Sonia
HOLLIMON-STOVALL
Good, old-fashioned fantasies tickle more than body
Once upon a time there was a
very sexy man. Let’s call him
Jackson. He was tall and strong,
kind, sensitive and a fabulous cook.
Sadly, for others, he only had one
true love. Although beautiful, she
was opinionated, strong-willed and
often made entire cakes that she ate
alone. But still, his love never
waned and the fair damsel rested
comfortably in the security of his
adoration.
I personally have never met this
guy, but he’s the one man who has
never given me cause to complain.
It’s because I made him up.
Yeah, go ahead, say I’m psychotic,
but everyone goes around with some
type of ideal person in his or her
head. Some people have the great
fortune even to be married to that
special someone.
The rest of us, however, will
continue to fantasize.
Fantasies have gotten a bad rep
over the years, partially because of
the sexual connotations that has
been attached to them, but I don’t
think there’s anything wrong with a
little afternoon delight — in your
head. -
' Fantasies aren’t always about sex
or even physical pleasure at all. For
me, some of the hottest fantasies
involve the culmination of a special
event, like graduation.
Whoooh. Sends a tingle up MY
spine.
Other than my darling Jackson, I
enjoy fantasizing about things like
Newt Gingrich in a Barney outfit
getting his you-know-what whuppcd
by Chelsea Clinton. Not that I
especially like Chelsea Clinton, but
it couldn’t hurt her image, could it?
Giving in to the desire to fanta
size and daydream is actually pretty
healthy. We can all use a little time
out for ourselves, and escaping to
that favorite spot in our minds is
only natural. Plus, you don’t have to
escape alone if you don’t want to,
and it’s definitely cheaper than
virtual reality.
Think of fantasies as intimate
web sites in your mind — with
better graphics and a faster down
load.
I like to watch “Great Country
Inns” on The Learning Channel,
(yeah, so I’m a geek — I like A&E,
too) and then fantasize about going
to one — that way I have some good
material to use, without the hassle of
that creepy Susan Hunt coming
along.
Some people like to read those
trashy novels and use those as
fantasies, but I just don’t get it —
Fabio couldn’t even pronounce my
name, much less “gently crush his
lips” against mine. He’d probably
just crush me, period.
Oh, and just on the side, once I
saw one of those romance novels
he’d allegedly “written,” and it was
set in the 16th century. It actually
wasn’t that bad until the heroine
seductively pulled out a condom. I
haven’t laughed that hard in a
LONG time.
So, whether you’re fantasizing
about being the next James Bond, or
becoming the next Ian Fleming, let
your imagination run wild. You
never know — anything’s possible.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, 1 think
Jackson’s baking me a cake.
Hollimon-Stovall is a senior
broadcasting major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Kasey
KERBER
MISSION: INTERVIEW
Run, but you can't hide from specter of Inquisition'
One day we’ll get out of here.
You might think there’s an evil
conspiracy in the math, science and
foreign language departments to
kriep you from doing it—but one
day you will make it out of college.
But before doing it, you will face
the horror we refer to only as “the
interview.”
Yes, the dreaded interview with
your possible future employer.
Now I’m not claiming to be the
expert on job interviews—my only
job interviews to date were for the
positions of “bun toaster” at
McDonald’s and “bagger” at a
grocery store. '
The interviews for {hose fine jobs
went something like this:
EMPLOYER: “Ever killed
anyone?”
ME: “No.”
EMPLOYER: “Our uniforms
are pink, any problem with
pink?”
ME: “Uh, no.”
EMPLOYER: “Are you sure
you’ve never killed anyone?”
ME: “Not that 1 remember...”
EMPLOYER: “OK, you’re
hired.”
Regardless of my job interviews, I
still might be able to offer a few tips
on how to pull off a perfect inter
view.
First of all, don’t do any of the
following:
Challenge the interviewer to arm
wrestle, tell the interviewer you
didn’t finish high school because
you were kidnapped and kept in a
closet in Mexico, bring a fast food
lunch, fall and break your arm or
interrupt the interviewer to call your
therapist for advice.
You laugh—but those things
actually happened in job interviews
and were printed in the Dec. 29
edition of Parade Magazine.
My second piece of advice is to
keep in mind what your potential
employer will ask during a job
interview.
There’s a bright yellow pamphlet
the UNL Student Employment &
Internship Center has available
titled “What do recruiters really
ask?”
Within this pamphlet, we find
more than 50 questions an inter
viewer could ask.
Since experience is the best
guide, I’ll offer the wrong replies to
a few such questions. Avoid the
“wrong” replies and you’ll be on
your way...
QUESTION: “What would your
past supervisors tell me about you?”
WRONG REPLY: “Who cares?
They don’t know where the bodies
are buried...”
QUESTION: “Have you ever had
a communication problem with
someone?”
WRONG REPLY: “What’d you
say? I wasn’t listening...”
QUESTION: “Tfell me about the
last situation with an unhappy
customer. What did you do?”
WRONG REPLY: “Well, this guy
made fun of my pink uniform and
told me I could get beat up if I wore
it after dark. I told him to show up
after my shift and we’ll see who
beats up who. And then, wait — I
already mentioned the body, didn’t
I?”
In all honesty, however* be
truthful and creative with your
replies. A sense of humor never
hurts either. „
• Just be careful —jokes can get
you out of certain situations and into
other ones much worse.
I think comic Steven Wright
summed up the interview process
J,
Jim Mehsling/DN
best on his tape “I Want a Pony.”
He said:
“I was in a job interview and
pulled out a bode and started
reading. The guy looked at me and
said ‘What the hell are you doing?’
“1 looked tip and asked him: ‘Tell
me, if you were traveling in a car at
the speed of light and turned on your
headlights, would they do any
thing?’
“The guy sat there for a minute
and said ‘Well gee, I don’t know... ’
“Thai forga it, i don’t want to
work few you.”
Kerber is a sophomore news
editorial major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
