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About The daily Nebraskan. ([Lincoln, Neb.) 1901-current | View Entire Issue (Feb. 4, 1997)
Sonia HOLLIMON-STOVALL Good, old-fashioned fantasies tickle more than body Once upon a time there was a very sexy man. Let’s call him Jackson. He was tall and strong, kind, sensitive and a fabulous cook. Sadly, for others, he only had one true love. Although beautiful, she was opinionated, strong-willed and often made entire cakes that she ate alone. But still, his love never waned and the fair damsel rested comfortably in the security of his adoration. I personally have never met this guy, but he’s the one man who has never given me cause to complain. It’s because I made him up. Yeah, go ahead, say I’m psychotic, but everyone goes around with some type of ideal person in his or her head. Some people have the great fortune even to be married to that special someone. The rest of us, however, will continue to fantasize. Fantasies have gotten a bad rep over the years, partially because of the sexual connotations that has been attached to them, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little afternoon delight — in your head. - ' Fantasies aren’t always about sex or even physical pleasure at all. For me, some of the hottest fantasies involve the culmination of a special event, like graduation. Whoooh. Sends a tingle up MY spine. Other than my darling Jackson, I enjoy fantasizing about things like Newt Gingrich in a Barney outfit getting his you-know-what whuppcd by Chelsea Clinton. Not that I especially like Chelsea Clinton, but it couldn’t hurt her image, could it? Giving in to the desire to fanta size and daydream is actually pretty healthy. We can all use a little time out for ourselves, and escaping to that favorite spot in our minds is only natural. Plus, you don’t have to escape alone if you don’t want to, and it’s definitely cheaper than virtual reality. Think of fantasies as intimate web sites in your mind — with better graphics and a faster down load. I like to watch “Great Country Inns” on The Learning Channel, (yeah, so I’m a geek — I like A&E, too) and then fantasize about going to one — that way I have some good material to use, without the hassle of that creepy Susan Hunt coming along. Some people like to read those trashy novels and use those as fantasies, but I just don’t get it — Fabio couldn’t even pronounce my name, much less “gently crush his lips” against mine. He’d probably just crush me, period. Oh, and just on the side, once I saw one of those romance novels he’d allegedly “written,” and it was set in the 16th century. It actually wasn’t that bad until the heroine seductively pulled out a condom. I haven’t laughed that hard in a LONG time. So, whether you’re fantasizing about being the next James Bond, or becoming the next Ian Fleming, let your imagination run wild. You never know — anything’s possible. Now, if you’ll excuse me, 1 think Jackson’s baking me a cake. Hollimon-Stovall is a senior broadcasting major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist. Kasey KERBER MISSION: INTERVIEW Run, but you can't hide from specter of Inquisition' One day we’ll get out of here. You might think there’s an evil conspiracy in the math, science and foreign language departments to kriep you from doing it—but one day you will make it out of college. But before doing it, you will face the horror we refer to only as “the interview.” Yes, the dreaded interview with your possible future employer. Now I’m not claiming to be the expert on job interviews—my only job interviews to date were for the positions of “bun toaster” at McDonald’s and “bagger” at a grocery store. ' The interviews for {hose fine jobs went something like this: EMPLOYER: “Ever killed anyone?” ME: “No.” EMPLOYER: “Our uniforms are pink, any problem with pink?” ME: “Uh, no.” EMPLOYER: “Are you sure you’ve never killed anyone?” ME: “Not that 1 remember...” EMPLOYER: “OK, you’re hired.” Regardless of my job interviews, I still might be able to offer a few tips on how to pull off a perfect inter view. First of all, don’t do any of the following: Challenge the interviewer to arm wrestle, tell the interviewer you didn’t finish high school because you were kidnapped and kept in a closet in Mexico, bring a fast food lunch, fall and break your arm or interrupt the interviewer to call your therapist for advice. You laugh—but those things actually happened in job interviews and were printed in the Dec. 29 edition of Parade Magazine. My second piece of advice is to keep in mind what your potential employer will ask during a job interview. There’s a bright yellow pamphlet the UNL Student Employment & Internship Center has available titled “What do recruiters really ask?” Within this pamphlet, we find more than 50 questions an inter viewer could ask. Since experience is the best guide, I’ll offer the wrong replies to a few such questions. Avoid the “wrong” replies and you’ll be on your way... QUESTION: “What would your past supervisors tell me about you?” WRONG REPLY: “Who cares? They don’t know where the bodies are buried...” QUESTION: “Have you ever had a communication problem with someone?” WRONG REPLY: “What’d you say? I wasn’t listening...” QUESTION: “Tfell me about the last situation with an unhappy customer. What did you do?” WRONG REPLY: “Well, this guy made fun of my pink uniform and told me I could get beat up if I wore it after dark. I told him to show up after my shift and we’ll see who beats up who. And then, wait — I already mentioned the body, didn’t I?” In all honesty, however* be truthful and creative with your replies. A sense of humor never hurts either. „ • Just be careful —jokes can get you out of certain situations and into other ones much worse. I think comic Steven Wright summed up the interview process J, Jim Mehsling/DN best on his tape “I Want a Pony.” He said: “I was in a job interview and pulled out a bode and started reading. The guy looked at me and said ‘What the hell are you doing?’ “1 looked tip and asked him: ‘Tell me, if you were traveling in a car at the speed of light and turned on your headlights, would they do any thing?’ “The guy sat there for a minute and said ‘Well gee, I don’t know... ’ “Thai forga it, i don’t want to work few you.” Kerber is a sophomore news editorial major and a Daily Nebraskan columnist.
