Kasey
-*»■ y.'t- ,
KERBER
court
Civic irresponsibility: You snooze, you lose
Ladies and gentlemen of the
jury, Mr. Simpson is not guilty of
anything!”
Zzzzzzzzz...
“My client is an innocent man in
the eyes of
justice and the
law!"
Tzzzzzzz...
“He is...
dangit, what's
that sound?!!"
Zzzzzzz...
I’ll tell
you what that
sound was:
opportunity being lost in America’s
court system.
It was during O J. Simpson’s civil
trial, where a 19-year-old female
“alternate” juror was dismissed after
falling asleep.
She was a college student living
the dream we all possess—skipping
classes, staying in a private motel
room, watching HBO and eating free
meals for weeks.
Let me emphasize that last part
again—FOR WEEKS!
Yet somehow, she (we’ll go ahead
and name her Peggy Sue), couldn’t
stay awake during DNA testimony
and was dismissed shortly thereafter.
She blew it! No more HBO! No
/ more breakfasts with unlimited
scrambled eggs and sausage links!
No more prancing around the hotel
room naked singing “Erotica”
without having your roommate walk
in! It’s all gone!
Now Peggy Sue will have to go
back to Physical Geography, Calcu
lus and all the other exciting classes
she’s missed the past few weeks.
li.in < J«i; ' .KHifi ikSmk. --
M
Yep, there are now a number of people out
there who don’t believe college students
have the attention span necessary to take
part in a major court proceeding.”
Peggy Sue’s dismissal bothers me.
First of all, she can’t be identified
by name. She’s known only as “a 19
year-old college student.”
So, our elders, like the old man
picking up trash in a McDonald’s
commercial, probably said: “Dam
kids! They’re given responsibility in
a major trial and look what hap
pens!”
Yep, there are now a number of
people out there who don’t believe
college students have the attention
span necessary to take part in a major
court proceeding.
Nonsense! We can do it! Give us
another chance! PUT ME ON THE
JURY AND I’LL PROVE IT! The
sausage links, HBO and naked
singing will be only a small part of
my incentive — I want to do justice
to the American court system. OK, I
NEED A SAVIOR BEFORE
FINALS! PICK ME! HURRY! PICK
ME!
Anyway, another thing that
bothers me about Peggy Sue’s
dismissal is that it says something
about how lively the courts are.
We need to make the courts more
entertaining so Americans will take a
greater interest in the justice system.
-v • . W-i* A*' _
f; ' t- - - ^
Let’s face it, this isn’t the first
time jurors have fallen asleep during
a trial.
To prove it, here’s an old joke and
true story that I dug up from the
archives of Reader’s Digest:
A female secretary took her boss
to court when he made an “indecent
proposal” at the workplace. During
the trial, she was asked exactly what
this “sexually offensive” proposal
was. Too embarrassed to say it aloud,
the woman was given permission to
write the proposal on a piece of
paper.
r.^The piece of paper was then
pdSSed to the defense attorney,
prosecuting attorney, judge and
finally to the jury. Each juror read the
piece of paper and passed it onto the
juror seated next to him or her.
A young female juror read the
sheet of paper and was about to pass
it onto the man seated next to her
when she noticed he was asleep.
She woke him up with a slight
nudge of her elbow and handed the
piece of paper to him. The man
looked at it, looked at her, smiled and
put the piece of paper in his pocket
Now, getting back to my original
topic, the question “how” to make
courts more entertaining inevitably
arises....
Hmmmmm...
I think part of the problem with
“court boredom” is that too often
lawyers on the losing side give long
winded speeches and try to draw out
the trial for days.
To compensate for this, each
member of the jury should be given
three chances to yell “Boredom!” It’s
fairly simple really: when an attorney
begins to blabber about something of
no importance, a juror may scream
“Boredom!”
The attorney would then have to
say something interesting or be
forced to prance around the court
room naked singing “Erotica.”
WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT
TO PICTURE JOHNNY
COCHRAN NAKED! DO NOT
ATTEMPT TO PICTURE JOHNNY
COCHRAN NAKED!
Maybe you could even set up
court like the old television show
called the “Gong Show,” where
people who performed badly were
“gonged”offtheset.
Yes, imagine the possibilities.
