MICHAEL DONLEY is a
sophomore philosophy major and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist
]V4y mother once told me, “If
you ever figure women out, write a
book!”
How about a column, Mom?
Now I’m not saying that I know
everything about the female species.
I probably know more about Bulgar
ian rules for yak hunting than I do
about women, but I have figured out
everything a guy really needs to
know.
I may not be able to answer all of
our questions about what women
want and need, but hopefully 1 can
keep you off of Ricki Lake. I’ll even
subtitle it —just like Cosmo.
Ttust
First of all, let’s throw out this
notion that we are living in some
peculiar day and age. As far as good
relationships go, 1997 is little
different from 1957. ,
One thing has always been
universal — trust. For a while I
thought I could get around this rate.
I was thinking “I don’t really trust
her, but if I watch her really close
...” Although this theory sounds
good, it doesn’t work.
Can we say DYS-FUNC-TION
AL?
To solve the trust problem I have
come up with rate simple rule: If you
can’t trust a prospective girlfriend in
a closed room with Fabio, Tom
Cruise, Patrick Swayze and Patrick
MacDonald modeling briefs — get
rid of her.
Attraction and Respect
At one time this combination had
me befuddled. “Do I really need to
respect her if she looks like THAT?’
This may seem like an impossible
situation, and I’m sorry guys, but
you need them both. You know the
guy with that “drop-dead gorgeous”
girlfriend — the one who is worth
less in a conversation.
Everybody at the table is talking
about fraternity rituals and she’s
talking about fraternity parties.
You’re talking about mathematics,
she’s talking about cosmetics. You
may envy her boyfriend now, but
wait 10 years; he’ll be dating his
secretary and she’ll be dating her
tennis coach.
To avoid this situation — and
save your kids a tot of heartache —
find a woman who at least meets a
minimum attractiveness standard —
a woman who you can also respect.
Good news guys, this is the one
time in your life when the less
intelligent you are, the more choices
you have. If football and fast food
are the most important things on
your mind, if you have ever heard a
Jeff Foxworthy joke and stopped to
think that it hit a little too close to
home—feel free to date the Kelly
Bundys and Jenny McCarthys of the
world.
Commitment
Now comes the scary part.
Commitment. This not only scares
the average male, it terrifies them. I
went to my brother’s wedding last
week. I thought I was going to have
an allergic reaction. It was like a
horror film. It couldn’t have been
scarier if Freddy Kruger had been
the minister, with Jason Voorhees
and Lorena Bobbitt as the best man
and bride’s maid. I was very happy
for my brother but I wanted to run
far, far away.
Seriously, we all have to pick one
woman — love, honor and cherish
her, until death do we part. There is
one other option — you can act like
you are committed, but go around
cheating on your girlfriend and
hitting on all of her friends.
But if you do, don’t blame me in
20 years, when your daughters are
timid little wall flowers. Don’t call
me up when your precious, little
girls are all dating guys you hate,
guys that treat them like you know
what.
Then you’ll say, “My girl
deserves better than that!” (whine,
whine, wimper, cry).
Aaron Steckelberg/DN
I guess every woman is
somebody’s little girl, huh?
Show some backbone. Tty one
woman at a time. If it doesn’t work
out — try again.
Personally, I have 10 more years
of higher learning to find that
perfect woman (and it may take me
that long)!
1
IV^Een are lying, cheating,
unfaithful slugs.
At least that’s the message the
mass media is pounding out these
days. It seems every which way you
look, men are cheating on their
wives or leaving lovers for the next
beautiful young thing that comes
their way.
Is there any greater fear than a
lover leaving you for someone else?
The betrayal and self-doubt can be
crippling.
After seeing all these stories and
all these movies filled with charac
ters suffering from sexual wander
lust, I’m worried. If men have such
a difficult time keeping their pants
on, how am I ever going to find a
faithful lover?
Keeping in mind that movies
aren’t real and that Hollywood has
its own code of morality, I decided
to go the source. In a mass e-mail to
my guy friends, I asked them what
commitment and monogamy means
to them. I was pleasantly surprised
with what they had to say.
Generation X marches to the beat
of its own drummer, picking up and
casting off social mores at will. Yet,
I’m excited to repot that from my
small, unscientific sampling, the
men of Gen. X have a strong sense
of commitment and duty.
It may also be that I just have a
really swell group of guy friends
who have really got it together. And
because they’re such great guys who
don’t want to be besieged by
commitment-hungry women, some
of the names have been changed to
protect their privacy.
