Anne
HJERSMAN
I
Stud iss
Maybe it’s because after four
years I have become too entrenched
in the college scene, or maybe I’ve
just grown bitter with age (almost 22
but I am sensing some
negative energy
between that
breed of people
we fondly refer
to as “profes
and all the
college-types
who wander
aimlessly around
this campus
every day.
lere’s a certain sense of
hostility, seeded in disinterest and
distrust, that seems to be festering
under the surface of every classroom
encounter, and I don’t want to be
there when this Mount Vesuvius of
“education” erupts.
I can’t really blame either party
in this clash of the bright ones —
then again perhaps both are to
blame. My mother has always told
me it takes two to tango, and there’s
just no dancing around this “us” add
“them” mentality that is tainting the
ivory towers.
A professor actually announced
to one of my classes last semester
that he was afraid — literally,
physically afraid—of giving
anyone a failing grade. He said one
could never know when a dis
gruntled student might waltz into
the classroom and blow one’s brains
out.
I’m not sure if I was more
disturbed by the image or the idea
that such paranoia could exist
within the framework of the, instruc
tor-student relationship.
Something has gone tragically
wrong with the collegiate system.
Students aren’t being studious, and
educators aren’t educating.
Whether it’s out of fear or
frustration, I’m not sure. What I do
know is that everyone is losing out.
It’s the rare person — student or
instructor — who brings vivacity
into a classroom.
If I meet any more professors who
think their job is done if they tell
their students to “discuss the
assigned readings” without doing
any thought provocatioiWhemselves,
just might have to get ugly. Any
nonkey could conduct a class in that
nanner.
Of course, any monkey could go
into a classroom and stare blankly at
the instructor for an hour, too.
I’m not saying students should
expect to have their education
spoon-fed to them, but professors •
who have stopped caring about their
classwork breed boredom. And
there’s no tougher audience in the
world than a classroom full of
unresponsive students.
Professors expect their students to
disappoint them, and we students
are all too ready to comply. It’s too
much work for any of us to care
about college.
I don’t know which came first,
the uninspired instructor or the
sloth-like student, but neither is a
very appealing character, and both
have a lot to lose.
More than time or money,
opportunities are slipping away from
us. And every day that goes by with
not much more than an apathetic
sigh is simply a waste.
No more monkey see, monkey do.
Let’s go back to giving it the old
“college try.”
Hjersman is a senior news
editorial and English major and is
the night editor and a columnist at
the Daily Nebraskan.
Matt Haney/DN
Brent
POPE
Mama always said, “Don’t put
toys in your mouth because they
can’t bite back,” but I bet she never
thought there would be a toy that
could return the favor. We’ve seen it
in movies, bad
movies usually,
but not until just
recently did it
come to pass in
real life. *
In case
you haven’t
already heard,
I’m talking
about the
Cabbage Patch Snack Time Kid.
This rehash of a has-been children’s
favorite comes with a functional
mouth meant to chow down on
plastic carrots and french fries. But
after over 100 complaints of the doll
gnawing on people’s hair, fingers,
and other popular appendages that
shall remain nameless for die sake
of good taste, (there’s a first time for
everything) Mattel put the doll on
* recall. '
Strangely enough, the real impact
of this story isn’t the victims, but the
number of copycat products spawned
by this phenomenon. After all,
whenever something’s put on recall,
the demand always goes up. I
managed to get my hands on a top
secret marketing list, and here are
just a few new items you can expect
to see very, very soon:
The Tickle Me Elmo people are
scrambling to get new versions of
their giggling muppet on the
market, because the Cabbage Patch
Snack Time Kid debacle took a bite
(Ouch! Now that’s a bad pun) out of
their post-holiday orders. Expect to
see store shelves stocked with Bite
My Hair Elmo, Nibble On My Ear
Elmo, and in various adult toy
outlets, Eat My Hot Dog Elmo (it’s a
sick world, people).
And 20th Century Fox is hard at
work on a new film entitled “Die
Hard 158: Snack Time Island.” The
plot: Bruce Willis is on a plane. It
makes an emergency landing on an
uncharted island inhabited only by
ravenous Snack Time Kids. And
then, hoooooweeee! Let the wacky
hijinks begin!
The federal government is trying
to cut into the deficit by marketing a
cheap knockoff of the Snack Time
Kid with a built-in paper shredder.
They plan to use dolls with the faces
of several prominent government
officials, including Bill Clinton,
Newt Gingrich and Sonny Bono.
The biggest problem seems to be
what to call it. Possible names
making the final cut include: My
Congressman Ate My Homework
Doll, the Shredding Incriminating
Documents Doll and the Inhale My
Drugs Before the Police Knock
Down the Door Doll.
And even though the original
Snack Time Kid had to be recalled,
the Cabbage Patch creators still
realize the potential here, so they are
hard at work creating several
variations, including:
SNACK TIME TRASH COM
PACTOR KID: There’ll be no more
wasted time taking out the garbage
with this trash-chewing doll, but
careful, if you don’t cut it into small
enough pieces, the little guy’s likely
to spit up on you.
SNACK TIME BOTTLE
OPENER KID: This loveable little
fella will be more than happy to take
the caps off of your ice-cold brews.
I .. '.■■■■
They’re sure to be a hot item at
Super Bowl parties and my drunk
Uncle Ebola’s breakfast table.
SNACK TIME FINGERNAIL
CLIPPER KID: Do you really need
an explanation here? It cuts finger
nails!
Historically speaking, I’m just
glad 1 can say I was around when
toys first began to fight back against
the torture kids put them through.
Technology is finally starting to turn
against man. We are on the cusp of a
new way of life. I can see it now...
(fast forward 50 years)
ME: “I know this might sound
strange to you youngsters, but I
remember when the earth wasn’t
ruled by robots, it was ruled by lots
of old white men. And dolls didn’t
eat people, they were just for playing
with.” '
YOUNGSTERS: “Whatever you
say, grandpa!”
Pope is a senior broadcasting
major anfs Daily Nebraskan
columnist.
Matt Haney/DN
