whose lives
I ruined — I promise to bum every
copy I ever made of your dri vers
licenses and social security cards.
When you’re fifteen, revenge just
seems like a good idea. And David,
I’m sorry I called all your friends
66
With college graduation upon me, Fve
had the opportunity to think about
whether or not this was the best time in
my life ”
and told them you were having a
BYOB at your house and then took
your best friend to homecoming. I
hope house arrest wasn’t too bad.
I now know how wrong I was to
switch the management class’copy
of “New Age Management Tech
niques” with “King Lear.” If I had
been thinking, I would have put in
that taping of “Days of Our Lives” I
made when I should have been
taping some satellite show on
biology.
Speaking of biology —- how was I
supposed to know that you can’t
dissect cows’ eyes when they’re
frozen? Oops.
As for TPing the hallways and
locking the convent doors — that
was Julie Cvetas’ idea — I can’t
believe they nailed me for that one.
By the way, I was a good student
assistant, Mitzie — and there wasn’t
anything about “no frosting fights”
in my housing contract. Besides, the
women on my floor saw that as a
kind of annual event.
I wouldn’t say that I was a mean
prankster — OK, maybe putting
glue on the toilets in the convent
was a little out of line, but a nun
chased me with a stapler one time
because I wouldn’t hem my skirt.
That was at least one session at
Counsel and Psychological Services.
I’m not advocating practical
jokes, or even revenge — especially
revenge, because unfortunately, what
goes around, comes around. I once
got stuck in a pear tree in my
uniform skirt with my underwear
hanging sideways in front of God
and country while the dog who lived
in that yard kept licking me. My
godsisters who were with me
couldn’t stop laughing long enough
to help me out. Yeah, I know, that’s
what I get.
Last, but not least, I would like to
apologize to the workers at Burger
King on O street, Christmas 1992.
I’m sure I scared away a lot of
customers singing “Feliz Navidad”
at the top of my lungs in that tree
near your parking lot. Oh, and to my
boyfriend at the time, Dan. Sorry,
sweetie — it was just finals pressure,
honest.
So whatever you do to let off
steam, take my advice — keep it
clean (foaming bath bubbles from
Dow work well) and make sure
nobody gets hurt. It’s all fun and
games until somebody pokes an eye
out.
Hollimon-Stovall is a senior
broadcasting major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
~ t in n imri n n n mw nan
Jmmm
Aaron 9teckelberg/DN
Michael
DONLEY
It’s spendin’ time
Surplus should benefit citizens, not individuals
$
We all like buying things, right?
Wouldn’t it be great if we had, say,
$200 million lying around that had
to be spent? Nebraska has an
opportunity that other states only
dream about.
Our wondrous
Comhusker state
has money we
have to spend.
Gov. Ben
Nelson said last
week, “I believe
strongly that we
must not use that
surplus for new
spending, but return it to the
taxpayers.”
Anyone who has had the distinct
pleasure of debating politics with
yours truly — I seriously doubt a
non-masochist has taken pleasure in
this — knows that I am a BIG Ben
Nelson fan.
I like the guy’s background. And
I really like his demeanor — unlike
Mayor Mike Johanns he wasn’t
heard chi the radio applying to be
“the newest Donut Hole.”
But unfortunately on the issue of
the surplus money I have to dis
agree. The tax cut that is proposed
consists of $ 160 a year to home
owners and 5.5 percent on income
taxes.
It has been said that this tax cut
will go even further to stimulate
Nebraska’s already strong economy.
This is a noble endeavor, but I do
not think it will have a monumental
impact.
it
Tax cuts are intelligent politically — of
course — but is that the most practical
use for those millions? I think not.”
What areliome owners going to
do with their newly acquired $160
per year? Nothing. Anyone who
owns a house knows that getting a
$160 tax credit on property taxes is
like getting an extra nickel change
with your McDonald’s extra-value
meal. Home owners are not going to
run out and buy things they other
wise would not have — which is the
heart of a consumer-orientated
stimulus package.
The 5.5 percent income-tax cut
will be equally ineffective as a
stimulant. Think of your state refund
check — if you get one. Major
purchases do not come to mind.
Gov. Nelson said that Nebraskans
were enthusiastic about the cuts.
People love to hear that the govern
ment will be taking less from their
meager paychecks.
Tax cuts are intelligent politically
- — of course — but is that the most
practical use for those millions? I
think not.
Our state could use this opportu
nity to do some great things for this
state. Where should we use the
money? I have three suggestions for
(
?
the most productive ways to spend
the money.
1. We could purchase more than
1.000 complete computer systems —
from Nebraskan businesses, of
course. Then we could donate the
computers to school districts.
2. Give the money equally to each
county with the provision that the
money has to go to education,
teachers’ salaries, crime prevention,
etc. ...
3. Use the money within the state
university system. Spending $200
million on our universities would
show the rest of the country that
Nebraskans take education seriously.
This could come in the form of
2.000 new $1,000 scholarships to
Nebraska residents.
These are a very few limited
examples. And I am admittedly
biased toward education. The money
could also go to any of a number of
projects for the public good. The
penal system and tourism promotion
are obviously good suggestions that
readily come to mind.
The issue should be—where will
the money do the most good for
Nebraska? It would have been
political suicide for any politician to
come out and say “I could save the
tax payers money, but there are more
important things.” But sometimes
there are more important things.
Many in politics have said that
this will probably never happen
again. That makes it all the more
important to do the right thing this
time. The Legislature needs to take
the money and improve Nebraska.
As my brother said when we
discussed this issue, “They can keep
my $160, just do something!”
Donley is a sophomore philoso
phy major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
& ,fffc
Aaron Steckelberc^DN