Men and commitment. What’s
there to say really? Aren’t they all
commitment shy? Not so, said my
friend James.
“I think that whole thing about
men being afraid of commitment is a
crock. Typically, I have been the one
wanting commitment and she
doesn’t. When you find the right
person, don’t be afraid to commit;
that is what makes it all worth
while.”
Echoing James, Eric said, “I
think in the ’90s that men are more
commitment-based and women are
looking to just have a fling. I’m not
saying that this is always the case;
however, between me and my
friends, it seems to be the trend.”
An impromptu survey of my
women friends reveals that every
single one of them is afraid of
commitment. By no stretch of the
imagination are we representative of
the entire female population.
We all know being in a relation
ship can be tough at this stage in our
lives; the unknown looming so near.
“Because I’m so close to gradua
tion and am so involved in my
career, I can’t devote the time or
energy to another person, no matter
how much I may care about them. I
don’t want to have to worry about
where it would be convenient to go
once I graduate,” Josh said.
So when the time is right and
everything comes together, what do
men think about commitment?
My friend Matt said it best, “I
think commitment is the ultimate
form of expression of your love to
one person. I think commitment is
sacred and should be taken incred
ibly serious. If one cannot take
commitment seriously, it shows a
serious lack of moral integrity, and it
shows weakness. Make a decision
and stick to it. If it doesn't work,
make the decision to end it and go
on.”
Matt went on to make a very
good point: “Don’t f**k around,
hurting (Hie to pleasure another.
That’s robbing Peter to pay Paul.”
However, Jeff has an interesting
side note. Even though he’s all for
monogamy and has never cheated,
he feels that “monogamy may not be
for everybody. But if you get into a
monogamous relationship at the
right time in your life, the issue of
faithfulness isn’t a big concern.” ‘
Cheating is not without its
consequences, as Eric points out.
“ ... I have seen what cheating
can do to a family and a person and
would never want to cause a family
or person that much pain, so that is
why I would never cheat on some
one, especially if I was married.”
Everyone flirts, and friends
frequently hug and occasionally kiss.
And it’s hard not to notice the hottie
in your poli sci class.
Therefore, what constitutes
cheating?
Jason defines cheating as
“physical contact other than the
friendship hug.”
By far the worst form of cheating
is not the physical betrayal. “The
mental aspect (of cheating) is what I
think hurts the most,” Jason said.
Is flirting cheating, even though
everyone seems to do it — and
accept it?
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usually aware that I am flirting.
Either because a) I’m no good at it,
b) I don’t do it or c) she doesn’t
respond. Flirting takes two people.”
Jason goes a little deeper.
“Flirting can have two goals.
One, just for fun. Two, it’s the
initiation of a relationship or sexual
act. This is Uke a crime, which has
two parts. The first is the actus rea,
or act. The second is the mens rea,
which basically is the intent... so
flirting is based on the intent of the
person flirting.”
Steve’s definition of cheating is
much simpler: “I know it when I see
it.”
Is thinking about another person
cheating? How about while you’re in
bed?
Steve doesn’t care. “It might get
her to act out more and that’s good
for me. Besides, someone else may
be in her mind, but I’m there in the
flesh.”
“Absolutely not. I have to
concentrate like a ninja warrior to
keep the train a rollin’, so other
women do not figure in—ever,”
JESSICA KENNEDY is a
senior advertising and broadcasting
major and a Daily Nebraskan
columnist
Matt said.
Jason said, “Just because you’re
with another in a relationship
doesn’t mean you’re dead; others are
still attractive, and we always covet
what we cannot have.”
As for forgiveness, it’s a split
ticket.
aieve saia mat ne s torgiven a
cheater in the past. “Being young
and dumb, I believed them just
because I was whipped. If that were
to happen now, I would hope that I
would have the balls to send her ass
packing then and there. I’m tired of
being shit on!”
Whereas Eric plans on showing a
little more mercy if the situation
were to arise.
“I would forgive a woman that
cheated cm me one time in a moment
of weakness or passion, but if I felt it
was going to be a continuous
occurrence then I would leave.”
All hope is not lost! The men of
Generation X show the signs of
being dedicated, loving partners. -
They believe in trust and mo
nogamy. My small sampling seems
ready to give their absolute all to the
women they love. Matt said it best:
“And, if I am to trust someone
completely with my heart and soul,
they must pledge themselves to me
and I to them.”
Natalie IjnstroWDN