Gong O.J.! Gong Cochran! Gong!
Gong! Gong!
The big question would be who
you’d give the gong to....
Hmmmmm...
ME! GIVE IT TO ME! PLEASE!
FINALS ARE GOING TO KILL
ME! SAVE ME! HURRY!
Kerber is a sophomore news
editorial major and a Daily
Nebraskan columnist.
Jessica ‘ <
e 7 KENNEDY
Shining some light on ASUN
Time to get real about students’perceptions
An open letter to ASUN:
The students of UNL need to see
more action from their student
government, which many perceive as
a bunch of do-nothings.
I chal
lenge you to
prove that
perception
wrong!
President
Eric Marintzer,
you and your
senators know
that UNL is
fortunate to have
a student regent, a vote on the
university budget committee and an
excellent rapport with administrators.
But what you don’t seem to
understand is how generally apathetic
students are to your cause.
Why is that?
. Senators, you may feel that your
committee meetings are accomplish
ing something. Your constituents, for
the most part, don’t see it that way.
The more time elected leaders
spend behind closed doors or in
committee, the further removed they
become from the people they
7 $ | represent.
I believe that's what happened to
ASUN.
ASUN appears to have numbed
itself to the concerns of the majority
of its governed.
Eric, this isn’t necessarily your
regime’s fault. Unresponsive
government has become an institu
tional reality—but that doesn’t
make it right.
I encourage you to warm up to the
66
The more time elected leaders spend
behind closed doors or in committee, the
further removed they become from the
people they represent.”
people who have given you the
positions you cherish so much.
Without them, you would accomplish
nothing. Unfortunately, for this
senate, it may be too late.
When I talked to you, Eric, you
told me that “perception is reality.” I
agree with you on that. And if a
significant number of your constitu
ents are apathetic to your organiza
tion—or if they downright dislike
ASUN—then reality can’t be very
bright for your organization.
A strong government must have
the active participation of its
governed. For this to happen, the
government has to actively listen to
the concerns of the people.
Active participation by the student
body is something that ASUN
seriously lacks. Just look at voter
turnout. Less than 10 percent of the
student population voted in ASUN’s
mock election.
I’ll grant you this: Homecoming is
very popular. In your own words,
Eric, you proclaimed the Homecom
ing carnival and dance a “huge
success,” especially with campus
police and administrators. And I’m
sure there were a lot of people there.
But how many of them were off
campus, graduate or nontraditional
students?
I’ll bet you could increase
participation at your events by
programming to alternative target
audiences, not just the one around
you. It’ll be tough, but it can be.
done.
One other thing... try listening to
the students. Yes, it’s difficult to hear
anything if they don’t cane to your
meetings. So make an effort to reach
out to them.
Make it a consistent habit to have
a representative at all student
meetings, instead of relying on the
hit-or-miss method used now. Attend
more than just the “big” or “vocal”
groups’ meetings.
I think the president’s round table
is a good idea, but I am concerned
about the representation’s lack of
diversity. I’m sure most members of
the senate could name at least one
person who is president or vice
president of more than one campus
organization.
Each time a president wears more
than one “hat” to a round-table
meeting—if that person even
attends — it decreases the number of
opinions and voices represented.
“Meet Your Senator” days were a
good idea too, but it takes a lot of
initiative from students to actually
meet their senators.
Instead, senators should be sent to
club meetings in their respective
colleges. And the by-law requirement
that calls for senators to meet with
their college’s student advisory board
at least (Mice a month should be
enforced.
Right now, this isn’t happening.
I’ve been on the journalism student
advisory board for two years, and not
once has our senator been to a
meeting.
Why not make senators actually
hold office hours in their colleges?
Sure, Eric, they wouldn't be able to •
“help out with office stuff* or
“study,” which is what you told me
they do now. But they would be
closer to the people whose interests
they're supposed to represent.
ASUN, you know you do a lot,
but your constituents don't. Either
they don’t care about what you’re
doing or don’t think you care about
them. -1
Either way, it’s a problem.
Please start listening to us. Start
seeking our opinions on ASUN
concerns.
Come out of your offices, come
out of your meetings and listen to us
(Mi our turf.
Kennedy is a senior advertising
and broadcasting major and a
Daily Nebraskan columnist.
