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Doug Kouma
OPINION
EDITOR
Anthony Nguyen
EDITORIAL
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Anne Hjersman
Paula Lavigne
Joshua Gillin
Jessica Kennedy
Jeff Randall
DN Quotes
OF THE WEEK
“Our fault lies in the fact that we created
the potential for this misunderstanding
and for that we are extremely apologetic.”
— Sigma Chi president Craig Vacek,
on the cross burning
“Play like a man.”
— NU center Mikki Moore on what
each Husker needed to do following
Saturday’^ loss to Oklahoma
“I think they should be thrown off cam
pus. They’re out of control.”
— The Rev. Don Coleman, president
of the Lincoln chapter of MAD DADS, in
response to Sigma Chi’s activities
“I started playing the drums when 1 was
in fifth grade. I also played piano for a
country club. Now I watch ‘Saved by the
Bell’ and screw around with my guitar.”
— Tim Mahoney, singer/songwriter/
guitarist, Tim Mahoney and the Meenies
“We just had a student pawn his $6,000
bike so he could go snowboarding in Colo
rado.”
— John Brown, manager of Randolph
Jewelry and Loan
“How long does a computer last anymore?
Three years? Thompson guns are 90 years
old and they still work. Firearms interest
me because they were built to last.”
— Richard Pugsley of Palmyra, who
handcrafts reproductions of Civil War era
weaponry
“Right now we are more worried about
what we can control. And what we can
/control is our record.”
—NU Coach Angela Beck on the 15-1
Huskers not being ranked in the AP poll
“He asked me to ‘call the man.’”
— Clarence Williams, evidential wit
ness for the prosecution in the Riley Wash
ington trial
“It saves them time from having to ex
change things. Some people get three
blenders.”
—Renne Arends, cashier supervisor at
Target, on the utility of bridal registries
“It’s our adopted hometown. Those
people are freaks.”
—Bemie McGinn, singer/bassist, Side
show, on playing in Kalamazoo, Mich.
“It’s not that common where 1 live to go
back to tell the police. I was scared, and I
just don’t talk to police.”
— Willis Brown testimony on the first
day of die defense’s case in the Riley Wash
ington trial
“I think it’s time for me to tell the people
that we have to laugh — we’ve got to
laugh.”
—Bill Cosby in his first interview since
the death of his son, Ennis
Editorial Policy
Unsigned editorials are the opinions of the
Spring 1997 Daily Nebraskan. They do not
necessarily reflect the views of die Univer
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student body or the University of Nebraska
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opinion of its author. The Board of Regents
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policy is set by the Daily Nebraskan Edito
rial Board. The UNL Publications Board,
established by the regents, supervises the
pnMfactkm of the paperAccording to policy
set by the regents, responsibility for the edi
torial content of the newspaper lies solely
in the hands of its student employees.
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ters to the editor and guest cohunns, but
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Mehsling’s
VIEW
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LAMPE
M-I-C K-E-Ouch!
Lack of line etiquette makes vacation a Disney-aster
I just spent a week in what has
been touted as the “Happiest Place
on Earth.”
I sold some nonvital organs to
pay for a ticket into the park,
donned my mouse ears and got
. ready to be happy. I even parked in
the “Happy” section of the parking
lot, named for one of those cute little
dwarfs. How could my day be
anything but happy?
I would soon learn that someone
at Disney World forgot to clue in
some of thq other guests on the
happiness requirement. I probably
should have known better. I have
given my friends and family many a
lecture on the fatal combination of
large crowds and major attractions
like theme parks, sporting events
and concerts.
I’ve even written a handbook
based on my various near-death
experiences at Worlds of Fun. It’s
called “Don’t ride the Orient
Express with someone who just ate a
funnel cake.” It includes a special
section on how to deal with large
crowds of rednecks and foreign bus
tours.
With my Ph.D. in
themeparkology, you would think I
could have avoided my first fearful
encounter of the day. My nightmare
began when my family and I
attempted to board the parking tram.
Fran a distance, the crowd may
have appeared to be politely waiting
for a ride, but in the middle of the
crowd it was a different story. You
would have thought it was the New
York Marathon. People were
pushing and shoving, attempting to
get the perfect starting spot to sprint
to the tram.
Most of my family found seats
(Mi the tram, but my father and I
• L
were nearly crushed by a petite
woman, her three small children and
their stroller. Whoever came up with
the concept of saving women and
children first had never met this
family. I later found out that these
people had come from the “Moron”
dwarf section of the parking lot.
After we had made it safely into
the park, our real adventures would
begin. We headed for
Adventureland, home of the newly
improved, politically correct “Pirates
of the Caribbean.” I was willing to
wait in any length of line for the
thrilling five minute boat ride
through the land of the singing
pirates.
But I am a firm believer in “line
etiquette” — you don’t cut in line.
You don’t let your friends cut in
line. You don’t stand to close in line,
and you don’t pass gas in line. I was
soon to find out that not everyone
knows line etiquette.
It seems that everyone in the park
knew the people I was standing
behind. In every ride I went on, the
people in front of me let large
groups of their gassy cohorts cut in
line. My evil glares and vain
attempts to step on the backs of their
shoes made no impact.
It is also possible that the practice
of line etiquette isn’t practiced in
other countries. And since Disney
World is apparently the top vacation
spot for most of the free world, I
shouldn’t be upset. I've heard talk of
how rude Americans are, but I think
. there are several other continents
that could be included in that
description.
In one shop in the park, I was
attempting to buy a souvenir Mickey
toilet seat cover when an unshaven
woman from the old country slipped
in between me and the salesperson. I
gave the old gal a look that told her
I might be the Antichrist, but to my
dismay she just smiled wryly and
said, “I don’t speak English.”
“Well, apparently you speak
English well enough to say I don’t
speak English. Maybe you should
have invested a little more money in
those English conversational tapes
and learned how to say “I’m sorry”
or “Excuse me.”
“I don’t speak English.”
“Yeah, well I don’t speak
Flemish, so get to the back of the
line, or I’m going to shove that
Donald Duck pencil sharpener down
your strudel hole.”
Somehow the language barrier
was broken.
If I went to EuroDisney and acted
like Olga, Mickey’s French counter
part would kick my red, white and
blue butt.
I attempted to end my day on a
happy note by attending the Electric
Lights parade. I went to the center of
the park early so I could get a good
viewing spot. Soon the sun went
down, and I was ready to see Mickey
and Minnie in all their electric
glory.
But just as the parade started, a
man in one of those electric mobility
carts came barreling through the
crowd up front to where I was
standing. He proceeded in running
ova* my foot and spilling his grape
snow cone on me
“I don’t speak English,” he said
with a smile.
“Me neither,” I said — and
punched him in the mouth.
Lampe is a senior news
editorial and English major and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist
Matt Hanby/DN
