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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (March 4, 1997)
season sparks deja vu
The Nebraska basketball team has let
us down again.
By winning four of their last five games
in Februaiy, the up-and-down Comhuskers
created the impression that they were a team
on the rise. Nebraska appeared to be headed
in the right direction, primed to upset the
nation’s No. 1 team and send the state into a
frenzy over an NCAA Tournament appear
ance for the first time since 1994.
But Sunday at the Bob Devaney Sports
Center, the expectations came crashing down
and harsh reality set in when Kansas
thumped Nebraska by 20 points. And it
could have been much worse.
This Husker team isn’t deserving of an
NCAA Tournament bid, and it won’t be in
vited without winning four games in four
days at the Big 12 Tournament this week in
Kansas City, Mo.
i nat s an unlikely teat, even more dil
ficult to accomplish considering Nebraska’s
recent history. This NU team, much like re
cent Husker squads, possesses the talent to
play and win in the NCAA Tournament. But,
simply stated, Nebraska underachieves.
Sunday was a perfect example of NU’s
problems. After playing a relatively tough
schedule and losing to lesser-talented foes
Bowling Green and Kansas State, the Husk
ers needed to beat Kansas, which is quite
possibly the best group of players Danny
Nee has coached against in his 11 years at
Nebraska shouldn’t have had to beat
Kansas to get into the NCAA Tournament.
And by the same token, it shouldn’t have
taken die No. 1 team to bring a lively crowd
to the Devaney Center. Nebraska feeds off
its crowd, and the crowd feeds off the team.
They just can’t seem to get on the same page.
For the last two seasons, the Devaney
Center atmosphere has been pathetic. Al
though Sunday was a welcome change, at
mosphere — much a like a quality basket
ball team — cannot be created overnight.
The Huskers need that kind of enthusiasm
every night And it’s their own fault they
don’t get it.
A glance at Nebraska’s results this sea
son plainly shows that the Huskers can’t
motivate themselves for the little games. But
when competing for one of the final at-laige
spots in the NCAA Tournament every sea
son, no game should be little.
So off NU heads to the league tourna
ment, where it faces a struggling Missouri
team Thursday. Nebraska likes its chances
against every team in the league but Kan
sas, which may bow out of Kansas City,
Mo., early with a No. 1 seed in the NCAA’s
already wrapped up.
But four wins in four days?
That’s not likely to happen. Not unless
this underachieving team quickly figures out
what it takes to consistently play like a group
that belongs in the NCAA Tournament. And
even then, it’s probably too late.
Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the
Spring 1997 Daily Nebraskm They do not
necessarily reflect the view., of the Univer
sity of Nebraska-Lincoin, its employees, its
student body or the University of Nebraska
Board of Regents. A column is solely the
opinion ofits author The Board of Regents
serves as publisher of the Daily Nebraskan;
policy is set by the Daily Nebraskan Edito
rial Board. The UNL Publications Board,
established by the regents, supervises the
production of the paper. According to policy
set by the regents, responsibility for the edi
torial content of the newspaper lies solely
in the hands of its student employees.
The Daily Nebraskan welcomes brief let
ters to the editor and guest columns, but
does not guarantee theirpublicatioa The
Daily Nebraskan retains the right to edit
or reject any material submined. Sub
mined material becomes the property of
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turned. Anonymous submissions will not
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Sexy or Psycho?
LOS ANGELES (U-WIRE) —
My old vibrator disappeared under
mysterious circumstances. Mysteri
ous enough to warrant, say, an FBI
„ investigation. But alas, David
Duchovny won’t accept my calls. He
told his secretary that I’m a de
ranged psycho and he’s never met
I don’t think that’s a very nice
thing for him to say about his
spiritual soul mate, but I forgive
him. His despondency over our long
separation has clearly driven him to
repress the oh-so-bittersweet
memories of our all-consuming
passion, which has rocked the entire
known universe to its very founda
Incidentally, in the “X-Files,”
Scully is always withholding
information from her superiors to
protect Mulder’s safety. Just once, I
want hqr to say to Congress when
they telfhershe is obligated to
reveal her partner’s whereabouts: “I
answer to a higher law ... the code
for the preservation of hotties.”
If I ever became a writer for that
show, believe you me, I would make
better use of David’s many talents as
an actor. (Next week on the “X
Files,” Mulder is abducted by aliens
and forced to perform as a male
exotic dancer in their human
There you have it, pretty hilari
ous, right? Am I not funny? If you
read me, do you not laugh? If you
tickle me, do I not kick you in the
shins in a desperate attempt to
escape the exquisite torture of your
fiendish fingers? If you buy me a
drink, do I not sleep with you?
Actually, I do not... but you’re
welcome to think so if it means
you’ll buy me the drink.
You could say that my method for
getting drinks is pretty straightfor
ward. Boys are simple creatures —
The last thing they’re expecting
is a full-frontal, close-range assault.
That’s where I come in. I put boys
on the defensive right from the
getgo. Favorite lines of mine
include, “So, are you going to buy
me a drink or what?” “Which one of
you is going to buy me a drink
now?” “Is this the part of the
conversation where you buy me a
drink? Or is it the part of the
conversation where I leave?”
I’m going to let you in on a little
secret about boys. A large number of
my guy friends foster this theory: If
a girl is good in bed, she has to be a
little bit crazy — psycho women are
It’s like that thing where men tell
themselves that all women go for
assholes, because, as far as they’re
concerned, any guy that gets to have
sex with that hot blonde who shot
them down is automatically an
asshole. Except that my theory is
actually true: Guys love psycho
women. They go out of their way to
Here’s how it works. All men,
even the most liberal ones (bless
their hearts), secretly believe that a
woman can’t possibly enjoy sex as
much as they do. And if she does,
there must be something wrong with
Society requires girls to be
demure and passive, while boys are
expected to be bold and aggressive.
This puts an incredible amount of
pressure on boys to perfoim and
display sexual prowess.
In fact, you have to feel a little
sorry for the boys. Boys, you try
hard, I know you really do. There
are a few bad apples out there, but I
know you’re good*at heart. So I’m
going to help you out. Because
there’s a line between sexy and
psycho and just because I cross that
line all the time, doesn’t mean I
don’t know where it is.
You need to be able to tell the
difference because you really don’t
want to date an actual psycho by
accident. Trust me. If your date
looks around nervously every time
she hears sirens, buckle up —
you’ve got a psycho on your hands.
A psycho will dump drinks on
your head in public. She’ll have sex
with your brother and tell him about
all your shortcomings in bed. She’ll
have sex with your father and tell
him about you and your brother.
Don’t let this happen to you.
Sexy: Takes the cherry stem from
her drink and ties it into a knot with
Psycho: Takes a fistful of cherries
from behind the bar, stuffs it into her
mouth, then spits them out at
Sexy: Slips off her shoes and
slides her foot into your lap, under
Psycho: Slides under the table,
takes off your shoes and runs off
with them, yelling “Catch me if you
Sexy: Makes lots of eye contact.
Psycho: Makes lots of eye contact
with the guys at table three.
Sexy: Sends out the signals: wait,
go, wait, go.
Psycho: Sends out the signals: go,
go, go, stop!
Sexy: Drinks a shot of vodka
Psycho: Drinks 10 shots of vodka
Sexy: Wears your old sweat shirt
to go to sleep.
Psycho: Fashions a makeshift
“cocoon” from a pile of your dirty
laundry and refuses to emerge until
she has finished
My real point in all this? Unless
your date is a full-fledged psycho,
she’s probably just out for a good
time. Don’t be one of those narrow
minded puritans who cringes at the
subject of (gasp) sex toys and
dismisses the girl in the scandalous
outfit (i.e me) as a tramp. (I’m the
one at the bar, wearing a scarlet
“A” for “alcoholic.”)
Remember, just because my
column is “dressed up” all sexy with
phrases like “rampant alcoholism,”
“nymphomania,” and “illegal in 49
states,” doesn’t mean there isn’t a
real message underneath. Then •
again, there probably isn’t.
The Daily Bruin
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